audhd-sideblog - Tumblr blog

[audhd-sideblog]

left behind again ?

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so i leave a cloud of dust where my place used to be (run away, don’t look back, don’t think of you and me)

hope one day you’ll call me back to a home we cannot see (and instead of each being on their own, maybe together we can be free)

maybe i miss you too much to ask you to come back (maybe i wish for once someone would fight for me instead)

maybe i know that thinking like this is plain unfair (maybe by now i’m too far gone to care)

[audhd-sideblog]

maybe i miss you too much to ask you to come back (maybe i wish for once someone would fight for me instead)

maybe i know that thinking like this is plain unfair (maybe by now i’m too far gone to care)

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the only thing i feel is tired

because it’s the only thing i’m allowed to feel

because every other feeling has been taken up by somebody else

and if i didn’t fold in order to make them happy

we would live at war.

[audhd-sideblog]

thank you for giving us a platform in which we can connect over this!

my mom once said i was an ‘emotional chameleon’, because i was talking about how much it bothered me when people were mad around me and how hard it was to rein in my temper. i could start the day off being absolutely content and just have it all be ruined by someone else’s mood (especially if that person was personally close to me).

i’m pretty sure i have hyper empathy, and all of these comments are feelings i’ve related to my entire life. the general public is so reverent towards their (inaccurate) idea of what empathy means, but being hyper empathetic doesn’t actually help you socially or other people emotionally at all.

usually, i just want to make the feelings stop, because they make my mind fuzzy and it’s very easy to go into ‘fight or flight’ mode. it’s not good for anyone, it doesn’t make me a better friend. it just makes me constantly anxious and upset over things i can’t control.

i wish people would stop putting it on a pedestal.

(by the way, when i’m not running away from all the Feelings, i also tend to try to help people ‘fix’ the problem. in my case, it’s a way of not focusing on the emotional part. as you said, it is usually not an effective tactic.)

hello good morning!! do you know anything about hyper empathy and the effect it might have on situations in which a person needs to deal with someone else’s feelings?

Hi! I will put this one to my followers, as I have low empathy with alexithymia.

I do have very high compassion, which makes me want to help the person, usually by researching what's upsetting them and offering tips. But this usually gets me weird looks because people don't always want hard facts. They want to be listened to. And I struggle with that and I want to wander away. It feels like "I don't care" but I will then research it. So... Like a delayed help response.

Keep an eye on the notes for responses. ❤️

[audhd-sideblog]

oh, yes. the amount of routines and schedules i’ve tried to develop only to end up screwing all of them up and trying again because surely i wasn’t committed enough.. great addition

adhd is trying with everything you have to perform a task, failing, and then being told maybe you should try harder next time

[audhd-sideblog]

adhd is trying with everything you have to perform a task, failing, and then being told maybe you should try harder next time

[audhd-sideblog]

i am not a lab rat.

i don’t want experimental therapies that will mess with my brain or new, barely researched drugs that will fuck with its chemistry. i don’t want to put myself at the mercy of people who would rather attempt to change my needs rather than understand them.

i don’t want to be controlled by up-and-coming health professionals who think they’ve discovered a way to make me seem more ‘normal’.

i understand and respect that some neurodivergent people might want that, but neurotypical doctors should really stop assuming that the first step after being diagnosed is always finding a way to ‘fix’ it. we each should have and be presented with choices as to what to do next.

i don’t want to be further traumatized by people whose priority is their own careers and what they think is best for me. i want to know myself. my difficulties and strengths and cues for when things are too much. i want to be trusted in what i decide is best for me.

yes, i would love to fit in. but that goal might not ever be realistic. besides, more than that, what i truly want is to be comfortable with myself and my otherness as a whole.

i am not a lab rat, and i really wish people would stop treating me like one.

[audhd-sideblog]

an eloquent take down of the "people are self diagnosing autism to be trendy and for attention" take that morons have been echoing on tiktok

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lonely but also don’t want to be around anyone

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Okay. I am opening myself up for some whoppers, cuz I know I've seen some huge anger at the idea that ADHD people can have sensory processing issues.

"They're just undiagnosed autistic!"

No. Please stop that. Sensory Processing Disorder is it's own diagnosis and can co-occur in ADHD. But ADHD by itself has sensory sensitivity issues.

Here's some recent studies and articles about it.

[audhd-sideblog]

what’s better suited name for adhd? i’m partial to AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA disorder

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...ngl, the fact that ADD and ADHD got condensed into ADHD when the hyperactivity specifically is part of the reason so many girls were simply not diagnosed drives me up the wall.

It's not that the whole name isn't bullshit, because it is. It describes the way people outside of our experience perceive us, as opposed to the difficulties that are part of our lived experience. Even from an outside standpoint, it's recognizable that "deficit" is not always the issue with our attention... but that's beside the point.

When psychiatrists noticed that ADD and ADHD were basically the same thing... they chose to favor the typical male presentation in the literal naming of the condition, and in doing so condemned a generation of girls (and other afab people) to suffer through being told they're so smart, they just don't apply themselves enough, that it's a personal failing they can't regularly turn in homework, that they're lazy for waiting until the last minute to work on an assignment... because those girls weren't hyperactive. Those girls just kind of drifted off and daydreamed in classes. Those girls doodled or wrote stories all through their school years, and functioned measurably worse when a teacher noticed they were doing that and tried to stop them. Those girls are now so many of my adult friends who are now being diagnosed with ADHD as adults, because the hyperactive part of the diagnosis almost solely applies to children (CHILDREN, when, I might note, this is a lifelong condition) who are socialized male.

We need a whole other name for the condition, because attention deficit is not our problem at all. But my god, the hyperactivity part actually ruined my life for so many years, because I had no way to explain to my dad why it physically hurt me to be bored, why I had to read or write or doodle in class in order to keep my focus, why I excelled in tests but failed at homework so my grades sucked because of that. No one even considered I might have ADHD, all through my childhood, but earlier this year I had the opportunity to go through all my grade school reports, and they could not be MORE CLEARLY talking about a child with ADHD. "Pleasure to have in class", "assignments not complete", "does not pay attention in class", "Birdie is a highly intelligent child with specific and unique needs" (I would LOVE more follow-up on that one, from third grade, do not have it). But I was a quiet and reserved child, so obviously I couldn't have ADHD.

I'm legitimately angry about it in retrospect. I went off my Adderall for a couple months recently, as an adult who only started taking Adderall as an adult, and it completely fucked up my ability to function. For years I was just out there as a teenager struggling through high school and college entirely unmedicated because as a child I was too withdrawn to be diagnosed. Fucking wild and also infuriating.

[audhd-sideblog]

i think a lot of neurotypicals misunderstand what “routine” means in the context of autistic ppl needing routine. they seem very fixated on the idea that routine means doing the same thing at the same time every day (eg always eating at 12, always showering at 7, idk, stuff like that) and they don’t seem to get that while yes, those are a kind of routine that some autistic ppl need/like, it’s not the only thing. 

like for me, for example, it is way more important that the songs i listen to play in the right order and that the right kind of audio is on in the background when i do different tasks than it is that i do said tasks at a specific time of day. the routines that are important to me are about how i do things, not when. but nt ppl don’t understand this. 

why is this important? bc i have had So. Many. neurotypicals tell me that the reason i’m depressed/anxious/not feeling well is that i don’t have enough of those when routines in my life. that obviously if i made sure to always shower at the exact same time of day i wouldn’t be depressed. that obviously if i made sure to always get up at exactly the same time, no wiggle room of even a minute, then i wouldn’t be anxious. “because you’re autistic!” they say, “and routines are important for you! you’ve even said so yourself!”

and then they proceed to not take the actual reasons why i’m feeling unwell seriously, because obviously if an autistic person isn’t living minute by minute according to a schedule that dictates their every move then that has to be the cause of all their problems. 

[audhd-sideblog]

this user needs to study but cannot for the life of her get a hold of her own productivity

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Representation is so important. I watched Heartbreak High with my mom and would point out everything about Quinnie, someone listening would have thought I was a little kid. “Look look she always has her backpack just like I do!” “Her friend knows not to let people touch her when she’s overwhelmed!” “She cries like me I didn’t know other people cried like me!” “Look how excited she is about her special interests like me!” “The people who care about her understand and respect when she goes nonverbal! She uses her notebook for comfort and headphones for safety like me!” Holy shit if I saw that kind of stuff as a teenager I would have had an easier time with some stuff. Oh and on a similar note, the show Everything’s Gonna Be Okay gave me something to show people who hug me, so now my mom and best friend have a better understanding of the kinds of hugs I want.

[audhd-sideblog]

Sasha was actually a great portrayal of how people think we're cute when we happy stim or are a bit socially awkward but annoying when we show any other autistic traits