angrytraumavoid

[angrytraumavoid]

Hey we don't know one another but I came across this blog in the depths of my own traumatic misery looking for my own validation and I related to a lot of the things you said. I just wanted to tell you that you are right when you feel that you didn't deserve any of what happened to you. You were right to think that it was fucked up. Your anger and grief is not undeserved and your emotions did not deserve to go unheard. I hope you get the love that you should have had as a child at the mercy of those who could not or would not meet your needs. I hope that you find peace away from all that happened to you, a life in which you are appreciated, and a life in which you live for the joy, your friends, and above all, yourself - a life that belongs to you. I may be a stranger and therefore know that my sentiments don't hold much value, but I hope you know I'm rooting for you. May we both have a kinder future.

<3<3

[angrytraumavoid]

when you grow up in an abusive environment and you leave it, one of the craziest things is how desperately you want to go back when you're stressed. The need to be in familiar stresses, dealing with familiar bullshit, how it's all so soothing somehow. How fucked is it that parents have done so much damage that i find comfort in their abuse. It's so fucked that they did this to me, that I don't know how to handle calm anymore.

[angrytraumavoid]

isn’t it weird how you can just grow up without a single person caring about you or looking out for you and with extra brutalizing on the side and you’re still alive and almost completely coherent but in so much pain and bursting with paranoia and insecurity and self doubt while all the people who did this to you are just. business as regular. where is the karma.

[angrytraumavoid]

The older I get, the more I realize how absolutely awful it was to be treated the way I was when I was a teenager by my family. I used to think it was normal and/or the best someone could do but no. It's actually incredibly easy to provide support, love, respect, care, and safety to teenagers.

[angrytraumavoid]

the hostile atmosphere when you're feeling good about something but none of your family members think you deserve to feel good

[angrytraumavoid]

me: Hey, Dad, will you help me with this?

Dad: Sure. *immediately leaves the room and doesn't come back*

[angrytraumavoid]

everyone: ask for help when you need it! don't try to get through everything on your own when it's too much!

me: asks for help, is immediately rejected and scorned for asking, feels worse

[angrytraumavoid]

actually fucking insane I have to beg for basic human things like attention and communication from my family. these people are insane

[angrytraumavoid]

I think I just expected that someday someone would come along who was like me and because they were like me they would care about what I was hiding and dig it out of me with a blunt instrument but that person has never come and they never will and instead of mourning that I should just turn the blunt instrument onto myself and show what I find to others 

[angrytraumavoid]

To add; "They left out that children aren’t your purpose in life. They shouldn’t give your life meaning. That’s something you should have already had."

Tweets and this comment found on Reddit.

[angrytraumavoid]

It wasn't your fault. You were a kid. No matter what a kid does or sais, they deserve to be safe. Respected. Protected. You didn't deserve it and the adults around you were responsible for your wellbeing. No matter how difficult you were, you deserved the best. So when you work through your traumas, don't let guilt be a part of it. Again: A child is not responsible.

[angrytraumavoid]

Me, desperately at every adult old enough to be my parents in my life: please adopt me

[angrytraumavoid]

sorry if i ever act weird i was raised by an insane woman who hates me

[angrytraumavoid]

Me as a teenager: I really relate to victims of child abuse. Weird, given my parents are amazing.

Me now: oh.

[angrytraumavoid]

things my parents shouldn't have been entrusted with: Children

Things my parents unfortunately had a lot of: Children

[angrytraumavoid]

Me, desperate: I need help now please

Everyone I know, for some reason: yeah not going to work for me. How bout you break down tomorrow instead?

[angrytraumavoid]

abusive parents will be like “I wouldn’t want something bad to happen to my child"and then go and be the worst thing that ever happened to a child