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first of: i’m a us-american in the public school system. it may be the ocd but i physically cannot procrastinate. i get home every day without any homework bc i get it done at school. seems great? no. i am very stressed. i would put it off but my brain goes “do that Or Else” and i do it. idk if it’s compulsive thoughts or maybe a persecutor doing their job but either way it’s not good.

hum, that does sound stressful as hell.

if it’s a compulsion, I understand that but if you can’t stop yourself from finishing the work quickly I suggest you find ways to destress yourself quickly or things that give comfort in a healthy way.

I’ve found putting on videos or tv shows or podcasts help, because when I get stressed I can’t sleep well at ALL so I understand the buzz of “you have to do something now” and the fear of what will happen if I don’t do it?

while my ways probably won’t work for you, doing things that take your mind off of the things that stress you out can help.

if it’s a persecutor alter you might need to communicate that the stress to grind out and do all the work immediately is having a big impact on the rest of you guys.

Maybe if it’s a persecutor alter, then you might have to come up with a compromise or a deal. When me and Lena used to fight and stuff, it sucked half because we had just discovered each other and half because she has TOO clean when we feel like we’ve messed up.

it’s a whole thing, but I understand how you feel.

basically our system took on some of the work load slowly but surely and it got better, so maybe the reason the persecutor feels the need to do so well and finish so fast is the negative outcome that will happen if they don’t. While I didn’t get the short end of the stick when it came to the verbal abuse and emotional abuse that related to us preforming a good job at cleaning Lena did. And it’s the whole reason she exists is to do a good job at cleaning under pressure and under stress. Because the alternative was being yelled at and screamed at and told demeaning things because it wasn’t done well.

we were like 7 lol. So maybe the persecutor doesn’t actually want to hurt your system they just fear the outcome that will happen if they don’t do the work immediately and amazingly. Which is a very understandable fear especially if it’s the reason they exist.

so they might just need to be shown that they can trust you not to get hurt and they might let up on the stress. But that’s just based off of my experiences, everyone is different and needs different things.

but that’s all I have, I hope it was enough?

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i hate that the word “goon” is associated with guys that jerk off to porn all day now. to me “goon” will always mean burly guys with a thick boston/new york/jersey accent that jump out of bed in black tracksuits and beanies , pick up their favorite crowbar , and carpool with the other goons to work to get their ass beat by batman

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ok so first off our partner has saved our lives multiple times and ya. anyways they’ve been not wanting cuddles and shit. nbd except i’m touch starved. ofc i don’t touch them without permission bc i’m not like that but i also really need a hug. idk what to do. i would talk to them about it but i feel indebted to them for saving me from suicide and i don’t wanna be controlling. i want the best for them, i really do, and idk how to go about it.

Well, coming from someone who doesn’t like being touched without being asked.

I think what you should do is just ask!

you won’t know what your partner’s comfortable with unless you set up boundaries! I can try to provide like a ways to do it if you want

“Hey, I’ve kinda been thinking is it okay if I have a hug? I kinda need it.” “Well give me a minute to collect myself sure”

”can I have a hug?” “I’m kinda uncomfortable with hugs but we can hold hands?”

”hey, what sorta physical contact are you okay with? I kinda don’t want to cross your boundaries, but I wanna show I love you.” “Thanks for asking I’m chill with (insert thing) thanks for asking”

without a doubt your partner loves you for you, and if your worried about making them uncomfortable. Remember good communication skills or just asking questions will always be better then silently wondering if your doing something wrong.

I deal with a LOT of emotionally constipated people in my life, and just being honest and slightly vulnerable by asking questions of what’s okay and what’s not okay will only bring you love and support in the future!

love is something you build and make, and sometimes you just need to ask hard questions sometimes.

so TL;DR ask your partner what their boundaries are so you both can clear the air and enjoy each other’s company while both being happy!

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acknowledging my symptoms are a product of my disabilities is not me fucking pathologizing myself. mental illnesses have symptoms. they are not a choice. trying to subtract my disability from my behavior not humanizing somehow, and y’all only think it is because you do not view disabled people as human. fuck you.

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tw foot pain and general vent

so we have posterior tibial tendon dysfunction (pttd) which is basically flat feet but it gets worse over time and idk if we’ll be able to walk by the time i’m 30 if not earlier. but rn we can walk but after a while it hurts. we have orthotics but they don’t do shit and i might need surgery. the shitty part is most people with pttd are 40+ and our abusive grandma has it .-.

tldr: feet go ow, maybe won’t be able to walk by age 30, trauma go brr

sry for that, what i mean to ask is do we count as physically disabled?

I’m pretty sure that’s by definition a physical disability

also that sucks :(

Kinda unsolicited advice here, feel free to ignore me.

But have you looked into canes or crutches? Just because I’ve heard from TONS of people they do help with these sorts of things, one of my old friends with a leg deformity when I met up with them had just gotten a cane and they were so happy to have it.

But there’s no one size fits all, but mobility aids even now might help a little bit.

from what I gather, if something will help you from being in pain then try it. Disability is a large and confusing thing, and lots of people are also ableist as shit I should know. (I love having severe asthma attacks because people won’t let me sit out certain activities, or force me to run or exert myself without my inhaler </3 /j)

so use accessibility’s and whatever if it helps, people are always gonna judge those they don’t understand.

like I full on forget that I have literally god awful asthma, like it’s normal to think you can power through the pain and do the things you “should” be able to do. But there’s a difference between healthy limit pushing and unhealthy limit pushing, like you should be able to push your limits on occasion when you’re happy to but if you’re doing it everyday and your in pain everyday from something you should be able to rest and try again with then that’s kinda shitty if the people around you are allowing that.

your allowed to take breaks or rest, your allowed to use accessibility’s not typically associated with your disability. Your allowed to do whatever you need to ease the pain of your going through.

Idk, I hope this helps shitpostsystem!

if it doesn’t apply then that’s okay too! The bad advice blog is that sometimes bad advice, and sometimes we have to return later and try again. There’s nothing with both or me or whatever being wrong, this is a safe place to fuck up.

Hope you’re having a wonderful day! :D

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Alright, here's one for the queers

So supposedly, every family has "a gay cousin." I'm curious as to whether that's accurate or not. So!

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I feel like in the rush of “throw out etiquette who cares what fork you use or who gets introduced first” we actually lost a lot of social scripts that the younger generations are floundering without.

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demon/fallen angel anon here: my name is demon, no matter what species i am. also we have religious trauma (specifically catholic) so christianity plays a lot into who i am. i did research on types of demons and angels and i think i’m a first-level fallen angel. (that being the guardian angel going against god) thx for everything :>

I’m so glad to hear that! We were happy to help!

hope you have a wonderful day <B

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A recent cartoon for New Scientist

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when a pelican bites you there's no malice in their eyes. they aren't upset at you. they are just hungry and want to see if you fit in their mouths. and if you don't then it's no problem and everything is fine. and if you do then well i guess your fate is sealed but that's ok it's a beautiful animal

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I know it's probably just referencing how in the original F+C she said she was in love with ice king but I love the implication that Finn would also find simon hot. maybe cause simon isn't cold anymore HAR HAR HAR

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idk man being violently hateful/resentful towards children for existing is weird. it’s legitimately just weird.

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Some of my favorite words and phrases to describe a character in pain

coiling (up in a ball, in on themselves, against something, etc)

panting (there’s a slew of adjectives you can put after this, my favorites are shakily, weakly, etc)

keeling over (synonyms are words like collapsing, which is equally as good but overused in media)

trembling/shivering (additional adjectives could be violently, uncontrollably, etc)

sobbing (weeping is a synonym but i’ve never liked that word. also love using sob by itself, as a noun, like “he let out a quiet sob”)

whimpering (love hitting the wips with this word when a character is weak, especially when the pain is subsiding. also love using it for nightmares/attacks and things like that)

clinging (to someone or something, maybe even to themselves or their own clothes)

writhing/thrashing (maybe someone’s holding them down, or maybe they’re in bed alone)

crying (not actual tears. cry as in a shrill, sudden shout)

dazed (usually after the pain has subsided, or when adrenaline is still flowing)

wincing (probably overused but i love this word. synonym could be grimacing)

doubling-over (kinda close to keeling over but they don’t actually hit the ground, just kinda fold in on themselves)

heaving (i like to use it for describing the way someone’s breathing, ex. “heaving breaths” but can also be used for the nasty stuff like dry heaving or vomiting)

gasping/sucking/drawing in a breath (or any other words and phrases that mean a sharp intake of breath, that shite is gold)

murmuring/muttering/whispering (or other quiet forms of speaking after enduring intense pain)

hiccuping/spluttering/sniffling (words that generally imply crying without saying crying. the word crying is used so much it kinda loses its appeal, that’s why i like to mix other words like these in)

stuttering (or other general terms that show an impaired ability to speak — when someone’s in intense pain, it gets hard to talk)

staggering/stumbling (there is a difference between pain that makes you not want to stand, and pain that makes it impossible to stand. explore that!)

recoiling/shrinking away (from either the threat or someone trying to help)

pleading/begging (again, to the threat, someone trying to help, or just begging the pain to stop)

Feel free to add your favorites or most used in the comments/reblogs!

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I can’t stop laughing at this 🤣😂🤣

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tw general mentions of mental health

so i have this friend. let's call them emily. i've known emily for two years now, and they've grown to be one of my closest friends. mostly because we both really struggle with mental health stuff and at that point in my life no one else knew about those struggles. we helped each other through a lot of really crappy stuff and times. the difference is, in those two years, i've gone to, and am still in therapy, and have learned coping skills, have a support system etc etc etc ive tried convincing emily (on numerous occasions) to do the same, but they consistently refuse to do so, and they still pretty much only have me. there's also a ton of other stuff, but i could write a ten page essay about that. pretty much, our friendship, even though it's great feels kind of one-sided where im reaching out and they take weeks or months to respond (if they do at all) and dont really talk to me when we see each other in person and it's just getting really draining emotionally. so a few days ago, i finally make the decision to, well, not cut them off but pretty much tell them i'd had enough and im going to take a break for a while. they responded and pretty much just went straight to the self-deprecation (pretty much im sorry im so worthless and can't even maintain a friendship). and while im just so relieved that i've cut them off, more or less, to some degree, im just so worried since im all they have and if im gone who knows what will happen. so what should i do?

sorry for the long message

hum, that’s a tricky one.

First things first, I’d shove a WHOLE lotta resources on mental health in their messages. I know it may seem like your annoying them, but if it’s that bad they deserve to know there’s helplines and chats and groups that they can turn to. (I suggest vet them before you send them)

Secondly, sometimes it’s hard for people to realize they are allowed to reach out for help. Even if they only think it’s minor or it will take valuable space for others that “ are worst than them” But they have every right to reach out for help, their allowed to go to people with minor issues or major issues. And if you can somehow get that through their head you’ll probably see some improvement.

thirdly, I don’t think they can access traditional in person therapy as it seems. You can never know why, personally for me it’s a whole BIG awful talk about my mental health that I never want to tell my family. And it might be a similar situation with your friend, so unorthodox ways to get that same therapy experience might benefit them alot.

fourthly, you can’t help everyone. Sometimes it’s on them to figure out how to cope and understand how to get better, and even though you love them and care deeply it’s hard to get them to understand that. If you’re worried your friend might be engaging in risky behaviors (S/H, alcoholism, drugs, suicidal behavior, taking too many risks for no apparent reason.)

I suggest trying to talk to them about harm reduction.

fifthly, you being emotionally drained and exhausted by being their therapist friend is totally valid. your friend saying self deprecating things is just a symptom of a bigger problem they have, it's not your fault or anything you need a break from them. if they were in the same situation they would do the same thing, it's hard to manage both your mental health and your friends. I don't blame you for being exhausted, the reason I do this stuff is because I'm exhausted by my own problems and this is a healthy and constructive way to help both you and me. your helping your friend out of love, but also obligation.

I think a good plan to do is.

give your friend a pep talk and show them tons of alternate ways to access therapy that is not in person.

give them helpline information and tell the "I've known you for so long, I'd never try to hurt you. I just want you to know there's options if life gets hard and I'm not around

tell them about harm reduction, and CURB any and all negative connotations about addiction and self harm. if they are suffering the best thing you can do is be accepting and show them ways to safely and also reduce the harm of the addictions/self harm.

tell them if they are being abused. in anyway period, they can trust you to not victim blame or something without knowing the full story. we don't know what's happening with them, but we have to be kind and caring if that's the reason for her mental health. tell them "it was never your fault, you didn't know." or "you were just a kid, it was never you that was the problem but how you were treated. it's okay to be upset or angry, or grieve the life you should have had. that's normal. trust me I'm here for you."

also if the whole abuse thing is a yes, give them tons of abuse helplines. you and I don't know how to go forward with that knowledge but the helplines know how to.

support them and tell them truely why you feel drained (if you Hadn't already.) and tell them you actually care alot about them and this is not an attack or that your mad at them or anything. your overwhelmed too, and you both should feel not overwhelmed. (VERY IMPORTANT, YOU HAVE TO SAY YOUR NOT ANGRY OR ANYTHING. mentally ill people tend to think the worst if you don't say it. be kind and caring, and they should not feel so bad.)

if that doesn't work, I think you yourself should call a helpline and ask about strategies to help your friend. they should know a lot more than both you and me.

thank you for sending an ask in, this has been interesting!

I hope you can figure out a way to help your friend.

if worst comes to worse, I suggest you give your friend character.ai's psychologist's link to your friend. it's better than nothing, and it's surprisingly helped me too. so it might help your friend open up.

here's the link LINK

I hope I was able to provide a push in the right direction, remember this is the BAD advice blog. not everything will work, sometimes we both have to fail a bit to figure out the best way to help people.