bluebangsss-blog

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The sexual tension between me and me disappearing from the world 📈📈📈📈

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they say build a wall and see who breaks it~ but maybe we should build a wall with a door so we can choose who to let in without breaking our walls

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what is this feeling?

To myself,

you found him. The ideal man of your life. mature, caring, and thoughtful. However, I do not understand how your mind is thinking. You crave for an imperfect, beautiful and sincere relationship yet you also think about the other person. The other person who broke you down to pieces, who made stumble a million times and picked up his pieces. The person of reason for your downfall. I cannot fathom how you even dare to think of coming back to him.

Now you are at war with yourself whether or not you are to leave the new person. The one who gave you another chance at life. The one who showed you the purpose of life, the one who cared for you like a bird with a broken wings, the one who taught you how to fly again. You crave for self isolation to learn healthy ways of living and to unlearn toxicity. You crave to learn the ways of loving oneself without the dependency of others yet you are scared to be alone because deep down you crave for other people’s attention. You tried to deny it yet facts do not lie and can never be buried forever. You tried to bury other feelings of satisfaction with your life by pretending you don’t need people yet here you are complaining about your sad unsatisfied life. You dare give advice to others but cannot even apply it to yourself. You rot of hypocrisy

To the path you decide to choose. I hope one day you’ll finally learn how to live and love. May you finally learn to live boldly and sincerely.

~N

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ok I’m officially obsessed with the home improvement subreddit

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To my other self

I don't understand what you're feeling right now. You're sad but you're not, or you're trying to push away the feeling. You're scared but you say you're just being lazy. You wanna talk but you don't want to talk. You wanna be with other people but you push them away. But whatever it is you're dealing with. I hope you'll stay true to yourself and I hope you get well soon.

~nessa

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And I love the way you wrote this poem because it sounds like "this is how you love someone unvonditionally".. 💕

i like the way you say you love me because

"i love you" sounds like

"of course i love you, why wouldn't i,

and how could you not?"

i like the way you say hello because

"hey there" sounds like

"the sooner i get to see you,

the less i hurt from missing you."

i like the way you tell me i'm beautiful because

"you're beautiful" sounds like

"what you think about yourself is wrong,

but don't worry because i know your truth."

i like the way you say goodbye because

"i'll see you soon" sounds like

"you won't ever wait too long."

i like the way you reassure me because

"we'll get through this" sounds like

"i love you when it's good

and i love you when it's bad,

i love you in between,

i'll love you always."

- "i like the way you say things"

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sometimes i feel more like a house than a person with the way i decorate my body and my face to hide damaged walls and empty spaces; my heart is more like a door with changed locks because i've made multiple keys for people who walked all over me with filthy shoes, people who said they could live here, but they were just passing through. i hope my eyes are not windows, because i fear what the world might see—all of my flaws and insecurities on display like a coffee table or some shoddy love seat. sometimes i swear i left the oven on and forgot because my mind feels like a smoke detector with the way my apprehension never calms. i smell smoke, but i can't see it; i'm told things are never as bad as i make them, but every wildfire starts with a spark and it's easy to burn when you're a house made of straw.

- "house made of straw"

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massage bed

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i am asked about my favorite color.

i am seven

and my reply is

pink

because i am a girl

and pink

is a princess color.

i am asked about my favorite color.

i am ten

and i like

green

because a boy told me that pink

is lame and girly.

i am asked about my favorite color.

i am thirteen

and i tell them

purple

it is unique and spunky

like i want to be.

i am asked about my favorite color.

i am seventeen

and i just say

red

i do not say

it is bright and angry at the world

as i am

i cannot form the words to express

all of my frustrations

so i paint my lips with

rage.

i am asked about my favorite color.

i am twenty

and it’s pink

i remember the joy

of being a child

i reclaim the freedom

of femininity

because i cannot remember

what my shoulders felt like

before the depression

hung from them.

i am asked about my favorite color.

i am twenty-six

and my answer is

brown

it confuses most people

they don’t see it

they may think of dirt

and dust

and dead things

but it is coffee with friends

and the chocolate chip cookies

my mom used to make.

it is my hair

and my eyes

amber and gold

in the sun

and i love myself

again

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"Please don't leave me,"

Her words echoed

Yet nobody cared.

The boy kept on moving

Pretending to be unaffected.

Until he realized

The water falling on his hands

Isn't the rain anymore.

The cracking of something

Isn't a dead leaf no more.

And the girl he is leaving behind

Won't be his anymore.

Breathing heavily

Suppressing his sobs.

He kept on walking.

Running away

And mumbling to himself.

"Please don't love me more."

Some people don't leave us because they want to...but because they have to.

It's a harsh truth but we all are just meant to live through!

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Is it wrong??

I still, think of you, with a smile on my lips. I still love you, not romantically, neither in a platonic manner, but in a way I love the flowers in my garden, sweet and soft. We parted ways, seems long ago, I still drink green tea as my morning drink, for you made me when you were near. I don't think of you while the drink warms me, but I do remember us while browsing through the books I bought whilst you whined about the ways Bukowski didn't sit right with you. When I listen to rythym and blues, I know you would have loved the tune, might have forced me to listen to a few of them on loop. While I stroll through my neighbourhood park, I still search for you, maybe you would come unannounced, as you used to. Seldom, I think of you, in soft filters, as I look at the photographs of us, I still have. Why, you ask, even if I get rid of them, will I be able to forget the bliss I felt when I was beside you, as the flash blinded our eyes. I have pieces of you on my walls, on my mind, on my bed and on me. I look at them and smile, in sweetness. I don't miss you, I don't yearn for you, you left your scent behind, it just blended well with my existence..............

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it feels weird and sad, you know? when you have shared such giggles with someone that you know everything about them, yet do not know the reason why you fell apart. you know their rainbows, their rain, their sunny days, and their cold winter but now you're stuck in the fall and it feels like autumn is never coming back. the hands that once grooved you to soft beats do not dare to make you smile anymore. and when you read those old conversations, you bury your head in a pillow and call yourself stupid, but the heart still beats. it never stops. time moves quickly slipping out of your hands when you read their words, and you keep reading. you want time to slip letters under your door by their name and you want autumn, and you want to be that stupid again because you realize stupidity is not fun unless there's a person to prove that it's not stupid to love someone.

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Stop the hate and go see a therapist..

To all homophobics

Why do hate the LGBT so much? Did they punch you in the face? Planned to kill you? Or even said bad things about you? That makes you wanna hurt them so much?? Or do you just simply think that hating them would make the world a better place?? That if they're gone all the problems in the world would disappear? Did it not occur to you that hate is what makes the world so much harder to live? Or are you just so self-centered that you think you carry the heaviest problem/s in the world??? To the catholics or christians or whatever you call yourselves. You keep saying that the bible this and that doesn't allow men to men, woman to woman love. Well incase you forgot read Mark 12:31 or Mathews 5:44, maybe you skipped that part on your bible reading. Well anyways you're not always right, and hating the LGBT won't get you to heaven so stop acting like a saint and start acting like a decent human being.

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To all homophobics

Why do hate the LGBT so much? Did they punch you in the face? Planned to kill you? Or even said bad things about you? That makes you wanna hurt them so much?? Or do you just simply think that hating them would make the world a better place?? That if they're gone all the problems in the world would disappear? Did it not occur to you that hate is what makes the world so much harder to live? Or are you just so self-centered that you think you carry the heaviest problem/s in the world??? To the catholics or christians or whatever you call yourselves. You keep saying that the bible this and that doesn't allow men to men, woman to woman love. Well incase you forgot read Mark 12:31 or Mathews 5:44, maybe you skipped that part on your bible reading. Well anyways you're not always right, and hating the LGBT won't get you to heaven so stop acting like a saint and start acting like a decent human being.

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Enjoy Lafayette showing some inner side boob for the shirt cut meme >u>

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To my dear child..

My cat died last night, I don't know why. He was sick and then suddenly he stopped eating. We couldn't get him to go to the vet because we didn't have the money and he was just a stray cat whom I feed. Plus my dog and mom got sick too just recently. So there was nothing I could do but offer him comfort in his remaining days. He was my favorite child. Because he likes to cuddle and sleep beside me. He was the softiest boy out of all the cats i have. He doesn't meow, I tried to make him talk but i don't think he knows that he can talk. He likes to be petted in the head and he doesn't mind if I carry him like a baby. The other cats likes to be alone or be with the other adults but him, i often see him snuggle with the kittens or often times with my black and mixed color cat out of all of them i can say the three of them were close, but mostly he was much closer with the mixed color one. He was a good boii and I love him, and he will always be my favorite child. And I forever love him.