amjusttree - Tumblr blog

[amjusttree]

Every story I've worked on this year- Described poorly.

1.) Guy's best friend accidentally kills his family with his recklessness, guy and other friends seek revenge by murdering him, murder is disguised as one of those murder mystery parties.

2.) Newly turned gay vampire with an eclectic found family and the ability to practice magic. Book series consisting of vampire hunters, magic types, and a rapidly descending tone that makes you miss the joy of the first book.

3.) Church choir director murders a bunch of kids, said kids return to haunt him and he's forced to help them move on by completing their final wishes before death, works alongside his ex who broke up with him for being a murderer. (They're so not over each other) -This one is probably getting scrapped because I liked the first two more.

[amjusttree]

Funniest moments involving my escape from my toxic household:

1.) My partner and I coming up with an elaborate scheme to sneak my bearded dragon out first. (He got out a full week before me)

2.) My family very dramatically asking everyone how I got out. (I walked out the front door)

3.) Handing my partner trash bags full of items that were passed to her brother and loaded into an Uber XL. (It was funny because we looked like an inefficient assembly line)

4.) My grandfather's defense for not stopping me being "she was very convincing" (He did not ask where I was going, he saw me. He literally waved.)

5.) The entire escape being caught on my grandmother's Ring doorbell.

[amjusttree]

My reaction to the temperature of my location was the biggest sign of how out of place I was.

When I moved to Washington state from the south, I was seemingly the only person who had no idea I'd need a coat in September. I was the only one who couldn't handle snow. I was so maladjusted to it that I cried when I made the mistake of going outside without gloves, unable to handle the sting of cold on my hands. I felt like I belonged when I knew the exact number of layers to wear, when I laughed at people from warmer states complaining about their winters. ("It's not even that cold" I'd say in pure condescension.)

When I moved to Pittsburgh for college, I'd expected a northern summer. I'd shown up in a skirt and button up for an orientation event and got stared at by more sensible people in shorts and T-shirts. I knew I was assimilated properly when I owned summer clothes and could stand in the rain without an umbrella. When I could walk covered in sweat without complaining about the heat and stopped saying I missed winter.

Ironically, I felt the most out of place in my dorm. My pajamas were too short and thin for the temperature. I'd shiver under my comforter at night, waking up with a stuffed up nose and a bit of a cough when seemingly no one else was affected by it. I realized that I was truly a resident there when I was willing to sneak a space heater past the staff and stopped caring about being fined.

As of now, I have the perfect sweater for Washington summers. I'll be in a student apartment with temperature controls instead of a dorm. I have shorts and a T-shirt for Pittsburgh summers and trench coats for mid spring.

I guess that means I've figured it out.

[amjusttree]

I'd like to take a moment to ramble aimlessly about the potential horrors of assigning a specific image to a specific type of task or person, specifically in academia.

There's an expectation of sophistication, traditionally "high-brow" tastes in literature or film, and even certain speech patterns. In terms of physical appearance, a lot of these elements of "class" are just subtle implications towards wealth. (Blazers, dress-shoes, literal suits at times)

An interesting example of the predetermined image occurs routinely at my school: I am from Texas, my school is northern, I've had classmates express shock that I'm from the south because that's "not what they imagined". I've been asked repeatedly if I struggle to keep up with college level work because southern schools are "behind" academically.

(Fun fact: I had an accent growing up but was encouraged to speak without it, out of concern for being perceived as uneducated in academic settings. I no longer have an accent.)

The very messy point I'm trying to make is that aesthetics are simply aesthetics, nobody is anything 100 percent of the time, and we should not impose more expectations on ourselves when higher education is difficult enough to access as it is without the financial strain of reworking your wardrobe.

This is coming from someone who admittedly commits pretty hard to the aesthetics of it (I have classmates who will literally ask me if something is wrong when I'm seen in casual clothing.) and considers it a major aspect of my identity. I also literally have a Tumblr dedicated to it.

So, to close this off:

-My favorite professor comes to school in sweatpants

-My very serious English professor's favorite movie is the hangover (part three if you were wondering)

-One of the most intelligent people I know wrote one of his longest essays on the morality of SpongeBob characters.

-I literally study to the types of songs you hear at frat parties.

Pursue education in your pajamas, don't force yourself to study to classical music, read silly books from time to time, and don't take yourself too seriously, education is stressful and we deserve to loosen up.

Sincerely,

A girl who had a full blown identity crisis over dyeing her hair blue.

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My trip home for summer

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I love these types of posts, there's something so wholesome about people showing off the things that are important enough for them to carry around.

what's in my bag: dark academia edition

[amjusttree]

When you're not white it's very easy to feel out of place in aesthetics like dark academia, so here's moodboard to remind you that there are plenty of women of color who partake in dark academia and look phenomenal while doing it.

(All images found on Pinterest)

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I have successfully convinced myself that having a desk and pen that looks like this will motivate me to study. (It will not but shhh)

I will succeed. Not immediately. But definitely.

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The storm making Canterbury look 🥀aesthetic🖤

[amjusttree]

Well folks, I've done it. I've successfully finished one full year of college. (It's about time, this is my third attempt). In the past year I've changed future career paths four times (Nurse, Doctor, Psychologist, Professor), befriended a group of grad students, changed my aesthetic, and finished off the year with an embarrassing 2.8 GPA.

My goals for this upcoming year might not be hard to guess, first one being to get rid of that godforsaken 2.8. I do not condone shaming people who are in the twos (employers don't care about your grades), but I happen to want a profession that fully surrounds academia. I was majoring in something I absolutely hated, so my motivation was low, but I have confidence that this year will be different.

My next goal is to have friends my age, as of now my closest friend is a 28-year-old with 28-year-old friends. We met back when I thought I wanted to be a doctor (he knew it wasn't the career path for me way before I did, he audibly sighed in relief when I said I wasn't going into medicine.).

I'm also technically friends with a few students I take a Latin class and a Greek mythology class with (one professor teaches most of the classics classes because my school is small, we have about ten people at a time in said classes) I'm kinda stuck with the same eight people for the duration of my minor. They're nice, but we only ever talk about our studies because we don't have much else in common.

My smaller goals are to read more, write essays for myself and not just school, publish something with my school's literary journal, and join at least one club.

[amjusttree]

I don't want to idealize illness, but to stop is to acknowledge something I'm not quite ready to face. I'd be forced to recognize that working through splitting headaches and uncomfortable coughing isn't admirable. Holding a pen with trembling and thin hands that have lost their color, or having eyes that are a cause for concern without concealer, isn't it's own aesthetic. If I can no longer pretend there's something beautiful about being weak and in pain, if I react with concern or caution, I acknowledge my illness as terrifying and dare I say: ugly. To some degree, I'd rather be in denial than lose my ability to see beauty in an unavoidable aspect of my existence.

[amjusttree]

Day Two - The last book I finished is Babel. Without a doubt, it’s the most important dark academia book to read if you are interested in this genre. The criticism, the setting, the characters and the whole book is just phenomenally done. While reading it I was just completely in awe that one singular person wrote this book. Like, in a YEAR. I’m manifesting a Victoire sequel or a Griffin prequel 🕯

[amjusttree]

An Interaction I've Been Thinking About A lot

Last night, I met a girl my age at a small club meeting at my university. Despite being reserved, I tried my damndest to be sociable. The girl was an English major with a clear and concise way of speaking and an interest in observing those around her. We bonded over wishing people were a bit more blunt with each other and she took this as an opportunity to tell me I had dark circles under my eyes. Noticable dark circles. Yet, she called them shadows. Telling somebody they have shadows under their eyes is a very poetic way to tell somebody they looked like shit.

Later that night, over Capri Suns and stale Doritos, she asked if she could say something weird, and I gave her permission to do so.

With a concerning amount of sincerity in her voice, she told me that I gave off an "indescribable sadness". Which is an interesting way to tell somebody they look a bit rough that day.

I still don't know what she meant, but I found an odd sense of embarrassment from it. I was a bit shocked that my miniscule me problems were so apparent that they communicated such a worrying sentiment to a girl I'd only known for around an hour.

I suppose I successfully made a first impression as the girl with shadows under her eyes and an indescribable sadness.

Seriously though, how does someone give off an indescribable sadness and how do I avoid doing it?

[amjusttree]

I've been told by multiple people that I have very disproportionate bouts of excitement to things that don't necessarily warrant them.

Today, I dragged one of my friends to my university's mailroom with me to pick up a package. I was quite literally bouncing. My friend was becoming hyper with me and made me open the package outside. I ordered a Greek dictionary and tabs. I was bouncing and making that obnoxious squeaking sound I make when I'm hyper over tabs and a dictionary. I think it's a valid reaction, but my friend was probably expecting something much cooler.

I think she was a bit misguided for expecting me to get excited over a normal thing, given the fact that the last time I did this it was a tea tin.

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On the topic of me being dramatic and insufferable, I unironically texted my partner "I can fill the remaining 490 pages of my journal front to back with reasons to love you and still have more to say, yet I can only fill two lines with reasons to love me"

This was via Instagram DMs.

[amjusttree]

Welcome the first installment of: Pretentious Quotes from Rowan's journal entries.

I am your host, Rowan. Coming in with the most self important writing.

"It is unreasonably insufferable to be human while holding myself to a fictional standard"

"My pants are stained, my sweater is unweaving its yarn, my hair is sticking up, and I can see dirt caked under my nails whenever I lift my left hand."

"I'm afraid I'll catch an oversight I can't account for and realize I'm under prepared"

"I didn't want her to mistake my admiration for judgement"

"Not everyone is beautiful like spring flowers or cherry blossoms, some are beautiful like the last read leaf of autumn"

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The journal in question. (Alongside atrocious handwriting and questionable grammar)