ammwritings

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M•E•R•R•YㅤC•H•R•I•S•T•M•A•S

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Happy Christmas Eve Eve!

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HAPPY FIRST OF HALLOWEEN BITCHES TIME TO GET SPOOKY

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The tears in my eyes blurry my vision. Nothing is clear anymore without you. You were my rock, always there for me. The one who could get me through my darkest days.

You were my best friend. Flashbacks to the night I had to bury you, still keep me up at night. It left such a deep scar, I don’t know if it will ever heal. That night I felt like I buried a part of me, as if I buried my happiness along with you.

I don’t know if I can ever love someone the way I loved you. You were one of my best friends, one of the few people in my life who loved me unconditionally, no matter what I did.

I’m afraid of loving again. I can’t afford to lose someone again. It would be the last straw for me to break, and never being able to repair myself again.

Where did you go?

I should know the answer to that question, but I don’t want to face the truth yet. It’s a cold night and I don’t want to feel alone. Please tell me you’ll come over again, even if it’s just in spirit. I need to feel your presence. I don’t care if it’s just in my head.

You rescued me in a way. For ten years you were my reason to hold on, you gave me a purpose. Taking care of you made me feel like I was important. I always protected you from everything. I did everything in my power to make you happy, to avoid you hurting. I wish I could’ve protected you from the cancer, I wish that I could’ve taken your pain away. I couldn’t. The only solution was taking one of the hardest decisions in my life, but the only right thing to do for you. The last thing I could do for you.

Where are you? Where did you go?

I still don’t want to face the truth.

I keep hoping you’ll come home again.

Even if it’s in my dreams.

Billie Eilish — ilomilo

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I definitely look a lot like my parents. Despite being an adoptee, I look a lot like them. I definitely think that’s because I think most of my characteristics have been developed because of nurture. I have my dad’s temper, which is quite good until it’s been enough. Then I can get so angry and annoyed. You cannot imagine. People also have the tendency to not take me serious whenever I’m angry, because I’m short? I also have my mom’s tantrums and I definitely inherited somehow her mood swings. I’m so fragile because of my mom, yet unbreakable because of my dad at the same time. I’m two totally different people melted together into one. And people who know both sides have seen a lot.

I can be the coldest person in the world or the warmest sweetheart. It all depends on who you are and the kind of relationship we have. But once you’ve made me cold, don’t expect me to warm up to you anytime soon.

-EM

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Sending love to all my bi babies 🥺💕. Y'all get so much hate from all ends. I love y'all. You're valid💛

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“i wanna sit on a rooftop with you at 3am just looking at the stars, listen to good music and be happy”

— takethisride

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The Hours (2002)

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thank you for always being there

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(’: i love him sm wow

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my two moods

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i said this once a long time ago on a different blog during a different time in my life, but i think, tonight, is a good night for it to be said once more:

kindness is an action, not an emotion. you can choose to be kind, you can choose who you gift that kindness to. you can fuel it with anger, you can fuel it with rage, you can fuel it with joy and sorrow and love. it can be awe-inspiring, it can be simple, but i think, in the world we live in, to choose kindness, above all else, is the most radical thing of all. 

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drinkallnightneversleepyousaygoiwontleaveiloveyouyouloveme

BUT NOT IN THE SAME WAY

ripmyheartoutandleaveonthefloorwatchmebleediloveyouyouloveme

BUT NOT IN THE SAME WAY

[ammwritings]

woulda hugged the homies a lil tighter if I knew it’d be like this…