astarions-world

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Could I kiss you?

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the best of Astarion | HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAP ♡

bonus:

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I like how Astarion only swears in high stress situations, such as:

When you wake up in the middle of him trying to bite you (Shit)

When you say that things need to end between you two. (Oh shit...)

When facing Cazador (Fuck x2)

When you try to probe into his mind to access his worst memory (Fuck off)

And then when you volunteer him to go up to Dribbles (I'm going to fucking kill you)

One of these things is not like the other.

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astarion’s character development is incredible to me because of the sheer amount of detail and accuracy. he doesn’t change entirely as a person after he kills cazador— he mentions himself that he keeps thinking about it, even though it’s all over. which makes sense, since 200+ years of trauma isn’t going to go away after a night.

but after killing cazador, and giving up ascension, he’s so much lighter. the usual harshness he has in his tone of voice is dulled, if not entirely absent in certain dialogues. he still has a long way to go in terms of healing, but he’s finally secure enough to start that process. he’s still him, but a weight has been taken off his shoulders, so he’s finally able to live without constant hyper-vigilance, looking over his shoulder for danger.

even the way that he refers to cazador changes: in almost every instance prior to completing his personal quest, he speaks cazador’s name with hatred. viciously. afterwards, he says his name like it’s just that. a name. someone that’s gone, and inconsequential, who can’t hurt him anymore.

i think my favorite callback is that, in the conversation you have with him after long resting, whether you romanced him or not, he thanks you for talking him out of it. now that he’s out of that hell, he’s able to see just how much continuing down that pattern of abuse would have changed and ruined him. specifically, the last line he says is “this is a gift, you know. thank you - i won’t forget it.” which is the exact same line he says after you allow him to drink your blood way back in act one.

as someone with ptsd and some pretty specific trauma, astarion means quite a lot to me as a character, so i’ll always admire just how much love was put into the way he grows over the course of the game. and, of course, this is a huge reason i can never bring myself to ascend him. he’s easily earned a spot amongst my favorite fictional characters ever and i cannot stress enough how glad i am that a story like his exists.

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Astarion in Early Access: "Hahaha yes I'm very charming and deceptive and evil and sex is so much fun and I really don't care about anyone."

Astarion in the Full Game: "I haven't had bodily autonomy in 200 years and I've forgotten how to be intimate with someone beyond using it to lure people to their deaths and I have so much trauma regarding sex and I seduced you because it's what I've had to do to survive for literal centuries and I needed you to be on my side but I wasn't supposed to fall in love with you but you're so kind and amazing that I fell anyway and I'm terrified of real emotions but I want *us* to be real because you deserve it and I really care about you but I need you to help me because this is all so new and I'm so scared but I want this to work and I-"

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A white haired cat pets a cat.

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gods, you’re beautiful

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People are always saying Astarion must be really kinky

And sure, I mean that comes with the whole vampire thing. He's not vanilla that's for sure. But on the other hand he's also oddly...Gentle? He cradles tavs head during bite night and checks on them the morning after.

He is very soft and loving in the first romance scene, if you don't invite him to bite you, it's basically just sweet kisses and gently being set down on the ground. The "roughest" thing that happens is getting pushed against a tree. He's playful. He doesn't do anything "kinky" or rough unless invited. When partnered, his kisses are very sweet. He always takes a moment to look into tavs eyes and smile after and tells them how amazing they are or how much he enjoys being with them.

He only gets rough by default if he's ascended. In which that is a whole power dynamic that tav is consenting to (hopefully, otherwise don't ascend him). I feel like with all the things he has gone through, he cherishes being soft and gentle with his love more than anything else.

TLDR: Astarion is a big softie by nature and I think that's cool. Especially with the stereotypes of how vampires act towards their lovers in most media.

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Act 2 after the Orthon be like

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astarion is so fuckin funny cause like. okay god he was subjected to The Horrors for 200 years straight and then happened to get nabbed by mind flayers and ejected miles away from baldurs gate so hes out in the wilderness in the sun and away from cazador for the first time in centuries and his first priority is to be a catty little bitch. like most of the stuff you can do in act 1 to raise his approval is basically just shit thats so pointlessly mean or out of pocket that its funny to him. he's broken the leash for the first time in centuries and he immediately decides he wants to Have Fun and Fuck Shit Up

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Narrator: "Everything is in motion - all within these walls are doomed to destruction unless you act."

bonus:

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astarion being like i stopped fighting centuries ago but also in cazador’s journal caz talks about how astarion always causes him trouble and the other spawn complaining about how troublesome astarion is and how if astarion succeeds a con check in the ritual and isn’t put in the ritual cazador is like EVEN NOW?? YOU’RE RESISTING???? and astarion talking about a few different times he tried fighting back and was brutally punished for it and how it’s implied that he started disassociating when carrying out caz’s orders (gur kiddos) and and and

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We love character development

how it started, and what it looks like now

I'm really happy for them, they're so cute in my eyes.

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The little laugh/smile he does when you ask to kiss him gets me every. single. time.

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All of this has probably been said, but I need it off my chest haha

I feel like the argument Tav/Durge is robbing Astarion of the perfect life he would have upon completing the ritual works under the assumption that spawn Astarion is some kind of weak pathetic thing that is only being 'good' out of a sense of duty to someone that has been kind to him, and that having power would make him happier, but well... That couldn't be further from the truth. Spawn Astarion isn't dependent on Tav/Durge, he's his own person. He doesn't need anyone. (Also I don't really think Astarion is a saint if he stays a spawn, or even 'good' by most standards, he's still a menace. <3 Sweet, and with a capacity for compassion, but he's still him. He likes blood. He likes violence sometimes. It comes with the character, it's not gonna go away just because he stays a spawn. I do think most of the performative cruelty will fade with time, though, because at this point he's secure enough to know he doesn't need it. Anyway, I digress.)

If you talk to him in his unascended ending while being unromanced? He's so happy!! He's not doing anything that he doesn't want to do, here, and certainly not out of a sense of being indebted to Tav/Durge, since they're not even in a relationship. If meeting with God Gale in this epilogue (aka. if you play as Gale and ascend to godhood), he will laugh and make it clear that he might have wished for exactly what Gale has (an incredible amount of power), once upon a time, but now he thinks he would feel more "chained than charmed" by the power —his words, not mine. He's so self aware there, I love him.

Astarion, when he stays a spawn, is an incredibly strong and resilient person, who does not need power to feel secure. Nor does he need Tav/Durge's approval, and his actions are not meant to appease them. He's doing things for himself. He will look at his past, and he will acknowledge that things have hurt him (which isn't something he's able to do after completing the ritual, he will yell at you for daring to bring back said past). And this acknowledgement of pain is the entire reason he's able to heal and move forward. He doesn't see that pain as a weakness anymore. He's not ashamed of his scars. That's true strength, right there, the kind of strength that power cannot give you. It's beautiful.

And yeah, sure, the sun would be nice (there are certainly a few ways to get it, by dnd canon), and power is fun. But isn't inner peace nice, too?

I know which I'd prefer to have, personally.

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No longer using the idiom "elephant in the room". From now on it's "let's address the exsanguinated boar in the room"

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Everyone's favourite

There are those words lingering back on Astarion's throat, eager to dig themselves out.

They appear while you rest in his arms, sleeping comfortably, calm breaths escaping your lungs.

When you pull him into a deep embrace, spending comfort after he wakes from another nightmare of his past abuser – holding him close to your chest, without any judgement, only warmth.

Sometimes they rise as he just perceives you, sitting on a log with a goblet of wine in your hand, gesticulating wildly while talking to Karlach, looking so adorable that he has trouble taking his eyes off you.

Other times they flash his mind when he sees you fighting, concentrated, doing everything in your might to protect your dear companions – to protect him.

He thinks of those words while his chest aches over the fondness in your gaze. Your smile – affectionate, always warm.

It’s when you insist on treating his minor wounds after a rigorous battle – barely a scratch, and yet you won’t leave his side until you make sure that his bleeding stops and he’d promise to rest. 

They seethe from you touching him – his hair, his ears, his back. Your fingers, light and soothing, exploring his body, caressing his cold skin.

Words he used before on you – dishonest, tainted. Back when he was trying to manipulate you, gaining your trust.

Since then something between you has shifted, and those words continue to linger. To consume him, his thoughts. 

It distracts him – annoys him.

Hells, deep inside he already knows what this is, he just needs to find his voice, his courage to let you know.

One night you two sit by the campfire, alone, only Scratch beneath your feet and the Owlbear cub resting on your lap. 

Astarion needs to tell you – now – or he might burst into flames. A lump forms in his throat, his tongue heavy. 

He grasps your hand, nervous, his eyes widened. You ask if he's alright, and he nearly stumbles over his words as his mouth opens, fangs bare.

When he finally tells you, you lean forward to kiss him – soft, loving.

You say that you love him too, more than anything you ever held dear in this world, and Astarion’s heart grows full.

When he kisses you once more, somehow it almost feels like it starts beating again.