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“Every fragment of self-talk is a little story in the head that goes around, and then you look at reality through the lens of the little story.”

— Eckhart Tolle

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“Nonresistance, nonjudgement, and nonattachment, are the three aspects of true freedom and enlightened living.”

— Eckhart Tolle

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-Eckhart Tolle

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"The secret to life is to die before you die, and find that there is no death"

Eckhart Tolle

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You are the universe, expressing itself as a human for a little while.

Eckhart Tolle

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Running and smoothie moodboard

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Growing. Habits. The are part of the same equation for success. When breaking a bad habit remember to replace it with a good one. Find what you like. It’s a process that you can adapt.

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“I have found that if you love life, life will love you back.”

— Arthur Rubinstien

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“The way to love someone is to lightly run your finger over that person’s soul until you find a crack - and then gently pour your love into that crack.”

— Keith Miller

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“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.”

— Brené Brown, Daring Greatly

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“You can’t calm the storm so stop trying. What you can do is calm yourself. The storm will pass.”

— Timber Hawkeye

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5 Mothers Who Can't Love

1 | The Severely Narcissistic Mother

Drama, Deflection, Denial

Deeply insecure and filled with self-doubt which drives their hunger for approval and admiration

As children age more stress occurs for mother while less adulation is received

Mother progressively sees children, especially daughters, as their rival

May be intermittently affectionate

Takes credit for others’ accomplishments but blames others for her failures

Has an Insatiable appetite for attention

Overly dependent on other people’s opinions

Compelled to prove herself

Jealous & envious

Lacks empathy

Behaves emotionally & dramatically, even to the point of being bizarre

Disagreement with this mother triggers inner turmoil for her

Makes others feel guilty for pointing out her behavior

Overlooks her own shortcomings and emphasizes children (often daughters) deficits

Refuses to acknowledge her wrongdoing

She is above reproach

Lies/gaslights

“That never happened”

“I was only kidding”

“You’re being dramatic”

Challenges the child’s memory, their ability to think rationally and their worth

May assign a child that can do no wrong and a child that is the family scapegoat

Lack self-awareness and ability to be reflective

At their core is a deeply engrained personality disorder

There was likely rivalry in this mother’s upbringing

Daughters of The Severely Narcissistic Mothers

Often lack self-confidence & enthusiasm

Fantasize about being powerful and admired

Often go to great lengths for intermittent affection

Distrustful of praise

Live in their mother’s shadow during childhood

May have been “the child that can do no wrong” or the “family scapegoat”

Want to believe their mother has their wellbeing at heart & may resist accepting otherwise

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2 | The Overly Enmeshed Mother

Bonding Turned To Bondage

Their “closeness” is often suffocating, invasive and one way

The enmeshment dynamic soothes their own fear of abandonment

Can’t let go, pushes herself onto the children

Makes herself the center of the child’s world

Does not encourage her children to have their own free will

Hovers, rescues, advocates for child

This mother does not allow the child to have differing needs, desires, or feelings

Creates a dependent child

Hard to see where the child’s life ends and the mother’s life begins

Mother places the burden of their happiness on the child

Offers resources & support that illicit a sense of obligation and dependence

The child’s “best friend”

Does not respect privacy

“Let me do it for you”

Daughters of The Overly Enmeshed Mothers

Feel inadequate

Unable to develop their strengths

Not provided the space and opportunity to persevere

May lack the skills to problem solve

Difficulty enforcing boundaries with mother

Love equates to giving up their own desires

Feelings of guilt when expressing their own feelings

May be an adult, but often still a child emotionally

Feel they can’t survive without their mother

Lack autonomy

Attuned to mother’s emotional state

Putting themselves first feels like a crime

Lack confidence in their abilities

Both moth and daughter are clinging frightened children

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3 | The Control Freak Mother

“you’re doing it wrong”

Director of the environment, people, and project

Domineering, not subtle, authoritarian, possibly a bully

Controlling or bullying gives her a sense of power

Criticizes, insults, threatens

Children’s feelings and wants do not matter

Bossy or even cruel

All or nothing thinking

Likely doesn’t work well with others

This mother may have been the “preferred child” growing up

May feel underappreciated but refuse to let others help or heavily criticizes help

Micromanager and sees others as incompetent

Pays attention to details

May hold child to impossible standards

Rules, routines, drills

Typically this mother is displeased with her life

May have also had a controlling mother

Without a sense of empowerment, they feel lost

Daughters of The Control Freak Mothers

Learn to be a target; quiet, passive, tolerant

May fantasize about escaping

Feel the need to exert control as an adult

May put others needs before their own

Don’t trust their own judgment

Lack dignity and self-respect

Vulnerable

As adult may rebel or become a bully to exert their longing desire for autonomy (repeating the cycle)

May partake in self-destructive behaviors due to enormous anger that has built up

May be a people pleaser, bully, or perfectionist

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4 | Mothers Who Need Mothering

Sounds like someone’s got a case of the Mondays

Missing in Action

Checked out

Puts any energy they have into their own survival

Not available; shuts herself in her room or lays on couch for long periods of time

Doesn’t get kids ready for school

Withdrawn into their own world

May be at home, but not present

Will not notice your accomplishments

May sleep, watch TV, complain often, abuse drugs and alcohol

Doesn’t make meals

Mother morphs into a helpless and needy child

In a dark spiral of depression, ill and suffering

May not care for children or even herself

Lacks rules, discipline, and boundaries

Daughters of The Mother Who Needs Mothering

Take on role of parent

Try to make everything better

Pity their mother

Wise beyond their years

Responsible

Likely become caretakers by profession; often nursing, social work, and counseling

Ability to be cool, collected and capable

Often support others success and happiness but overlook their own

Do not put themselves first

May have protected mother, lied for her, defended her, been her confidant

Overdeveloped sense of guilt

Asking for help makes them feel weak

May feel angry, unappreciated or used

Ignores own feelings

A child in this role was not given opportunity to fully explore and develop their individual self

Trained to be an expert in others’ needs

Carries horrendous emotional load

Vigilantly anticipates possible difficulties to diffuse problems before they occur

Feels ashamed and inadequate that they cannot save their mother

Do too much, give too much

Has a treadmill of problems to be solved

Confuses love with pity

Do not understand reciprocal relationships that are free of the need to rescue

Have a sense of being an alien or being different

Have been robbed of a childhood

Chronically find themselves in a counseling/caregiving role (repetition compulsion)

Repetition compulsion; the need to repeat old behavioral patterns with the hope of getting different results

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5| Mothers Who Neglect, Betray, and Batter

Mother becomes monster

Unavailable, distant, cold

Preoccupied with themselves, self-centered

May overlook sexual abuse of children in order to avoid being abandoned themselves

Unwilling to pull children safety

May even blame children for being abused or molested

Children become a dumping ground for the mothers unresolved emotional baggage

Resent children, treat them as objects, blame them

Fail to protect them from predators and may abuse

May have been severely traumatized or from a loveless household

Never learned tenderness or empathy

Stranger to love

Children are the scapegoat for mother’s anger and feeling of helplessness

Look away and rationalize their children being abused

The truth becomes the enemy

Daughters of The Mothers who Neglect, Betray, and Batter

Fearful, angry, hungry for affection

Struggle to find themselves

Feel invisible, unwanted, ignored

Starved of attention, warmth, touch and support

Feel guilty and that things are their fault

Often expect the worst of people (may become an overprotective parent)

Paradoxically, may be desperate for love, overlook red flags; become a victim, again

Do not feel worthy of love

Feel angry inside which may lead them to become abusers

Feel violated, damaged and isolated

Unconsciously pulled towards unstable or dangerous partners

Never Underestimate The Power of Familiar

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Based on the book written by Claudia Black

Mothers Who Can't Love

In addition to defining common mothers who can’t love, this book also includes techniques to overcome the wounds inflicted. Some of the techniques include acknowledging the painful feelings, tapping into the wisdom within their anger and grief, changing behaviors, and setting boundaries.

♡

“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated.”

Maya Angelou

♡

Healing comes from

looking at what happened

how it impacted you and

what you can do about it now

♡

The Effects of Neglect and Abuse of a Mother Can Be Severe

But The Healing Can Be Equally Dramatic.

♡

You were wounded,

not ruined.

If you liked these words read more at twoforsue.com

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“I owe myself the biggest apology for putting up with what I didn’t deserve.”

— Unknown

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“An entire sea of water can’t sink a ship unless it gets inside the ship. Similarly, the negativity of the world can’t put you down unless you allow it to get inside you.”

— Goi Nasu