ayther

[ayther]

Turns out I did in fact NOT have a crush it was just the wrong time of the month

I've now over the course of one evening developed a crush... This feeling is crushing me at the same time as it is the most euphoric I've ever been. Well not the most euphoric, just as much as the last times I've had a crush. At the same time as I wish the feeling would go away I want it to last forever. It's so good I could cry

[ayther]

I've now over the course of one evening developed a crush... This feeling is crushing me at the same time as it is the most euphoric I've ever been. Well not the most euphoric, just as much as the last times I've had a crush. At the same time as I wish the feeling would go away I want it to last forever. It's so good I could cry

[ayther]

today i dont have many thoughts, just wanted everyone on tumblr to know that i think about you and hope you have an amazing day/night wherever you are and whatever youre doing!

[ayther]

I hadn't actually watched 10 things I hate about you before today and idk how because 90s/00s romcoms are my favourite. I'm not really a fan of the newer romcoms (it feels like netflix has released a new one everytime you open the app) but that's besides the point. My very point is that it was really so good. I have a feeling this is one of those movies I will keep coming back to rewatch, maybe not tomorrow but in a couple of months maybe. It kinda also made me a little sad because I want to find that kind of love where you open yourself up and go to prom and just chat about anything and everything. But I'm still sure that person is going to show up sometime at the right time. I will just have to be patient and until then I can always rewatch 10 things I hate about you

[ayther]

Drunken words, full of love and nothing less

To me, these letters mean everything

And to find something in this whole mess

Counts for the beginning of anything

Feeling something as strongly as you do

Pacing up and down

Sore feet, I feel them too

But your whispers chase my frown

How could I ever love someone?

When an emotion stole my heart

To love love is for me easily done

How would I, in loving a person play my part?

[ayther]

As someone whos been constantly exhausted for the last four years I can tell you I am a bit surprised to find myself in bed, it's 22.54 and I feel like I can't really sleep. For a long time now I've had this super power that I can sleep anywhere at any given time but I have a feeling it might be wearing off as I am getting to a better place emotionally. Would be kinda sad though to loose the only perk of being a train wreck mentally now when I'm starting to get better. I have to step up my anxiety game

[ayther]

if someone gets replies from me fast it means we're good friends but not because im more interested in talking to them just because ive gotten over the "what if they think im too pushy if i respond too fast"-anxiety

[ayther]

[Slight spoiler for Shadow and Bone season 2]

I've realized that marvel is to blame for my adoration of the Russian language and therefore my whole obsession with Shadow and Bone. At first it was Bucky Barnes and now it is Nikolai Lantsov. I seem to have a thing for russians. Maybe not the smartest move in todays society but I'm sure there are nice russians out there. Maybe I could even find a real one to obsess over in the future?

Also I am aware that Ravka is not Russia but Leigh Bardugo confirmed it is based of 19th century Russia so it counts... I think

[ayther]

Is it too late now to make up a new new years resolution? Because if it isn't then I want to promise myself to dance as much as I possibly can this year, not because I'm good at it but because I love it with all of my heart

[ayther]

my best self-care tip is reading fanfic and listen to guilty pleasure music

[ayther]

I realise now that my father has actually stepped up and started acting like a father again so that's cool, also I'll probably rant on here about my problems for a while to get them out there because no one is seeing my blog anyways

[ayther]

valentines day made me realize something

i have been joking about my bad confidence for a while now, because i really do have bad confidence

todays discovery is that it is true

i do hate myself

not in a "i wanna unalive myself"-way but in a "nobody loves me, not even me"-way

i feel extremely lonely

[ayther]

throwback to when my youth priest found a stuffed ferret on the side of the road and had to stop the bus to take a look at it

good times

[ayther]

[ayther]

[ayther]

is it selfish to want your father to actually show that he loves you and stop treating you like shit when there are people out there who don't have fathers at all?

[ayther]