antisocialbutterflyclub - Tumblr blog

[antisocialbutterflyclub]

This

I'm not skinny, I'm skinny fat

[antisocialbutterflyclub]

relapsing <<<

[antisocialbutterflyclub]

i’m scared to tell anyone that i have bpd and ptsd because of the stigma

i’m not manipulative, i’m not aggressive, i’m not a “psycho”

i’m just hurt

[antisocialbutterflyclub]

Im jealous of my partner’s relationship with his family. I wish i had relationships like that with my own family…

jealousy is going to kill every relationship i have i swear to god. not just jealousy over who my FP hangs out with but i’m also horribly jealous OF them and it absolutely WRECKS my logical empathy towards their struggles and i actually hate myself.

[antisocialbutterflyclub]

My BPD still comes out when I'm high on weed. If I get triggered, it still comes out. One bad thought, that's it. My brain is completely controlled by its disease. I feel like I'll have to always be absurds amount of high and basically passed out because if I start coming down a little, I crash. I still prefer alcohol. I prefer downers. I prefer to be harmed and damaged by a substance.

[antisocialbutterflyclub]

I just wanna die

I'm not like actively suicidal I just. Don't. Wanna. Be. Alive. I'm so tired and I wish I wouldn't exist. Sometimes I wish to have a terrible accident so I could die without people being angry at me and be finally dead (because I'm a coward to do it myself)

I just want some fucking peace. I wanna stop feeling

[antisocialbutterflyclub]

Same? Its worse

they said it’d get better, it’s been years and it’s still the same

[antisocialbutterflyclub]

I hate when people say suicide is the easy way out, they have no idea the pain you must be in to want to end your own life

[antisocialbutterflyclub]

I bottle everything up for others comfort.

[antisocialbutterflyclub]

i’m not like other girls, i’m way harder to love and be around ;3

[antisocialbutterflyclub]

Death being described as eternal sleep is always so comforting to me

[antisocialbutterflyclub]

Its the one thing we can control.

Its comforting.

It’s addictive.

why do i wanna watch myself bleed everytime im sad

[antisocialbutterflyclub]

Avoiding soda all together. Just water. Maybe juice on occasion.

"You know diet soda is worse for you than regular soda" I literally do not care. it's 0 calories.

[antisocialbutterflyclub]

They see it they just don’t care.

I’m so unhappy. I’m so fucking unhappy. How do you not see that?

[antisocialbutterflyclub]

Want and need two different things…

I need to sit in silence in the dark and bleed…

just wanna sit in silence in the dark and bleed

where im meant to be

[antisocialbutterflyclub]

Felt

May need it but cant afford it ✨

Truth

[antisocialbutterflyclub]

Part of being depressed and mentally ill. They never go away, just get quieter or you find things that convince you to stay bit longer than your mind wants you too…

I don’t think suicidal thoughts actually ever go away.