badromancelover-blog

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...or do they 🤔

Have you ever prayed for a change of heart for someone you love? Have you ever prayed that they forgive you? Have you ever prayed that they change their behavior? That they soften their hearts? That they be more loving, more forgiving, more spiritual, more present, more something? Or maybe you’ve prayed that they become less of something, less disrespectful, less angry, less occupied. I have and…

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Disconnected 2024

Disconnected… That’s the word I have been feeling and have only managed to partly figure it nowAt this odd hourDisconnected with my body – so failing to yoga. The one hobby I hold dearDisconnected with my passion so I struggled to study for examsDisconnected with my Lord so I feel no conviction when I don’t go to churchDisconnected from family and friends – it dawned on me a couple months ago…

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Untitled Poems, Pt 1

Her presence is felt more in her absenceHer absence is needed more in her presenceIt’s as if the protection leaves with her and an emptiness is filled up instead Her absence opens doors to the unknown and fear crips in as if on queue.It’s a tragedy and also a blessing at times because it is then that we get tested and our faith strengthen It’s time we realise the pattern and the signsWe need to…

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I want you to hurt as I hurt I want you to feel like you make me feel I want you to be on the verge of madness like you made me do so many times I am quarter to doing something so stupid but if it hurts you like you hurt me then I will be happy. I told myself I wouldn’t let anyone drive me so crazy and I wouldn’t let myself get so crazy. I guess I lied to myself. Because I am quarter to doing…

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The 2024 Love Affair

I was caught off guard. It really felt as if this could be it. Not that it was it but could be it…. Something worth building. Someone worth building with… But alas…. It only takes change. A shift in the status quo for things to unravel The signs were there though. And where to begin. I guess at the beginning… First meeting was a fluke. A dare from a friend to maybe “get some love”. Apparently I…

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Try fight bitterness

In the 31st year of my life….I met an unfamiliar foe… The bitterness of an old young black woman… I can’t even begin to explain how life has been. If I said my whole life it would be lie. But most of adult life has been what we millennials call “A Lot”. At each and every turn I’ve had to fight what I call the unfamiliar foe… Bitterness. Let me explain. Bitterness is not something you see coming…

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Daily writing promptWrite about your most epic baking or cooking fail.View all responses I was staying at my University Residence , on the third floor of a four story building block. We had communal kitchen in each floor and on this particular Friday afternoon, I had no classes and decided to make popcorn and watch a movie. I went to the kitchen with my oil and popcorn, put everything in my pot,…

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The Cost of This Freedom.

I don’t think I can begin to explain the grief I have been going through over the last 3 years. And I can’t begin to fathom the grief that still awaits me. Grief because change requires Loss!! Everything that I worked for. Everything I thought I needed. Everyone that I grew to love. Everything I attained and dreamed of attaining. The character development. The challenges I endured. The fights I…

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Selfish Thoughts😈

The idea of even having them icks me but they are there and there is no point in ignoring them. Admitting them, will, well should probably help with getting rid of them… So imma indulge myself for a second.. Sometimes it gets hard thinking of everyone else and what their going through to a point were I find it hard to speak about what Im going through. It seems as though my emotions and feelings…

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Short Lived Feelings that Linger...

We do so much to try a fill this void within ourselves. All this constant search for something that resembles heaven – for a feeling of being home. Chasing of our careers, falling in love, raising children, following our dreams, giving charity – all in the search of a home, a familiarity of heaven. These souls weren’t meant for this world. There weren’t meant for the pain, the suffering – only…

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When will it be her turn ⁉️

I saw her today scrolling through the gram watching her friends and family as they lived life and she felt stuck. 📱 I saw her admiring the couple in front of her, with their 2 boys as they worshipped and praised God together.🙌🏾 I saw her smiling shyly away from the couple who caught her staring at them – they were all dressed up, taking selfies🤳🏾 I saw her as she looked down and tried to pat…

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Not again😤

Sitting here in the dark thinking to myself, I can’t possibly be going through this again. This pain. This heartbreak. This exact same place… And not even 2 years later. Everyone is expecting me. No! I’m expecting me to break down and surrender defeat but I can’t. I’m just numb. I vowed to myself never to be this weak again. To never require that kind of help and support again. Yes, I will admit…

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Collective Existential Crisis☄️💥

Today I asked my 40 year old work colleague, ” Have things always been this bad or have I just grown up and I suddenly notice it more. Like has the world always been this bad”? This was in respect of the current affairs discussion we normally have in the office. Today, it was on a supposed stage 6 loadshedding the country was meant to have. 🌑 Now, if you don’t live in SA or have never been to…

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To be a great writer!

I always had this notion that to be great I had to be tortured. All the greats always seem to have been tortured. They have some crazy backstories of how things were super bad and at times unbearable to a point that they decided, instead of dwelling in the darkness, they would draw from it and become great writers🤓 That is why artists like Donald Glover and to an extent Dave Chapelle fascinate…

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Reflections🤗

For the last couple of months, I’ve been reading my own blog. Not out of vain or anything. Just out of boredom and at times for inspiration. Other times I’ve been reading the right words or the right explanation for my feelings at a particular moment. And I have to say – I’m really impressed by this girl – by me and what I have gone through and shared. I’m mostly shocked by what I have shared but…

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Somebody's son

Somebody’s son

Sometimes i get obsessed with the idea of another personThe idea of someone’s child and me – hanging, chilling doing all sorts of ‘couple’ thingsHim looking into my eyes, filled with love and adorationMe pretending not see his looks of wonder but feeling the depth of their intensity Lying in bed thinking of the next time I would see himDay dreaming about how the normal everyday life would be…

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...its the season

…its the season

Oops sorry. …This is not a post about Christmas. 🤭. I’m sorry for tricking you. But hey it worked. It got you here reading probably the most important post of your week… the seasons of your life! So indulge me why don’t you… Life is all about balance. Balance between the ups and downs. Happiness and sadness. It’s almost as if we are the weather and we go through seasons. Each season bringing…