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balaclavastyles · 8 years ago

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Regret

what happens when Y/N regrets it?

warnings: language, angst

word count: 2. 4k

request: “can you write an imagine about Y/N breaking up with harry because she feels like she cannot keep up with his lifestyle but at the end, after some tears and some days, regrets it?”

( masterlist )

Overwhelmed. That’s how Y/N described how she felt in her relationship with Harry. Though there were definitely much better adjectives out there to describe her exact emotions, overwhelmed was the only one she could come up with in the moment.

She wasn’t planning on ending things with him that day, though her emotions had been bubbling up inside her for quite some time. The day started like any other day might have, Y/N woke up, scrolled through her phone for a few minutes before finding the strength to actually get up, took a shower, etc. Not too long after she had awakened, texts began to roll in from Harry, just like usual.

If she could use one word to describe Harry, it would be caring. Though he definitely had a sense of humor, an amazing one at that, and was talented beyond anyone else Y/N knew, something about the way he interacted with people and his gentle disposition surprised her from the beginning.

Surely someone as well-known as Harry Styles couldn’t possibly care about anyone other than himself, right? That’s what Y/N first concluded when she met him, trying to dismiss her feelings for him by erasing any thoughts that he might, in any way, be a halfway decent human being.

Y/N was dead-wrong as it turns out, though. As she got to know Harry over the weeks, she found herself becoming more and more stunned by his abundance of empathy. So much so that any initial doubts she had in the beginning about his intentions were washed away.

Just as she picked up her phone from the bedside table, unplugging it from the charger one more text from him rolled in, and she couldn’t help but let a small smile creep onto her face.

Hello and good morning. Taking a wild guess and assuming you’re already awake, and if I’m right about that assumption, can I please take you to breakfast?

I swear Y/N, if you’re still asleep I’ll come over there and personally bring you breakfast

That was it, right there, another example of Harry’s compassion. The fact that his ‘threat’, if you could even call it one, was delivering her breakfast in bed, was enough to get Y/N to type a quick response to his text, saying she’d love to get some food. As soon as the agreement was typed, Y/N couldn’t help but regret it.

The press and paparazzi was a difficult subject to explain. On one hand, she couldn’t be too mad at them because without them Harry would be nowhere near as popular as he is today. But on the other hand, they sure did make it difficult for Y/N and Harry to do anything together. Anytime they wanted to go out somewhere, whether it be a restaurant, shopping, and just about anything else, the paparazzi was always there, and the next day pictures of her and Harry walking hand-in-hand down the street were all over the internet.

Though Y/N knew, after many encouragements from Harry, that the press didn’t really matter, she couldn’t help but feel the smallest bit somber over the extra ‘publicity’, if she could even call it that. Though the media wasn’t the biggest problem, it was the internet. The responses to her and Harry going for what would be a ‘causal lunch’ were nothing short of insulting. She knew it that situations like this would happen from the moment she first went out in public with Harry, though she never really took the time to realize how much being constantly bombarded with hateful messages might bother her.

On top of all of that, Y/N still had Harry’s job to deal with, and as happy as she was for him, she couldn’t fly out to London, or Los Angeles, or Paris every other week. University was already hard enough as it was, piling being Harry Styles girlfriend and everything that comes with it on top of it was was just about impossible.

Still, Y/N didn’t want to complain because she knew millions of people all over the world were dying to be in the same position she was. Remaining hopeful and keeping her mouth shut was proving to be difficult for her, after months of her emotions building Y/N didn’t know if she could keep her relationship with Harry going, though she didn’t know that would be the main discussion of the night.

Breakfast was good, driving back to Harry’s place and taking a nap together was even better, and waking up with his arms wrapped around her was the best. Still, Y/N couldn’t help but feel a little, unsettled, if that was the word she was going to use to describe it, about her recent feelings on their relationship. Though she knew their day had been great so far, it felt like the feeling was clawing at her, and it didn’t officially overcome her until dinner.

Harry was a good cook, no matter how many exotic vegetables he tried to throw into the dish, it always turned out to be amazing. That being said, one of Y/N’s favorite things Harry did was cook for her, and cooking was one of Harry’s favorite things do for Y/N as well.

They were sat across from each other at the table, Harry insisting on keeping their date ‘formal’ even though they’d been together long enough for them to be quite comfortable with each other. He’d set everything out so nice for them, wine glasses filled with some (probably incredibly expensive) red wine, cutlery set next to the intricate china, and to top it all off, a candle, lit perfectly between both settings. It looked like a scene from of a movie but Harry was, of course, ever the dramatic.

As he set the pasta onto the plate in front of her, Y/N couldn’t help but smile up at the man she’d grown to know all too well.

“You really didn’t have to do all this for me, you know, I’d be fine with takeout.” She laughed as she watched Harry take his seat across from her, a wide smile spreading onto his face.

“Well, of course, I di’n’t ‘ave to, but I thought I’d let us have a proper date, without all the cameras.” He stated nonchalantly, swirling the pasta around his fork. Of course, this only made a feeling of despair arise in Y/N’s chest, though she would try her best to push it out of her mind.

Taking a bite of the pasta, which couldn’t have been better, she let her shoulders rise in a shrug. “I know, people don’t really know what privacy is, do they?” She asked, raising an eyebrow playfully, hoping to keep the mood of the conversation light.

Harry nodded as she spoke, agreeing wholeheartedly. Never once in his life did he think everyday tasks such as going to the grocery store or out to lunch would be as challenging as they were. Fame was never as glamorous as he’d hoped it would be, though he knew that sounded way to selfish to ever say out loud. “Definitely not.” He spoke, giving a swift nod before lifting his glass up to hers. “Cheers?”

The rest of the dinner continued as smoothly as it had begun, witty comment after witty comment coming from both parties. The mood was light, everything seemed okay. Though after a glass of wine, Y/N was feeling a little braver than she had in the beginning. “You know H,” She began, not really thinking through her next words. “Sometimes your life is so crazy, I don’t know how to deal with it.” The confession slipped past her lips before she could stop it. Though in her tipsy state, Y/N wasn’t really thinking it was that much of a confession, and she definitely didn’t expect Harry to be so shocked by it.

“What d’you mean?” The brunette asked, obviously put-off by her surprising question. He’d obviously taken into consideration her feelings when he was traveling and the press, but he also didn’t have much say in the paparazzi constantly bombarding him and how long he was away for his tours.

Y/N honestly should’ve stopped then, but she had an extra boost of courage and she wasn’t about to give it up. “Like, sometimes I think how much more calm, and normal, my life would be if I hadn’t met you.” That was it. That’s when the realization finally hit her that she’d said too much.

Harry set his fork down gently next to his plate, his previously bright emerald eyes darkening. Never once had Y/N spoken to him about any of this, and she decides to bring it up now? This far into the relationship? On what was supposed to be a romantic date, nonetheless. His heart began to race, as his mouth stood open, trying to formulate his next sentence. “If you hadn’t met me?” The songwriter asked harshly, “I’m sorry but it isn’t my fault my life is so busy, I never expected any of this.”

“Well, of course, I know that Harry, but it doesn’t mean I’m not still affected by every single thing you do or say.” Y/N argued, her heart racing as she sat up a little straighter in her chair. “It’s overwhelming Harry, I’m overwhelmed.” That was the only word she could find to describe the mix of emotions running through her mind.

“Overwhelmed? You think you’re overwhelmed?.” He asked incredulously, at a loss for words. If he had a solution to the stress of being in the public eye, he would’ve shared it with her a long time ago. If he was being honest, the words leaving her mouth were definitely annoying to him. Especially the idea that she was overwhelmed. He thought she had no idea what being overwhelmed was like, considering he was the one who bared most of the weight of the rumors and media coverage.

Y/N couldn’t explain why she continued to speak when every word that left her mouth only made the entire situation worse. “Yes, Harry, I know I’m overwhelmed. Your entire life is too much, sometimes I feel claustrophobic just sitting in my own apartment cause I know someone somewhere is writing some ridiculous article about us and I’m done with it.” At this point she was nearly out of breath as her gaze stayed trained on him, sorrow filling her eyes. “Listen, I really love you, I promise, but I can’t deal with it anymore. I.. I’m really sorry Harry.”

And that was it. Of course, Harry, being the sappy romantic he is tried his best to get her to stay but her mind was seemingly made up. She called a cab, loathing the idea of having Harry drive her back to her apartment, even though he offered to. She couldn’t help but let out a breathy laugh, even though her throat was sore from the arguing when he gave her that proposition.

That was the first time Y/N realized her decision might have been a mistake. She was still standing in his house, eyes red from the tears that had eventually made an appearance, when Harry spoke up. “I can drive you back t’your place if you’d like.” His voice came out quieter than usual, though still as courteous as ever. Though she recognized the fact he was being a complete gentleman and couldn’t believe the words that were leaving his mouth, Y/N knew she had to stick with her decision.. at least for a little while that is.

Over the next couple weeks, Y/N took notice small absences in her life more than ever. The first thing she noticed was the good morning texts, or the lack thereof. That’s when she realized she never truly appreciated the small little things Harry would do for her and how much a small text could brighten her day.

She passed it off as just ‘breakup-blues’ and nothing to be actually worried about. Ending a relationship, especially one like theirs, would be rough. So that was the mindset Y/N kept for as long as she could, any other thought process would surely send her into a downward spiral of binge-eating ice cream and watching bad movies that would only make her feel worse about her situation.

The next thing Y/N noticed was her social habits. Though she never realized, Harry was definitely one of the biggest reasons she went out shopping. Her idea was ‘Why get dressed to go to a mall when I can order something off Amazon in my pajamas?’. Of course, her friends encouraged her to go out to clubs in search of a rebound or whatever else might make her feel a bit better, but Y/N just wasn’t really into that idea. Plus, sleazy clubs never really were her favorite place to be, so she decided to skip the partying and stay in on Saturdays.

The next thing she noticed, the thing that finally helped her come to a not-so-profound realization, was that everything she did was just a little less fun. Going to the movies, eating dinner, even listening to music didn’t excite her as much as it had. Though Y/N definitely didn’t want to be the type of girl who “needed” a man in her life, it wasn’t just the absence of a guy, it was the absence of Harry.

That’s when she came to a realization (that she should have figured out much earlier), whether or not she wanted to admit it, she regretted breaking up with Harry.

Though, there wasn’t much she could do about it now, considering the fact she had no clue where he was or what he was doing. She figured he’d probably found himself a new girlfriend, or at least a new hookup. But she couldn't help but let her mind wander back to the time she and Harry shared together. Y/N didn’t want to sound cliché, especially because this meant so much more to her than the nonchalance that comes with every cliché, but she really missed Harry and she knew she definitely messed up.

Every laugh, every three am phone call that lasted for hours, every sarcastic comment, every time they laid in bed while she traced over his tattoos with her fingers, or the time he sang to her lazily at nearly seven in the morning as they sipped coffee together, a guitar nuzzled between his arms. Seemingly every perfect moment they shared together came flooding back to her and that’s when Y/N knew she definitely made a mistake.

#wow this was sadder than i thought it would be #harry styles #harry styles imagine #harry styles smut #harry styles fanfic #one direction #one direction imagine #one direction smut #1d #1d imagine #1d smut #1d fanfic #one direction fan fic #my writing #request

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balaclavastyles · 8 years ago

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Bad Ideas

what happens when Y/N finds herself with a crush on an accident waiting to happen

warnings: language

word count: 2,187

requested: nope!

( masterlist )

There were a lot of things Y/N didn’t like. For one, she didn’t like sleeping with socks on (and couldn’t even begin to understand people who could). She also didn’t like slow walkers, especially when they all seem to be directly in front of her. Y/N also detested her roommate, Katherine. Though she knew it was wrong to feel so bothered by one person, she couldn’t help it. Y/N didn’t dislike Kathrine, or as her friends called her ‘Kathie’, right away, no, it was a slow descent into the pit of suffering.

The first day Y/N arrived at her dorm, she was excited, to say the very least. The idea that she’d finally be living on her own and everything that comes with it was something she had been wanting for a while. Even the mundane activities that came with university life, like microwaved dinners at ten pm, which is what she’d heard about since she was fifteen. Nothing seemed negative…until she met Katherine. Sometimes Y/N wishes she had a journal on hand at all times so she could write down all of the inane or ignorant comments Katherine would make on the daily. Surely it would be interesting to read ten, maybe twenty years from now. As much as Y/N wished she could find humor in Katherine’s offhand remarks, she couldn’t.

The first day in her dorm didn’t go as smoothly as one might hope. First off, settling in wasn’t the easiest when her lovely new roommate decided to basically have a going-away party in the cozy apartment. Why couldn’t her family just say goodbye at an earlier time and save the tears for home, Y/N thought. Though she barely knew her and decided to view the gesture as more endearing than annoying. Over the course of the next couple weeks, Y/N started to realize her first encounter with Katherine might’ve been foreshadowing for the days to come.

First, it was the disagreement between the rooms. Y/N had set up her suitcases and begun to unpack in one of the two bedrooms of the dorm. Though they seemed identical to her at the time, Katherine found them to be quite different. After her family finally left the over-crowded apartment, Katherine explained to Y/N why the rooms were very different and how they needed to sort out who got which room. (Bear in mind, this is all without so much as a ‘hello’). In the end, Y/N ended up keeping the room she had claimed in the first place, much to Katherine’s displeasure.

Now just a bit less then halfway through the year, Y/N has an understandable dislike for Katherine and her annoying antics. Though, ever the pacifist, Y/N tries to avoid conflict whenever she can. Why waste her breath on an argument when she can just spend her time studying in the campus café? It was a somewhat nice little coffee shop, though Y/N couldn’t say she enjoyed the walk back to the dorm in the darkness of night. Something about it managed to creep her out just a little, though who was she going to complain to? It wasn’t as if she’d manage to make any actual friends over the course of the semester. Obviously, she had made acquaintances, like the girl who sits next to her in English that she’d lent a pen to a couple times, or the boy she passes a couple of times as she walks to and from her classes. But in the way of real friends, Y/N didn’t really have any at this school. Text and calls from friends back home still existed, she’d even managed a couple Skype chats, but nothing beat real, face-to-face, human interaction.

It was a Thursday night and Y/N, once again, found herself sitting in the cozy café, some generic jazz playing through the speaker above her. The only way she could describe it was as an off-brand Starbucks that the university really went all out for. It was just hipster enough to be considered ‘cool’ but not as popular to the point where the line was out the door. Y/N was sure the actual Starbucks down the road had something to do with that, but she had more important things to think about.

Like who was sitting in her usual seat?

It wasn’t as if she was a newcomer to this café and there were plenty of open booths and tables all over, so why did he have to be sitting there? Y/N was already annoyed with the fact that she’d frequented the shop so often that the staff knew her order by heart. So the fact that now she’d have to give up one of the only consistent things in her life she enjoyed didn’t please her very much. Though, Y/N wasn’t one for confrontation so, with a huff, she swung her bag down onto the booth directly next to the one she’d grown accustomed to.

Everyone who had known Y/N her whole life knew she was not unfamiliar with the act of being passive-aggressive, especially when she was already in a bad mood. Though she was usually quite considerate of others, considering the fact the boy sat in the booth behind her probably had no clue that was her usual seat and he was there to study, just like she was, Y/N couldn’t help but play the music she listens to as she studies a bit louder than usual. She couldn’t really tell you why this entire situation set her over the edge a little bit, maybe it was the fact she had just taken a test that she thinks she may not have been the most prepared for, or maybe it’s that she knew Katherine had already made a lot of friends considering the many get-togethers held at their shared dorm. But whatever the circumstances were, Y/N knew her intentions were probably in the wrong place.

These somewhat rational thoughts she seemed to be having all of a sudden came to a brief halt when she felt a presence next to her. Carefully, feeling all the courage from before leave her body, her eyes glanced up at who she now realized was the man who had been sat behind her.

“You do realize this is a café, right? Not your bedroom, so can you please turn your music down, for god sake.” The words shot from his mouth like darts as her mouth stumbled to find the correct words to piece together a halfway-eloquent response.

“Oh, yeah, sorry.” Y/N spoke softly, reaching to click the volume down on her phone. Though this wasn’t the worst case scenario, he probably could’ve been a lot worse, she still just wanted to crawl into bed and watch Netflix until she fell asleep, but she had far too much studying to do for that. As much as she wished her mind was set on whatever ancient texts her English teacher wanted her to read now, Y/N had something much more interesting on her mind. Like how the boy speaking to her had really pretty eyes, even in the dim light of the coffee shop, or the tattoos poking out from under his shirt sleeve. Though Y/N was mature enough to know this would probably be their only interaction and pushing him out of her mind as soon as possible would be the smartest idea, something about him made her want to know more.

Y/N was pulled out of her trance as the man opened his mouth to speak again. “Didn’t anyone ever tell you ‘t’s not nice to stare, moppet?” She could feel the heat rising to her cheeks as a small smirk danced on his lips, that she now noticed were a lovely shade of pink. Once again, Y/N was at a loss for words, only finding herself being able to nod like a child who was just scolded by a parent. “I-um- yes, sorry.”

A breathy laugh slipped past his lips as he raised an eyebrow down at the girl sat so stiffly in the booth. “You sure do say sorry a lot, d’you know any other words?” He laughed sarcastically as he teased her. In any other situation, Y/N would’ve been fuming at this point, especially because she was already having an exhausting day. Though she couldn’t find the courage to be mad, instead, the only thing she could find was a rosy color slowly creeping onto her cheeks. Hoping that the dim light of the coffee shop would hide any actual evidence of her embarrassment, Y/N straightened herself up before clearing her throat. “Yes I do, and I would love to share my vocabulary with you, but I’m busy. So if you’d please go back to whatever you were doing so I can study in peace.” The girl forced out, hoping to sound more confident than she actually did.

Y/N soon found out whoever this guy was wasn’t going to be phased by her little show of courage. “Ooh, you’ve got a bit o’ a mouth on you, don’t you? I’d love to see what else you’ve got in store for me, but lucky fo’ you, I’ve also got some studying to do, but don’t think I’m gonna forget this-” He gestured between them, referring to their tense conversation. “-Au Revoir.” He spoke, his accent thick as he took his seat back in the booth behind her. Y/N was a bit stunned, to say the least, over what had just happened. Tiredly she ran a hand through her hair, trying to find the concentration she previously possessed as her focus moved back onto the laptop in front of her.

Y/N made her way back to the dorm, the autumn air nipping at her skin. Much to her dismay, she realized it was time to start wearing a jacket as she shivered slightly, her feet padding along the sidewalk. Part of Y/N had forgotten about Katherine’s very existence as her mind was so focused on the eventful conversation she’d just had. She couldn’t help but be filled with dread as the realization kicked in that whatever that interaction was between her and the guy was probably just a one-time thing and the rest of her time at university would be spent with Katherine’s constant whining and not whatever-his-name-was’s quick wit. As she opened the door the apartment as quietly as she could, hoping Katherine might be in her room and not even notice that Y/N had returned. Unfortunately, Katherine was sat on the couch, watching some show Y/N definitely didn’t have time for.

“Oh, you’re back.” The ginger spat, turning back to Y/N for merely half a second before focusing her attention back to the television. This wasn’t unlike Katherine in any way, in fact, this was probably a nicer side to her than Y/N was used to, usually she hardly acknowledged her. With a quick nod, not wanting to engage in any sort of conversation, Y/N found herself slipping past the roommates spot on the couch and into her own room. Thankfully, Katherine didn’t care enough about her to stop and ask about her night, one of the few perks of despising your roommate is that they don’t care what you get up to, Y/N decided.

With a flick of her finger, the small ceiling light illuminated the room, one of the few places Y/N actually felt at home in. It wasn’t big or anything, but it had everything she had back in her old room at home, a little bookshelf crammed full of every genre she could imagine (her Harry Potter collection took up quite a bit of room), while on the opposing side of the room her dresser stood with small pictures of her with friends or family sitting in frames. Nothing in the small dorm room would ever be as good as home was, but it was a start.

Quickly changing into clothes that could serve as pajamas, meaning an old tee shirt from her junior year of high school that was several sizes too big even then and some old gym shorts that she could never wear outside of the privacy of her own room.

As Y/N sunk down onto her bed, she began to finally collect the thought swarming in her brain.

1) What was that guy’s name?

2) Did she actually bomb that test that badly?

3) would she ever see him again?

4) When, if ever, would Katherine stop being her actual worst nightmare

As much as she wished she wasn’t, Y/N was focused on some of those questions more than others. Part of her wanted to find out his name, be able to get more a vibe from him if she knew his name, right? But then again what if the vibe from his name and his actual personality were polar opposites. Like what if his name was Eugene? Not that there was anything wrong with the name Euegne, but Y/N really couldn’t see someone that cool having a name like that.

Nonetheless, name or no name, Y/N knew there was something different about him, as much as she wished she didn’t.

#harry styles #harry styles imagine #harry styles smut #harry styles fanfic #one direction #one direction imagine #one direction smut #1d #1d imagine #1d smut #1d fanfic #one direction fan fic #my writing

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