amandasgiggle-blog

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No estuve ahorrando cuatro años para que hoy fuera un día normal ✨✨

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29Feb

We haven't lived this day since 4 years, i'm excited!

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02-22-16

I think i had became completely nuts. I didn't knew at which point could independence turn me “evil”. Of course that - i don’t get tired of say it-  value judges depend upon culture, the region you are in.. Nevertheless i just had an authentic and epic malicious laugh, one in which my desires get accomplished at the expense of someone else. ¿Am i turning in to the villain? Untiringly, the patrons repeat themselves as a Disney movie. Otherwise, the egoism opens to me as a way of happiness. ( I hadn't realized it was egoism until now). It is certain that i could do whatever i want with you in the actual situation, it is certain that i could lie to you so you become completely mine and abandon you at a abyss when you were boring me, it is certain that i could break your life’s structure so you depend only on me, make you mine, put my priorities first. But there’s still a havoc of doubt that lashes me on the basis of good and wrong. How funny, a world completely stripped off of judgment values is one completely sacrilegious by words of the catholic church. I see it as a front-back. Certainly (religion) it’s a way to castrate the individuals from a personal search to implant the own, a continuation of something already earned (The obsession with immortality present in all kind of religious statements). Is the individualization so wrong, so selfish? It seems like they say so. However it doesn't seem as a bad idea to obtain every good i desire, exalt me, live in the deep success. Call it villainy if you prefer. Today i lied, i said i missed someone who i don’t have feelings for. I don’t care of that stuff anymore, weirdly. After being broke by a situation i created and reached a “superior” conclusion, part of my “humanity” broke too. What is that we call humanity? The empathy, the neighbor’s desire, the cooperation, the team work? Luckily those involved can’t read my inside’s thoughts. Feeling as necessity and dependence are merely ravings.

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#NowPlaying Petit Biscuit Descubrimiento más reciente

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Exploring Reynosa, Tamps. I've found a wonderful and peaceful place to read.

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02/17/16

Maybe that distasteful feeling i breath is the one he feels about me. Nevertheless i can't stop loving him and i know he won't stop loving me. What is that which makes me desire you untiringly and creates a reciprocal feeling? Maybe we are attached for something greater than our thoughts, the "destiny" already planned. But that's bullshit. It might be the combination of pleasant and unpleasant momentums, the "i hate you but i love you" Maybe that's what holds the stability and set us free from the monotony (principal diluent of love)

That... i have you without having you, i love you but in low doses, i like you because i don't like you that much and the i love you without you belonging to me.

Because after all the human being is free and rotative, we give value judgments to the situation we are in depending on the position we are; if someone cheat on us we are the victim. If we cheat on someone we are the devils who deserve to be punishment. At the end, if i decide to be happy i'll be happy in any situation. Of course i had already reasoned about this, i have to admit at the beginning it is an arduous task to reinvent concepts so rooted in the human mind, such as fidelity. However and as i mentioned before, the opportunity to prove my theories over-flatters me and making them work just adds an achievement more to my triumph's hall.

Now i'm able to talk about me and my reflexions with all naturalism, i could think you as the only object of my new opening speech but the truth is that (even if it's thanks to you) i feel capable of communicate my most inner ideas whoever i want to, without the inner fear of falling in another dependence. I had said it and will continue saying, my independence is my strongest point. The religion of I. I had lived with an existential philosophy without noticing it, and even if we may have different starts the decision-making to the world is the same. I choose the brilliant human in evolution.

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Me

I'm a romantic who loves the poetic action of having the heart broken

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Riding the bike makes me sweat, isn't winter by now?

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Poles

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Polos

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01-17-16

It's incredible how we desperately look for poisonous thoughts. I came here to confess my fears in an effort to get over them. I know life is much more than the continuous limitations we put on us. Ciertanly i'd like my aspirations to look like the mayority's; have a couple, a warm home, sons. But i don't want descendance, i've never wanted. Maybe if i had been born with that desire, the person who i felt the "fell in love" for the first time with, had stayed. Of course i don't regret, if it had been that way, i wouldn't know for sure that in love we don't need to suffer.

Even though, my soul got confused after the affairs of last night. It's perfectly understandable me relating the infinite pleasure that produces on me with an infinite pain. It's as if i had retake a previous life where i left it. This is the moment to change it. The feeling that you belong to me... or that i want you only for me will bring pain, such feeling must be erradicated, not the pleasure that produces on me, not alienate, not run away or hide my face with moral excuses and a fake culpability that masks that i'm terribly afraid. I was. At the course of this words i have realized that just with the fact of having the disposition of change what bothers me, it had changed.

We like to complicate our existence, but noticing that i was at just one step from my quiet happiness to one happiness compromised with pain, insecurity and low self-esteem; the election was clear. Now i feel enormously relax. I'm glad to have the chance to change something that for so long had been locking me. Being afraid of love. Ciertanly my reasoning perfected my personal technique of loving without comprimises, nevertheless i haven't had the change to completely use my new weapon, until now. It seems to me that the way is just let all the emotions you provocate flow on me, without retaining them or making them a puzzle; i want to conserve my independant happiness, free from any person physically outside me. Thank you.

Es increíble cómo desesperadamente buscamos pensamientos venenosos. Vengo a confesar mis temores en un esfuerzo por superarlos. Sé que la vida es mucho más que las continuas limitaciones que nos ponemos. Ciertamente me gustaría que mis aspiraciones se parecieran a las de la mayoría; tener una pareja, un hogar cálido, hijos. Pero yo no quiero descendencia, nunca la he querido. Tal vez si hubiera nacido con ese deseo, la persona con la que sentí por primera vez el enamoramiento se hubiera quedado conmigo. Claro que no me lamento, de haber sido así no podría ahora con seguridad saber que en el amor no se necesita sufrir. Y a pesar de saber todo aquello, mi alma llegó a confundirse con los sucesos de la noche pasada. Es perfectamente entendible que relacione el infinito placer que me produce con un infinito dolor. Es como si retomara una vida anterior desde donde la dejé. Es te es el momento de cambiarlo. El sentimiendo de que me perteneces... o de que te quiero sólo para mí, traerá dolor,  dicho sentimiento es el que debe ser erradicado, no el placer que me produce, no alejarme, no huir de tí, esconder mi cara en excusas morales y una falsa culpabilidad que oculta que estoy terriblemente aterrada. Estaba. En el transcurso de estas palabras me di cuenta que con el simple hecho de tener la disposición de cambiar aquello que me incomodaba, fue cambiado. Nos gusta complicarnos la existencia, pero al notar que estaba apunto de dar un paso entre mi felicidad tranquila y una felicidad comprometida por el sufrimiento, la inseguridad y la baja autoestima, pude fácilmente elegir. Ahora me siento muchísimo más relajada. Me alegra tener la oportunidad de cambiar algo que por tanto tiempo me tuvo encarcelada. El miedo a amar. Ciertamente mi pensamiento perfeccionó mi técnica personal del amar sin compromisos, sin embargo no había tenido la oportunidad de plenamente usar mi nueva arma, hasta ahora. Me parece que la manera es dejar que todas las emociones que me provocas fluyan en mí, sin hacerles mayor retén o transformándolas enn un acertijo; aun quiero conservar mi felicidad independiente de toda persona fuera de mí. Gracias.

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I must confess, i can't forgot her.

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Playing

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(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LD0x7ho_IYc)

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I've found what burns my soul up. 🔥🔥🔥

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Música electrónica chingona y no mamadas.

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31/12/15

Holidays Free time Free thoughts Fly

Today i woke up remembering all my recent dreams, at one i was conversing with the people around about my dream before who was a play about the conception of Jesus Christ in which Maria went crazy, went someone as an evil witch that punched the other actors. At the new dream, the windows got darker and the atmosphere became dismal; a shout of laughter was heard from outside and we saw a witch flying through the windows. Everyone got frighten and they started yelling, i realized i brought the image from my other dream. I took the persons i could with the hand and i dragged them to follow  me while i was running, i was following one direction. We jumped out of the 5th floor and crossed a lake, where we were heading was a house with the sun coming out of the back of it, instantly i understood the sun was our way out of the dream, various monster were hunting us. We arrived to the sun and it was an enormous yellow ball of foamy, i took a piece of it and told them to eat it. It didn’t work so i rolled into the sun and a screen appeared with a multitude of dreams to choose, i was observing the list but we were running out of time and i ended choosing one that looked like Mario Kart. Nevertheless there we were pursued too and i decided to woke up. The conscious analysis of my dream says that i could felt how the total control of it was in my hands; i didn’t knew beforehand that going to the Sun was the answer to get out of the dream, but my conviction of rescueing my partners made me choose any straight direction that later i would discover it was the Sun. The next dream marked its own a physical limit where you could arrive and change the situation. By then i was able to fly, simply because i decided in that new dream it must be easy to fly and rather than focus my attention on trying to fly, i focused on reach a point flying and that’s the way it worked. There was no need of anything but believe in something so it could materialize. 

I think my dream gave me a “simulation” of what i consider as true in the ‘real’ world, because if you believe in something it’ll be true. Since i decided to sit at the throne of the conscious and take the scepter of the creation, i imagine the exterior as a white paper. Now more than ever i feel the reality as a piece of dream, where i can formulate an hypothesis which will be confirmed on the world, then i can formulate any hypothesis to reach a result previously wished y wooala! Magic. Cheating the brain?

I do enjoy any creative possibility that  unfolds before me with form of people and situations. However from time to time a pesimism falls on me, because i’m not able to discover something real that doesn’t comes from me. Of course i could change this but the paradox doesn’t let me.

We live in a 4-Dimension world. Dreams has 3 (they don’t have dimension time).

Vacaciones Tiempo libre Libertad de pensamiento Volar

Hoy desperté recordando todos mis sueños, en uno de ellos le platicaba a la gente a mi alrededor mi sueño anterior que era una obra teatral sobre la concepción de Jesucristo, en ella María se volvía loca y en algo parecido a una bruja malevola que golpeaba a los demas actores. En el nuevo sueño, las ventanas se oscurecían y el ambiente se volvía tétrico; una carcajada aguda se oía desde fuera y una bruja pasó volando por una ventana. Todos se alarmaron y comenzaron a gritar, me di cuenta de que había traído una imagen de mi otro sueño. Tomé a las personas que pude de la mano y las arrastré para que me siguieran a donde estaba corriendo, era una sola dirección, saltamos desde un quinto piso, estábamos cruzando un lago y a donde nos dirigíamos había una casa de la cual se miraba el Sol saliendo de ella, a lo que comprendí que el Sol era nuestra salida del sueño, nos estaban persiguiendo diversos tipos de monstruos. Al llegar al Sol éste era una bola enorme y amarilla, tomé un pedazo y les dije que se lo comieran, no funcionó así que rodé dentro del Sol y nos apareció una pantalla con diversos sueños a escoger, estaba viendo cada uno de ellos pero el tiempo se agotaba y acabé por escoger uno que parecía Mario Kart. Sin embargo ahí también comenzaron a perseguirnos y terminé por escoger despertarme. A lo que me lleva el análisis consciente de mi sueño, es que podía sentir como el control total de el lo tenía en mis manos; yo no podía saber de antemano que dirigiendome al Sol podía escapar del sueño, pero mi convicción de que tenía que salvar a los que llevaba conmigo me hizo elegir una dirección cualquiera que después descubriría era la del Sol. Después el siguiente sueño marcó por si solo un límite físico a donde podías llegar y cambiar de situación. Para entonces yo ya era capaz de volar, simplemente porque decidí que en ese nuevo sueño volar sería fácil y en lugar de centrar mi atención en poder volar, centré mi atención en llegar a un punto volando y de esa forma funcionó. No hacía falta nada más que creer en algo para que se materializara. Creo que mi sueño me dio un "simulacro" de lo que considero como cierto en el mundo real, y es que si crees en algo esto será verdad. Desde que decidí subir al trono de lo consciente y tomar el cetro de la creación, imagino el exterior como una hoja en blanco. Ahora más que nada siento la realidad como un trozo de sueño, puedo formular una hipótesis y ésta se verá confirmada en el exterior, entonces puedo formular cualquier hipótesis para llegar a un resultado que previamente he deseado y tarán! Magia. Engañar mi cerebro? Es cierto que disfruto de toda la posibilidad creativa que se desplega ante mi en forma de personas y situaciones. Sin embargo de vez en cuando un pesimismo cae ante mi, ya que no soy capaz de descubrir algo verdadero que no venga de mí. Claro que podría cambiar esto, pero la paradoja que se produciría no me deja hacerlo.