For anyone who’s aspec and doesn’t know what term to use for someone they like because “I don’t know if it’s a crush or a squish or something else” then worry not and use my chosen term: POI which stands for Person Of Interest. It’s literally just someone you’re interested in in some way and I generally don’t specify which way I find them interesting because eh sometimes I don’t know and it’s easier to say POI. It also makes them sound like a murder suspect or something if you’re into that lol
for the girlies that don't know wtf is goin on
Platonic attraction is so weird because listen you and I might only be level one acquaintances but I really want to randomly speed run to get to level 50 best friends and you have absolutely no idea I’m over here stressing about how to do that in the fastest way possible after you said “thank you” when I lent you a pencil
I think friends should forehead bonk. Totally platonically. As a treat.
It’s like i want to be the most important person in your life but I don’t want to kiss your lips or have sex with you
People should stop assuming that everyone draws the same line between friendship and romance. The list of what is 'acceptable' and 'unacceptable' to do in friendships should only exist for people who decide to set those boundaries for themselves, not for everyone else to feel obligated to use it and blindly apply those rules to their own friendships. Everyone should have the freedom of building their friendships in a way that makes them happy and fulfilled and no one should have a say in it except the people involved in that friendship.
Hugging, cuddling, hand-holding, any form of intimacy, kissing, (platonic) dates, getting married, having sex, sharing the same bed etc. are not the acts exclusively reserved for romantic relationships. Anyone who tells you otherwise is just too used to these acts being classified as romantic and therefore has a hard time believing you would do these things with someone you're 'just friends' with. For this reason, they think they have the right to tease you and convince you that you're just in denial because these should be clear signs you want more than friendship with that person.
The worst thing of all is that they actually say these things with so much confidence and enthusiasm, because they think that you just don't want to admit it or are yet to realise that your feelings are romantic. And again, the reason why they're ever so excited about your feelings possibly being romantic is because, according to them, these feelings are more valuable than anything that they consider platonic feelings to be.
I honestly wish I was exaggerating but I genuinely see people acting this way a bit too often. I haven't personally experienced this but I have still randomly been asked multiple times by my acquaintances if I had a crush on someone and regardless of saying no every time, they would never believe me and try to make me admit it. Whenever I was deep in thought they would ask me if I was in love, I would say no and they would start to tease me again because apparently, no means yes and I'm just too shy to admit it. So even when there is no other person you're acting 'suspicious' with, people would still assume these things and it wouldn't even cross their mind that it's wrong and that it might even make the other person uncomfortable.
No matter what you do, you can't stop people from believing whatever they want to believe. But even though it might be true that many won't respect or understand your relationships, that shouldn't make you change anything about them or yourself to please those people. Don't let them make you doubt yourself or question the validity of your relationships. The things that you know that you want can never be wrong just because others don't also want these things.
Furthermore, whether you want or do not want to do these commonly perceived as romantic acts with your friends, that still isn't what determines the value of that friendship. Doing these acts is not what makes it not 'just friends', it's your appreciation and devotion to that friendship that makes it valuable and worthy of respect. On a side note, having intense and profound feelings for your friends is also not something that necessarily makes your love for them 'more romantic' and you deserve to be respected and believed for that too.
One more important thing I want to mention is that qprs deserve this same respect and are just as likely to be treated as 'not worthy enough' of these acts as they're very often seen as 'just friendship'. People who say this disrespect both friendship and qprs at once - by saying that qprs are no different from friendships, they deny the existence of qprs and believe that they serve no purpose. And by saying 'just friendship' they're implying that both friendships and qprs are, again, less meaningful than romantic relationships. The funny thing is that there is a very important difference between them but many don't care enough to educate themselves and instead just decide to make these comments that make absolutely no sense.
Lastly, I want to mention that all relationships are of equal value. Many people might prefer romantic relationships (with sex or without it), some might prefer purely sexual relationships, some people prefer friendships and some prefer qprs. Some people prefer engaging in polyamory (of whatever kind) and some prefer to not define their relationships. We all have our personal preferences but none of these relationships is inherently superior and should be treated with respect regardless of the ones we personally value and understand the most. Long story short, everyone should have the freedom of creating, defining and prioritizing their own relationships but also be aware that others have just as much of that freedom.
More Future!Casey I love her so much strong women go AAPAPAPAPAPDJFKWJDKWKSK
I know I said it before but this cannot be overstated
✨THEY ARE FRIEND SHAPED✨
and my aroace self falls for friend shaped people so hard
I think one of the most difficult parts about being ace is that your perception of attraction is so intrinsically different from allo attraction that it makes it difficult to understand your feelings. Like, how do I know I’m romantically attracted to this person if I don’t want to have sex with them? Is it queer platonic or is it genuine romantic attraction? And it’s not like an allo can ever answer that, so you feel isolated and confused. Idk just a thought
different types of attraction
There are many arospec identities and if you're questioning I'd recommend going to this website and scroll down to "Identities under the umbrella"
Romantic attraction: You desire to be in a romantic relationship with someone or desire romantic contact with a person
some signs you're experiencing romantic attraction are:
-Your thoughts return to them regularly
-You feel safe with them
-Life feels more exciting
-You want to spend a lot of time together
-You feel a little jealous of other people in their life
-You feel compassion for them
platonic attraction: nonsexual or nonromantic desire to be in a relationship with someone. Friendships, for example, are often platonic.
- Aesthetic attraction: occurs when someone appreciates the appearance or beauty of another person(s), disconnected from sexual or romantic attraction.
-Sensual attraction: the desire to interact with others in a tactile, non-sexual way, such as through hugging or cuddling.
- Emotional attraction: the desire to get to know someone, often as a result of their personality instead of their physicality. This type of attraction is present in most relationships from platonic friendships to romantic and sexual relationships.
- Intellectual attraction: the desire to engage with another in an intellectual manner, such as engaging in conversation with them, “picking their brain,” and it has more to do with what or how a person thinks instead of the person themselves.
- alterous attraction: an attraction and desire for an emotional closeness with something that exists between platonic and romantic feelings
- exteramo attraction: a form of attraction that is neither romantic nor platonic or anywhere in between them
difference between crushes, squishes and Queerplatonic attraction:
Crushes: An intense infatuation for someone that is either short lived or can be felt for years, it's usually accompanied with a desire to have a romantic relationship with said person
Squishes: An arospec term describing a platonic crush, where one strongly desires to be close to a particular individual, but not in a romantic way. It is defined as the desire to be close friends with a particular individual, or to become closer friends with a particular individual if one is already friends with them.
Queerplatonic attraction: a term for an intimate, non-romantic committed relationship and is abbreviated to QPR for short. It typically refers to a relationship that bends the lines between a romantic relationships and a non-romantic relationships. Experiencing Queerplatonic attraction is in other words the desire for a Queerplatonic relationship
do you ever have a squish so intense that you're like "i would blow up the moon for you if you asked" or do I just have no chill
there will be a day that there's another spoon in the ice cream again. there will be a day someone will smile as you recite every line to your comfort show again. there will be another day that you pull your favorite blanket over someone else's shoulder because they run colder than you, or they'll pull it over your shoulder because they noticed you shivered. there will be another day someone takes pictures of what they're doing because [that thing] made them think of you.
and i think those moments are more than worth the wait...
Aroaces are allowed to call their attraction queer. Platonic attraction, queerplatonic attraction, alterous attraction and any other kind of tertiary attraction can be queer.
Aroaces are queer. End of.
How would you describe platonic attraction? For reference I am aplatonic.
Thank you for the ask! Had to thunk a bit about this hehe
Till I did a bit of research about platonic attraction and the aplatonic identity, and thought about it, I wasn't sure if I was aplatonic too or not
For most of my life, I didn't have friends, didn't know how important friends were, and didn't know how to make friends
And of the people around me (read: classmates) they weren't my "type", so I didn't even imagine them as potential best friends
So I didn't really want to be friends with anyone irl in particular (except for 3 people ig but I didn't know how to go about that so we never became friends)
It was only when someone showed some kindness to me or someone else, or showed some interest in my interests, or I just thought they were cool, did I want to be friends with them, but didn't know how. I assumed the opposite gender one was a crush but thinking about romance icked me out so that was confusing
But even that isn't tried and true. Some people are kind but too loud and energetic for me so they don't unlock my platonic attraction. I can call them my friend to get my parents off my back and not make the "friend" feel bad. But I would rather be alone and we'll definitely never get to best friend level
I'd say platonic attraction is when you want to be friends with this one person and "get butterflies in your stomach" thinking about being friends some day
Maybe you like their energy or confidence. Maybe you like reading their fandom analyses. Maybe you love discussing a show with them even though you both have differing opinions, and your discussions are just playful banter of why X is better. Maybe you both joke around like you're fighting but it's over a very ridiculous or fictional thing.
And because of that,
You want to give them book and show recommendations. You want to share this post or series you think they'd like. You found this perfect post of their fandom and you want to share it with them.
You're planning on what to get them as a birthday gift even though you don't know their birthday yet. You think you find the perfect gift or have the idea for one, but you don't wanna weird them out because you're not at that stage yet.
You can imagine the two of you being best friends, or best friends in that niche (i.e. Diff types of friends: an irl friend, a writeblr friend, an artblr friend, a fandom friend, etc)
I don't think I'm aplatonic anymore.
These are the feelings I have when I find someone I want to be friends with (not always all of them).
Sometimes, I want to be friends but they don't keep the convo going right so it stops right there. The platonic attraction dies out and then I don't mind if I become friends with them or not but I defo won't be able to give them the same amount of energy and effort.
Sometimes, I'll want to be friends with someone, or I'll already be friends with them, and I'll just be really excited to hang out with them. Each message of theirs puts a smile on my face and I can't wait to read it. I think that's platonic attraction.
You don't need to feel this way for everyone or all your friends, you can still be friends without experiencing platonic attraction, and, theoretically, you can not be aplatonic and still go life without finding anyone who you feel platonic attraction towards.
I know my irl platonic attraction is 0, except for those 3 people I mentioned above, but I haven't felt platonic attraction with irl people in years because no one's my type.
I'm using "type" because it's easier. What I mean is most people irl are too social/loud/overstimulating for me, don't share an interest with me, or don't match my energy or lack of it.
You could have your own standards. Or irl might not be the medium for you. Like, messages from my online friends can get overwhelming sometimes, but I can just go offline and/or reply later. I can find someone who shares an interest with me relatively easily, and sometimes they'll share my excitement in their replies and the friendship blossoms. Sometimes they don't and so I just stick to the questions I had for them and only message them when needed.
Theoretically, you could go your whole life without feeling platonic attraction because you just naturally make friends and/or don't have a reason to not be friends with everyone
I assume that if I was aplatonic, I wouldn't feel such strong feelings about being friends with people
TL;DR ig: imo platonic attraction is when just thinking about hanging out and being friends with the other person gets you excited and you actively want to try to be friends with them. But maybe you don't because you're shy or don't know how
💖 Heartbroken platonic trauma flag 💔
A flag dedicated to those with trauma of losing all friends, not having friends, wanting to feel platonic love but didn’t find friends, things if the same kind
Colors that are from platonic attraction flag pink yellow and orange
Broken heart the lack of love from friends, lack of friendship and the meaning that’s something very traumatizing for your heart
I made this flag for myself and other people with the same experiences
Lucky I’m healing from my childhood trauma with my friends and my life now is so colorful! :)
Oh one more thing The flag is actually so beautiful :0