bad-luck-charlie

[bad-luck-charlie]

IM BACK BITCHES WHAT THE FUCK IS UPPPP

[bad-luck-charlie]

hey everyone i'm taking a break from this place cuz i honestly just suck at my ed and it's making me hate myself. i'm not even losing weight anyway. so hopefully i can try to eat "normal" for a while. i'll probably be back. maybe in a few months, maybe tomorrow. who knows. i just need to try to get better at least for now. my family and friends kinda expect it of me. and honestly i don't even deserve to be skinny. i barely have a life. so as much as it pains me, here's to half-recovery.

[bad-luck-charlie]

[bad-luck-charlie]

today's log

guys i'm actually so proud that i haven't binged in 2 days. i know it's not much of an achievement but i'm finally getting back on track.

[bad-luck-charlie]

i don't wanna jinx it but i didn't binge yesterday and im kinda proud of myself

[bad-luck-charlie]

fuckin love penguins

[bad-luck-charlie]

[bad-luck-charlie]

dear tumblr

you can block all the tags, terminate all the blogs, and put all the Is Everything Okay? popups you want, unfortunately edblr is not going away until our eating disorders have been spelled so many different ways that they are no longer recognizable

blocking a tag is not going to suddenly force us all into recovery. we understand the effort, thank you for trying to keep a bunch of defiant teenagers safe. but at this point it's a lost cause and we need the community anyway. we might not be healthy or mentally stable, but is it's better to be sick together than sick alone.

[bad-luck-charlie]

food log 4 today

[bad-luck-charlie]

me scrolling thru edblr while i wait for my therapist to open our zoom meeting

[bad-luck-charlie]

[bad-luck-charlie]

my dumb brain keeps trying to convince me that i have like 10 million disorders. it's really fucking annoying cuz it makes me think i'm faking everything. like i know i have depression and anxiety cuz i was diagnosed. i know i have an eating disorder cuz i mean duh, and i'm pretty damn sure i have adhd too. full stop. that's enough for one person.

but no. for some reason i've half-convinced myself that i must have every single disorder in the book. there's no way i have depression, anxiety, adhd, ednos, ocd, bipolar, and fucking tourette's. like yeah i have a few symptoms of each but can someone tell me to shut the fuck up please because i am sick of faking disorders that i probably don't have.

[bad-luck-charlie]

i will literally duct tape my mouth closed to stop myself from eating istg

[bad-luck-charlie]

love the fact that when i started my ed, i wasn't particularly skinny, but i definitely wasn't fat. my bmi was a little on the higher side of normal, but i was decent. now after months of trying to starve myself into bones-showing-sickly-looking-anorexia, i am currently about 4 lbs from overweight. turns out i'm complete and utter shit at managing my own damn weight

[bad-luck-charlie]

wdym i’m not losing 5kg every day that’s homophobic

[bad-luck-charlie]

ok. i'm sick of this. i'm so fucking sick of this. i want to lose weight so bad but i have no bloody patience. i just want to be skinny now. i'm so tired of my body. i'm so tired of my weight being the root of all of my problems. i want another excuse. but all i can think about is that i could have more friends if i was skinny. i could have a boyfriend if i was skinny. i could look good in clothes. i could feel comfortable in public. i could actually live my life without constantly thinking about how much better it would be if i was thin. fuck this. i'm so sick of wasting my teenage years being a pitiful excuse for a human. i don't care anymore. i don't care if i'm being unhealthy or harming my body or destroying my mental health. i don't care. i just want to see my fucking bones.

[bad-luck-charlie]

honestly at this point i'm just eating like 2500 calories a day and hoping that i lose weight somehow