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Valiant Rest

Valiance Keep, Borean Tundra

Just off the main dock, this quaint little inn serves nice food at a high price. It’s design is very sporty, and a bit excessively so in my opinion. I do not think there is need for more than one mounted animal head. However, the abundance of paintings and bookshelves contribute a greater sense of sophistication, and would counteract those mounts. That is, if the content of those works revolved around anything other than the Great Wilderness. It reminds me greatly of the Adirondacks in Upstate New York, where every single bookstore sells only books featuring the Adirondacks. 

There’s a fun if underused bar on the lower level, with visible access to the backroom kitchen. Though a small touch, this contributed a greater sense of the effort that goes into preparing one’s meal. Speaking of, I ordered Sweet Potato Bread and Honeymint Tea. Both of these were absolutely delightful, just divine. So sweet and so soothing, so warm, perhaps aided by the bitter cold climate all around us. My only complaint is the price. This is good food, do not get me wrong, but I do not think it is especially worth this high pricetag. I have not a doubt in my mind that the owners hiked the prices to prey off of tourists on the island. Nonetheless, it’s quality cannot be denied.

My favorite part of this experience was the view from the balcony. There I could sit and eat my sweet, scrumptious bread while looking out at the beautiful scenery before me. Never before have I witness something so sublime. Against a calm gray sea floats white icebergs tinted crisp blue; and above, the shimmering golden strands of the Aurora Borealis, the Northern Lights, from which the tundra derives its name. Truly, this is a magnificent tourist destination for perhaps the wealthier residents of Azeroth. And do not bring the kids! 

Overall, the Valiant Rest excels at what it does: being a rich yet convenient tourist’s restaurant. You can get off the boat and step right in to a delicious meal and a warm bed, and a taste of the glacial splendor. If only this beauty were more accessible to people like me, who do not have much Gold.

I give the Valiant Rest four out of five stars.

★ ★ ★ ★ ☆

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Special Edition: Maclure Vineyards and Stonefield Farm

Outside of Goldshire.

By a tremendous turning of the stars, I was able to visit the Maclure Vineyards and Stonefield Farm after my visit to the Lion’s Pride Inn. This was a truly delightful experience. The grounds are beautifully rustic, with two truly charming families running these establishments. I adored walking through the rows of vines and the loose melons, and seeing what is essentially a baby sangria. It is absolutely fascinating to see where your food is grown. 

I spoke with Joshua Maclure about living here. He described it to be “quite peaceful, and all, even with the ol’ Kobolds down the way. We’ve had this farm since I can remember.” When I asked the hardest part about working here, he replied, “Hard, to be sure, hard. But it’s good, honest work. Plus, it’s nice to, er, get high on your own supply, as it were. You know what I’m saying?”

And indeed, I did know what he was saying. Here I tried another glass of Dalaran Noir, and I was right in guessing that the Lion’s Pride buys local. This was a delicious wine when made properly, grown from the finest grapes in the Eastern Kingdoms. I have no shame in admitting I bought another bottle for my own, personal use.

Overall, it was the character of these two homes that shone through. I adored meeting Princess the Boar at Stonefield Farm, and I hope she may have a long and prosperous life. Each family was so hospitable and so kindly, so welcoming of me. One strange thing, though, was that while wandering through the vineyards I saw a large, hairy creature running through the grounds. And while I was unable to get a picture of him, I have not a doubt in my mind that it was indeed the fun lovable cryptid Bigfoot. Regardless of his presence, I was thoroughly entertained by the light gossip and family drama of this rural environment. It truly feels as though everybody knows your name. 

I give both the Maclure Vineyards and the Stonefield Farm five out of five stars.

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

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Lion’s Pride Inn

Goldshire.

Upon turning the corner into this establishment, I was at once awash in friendly warmth. Everything in terms of design is eclectic and beautiful, messy in the quirkiest sense. Barrels and bottles line the walls in a way that is wholly welcoming. It reminds one of the Burrow, from the Harry Potter series of novels. What’s more, this place is bumping! Tons of people here to break bread and chatter, aided by the quests located inside. This lively atmosphere shattered any remaining inhibitions from my previous outing, and prepared me for the wonderful meal to come.

Unfortunately, I am not yet a high enough level to try most of the signature dishes this tavern provides. I had wanted to try the Sweet Rum, but sadly this was only a Quest Item, and I was unable to drink it. So, I tried another Dalaran Noir, paired well with a Dalaran Sharp Cheddar, and found myself ecstatic. Truly, this was wine well made. I suppose the proximity of the business to a local vineyard helped. Everything was so precise, and so complex, I was truly in awe of their abilities.

For my main course, I had a haunch of meat. While seemingly barbaric at first, after being warmed by the homeliness of the design and the sophistication of the Wine + Cheese, I was willing to get my hands a little dirty. Needless to say, this was a choice well made. Cooked perfectly, with a beautifully seasoned skin around tender white meat, this was perhaps one of the best dishes I’ve had in years. This homestyle leg of meat was, quite simply, perfect.

Overall, the Lion’s Pride Inn reminds me why I first got into food criticism. There’s a friendliness to food, a sense of joy in preparing food for others that when done right is sent right into the heart of your patron. Truly, this is how a tavern is done.

I give the Lion’s Pride Inn five out of five stars.

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

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The Slaughtered Lamb

Mage Quarter, Stormwind.

Talk about a less friendly establishment! I apologize for being rude, but this bar is not for the faint of heart. Interior is very open and very empty. Again, perhaps a product of my work hours? Yet one would expect a business such as this to be thriving at night. Moreover, boxes and cloths were scattered about, giving the place an air of unfinishedness. Was there recent construction? I do not believe so. Regardless, there is no real excuse for the state of affairs here.

This is not a restaurant, so I will only discuss the drink options provided to me. It was strangely enough quite similar to that offered at The Golden Keg. I had the Dalaran Noir, and while the drink is known for being weak, boy was it especially weak here! Grape juice is stronger than this wine. Granted, a noir is difficult to prepare correctly; but, why offer a subpar product? Additionally, I found several unidentified particles floating in my glass, severely undercutting any potential enjoyment I could find in this beverage.

In my review of The Golden Keg, I mentioned a cult meeting taking place on the upper floor. This place makes that gathering look like Bible Study. While drinking here, I noticed a flap in one of the hanging carpets that led to a mysterious back room. When the bartender turned, I went into this room and down a spiral staircase, finding not a wine cellar as I had expected, but an even grander assembly of the occult! There was a fire burning in the center, several demons summoned, and a vast collection of frightening books and hooded figures. Suddenly, the name of this bar made perfect sense. I ran in a panic down another set of spiral staircases, here finding a crypt! It appears this Doomsday Cult has been growing since the Cataclysm, according to the Holy Text I found down below. Sneakily, I was able to escape this treacherous place unharmed. I am lucky to even be alive.

Overall, The Slaughtered Lamb is a terrible place that I cannot recommend. Only go here if you are a convicted murderer.

I give The Slaughtered Lamb one out of five stars.

★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

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The Golden Keg

Dwarven District, Stormwind.

Upon first entering this small establishment one is immediately greeted with immense hospitality. Books and paintings line the walls, creating an atmosphere at once trendy and kindly. It is essentially a library-café in the form of a tavern. Staff is incredibly welcoming, and always attentive to your needs.

However, this setup is drastically undercut by the absence of people. I was alone during my visit, though that may have been due to my erratic work hours. If this establishment is busier during the daytime, I would be happy to award it more credit. Additionally, there was a cult meeting going on upstairs, and I do not believe this added in any way to the quality of the establishment.

Food was limited though extraordinary. Bread is fresh and baked in-house, which one can tell through its wonderful flavor and pristine texture. It is exactly of the quality one would expect from a perhaps more experimental side of Stormwind, a place so precisely in-line with my own personal sensibilities. Rustic Chic, one could say.

Drink, similarly, was quite delightful. I ordered a Stormwind Tawny, which I found to be again expertly congruent to the finely vintaged dining experience. Flavors slightly sweet, though deeply complex, proved so good that I ordered myself another. There are plenty of other drink options available, as well as non-alcoholic options for those who so prefer.

Overall, The Golden Keg is a tavern wholly concerned with combining that classic tavern feel with the sophistication of contemporary living. Perhaps its only issue is one of advertising and location. Nonetheless, I greatly enjoyed the small, indie vibe, and I hope that you do too.

I give The Golden Keg four out of five stars.

★ ★ ★ ★ ☆