aplatonicism

[aplatonicism]

Whenever I see aphobia this is all I can think about. If you think loveless people are "psychotic" or "narcissistic" or "broken" I know how you actually feel about disordered/disabled people. Just telling on yourself with this one chief.

[aplatonicism]

It's funny to think that I could just as easily call myself "aromantic" as I do "aplatonic", because the crux of it is that I don't experience a difference in emotional attraction to people.

I experience all my emotional attraction with the same intensity and desire for physical (sexual and nonsexual) intimacy.

I could call myself an aromantic allosexual.

But I don't, because I like kissing, and dancing, and laying under the stars holding hands, and cuddling and snuggling all the time with the people that I'm emotionally attracted to.

And "aromantic", to someone who's not very tuned into queer discourse, makes it sound like I'm not at all interested in those things.

So, "aplatonic" describes me better.

[aplatonicism]

[aplatonicism]

happy pride month. APLATONIC BLAST.

[aplatonicism]

I hope I'm not overstepping boundaries, if I do, please feel free to ignore this. I'm just very curious about how people experience and chose to live their relationships. There is no judgement here whatsoever.

I was wondering if you and your partner are in a monogamous relationship and whether you consider yourselves polyamorous? Either way, I am also interested how your romantic relationship works - are you open about your crushes and do you and you partner set boundaries together or is it something you keep to yourself? And is there a difference between your attraction to your partner and your crushes or is it pretty much the same but you continuously make the conscious choice to be with your partner and only your partner and therefore set boundaries with crushes?

This is a very interesting question!

My partner and myself are both polyamorous. We are non-monogamous.

We both talk openly together about our crushes on other people, and we talk about our attraction to other people. We often flirt together by talking about attraction to some third party (usually a celebrity or character or stranger on the street.)

Both my partner and I have mental and physical health issues that limit our energy level for interaction, so we choose to focus our time and energy primarily on one another. We have built a life and a partnership together, and adding another long term partner to that life would be extremely challenging emotionally and energy-wise.

For that reason we appear as a monogamous couple day to day, but we are both open and free to date, and we have considered adding another person to our partnership if there were to be a good fit. We just don't have the energy for dating.

Our relationship actually began (14 years ago now) as a triad with a third party who is no longer in the relationship.

I hope that makes sense and answers your question. Feel free to ask follow up questions if you like.

[aplatonicism]

I hate how being a polite, genteel, conscientious person and a good conversationalist often puts me in the position of being someone's "only friend."

This isn't fair to either of us, because I don't have the emotional capacity to meet their needs without draining my own resources to an untenable degree, and they deserve better than that.

[aplatonicism]

Can I get to know you

I don’t recommend it

[aplatonicism]

A lot of people think that being aplatonic means hating social interactions and isolating yourself, and I don't even know where to begin to explain that this is a ridiculous notion. Also having friendships is not the only way we can interact with people.

But anyway. I am an aplatonic person and I don't have any friends (or at least not in the conventional way). But I highly value social interactions and community ties, which is what motivates me to adopt certain political beliefs (anticapitalism). I have a great appreciation for people and I want everyone to live happily and in good conditions, with enough money to survive, etc. I want the common good. I just don't feel inclined towards certain relationships that have been forced upon me. When someone wants to befriend me, I don't feel anything at all. I even forced myself to have friendships, and believe me, it was a phase where I was horrible to myself. I don't think anyone should be forced into relationships when the connection (or better, attraction) isn't there.

Again, this does not mean = isolation. It is a solitude that I have chosen and that actually makes me have healthier relationships with myself and with other people (it turns out that when I do not force myself, I feel better about other people, how surprising). Solitude is not isolation. You can lack certain emotional connections or not have emotional connections at all, and still value the people you share the world with.

[aplatonicism]

About the poll you made a while back...

It's weird because I can identify that, realistically, wanting to make out sloppy with your friends is in fact, a romantic/sexual desire.

But at the same time, when I imagine the friend I want to kiss in particular, I realize that I low-key high-key wouldn't want to be in a relationship with them.

Relationships are weird. Specially if when you're autistic and just want some form of connection, regardless of how that may look like.

I feel you, anon. 🤝 Culturally, we have such narrow boxes for what "romantic relationships" or "friendships" are supposed to look like.

It's so frustrating when what you want doesn't fit into those boxes.

[aplatonicism]

You people ARE sick. No way those who identify as "aplatonic" don't have some mental disorder.

Try it! You'll see depression, autism, etc

No normal person is "aplatonic"

So let me get this straight, anon.

You see a group of people who self-describe as having no innate desire or ability to form or maintain culturally normative friendships.

You decide, "Aha! These people must be mentally ill!"

And then what you do with this information is send a condescending, aggressive, bullying message, calling these people "mentally ill" and "not normal."

Let me make this clear.

Your disrespectful, obviously hateful attitude toward those who are mentally ill and, as you said, "not normal", makes you and your opinion completely unworthy of my respect, time, or consideration.

This ask  is not a caring message from someone who's concerned about a group. This ask is from a bully who just found a new group of "weirdos" to harass.

[aplatonicism]

(in regards to your poll from a while back) I was not aware it was so unusual to want to kiss your friends directly on the mouth.

I thought that was a normal urge to have with the people you adore?

Really questioning a lot about myself right now.

~🍵🌵

It's interesting because many of the people who do experience this urge seem to think it's completely normal, but the numbers show that the large majority of people in general do not experience this!

[aplatonicism]

Hello, I have a topic in concrete that I have being thinking about it for a long time is how society tends to idealize emotional vulnerability in general, particularly on women due to the cultural ideal that women have emotionally available, emotionally vulnerable and should be giving eternal emotional support. As someone who is apl and a woman, I always felt pressured to create overly close friends from a young age, especially in my country where friendships are highly valued, and every time I opened up emotionally to someone in friendships I never felt better even if I technically got validated. If anything, I ended up regretting and putting a significant amount distance from them. Looking back, it’s simply not the kind of emotional intimacy that I thrive and if anything it make me feel pressured to reciprocate in a type of relationship that is unwanted. Perhaps, I’ll never drive on any kind of emotional intimacy and that’s okay for me. Reflecting on this topic of emotional vulnerability , I couldn’t help but notice that there’s very little to no discussions of the downsides of vulnerability in general such as having it rejected, having it used against you, or simply regretting for a variety of reasons and when there’s discussion is often shut down or accused of emotional unavailability (as if being emotionally unavailable is a moral failing when in reality is neutral on itself). In addition, I notice that most relationships types emotional vulnerability is seen as mandatory in order to work and I can’t help but wonder if there’s a relationship model where emotional vulnerability can be completely absent or simply not required.

Hey pal, thank you for sharing your perspective here.

I very much agree with you. The demand for emotional availability, emotional intimacy and vulnerability, especially from people who are perceived as women in our society is exhausting.

When I think about it, being exhausted by that demand for emotional intimacy, along with not understanding the boundaries between social intimacy and sexual intimacy encompasses a lot of my thoughts about my own aplatonicism.

As for "a relationship model where emotional vulnerability can be completely absent or simply not required", please don't take this as flippant, because I mean it very sincerely-

That type of relationship sounds to me a lot like how I understand culturally normal (so called toxically masculine) "bros" friendship between two men to exist. People who know and hang out with one another without any expectation of vulnerability.

[aplatonicism]

schrödinger's flirting. i mean it as much as you do

[aplatonicism]

[aplatonicism]

Okay, I'm a bad friend. I want to have sex with everyone I'm close with.

"There's no platonic explanation for this" just admit that you're a bad friend already

[aplatonicism]

Roped into another one of those friendships where I have no idea what it's based on or what the other party's expectations of me when we spend time together are.

[aplatonicism]

I reblogged that pirate post to the wrong blog, but I'm glad you all like pirates as much as I do. 🤣