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bilgesnipebitch · 5 years

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BkDk Flower Exchange

Title: Humility

Author: @bilgesnipebitch

Ship: Katsuki Bakugou x Izuku Midoriya (aged up pro heroes)

Prompt: Hydrangea (symbolizes pride and apology)

Warnings: male x male, kinda angst and fluff?, a bit of swearing, some injury and fighting at the beginning

Giftee: Dukes (bakudekudukes on twitter)

Word Count: 2,152

Hope you like it, Dukes!! And thank you @bakudekuflowerexchange for hosting this great event!

He let out a cry of pain that rang through the heavy night air. It made my stomach churn, but I just couldn’t leave. I had to hold the front line. I had to keep them from reaching the warehouse. I had to trust Deku. A loud crack soon followed, and I dreaded all the possibilities of what it could have been. I gritted my teeth, resolve wearing thin.

Trust Deku. It’s alright. He can take care of himself.

Another heart-wrenching scream.

That’s it, I can’t take it anymore.

I ran as fast as I could into the rickety old building, ignoring the protests and cries of the other heroes still holding the front line.

“Deku!” I cried, examining the scene before me.

There he stood, toe to toe with the villain, a bit worse for the wear, but determined as ever.

“Kacchan! What on earth are you doing?” he cried.

The villain took advantage of Izuku’s distractedness and knocked him back a good few feet.

“I’m here to help you, dumbass!” I entered the fray, standing between Izuku and the giant, grotesque thing that could hardly be called a person at this point.

“I told you I can take care of this myself! Why aren’t you helping the others?”

I opened my mouth to answer when I suddenly found myself flung sideways into the far wall of the building. My heart immediately dropped into my stomach as I realized whatever it was came from outside the warehouse’s open doors.

Shit. The villains got through.

“Master, it’s time to go!” one of the villains held out a hand to the beast of a man, and before we could make sense of what was happening, the entire legion was gone. Every last person.

“Damn it, Ground Zero!” I heard a hero cry from outside.

He stomped toward me, fury burning in his eyes, and favoring a limp, bloodied arm.

I heaved myself onto my feet, ready to give this man a piece of my mind, when Izuku wedged himself between us, “Listen, I’m really sorry, but–”

“No, you’ve made enough excuses for Ground Zero,” the hero pushed Izuku aside, eyes still fixed with mine. “But this is the final straw. We won’t tolerate this kind of behavior anymore, newbie.”

I clenched my fists so hard they must have gone white, desperately resisting the urge to punch this loser’s nose in.

“Oh yeah? And–” Izuku quickly clasped his hand over my mouth and looked up at me with those big sad eyes, silently begging me not to get myself in any more trouble.

I finally relented, ripping his hand off me and walking away with a scoff.

We eventually got back to the agency and took off all our gear, showered, etc. Izuku might not have shown it in front of the other heroes, but I could tell he was not at all pleased with me either. It was strange and honestly heartbreaking to see him acting so coldly. We were walking to the train station together when I finally decided to speak up about the incident.

“So, that warehouse...”

“Not now, Kacchan.”

My heart writhed in my chest, and I didn’t dare speak about it again the rest of the train ride home.

At the apartment, we both went through our usual nightly routines in complete silence, and every second of it weighed my heart down until I could’ve sworn I could feel it beating away in the soles of my feet.

“Deku, just say something damn it!” I snapped at the green-haired man, who only looked at me with a vague sense of disappointment.

“What is there to say?”

“I– I don’t know. Anything. Are you seriously still mad about the warehouse?”

Izuku scoffed and shook his head, “I can’t believe you.”

I blinked at him and knitted my brows, “so you are?”

“Yes, Katsuki! I’m still mad about the warehouse!”

Katsuki. I hadn’t heard him use that name in––well––since we were little kids. My heart felt like it had shattered into a million pieces right then and there.

“But you needed my help. You’re lucky I intervened, or–”

“No I didn’t! I was perfectly fine without you!” I had never imagined just how disarming Izuku raising his voice could be.

“You abandoned the other heroes holding back the villains from the warehouse! We needed their leader alive! You knew that if the one with a teleportation quirk got a hold of their leader, we would all be done for! But you just couldn’t see over that huge ego of yours, huh? You always have to play the knight in shining armor and save the day!”

“I–”

“You what? Ran out of excuses? God, you’re so frustrating sometimes!”

“Deku, listen–” I growled.

“Don’t you ‘Deku’ me, I stand up for you every single time you let your massive ego take control because I know you’re a good person deep down, and I know you can change, but honestly, I don’t know what to do with you anymore! If you keep this up, they’re going to kick us both out of the agency!”

I opened my mouth, but not a single word that ran through my head seemed to be right.

“You know what, I’m going to bed. You can tell me your excuse in the morning,” Izuku sighed and walked off into the bedroom.

I could hardly believe what had just happened, but the more I dwelled on it, the more I felt my eyes begin to well up painfully.

Without another word, I stormed out the door, furiously wiping at my eyes. I could feel all the anger and pain inside of me, swirling and melding and starting to froth up into an all-too-familiar rage.

“I was helping him. He could’ve been killed without me there. It’s not my fault those other heroes couldn’t hold the villains back,” I muttered.

But then that miserable little voice in the back of my mind came rearing its ugly head like it always does.

You didn’t help at all. The mission failed all because of you. You’re pathetic. Worthless.

“No I’m not,” I growled under my breath.

Yes you are. And even your own boyfriend hates you now. Maybe it would be better if you just–

“SHUT UP,” I howled and let out an involuntary explosion from my palm.

I heard one of our neighbors cautiously peek out his door behind me, but I didn’t bother looking. I just hurried down the stairs and out of the building, hoping a little fresh air would help me clear my thoughts. The night sky was pale, though I couldn’t see whether the sun was peeking over the horizon quite yet. It had been a long night, that’s for sure, though strangely enough, I didn’t feel tired at all. Frustrated, yes. Heartbroken? Absolutely. It was probably just all the adrenaline in my system.

I trudged along the empty street, hands buried deep in my pockets, when I heard some shuffling and a delicate ringing up ahead. Looking up from the dreary pavement, my eyes found a vibrant medley of colors and a small, silver-haired woman crouched and arranging it with care.

“Oh, hello there! What are you doing out so early?” She smiled warmly at me, standing up with an ornate, blue flower in hand.

“Just... clearing my head,” I said flatly.

She nodded pensively for a second before it looked like she remembered something, “Say, you wouldn’t have anywhere in particular to be right now, would you?”

I shook my head, and the lady’s face lit up.

“Perfect! Then a strong young boy like you wouldn’t mind helping me move some flower pots, would you?”

“Oh, um, sure,” I didn’t exactly have anything else to do at the moment.

The lady led me inside her shop, door closing with a jingle behind us. I had to admit, it looked lovely inside with all the vibrant flowers neatly and artfully arranged––and smelled just as delightful as it seemed.

“They’re right back here… oh, I don’t believe I ever caught your name.”

“Um, Katsuki.”

“Then right this way, Katsuki!”

The lady was friendly enough, maybe a bit too friendly, but I supposed helping her out might keep me occupied enough to silence that bitter voice in my head. When all the moving was done, she insisted that I try one of her homemade cookies, which was surprisingly delicious, and we got to chatting. Well, it was mostly her talking about how her youngest son was getting married this spring and she’d been looking for just the right flowers for the reception’s centerpieces.

“You know, you remind me a lot of my son. He used to come help me set up the shop every morning. Well, not since he moved away to his fiancee’s city, but he still calls every now and then.”

I simply nodded and took another bite of the cookie.

“Do you have anybody special?”

I nearly choked on the shortbread, surprised at the lady’s bluntness.

“Um, yeah, I’ve got… someone.”

She nodded in satisfaction, “are they good to you?”

“Yeah,” I paused, my head flooding with the events of last night once more. “Though I’m not sure I can say I’m very ‘good’ to him…”

“Why do you say that?” She wrinkled her brows in concern.

I let loose a heavy sigh, “Well, I– I messed up. And... it’s not the first time.”

She nodded, urging me to go on.

“I just–” I rubbed my face in frustration, “I don’t know what to do anymore. I trust him, but… God, why am I like this??”

“So you two are having a lovers’ spat, eh?”

I nodded.

“I thought so. I could tell from the way you were walking down the street, all sulky and lovesick.”

“Hey–” The lady held up a finger to silence me.

“And I could also tell that you’re the prideful type. Always letting your bravado get the better of you, am I right?”

I growled and nodded again.

The lady just grinned and whirled around wordlessly, fiddling with some things behind the counter. When she turned back to me, she presented a bouquet of beautiful purple and white flowers.

“Here. You’ll be needing these.”

I took the flowers into my hand and examined them carefully. There were only four flowers, but they seemed to be made up of dozens of smaller blossoms, making the little bouquet look quite full, yet still trim and neat.

“They’re hydrangeas,” she explained, seeing my blank stare. “They symbolize pride and apology, which I think fits our little predicament quite nicely.”

I still looked from her to the flowers and back dumbly.

“Give them to your special someone, numbskull. You’re gonna go apologize, right?”

I nodded again.

“Then give him these. And tell him how sorry you are for being a dimwit. And treat him like a king from now on, you hear me?”

“Oh, how much are they?”

“Free of charge. Consider it payment for helping me move those pots.”

A faint smile crept up my face as I looked at the simple bouquet.

“Thank you.”

“Any time. I’ve got to admit, I’m a sucker for young love,” the lady chuckled and shooed me out the door to go apologize with another shortbread cookie and flowers in hand.

I stepped into the apartment as quietly as I could, relieved to find Izuku was still asleep, and got to work. It was well after dawn now, partly because I took a little detour to the grocery store to pick up a couple ingredients. But I knew Izuku was an early riser, so I set to work quickly.

I had just finished when I heard Izuku’s alarm go off, and a short while later, his sleepy footsteps come padding into the kitchen.

“Kacchan, why are you up so earl–“ Izuku stopped mid-yawn and stared at the table.

“Deku, I know this doesn’t even come close to making up for last night, and I know you probably don’t believe me at this point, but I’m sorry. I really, truly am. And I can’t tell you how much I–” Izuku put a finger on my lips to stop my rambling.

“How long have you been up?”

I paused, a bit unsure whether I should tell him the truth.

“All night…” I finally admitted.

“Babe, why did you–”

“Because I can’t sleep knowing how much I’ve hurt you,” I took hold of his hand and kissed it softly, running my calloused finger over his scarred knuckles. “And pancakes and flowers aren’t nearly enough to express how sorry I am—for everything—but it’s a start.”

Izuku looked up at me with that soft little smile of his that just melted my heart every time and reminded me that everything was going to be alright.

“Well, the pancakes aren’t going to eat themselves,” he laughed, and I ruffled his wild mop of bedhead.

#bakudekuflowerexchange #bakudeku #katsudeku #bkdk #bakugou x midoriya #pro hero bakudeku #bakudeku fluff #fluff #bakudeku angst #angst #malexmale #fanfiction #swearing #injury #fighting

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bilgesnipebitch · 6 years

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Being in a fandom

Emotional rollercoaster?

More like the roller coaster’s going straight down for several episodes in a row and the screws are coming loose

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bilgesnipebitch · 6 years

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OH MY GOD!!! "The eyes of a god" is amazing! I love it! You woke up feelings in me I didn't know I had 😍😍😍 She's so fierce to stand up to Loki like that, I mean Loki looking down at her, being angry and the usual asshole and her finding the strenght to face him anyway, at her place I would just have fainted. And Loki at the end being all sorry 😍😍😍😍 Too much feelings, I'm dead

Awww, thank youuu! It really means a lot to me that you liked it so much! Not gonna lie, you made my day ❤️❤️. And honestly, I’d probably just faint as well lol. Too shy for my own good sometimes 😂

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bilgesnipebitch · 6 years

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OMG IT’S TOO CUTE I LOVE IT❤️❤️. Tysm!!

A late pinch hitting assignment done for @mysmevalentinesdayexchange !

Apologies for the delay, but @bilgesnipebitch, I’m your Secret Valentine <33

I hope you like it! ^o^ <3

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bilgesnipebitch · 6 years

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Valentine’s Day Gift Exchange

Just a tad early, but here’s my Valentine’s Day gift for @missmonoclemari! Hope you like it hon!!!

Title: The Midnight Garden

Author: @bilgesnipebitch

Word Count: 1275

Pairing: Mari (@missmonoclemari’s oc) x Jihyun

Warnings: angst if you squint, V Route and Secret Ending spoilers!!

And thank you to @jihyxnkim for hosting this event! (and my two lovely beta readers/editors)

“Don’t you agree, Mari?” The Savior looked at me expectantly. “Oh, yes. I guess you do have a point,” honestly, I wasn’t sure what she was even talking about with all her metaphors about light and dark and sun and demons, but I thought it best to agree anyways. “So, what do you think of the garden at night? It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” “It is, yeah—really peaceful,” I saw her eyes light up at my words in a mix of joy and something almost... sadistic. It sent a chill down my spine. “So you’ll want to stay here, right? We could enjoy walks like this every night, just you and me,” she rested a cold hand on my shoulder, but I didn’t dare protest.

I did have to admit though, the garden was stunning. Sure, the flowers were pretty enough during the day, but the moon’s gentle light bathed the whole area in a sort of ethereal glow—like something straight out of a dream. I looked around to soak in the scenery a short while before finally giving in to that alluring whisper of curiosity in the back of my mind. “Savior... can I ask you something?” Her face dropped somewhat, but she eventually conceded. “What—“ I swallowed the fear creeping up my throat, “what’s your real name?”

And that twisted look in her eye came right back as she stared into my soul. “Hmm, I think you already know the answer to that, Mari,” she laughed. It was true, I had my suspicions that this mysterious woman who called herself “the Savior” was actually Rika—the Rika—the very woman who founded the RFA. But it couldn’t be... V said she committed suicide. He said he saw her jump into the ocean with his own two eyes. Surely, he wouldn’t lie about something as serious as this... And besides, everybody described Rika as so loving and kind; the woman walking beside me just seemed anything but. Still, from the few pictures I’d seen of Rika, I couldn’t deny that this woman did bear a striking resemblance.

“Come on, Mari. Let me show you my favorite place in this entire facility,” the Savior led me by the hand toward a small pavilion, away from the few people who happened to be wandering around the garden as well at such a late hour.

Although I could certainly see the appeal, it still surprised me how common a practice it was in this place to just take a leisurely stroll through a garden in the middle of the night.

“You see? It’s much quieter here,” she delicately plucked a rose from a nearby bush and breathed in its aroma.

I noticed it pricked her thumb as a small rivulet of blood trickled down to her dainty wrist, but it didn’t seem to bother her. “So quiet, you’d almost think we’re alone,” she spoke softly, as if there were someone nearby she didn’t want overhearing. “W-we’re not alone?” The Savior shook her head and gave a twisted grin. “For one, there are dozens of cameras surrounding this place. There are cameras covering nearly every inch of Magenta, after all.” Her voice became even softer as she continued, “And I’ll let you in on a little secret: this place is crawling with guards, all hidden in the shrubbery.” I furrowed my brows. Why would the Savior need so much surveillance in this particular spot of all places? And then it hit me. “You’re using me as bait, aren’t you?” My eyes grew wide with realization. The Savior just chuckled darkly and gently stroked my cheek.

“Hmm, clever girl. I didn’t want to use you like this, believe me, but I had to draw out that annoying fly somehow.”

Just then, as if on cue, a mint-haired figure in dark robes materialized from the shadows. I felt my heart drop straight into my stomach and send that familiar sinking feeling of dread rippling through the rest of my body. “Rika, please! Don’t drag her into this!” So she was Rika after all. “It’s too late, Jihyun. She’ll stay in this place forever. She will know paradise, but you, of course, won’t be nearly as fortunate.”

She gave a chuckle, her voice laced with bloodlust, “No, I have special plans for you.” “V, get out of here! It’s a trap!” I pleaded, my heart pounding itself straight out of my chest. “No, I’m not leaving you, Mari. And I’m not letting Rika harm anybody else,” V lunged forward, grabbing my arm, and pulling me away from the woman. With a defiant glare, he stepped between us, and left a protective hand gently holding on to my wrist. I chewed the inside of my cheek anxiously, but, as much as I tried, I couldn’t think of any way to get us out of this mess. At this point, our best bet would probably be trying to reason with Rika. Then again, from the few moments I’d spent with her, Rika didn’t exactly seem like the reasonable type. “Just leave her out of all this, Rika; she’s innocent. It’s me you want.” Rika stared at V, her expressive eyes now murderous and cold.

“She chose to come here, Jihyun. She chose paradise. She wants to stay here with us.” “No, I don’t, Rika. You tricked me into coming here. I don’t want any part of your ‘paradise,’” I struggled to keep my cool from behind V, hoping deep down that maybe we could still find some sort of peaceful solution to this mess, but it seemed Rika wasn’t having any of it.

In fact, she was livid. She set her jaw and stepped closer and closer to V, who stood steadfast as my shield. “You don’t have to do this, Rika,” he pleaded. “Yes I do. This is what you’ve made of me, Jihyun. I will never be happy until you’re gone.” V sighed reluctantly, gently squeezing the hand that lingered on my arm, perhaps only subconsciously, but it gave me a bad feeling. “Then just take me. You can do whatever awful things you want to me, just let Mari go. She isn’t a part of this.” I reached up to touch V’s shoulder, “No, I can’t let you do that!” “Don’t worry, I’ll be alright,” he said with a sympathetic smile, but we both knew better than to believe that. “Well, it doesn’t matter anyways,” Rika laughed. “You’re both staying here, whether you like it or not.”

At the snap of her fingers, half a dozen guards stepped out of their hiding places. V’s grip on my arm tightened as he began to back away cautiously, but the guards were on us at once. I kicked and flailed and hit, panic beginning to flood my system, but I just couldn’t get out of their vice-like hold. “Mari! Stay strong! I’ll find you!” V yelled, struggling against the guards’ attempts to drag him away. “And don’t drink anyth-“ his voice became muffled as they put a cloth over his mouth and nose. Tears pricked at my eyes as I watched his body go limp, and they dragged him away like a sack of dirt. “You see, Mari? That’s what happens to people who try to ruin our paradise. Don’t we deserve to be happy just as much as anybody else?” Rika reached out to touch my cheek again, but I jerked my head away from her touch. “You’ll never get away with this, Rika. The members of the RFA care about each other; they’re like a family.” I paused a beat and looked up into Rika’s cruel eyes, “and I have faith in them.”

#fanfiction #jihyun x oc #v x oc #mystic messenger #v route spoilers #secret ending spoilers #jihyun kim #jihyun x mc #valentines day

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bilgesnipebitch · 6 years

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My beta readers are gonna be the death of me, I swear 😂😂

(They’re pink and blue and I’m purple)

And you can check out the full fic on my blog if you’re interested!

#beta reader #editing #fanfiction #funny #loki x reader

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bilgesnipebitch · 6 years

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1.5K Writing Challenge

Well, here’s my submission for @myattemptatfanfic‘s 1.5k writing challenge! Hope you enjoy!

Title: The Eyes of a God

Author: @bilgesnipebitch

Pairing: Loki x reader

Word Count: 3177 (whoops)

Warnings: angst-ish, swearing, tiny bits of fluff I guess?

Prompt will be in Bold

And huuuuge thanks to my two idiot friends who helped me edit! (jk, love you guys <3)

“Do you want to hear the story or not?” his soothing laughter bounced its way through your apartment.

You could hardly control your own laughter, holding your stomach and nearly in tears. “Yes yes. I’m sorry, Loki. Please continue.”

“Anyways, there we were—staring down this disgusting, 3,000 pound creature,”

“Was it Thor?” you cracked, knowing just how much Loki disliked his brother.

He let out something between a cackle and a howl, “You wouldn’t be too far off there, Love.”

You grinned like an idiot, your eyes sparkling with joy, “So come on, what happened next?”

“Well, we just ran as fast as our legs could carry us and returned to the party like nothing had happened at all. Mind you, we absolutely reeked of manure, but I suspect nobody had the nerve to tell us.”

You both doubled over, rolling around the couch hysterically. You could feel your eyes begin to tear up and your cheeks ache, but, for just that small moment, you were at peace. You let the rush of endorphins wash over you as your laughter died down, and you wiped your dewy eyes.

“How do you come up with such great stories, Loki?” you turned to face the raven-haired man, taking slight notice that his greasy mop was beginning to get pretty long.

“I keep telling you, Love; these things really happened to me.”

“Mmmhmm,” you gave a playful eye roll, to which Loki snickered.

“Ok, fine, maybe I just have the loveliest muse in the nine realms to inspire me,” he reached out to delicately stroke your soft cheek with his thumb.

“Damn, you’re smooth,” you laughed and looked into his familiar eyes, morning-blue with just a dash of grey, and you never wanted the moment to end.

But of course, the fates are a cruel bunch of crones, and all good things must eventually come to an end. You savored every single day you could spend with Loki, but as much as you tried to make those small moments with him last for the rest of eternity, the tiny little moments just kept marching on, virtually whizzing past, turning into hours, days, weeks, months, and soon enough, those little moments of peace became a scarce commodity, few and far between. You began to notice a change in the man you loved so dearly; he started to become more… calloused, cynical, closed-off. It confused you, and honestly hurt you, to see him so obviously struggling with something beyond his own strength, but he would just never open up to you. He would never let you share some of his burden, so you could do nothing but watch it fester and boil inside him.

You looked out the window and sighed, the steely grey sky that had loomed over you the past few days had finally begun to let down a gentle drizzle: not enough to soak any unfortunate soul who happened to be caught in the storm, but just enough to make them uncomfortably damp. You chewed on your lip in habit and walked up next to the sofa carefully.

“All I’m saying is, well, I’d like a little more... respect? I’m not your maid after all, Loki.” He inclined his head toward you from his spot on the couch. “I know, Love. And I respect you.” You fiddled with the hem of your shirt, keeping your eyes fixed on the carpet. “I... I know. I guess I would just like you to... show it a bit more.” He set down the remote with a sigh and turned to face you fully. “What’s this about? The Christmas party? You’re the one who turned it into a scene.” You furrowed your brows and looked up to meet his capturing blue gaze. Those eyes that you’d seen hold such joy and sorrow and love now sent a shiver of fear down your spine, but you didn’t dare look away. “Loki, you showed up an hour late, immediately asked me to go get you coffee from a shop across town, and refused to socialize until I did.” “I don’t know my way around this place, Love; we’ve been over this. And I offered to go with you.” “Yes, but I wanted to stay at the party. I was having fun. Why should I have to drop everything I’m doing to fulfill your every whim?” “Oh, well excuse me for asking for a bloody cup of coffee,” his voice dripped with contempt. “But would it kill you to pick up a map sometime and actually learn how to get around town?” “I don’t have time for that, Y/N. I have much more important matters to attend to.”

You could practically feel your anger bubbling up inside you at this point. He’d used this excuse one too many times to fool you anymore.

“Oh, but you have time to sit on your ass and watch tv?” “I happen to be listening for a crucial bit of information on the news. Not that you’d understand, of course; the Midgardian mind has its limits.” You clenched your jaw and balled your fists. That was it. You refused to stand there as he blatantly insulted you and your entire species. “You pompous asshole. I’m sick of you pulling this shit, thinking I’m too stupid to see through all your lies. I’m not an idiot!” He scoffed grimly and stood to his full height. He began to step toward you, towering a good foot over your head, but you stood steadfast. This also wasn’t the first time he’d pulled the height difference trick to intimidate you. You may well be a small, insignificant Midgardian, but you’d be damned if you didn’t finally stand your ground against this man. You were done being a doormat at his beck and call. “I think you seem to forget—Love—that I am a god. And you... well, not so much,” he reached down to pull your chin up so your eyes met his imposing stare again. Your heart beat out of your chest and legs threatened to give out beneath you. Gathering all your strength, you clenched your jaw, swallowed your fear as best you could, and stared directly into his steely eyes.

“God or not, you will treat me with respect,” you paused to keep your voice steady, “or you will leave my apartment right now.” Loki’s eyebrows raised and settled in a jeer that made you absolutely livid. “That’s cute, you think you can order me around.” “I can when I pay the rent, the electricity, the water, and the food you leech off every time you decide to grace me with your presence.” “Oh, is that what you think whenever I take the time out of my schedule to come visit you? Well, if I’m that much of a nuisance, maybe I should just never visit again!” “Sounds like a plan to me,” and you regretted the words as soon as they left your mouth. Loki gave a dry, sardonic laugh, “so that’s how it is, then?” He bent down, planted a small kiss on your cheek, and disappeared without another word.

And just like that, you were completely alone. You could only stand there in silence, the droning, deadpan voices of the television melding together and contorting themselves into unintelligible noise. What have I done? was the only thought that occupied your head.

You could hardly believe it. Sure, you and Loki had your little spats every now and again, but you always made up afterward. You always found a way to work through your differences (which there were certainly plenty of). But now you’d gone too far. With a mind of its own, a single tear traced over the spot Loki’s lips had rested only a second before. You felt... numb. You were hurt and relieved and worried and confused and all your emotions swirled together inside you to create an absolute mess and they came flooding out of your eyes as your jelly legs crumpled uselessly beneath you. You looked at your phone on the counter and reached up to contact the only person who knew the whole truth about just who exactly had been your lover the past year. “I-“ you took a deep breath to steady your trembling hands before typing out the rest of your message. “I think I just broke up with Loki.” Reliable as ever, hardly a minute passed before your best friend in the entire world responded “on my way.”

Mia was her name; you two had become friends in your grade school days and have been absolutely inseparable ever since. Oddly enough, you first met her when she stuck a piece of gum in your hair and felt so guilty afterward that she promised to do your homework for a week. From then on, she was with you every step of the way, even when things got pretty ugly, and you both did the best you could to support each other through it all. To be frank, she was one of the strongest people you’d ever met and you had no idea where you’d be without her.

Your heart threatened to stop entirely at the sound of the doorbell, but you slowly rose to your unsteady feet, finally remembering that you had a visitor on her way. You opened the door, eyes bloodshot and body visibly trembling. “Hey Mia,” your voice came out barely above a whisper. “Oh hon,” she pulled you into an embrace before entering and sitting you down on the couch with her. And you told her everything that had happened, that you felt, that you wished you’d done or said differently, and it was a strange sort of catharsis to just have somebody else who knew.

“You see? I told you he was no good. I knew from the way he would push you around like you were beneath him or something.”

You gave a dejected sigh, “but you don’t know him like I do... er, did. He never opened up to strangers very well, but when it was just the two of us, he was funny and charming and sweet and he would tell me the most intricate stories and he took me to the most beautiful places and—“ your voice began to waver again. Mia took your hand in her own, “but that doesn’t mean you have to put up with all his manipulative bullshit. That kind of relationship isn’t healthy for you, and you tried to talk to him about it like a rational adult. If he can’t respect you as an equal, then he doesn’t deserve you.” And for the next six months, you clung to those words for dear life. “He doesn’t deserve me,” you’d say in the mirror every morning. “He doesn’t deserve me,” you’d tell yourself every time your mind began to wander recklessly. “He doesn’t deserve me,” you’d remind yourself every five minutes on dates with people who could never even compare to the man you’d let go. And you almost believed it. Almost. It was the annual Stark gala, and you, being an employee of Stark Enterprises, were “strongly encouraged” to attend. You were dressed to the nines, all done up in a flowing, emerald green gown Loki had brought you from Asgard nearly a year ago. As much as you hated the idea of wearing it, you owned absolutely no other “fancy” clothing to speak of and could barely afford your own food at this point. Apparently, unbeknownst to you, Loki had been making regular deposits into your bank account and had stopped doing so ever since your breakup. God knows where he got that money anyways. He could’ve stolen it. Or maybe even killed for it. I don’t want his filthy murder money, you tried to reassure yourself. And then it all went to shit. There he was, in the goddamn flesh, laughing next to the cocktail bar. You really regretted not inviting a date with you now. You looked around the room for some coworker you might know or a bathroom or something, anything to avoid talking to Loki, but it was too late. Your heart skipped a beat as the man you recognized as Thor, whom you’d met only once before, pointed you out to his brother and motioned for you to join them.

You contemplated simply running out the nearest exit, but your feet seemed to have plans of their own as you found them carrying you closer and closer to the bane of your existence for the better half of a year now. You tried your best to put on a polite smile and greeted Thor warmly, as well as his date, not daring to even glance Loki’s way. “Hello, Y/N,” You heard the devil himself croon behind you.

As much as I don’t want to respond, I don’t things to be awkward the rest of the night. And I certainly don’t want to cause a scene.

You let out the smallest of sighs and turned around to face Loki. “Oh, Loki, I didn’t see you there,” and everybody present knew that was a big, fat lie. “It’s been a while, hasn’t it?” He wore that mischievous, shit-eating grin of his that made you just want to punch out every single one of his teeth. “Yeah, 6 months...” you lowered your gaze from the chiseled features of his deathly pale face to carefully examine the enthralling subject of your own shoes, the floor, or anything really—anything except that man. You just couldn’t stand to look into those crystal-blue eyes.

“Oh, Layla, have I introduced you to Stark?” Thor broke the tense silence, and your heart immediately sank into your stomach. You pleaded with any deity that might exist, but nevertheless, Thor politely excused himself and walked off into the bustling crowd with his date, leaving only Loki and yourself at the bar. Damn you, Thor.

You cleared your throat, sat down next to the man you thought you’d never see again in your short, insignificant, mortal life, and ordered a drink in hopes to make it even shorter. If you were lucky, maybe you’d drop dead right then and there and be able to avoid the awkward conversation you knew lurked just moments away.

“Lovely dress, Y/N. Where’s it from?” Loki quipped with a sideways glance.

“The dollar store, probably,” you didn’t dare even look at the man, keeping your gaze fixed directly in front of you.

He let out a light hiss of air and chuckled, shaking his head.

“Good to know you hold my birthday gift in such high esteem.”

Aaand now you felt like an ungrateful bitch. Boy, did he know how to play the guilt card.

“So, how have you been?” He straightened up to take another swig of his mead. Awful. It took nearly all your strength to keep the thought from tumbling right out of your mouth. “I’ve been good... how about you?” you managed to spit out. “Honestly Dove, not too well.” The bastard did that on purpose. He knows I loved that nickname. “Oh, well that’s too bad I suppose. At least you and Thor getting along now apparently?” “Yes, we’ve made our peace, settled old squabbles, the like.” “Good, good,” You took a sip of your drink, which had finally arrived, and nearly choked on it at the next words out of Loki’s mouth. "Do you miss me?" he asked, a hint of a devilish grin in his eyes. "No," you reply, stopping your real feelings from creeping up your throat and satisfying his cruel curiosity. But you never were able to lie to him. He chuckled and turned to face you, expression slowly melting from amusement to something more akin to gravity, perhaps even sincerity. “Listen, Y/N, I acknowledge that... perhaps I wasn’t treating you fairly.” You wanted to say something, anything, but words completely escaped you in the moment. Loki just glanced downward, took a deep breath, and continued. “And I’m aware that I can be a bit entitled sometimes. And I can be an oblivious idiot and sometimes... Sometimes, I end up hurting those I love the most,” his eyes flicked up to catch your gaze, and unlike the last time you’d seen them, they seemed full of a familiar, genuine warmth once again. “Loki, I-“ you sighed. “Look, Y/N, I know I have a lot to make up for, but all I’m asking for is a chance to do just that.” “I don’t know, Loki...” He reached out tentatively to take hold of your hand. He cupped it delicately, as if it were made of fine porcelain. “Just one more chance?”

You sighed again, entirely at a loss for words. You felt almost like a ship inside, violently whipped around in a storm of your own emotions and barely managing to hold yourself together. On the one hand, spending some time away from Loki had allowed you to realize that your relationship just wasn’t healthy. You let him take advantage of you. You rationalized his twisted motives. Honestly, you had just never felt like his equal the entire time you were together. But as much as you hated to admit it, you could never deny that your heart ached at the mere thought of him. You were still in love with Loki, there was no doubt, but your better judgement screamed at you that giving this man a second chance might just prove to be the biggest mistake of your life. You swallowed dryly.

Taking one final deep, grounding breath, you opened your mouth, but your words caught in your throat, refusing to come out. “I’ve changed so much since we last saw each other, Y/N. I’m getting along with my brother now, for heaven’s sake!” he added with a small chuckle. It was true, Loki did seem different. For one, Loki would have never pleaded with you like this for a second chance. No, the Loki you knew had far too much pride for that. So what in the world could have possibly happened to him in the last 6 months? “Loki... I think—“ you sighed. “I don’t think we should get back together.”

Loki’s features began to droop ever so slightly. “But maybe it wouldn’t hurt to just stay... friends?” He perked back up somewhat and put on a smile to mask his disappointment, “I would like that, Y/N.” You gave a thin smile as well, and you both sipped your drinks in a moment of silence. “Sounds like you’ve got quite the story to catch me up on though.” “Oh, you have no idea,” he laughed.

And he told you all his wonderful tales of adventure, drama, love, and loss, and it felt like you were back in your apartment on some cold winter’s day with freshly brewed tea and everything was right with the world. It felt as if nothing at all had changed between you. And it gave you hope that perhaps... you two could make this work.

#Fanfic #Loki x reader #angst #loki fanfic #reader insert #loki angst #1.5k writing challenge

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