bananapeelpolaroid

[bananapeelpolaroid]

my existence is proof every day that hate will never win.

my joy makes those who fill their souls with hate writhe with anger

that’s why i stand tall with love and pride

because who i am as a person and who i love shouldn’t dictate the amount of love and respect i deserve

people who are filled with hate, and greed, and fear disagree

and the more they try to bury my soul under mounds of dirt and oppression

the taller i stand.

[bananapeelpolaroid]

i’ll always remember my friend from 4th grade

lucy

she had turquoise braces on her top teeth only

and she liked Psych and pop tarts

my stop was two before hers on the morning bus

i didnt ride the bus in the afternoon

the one time i did i sat next to her though.

lucy was a year older

she was a 5th grader

she was cool.

she would always run onto the bus after we waited at her stop for 2 minutes

with a half eaten pop tart and her chucks untied

she’d always let me take a bite while she tied her laces

and then she’d show me how to download songs onto my school computer

her brother was a high schooler

that was cool.

my brother was just a 7th grader

so not cool.

Lucy liked Hamilton

so did i

she was allowed to listen to the second half

i wasn’t

she never judged me for it though.

she included me with her 5th grade friends

and she liked my clothes.

she told me the gap between my teeth was cool beans

and she picked at the polish on her fingernails to match with me.

Lucy was my best friend.

she wasn’t my closest friend,

i didn’t know much more about her than what i just recalled

but she was a true friend.

as i finish my sophomore year of high school

and she finishes her junior year,

wherever she is

i hope she’s doing well.

as i’m experiencing my first ever heartbreak

and don’t have a lucy to talk about Psych to me like i know what shes talking about

i sit in my tears and thank her for her happy and kind heart.

i hope she knows i learned how to be a good friend from her

and that i miss her

and that i still have yet to watch Psych over 6 years later.

[bananapeelpolaroid]

it’s not your fault

it’s not your fault

it’s not your fault

it’s not your fault

it’s not your fault

it’s not your fault

it’s not your fault

it’s not your fault

it’s not your fault

it’s not your fault

it’s not your fault

[bananapeelpolaroid]

i need to do my homework

[bananapeelpolaroid]

emotions are like my rings that leave green circles on my fingers

🪵🌪️🪷

[bananapeelpolaroid]

i hate it how people criticize tori spring's characterization in solitaire, especially in the original version, when she's actually one of the most realistic teenage characters i've ever seen.

many teenagers in books either behave completely nonsensical considering their age or have an unrealistical amount of strengths that overshadow their negative personality traits.

tori, on the other hand, has a lot of flaws — her pessimistic attitude, which leads to self-destruction and constant stillness, her bitterness, and her habit of judging people too quickly. and some readers seem to disapprove a main character who has these flaws and call her unlikeable and far from reality for having them.

in my perspective, there is no character that portrays the way how your teenage years can be filled with rue, sorrow, and pain better than tori. she is realistic. most adolescents do not just get up after being neglected and ignored. and tori not only had to witness that and her brother's bullying and traumatic experiences — she also suffers from concerning mental health issues, which is a truthful response to the things she had to endure.

calling her unrealistic is like calling normal teenage behavior unrealistic because most of them do not socialize very often or find joy in things anymore. they have grown attached to their computers, writing, blogs, movies, and video games to hide from the real world that hurt them—just like tori did.

she's the perfect example of a character whose character development isn't changing her into a suddenly happy, forever grateful ray of sunshine only because of one moment where she decided that her friends and family were worth it. and some don't like to see a character fighting their mental illness without devolving into a cheery person.

[bananapeelpolaroid]

the complexities of life are too invasive to my mind for me to not take it to heart

feeling very tori spring tonight

[bananapeelpolaroid]

Just because you’ve lost me as a friend doesn’t mean you’ve gained me as an enemy

i can feel you looking at me again. 

i dissect each muscle in your forehead and each twitch of your cheek to find a sign on your face that you still care.

it feels weird to see your face 

part of me likes to rub it in 

that we don’t talk anymore 

my stomach churns in shame because i’ve treated you with the opposite of grace in the past.

i tell myself twisted truths subconsciously to make me feel better. 

the way you darted your eyes away when i walked in your direction confirms you do the same.

or perhaps i’m just reading into it. 

but still, part of me likes to show that i don’t care about what happened between us anymore 

i don’t care that i can’t see what you post on instagram 

but every time i see your name come up in the “people you may know” pages

i wonder what would happen if i clicked follow 

you accidentally followed me in july 

i got the notification

part of me really wanted to click accept 

then i saw you removed your request 

but i didn’t care 

and i still don’t 

right?