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Keeping Safe in Dive Bombing Season BFG's

I was watching that Kevin Hart and Bryan Cranston movie the other day. It was the movie about the really rich guy that was a quadriplegic and a guy that takes care of him. At first, Kevin Hart’s character is just trying to get a signature so he can say he’s looking for a job and Bryan Cranston is just trying to hire someone so he can make his girl boss upset. It was an okay movie but the standout…

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Keywords are Key BFG's

I never had a treehouse in my backyard growing up, but I always wished I would have. We had a forest in my backyard in New York, but unfortunately, I wasn’t blessed with the skills to build things and my parents weren’t the kind of people that built stuff either. The allure of a treehouse for me, was having a place I could call my own. A secret place where I could plan my world domination in…

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Bitter Programming BFG's

I’m always fascinated by movies that tell origin stories of famous people. The other day I was watching Jobs, which is the Ashton Kutcher movie about Steve Jobs. The thing I find so fascinating about this movie is that a lot of it happened in my lifetime. Just last week I was talking about Atari, and around that same time, Steve Jobs was working at Atari making the game Breakout (with Steve…

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Cohort BFG's

For most of my life, I’ve played video games. I still remember the day, in the late 70’s, when I went to this little strip mall where my mom bought me bought my first pair of Hulk Underoos. I couldn’t have been much older than 7, but there was this little electronics store that showed a demo of little dots, bleeps and bloops on the screen and I was fascinated. I had to have one. It was this…

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Contradiction Training BFG's

I’ve only ever been published once, and it was in a magazine that sold 12 copies, 13 of which were me buying the copies. Last night I managed to help my son write a poem for his English class, which I totally didn’t get any help from ChatGPT. I’ve published over 1300 blogs post on this blog, all of which are dripping of bitterness, sarcasm and humor and for all you know, done without the help of…

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Cobwebsite BFG's

Did you see that beekeeper guy that went viral recently, because he helped clear out a bunch of bees at a baseball game? The story was that a swarm of bees took over some netting and they had to delay the game for two hours while they tried to figure out how to get rid of the bees. Along comes this beekeeper who sucked the bees up in a vacuum and became the hero. The Diamondbacks were so…

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The Voices in My Head BFG's

I’ve never liked parties, for obvious reasons. First, I’m a died in the wool introvert with a massive disdain for people and talking to them. When I am forced to go to a party, it is my mission to find a way to disappear like a vapor. I do my best impression of Ethan Hunt, James Bond or Burt Wonderstone, and and their ability to disappear into the ether. I want to become like toilet paper in a…

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Nightmare Ben BFG's

Ever since we had my first kid, I’ve been a horrific sleeper. My daughter refused to sleep anywhere near my REM cycle. She had a REM detector that allowed her to find right when I was about to go full REM, and cried right before I was about to down for good. She was good at it, that just when she was about to learn new skills, she saw that she had a worthy successor to her immense talent. She…

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Businesses are better than people BFG's

As some people deduced on Tuesday, it was my birthday. If there is one thing I’ve learned over the years, the older I get, the less my birthday matters. The excitement I have for my birthday peaked when I turned 30, when I actually looked forward to my birthday. I had already been setting up my 30th several months before. I was planting the seed in my wife’s head that she should start planning…

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51 Reasons I'm Bitter

Since we just had solar eclipse, it’s relevant that I celebrate my 51st rotation around the sun by listing my 51 reasons why you or I should be Bitter. Lists – They are long and tedious and take a lot of time. The only one that doesn’t is this one. Nerolinks – Better than hyperlinks, because they are less hyper, though not near as good as link sausages, and not as cool as Link from the Legend…

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Total Eclipse of the Smart BFG's

On Monday April 8th, there is going to be a total eclipse of the sun. I’m sensing an excitement around the country and perhaps the world. I don’t know how many of you will be going to a certain location to witness the eclipse, but I assume that many of you are. I am actually more concerned about other things next week. I’m going to be picking up my daughter from college, and I have a report that…

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A Bitter Galaxy Far Away

The reason I started this blog was because I was muy frustrado with the way my job was going. As an introvert and a customer service rep that hated the phone and talking on it, and a guy that detests hearing other people complain, I needed a place to put my frustration. Ironically, all I do is complain and then I complain that no one wants to hear my complaints. Yet here you all are. For 12…

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Hitting the Wall BFG's

I’ve played video games my whole life. One of my favorite games when I was younger was Mike Tyson’s Punch Out!! (I only do that with two exclamation points because that is how it appeared on the cartridge). It was one of those games where at the lower levels it was really fun and almost too easy, but the more you played it, the more impossible it became. There were definitely patterns to how you…

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The Designated Person BFG's

In doing my research for this blog post, I googled when the Amazing Race’s first episode came out. Amazingly, it was September 5, 2001. That means it came out in an innocent time before 9/11, the Bitter Pandemic and the birth of my kids or even this blog. I was just a young married guy ignorantly unaware of all the Bitterness to come. On September 5th, 2001, I got home from work, and watched a…

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Hand Me Ups BFG's

Before we get started with the regularly scheduled blog post, last week was my 12-year Bitter Blogiversary. You should probably congratulate me on being bitter for 12 years now. Back to your regularly schedule blog post. My son is adopted, and his story is quite interesting. After I get famous from writing my first novel and selling my blog to the highest bidder, I plan on writing his story, and…

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Dundie Award Winning Blog BFG's

When I was in college, I used to love movies. I would go to at least 3 or 4 a month. They weren’t as expensive back then, and I never fell for expensive popcorn or candy trick. I even used to work in a theater, so I got to see free movies (and get free popcorn) all the time. I would even read Entertainment Weekly every week to see who “won” the box office. There was always some new movie that was…

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The Flag Department BFG's

One of the least valuable things I ever did was earn my Eagle Scout in the Boy Scout program. My dad must have secretly been on the propaganda committee that taught kids my age that Scouts would somehow be valuable later in life, because he pushed me hard into the program, even though I hated it. I could list more things I didn’t learn from Scouts than I did learn. I didn’t learn to love…