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Ashley: I'm a murdering psychopath. It's part of my charm.

Andrew: I do find it attractive.

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Andrew: *Drunkenly.* Look, I know, we're all damaged. I mean, why do you think I'm here?

Ashley: *Covered in fresh bruises.* ...

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Ashley: *Trips and falls, lightly bumping her head.* Ow! Andy! *Runs to Andrew.*

Andrew: ...?

Ashley: *Pointing to her head.* Andy! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

Andrew: You're a grown woman!

Ashley: *Still pointing.* Andy! Kiss!

Andrew: Yeah, Yeah. For fuck sake. *Kisses the top of her head.*

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Ashley: How's Julia?

Andrew: She's in the freezer.

Ashley: Did you say, 'Cool off.'?

Andrew: No, I didn't say anything, actually.

Ashley: Shame!

Andrew: There was a bit earlier on that you missed when I, uh, distracted her with a cuddly monkey. And then, I said, uh, 'Play time's over!' and then, I hit her with a Peace Llly.

Ashley: You're off the fucking chain!

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Andrew: Ashley, that was astute.

Ashley: I know!

Andrew: And, you used to word, Irredesence, earlier. You're on a clever streak today, which is unusual for you.

Ashley: I kno- Wait, what?

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Douche bag: You came to school with Ashley this morning, right?

Andrew: ...

Douche bag: I saw you two walking together. Must be pretty close, huh?

Andrew: She tried to shoot me in the head last night when I came home from Julia's.

Douche bag: What's the deal between you and her?

Andrew: I just said she tried to shoot me in the head last night when I came home.

Douche bag: Oh. And, uh, does she have a boyfriend?

Andrew: I don't know, but she tried to shoot me in the head las- Y-you're not hearing me. She tried to shoot me in the head last night when I came home.

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Ashley: I'm casting a hex on you now.

Andrew: ...?

Ashley: Have fun getting hexed, idiot.

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Ashley: Yes, it's the apocalypse, alright. I always thought I'd have a hand in it.

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The fact that nobody has made a TCOAAL parody of the Oingo Boingo Brothers ED is a crime.

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Andy: *Dropping Leyley off at preschool.* Ok, give me a call when you need me to pick you up, you got your phone?

Leyley: Yeah.

Andy: Alright. Eat all your lunch, and don't talk to anybody, there are weirdos out there, okay?

Leyley: Yeah.

Andy: Alright, bye. Study hard.

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"stop sexualizing my trauma!"

"stop sexualizing my trauma!"

I DON'T FUCKING KNOW YOU. GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HOUSE.

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Character in a movie: It helps with avoiding the police and unwanted children coming back to find you.

Ashley: I'll show you some, "Unwanted Children."

Andrew: Ergh!

*They both start laughing.*

Andrew: *Struggling to talk.* Ju- That's- Lowkey, the grossest joke you have made, during our movie nights.

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Ashley: Hey, I bought 144 pairs of Vampire Teeth.

*Dumps them on the table.*

Andrew: Did you pay rent!?

Ashley: *Voice muffled by a pair of Vampire Teeth.* What the hell's rent?

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Ashley: We've known each other since you were two and a half, Andrew.

Andrew: Well, that must be why I'm so utterly sick of the sight of you.

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Ashley: *Sigh.* Why is Andy always so angry, Julia?

Julia: Some people just never learn.

Ashley: I know, right? What'll we ever do with that grumpy man?

Julia: I was talking about you.

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Ashley: I don't know how hot this chilli powder is.

Andrew: I mean, it's probably quite hot.

Ashley: *Smells the chilli powder and winces.* Aaawww. Yeah, dude. Yeah, that's gonna be- *Reads ingredients.* Yo, they got cum in this?

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Andrew and Ashley play a fighting game.

Ashley: *After losing.* AUGH! My controller's broken!

Andre: You always say that!

Ashley: E-Oh! This Paul Holt character's rubbish!

Andrew: Heh! You always say that, too.

Ashley: Best of three?