#source: blackadder

[incorrect-dnd-classes]

Wizard: A spy is giving away every one of our battle plans. Rogue: You look surprised, Sorcerer. Sorcerer: I certainly am. I didn’t realize we had any battle plans.

[mamaspidershit]

Peter, looking at map: It really is a featureless, barren wasteland out there, isn’t it? Natasha: … Other side, kid.

[emmikay]

Ed: A person may fight for many things: Their country, their principles, their friends, the glistening tear on the cheek of a golden child. But personally, I’d mud-wrestle my own father for a handful of cash and an amusing clock.

[joinerofmanyfandoms]

Lockwood, to Lucy about the Skull: Can you at least tell me one thing. What does the ‘S’ in his name stand for? Lucy, repeating: Sod off

Lockwood: I guess it’s none of my business really…

[skullmakesmelaugh]

*breakfasts in Portland Row*

George: Well, it is said, Kipps , that civilised man seeks out good and intelligent company

George: So that through learned discourse he may rise above the savage and closer to God

Kipps: Yes, I heard that

George: Personally, however, I like to start the day with a total dickhead to remind me I'm best

[torchwood-99]

(Aragorn, Eowyn, and Faramir, all giving speeches to their troops before battle.)

Aragorn: Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more! Consign their parts most private to a Rutland tree!

Eowyn: Let blood — Blood — BLOOD! — be your motto! Slit their gizzards!

Faramir: Now, I’m afraid there’s going to have to be a certain amount of, well, violence. But at least we know it’s all in a good cause, don’t we?

[roseofithaca]

Alison, playing Trivial Pursuit: Okay, next question, what event kicked off the First World War?

Robin: Oh! Man name Archie Dook shot ostrich 'cause he hungry.

Captain: I think you mean the Archduke of Austria-Hungary was shot.

Robin: No, definitely ostrich involved.

[middleearthmistress]

The eyes are open, the mouth moves, but Mr Brain has long since departed, hasn't he, Peregrine Took?

Gandalf

[superiorsturgeon]

RWBY au where everything is the same except Qrow is British, basically turning him into Blackadder:

Qrow: Ugh, gods! Fate once again vomits on my eiderdown…

———————————————————

Taiyang: Season’s greetings to you, Qrow! I hope that your holiday has brought you the usual combination of good food and violent stomach cramps!

Qrow: Happy Holidays, Tai. May the Yule log roll off the fire and burn your house down.

———————————————————

Qrow: I’m a busy man, and I can’t spare the time to punch you right now.

Qrow: Here’s my fist. Kindly run into it as fast as you can!

———————————————————

Qrow: *preparing for battle* If I should die, think only this of me:

Qrow: I’ll be back to get you! 👿

[incorrect-dnd-classes]

Rogue: A person may fight for many things: Their country, their principles, their friends, the glistening tear on the cheek of a golden child. But personally, I’d mud-wrestle my own father for a ton of cash and an amusing clock.

[hitchell-mope]

Hades (his voice filled with sugary malice): oh charmless. A word of advice: if you cross my daughters and their husbands now, or ever, I shall do unto you what your God did unto the Sodomites. Understand?

Chad: yessir.

Hades: good lad. Now fuck off.

Chad: yessir.

[smthfunnyhappenedonthewaytor3]

Schneizel: A spy is giving away every one of our battle plans. Kanon: You look surprised, Suzaku. Suzaku: I certainly am. I didn’t realize we had any battle plans.

[incorrect-anything-quotes]

Jon: I don't take kindly to insults.

Garfield: Funny. With a face like yours, I'd have thought you'd be used to it by now.

[shit-the-vampyr-cast-never-said]

Geoffrey, looking at a map: It really is a featureless, barren wasteland out there, isn’t it?

Jonathan: … Other side, McCullum.

[incorrect-bhaalspawn-quotes]

Imoen, to Charname and Sarevok: Guys, who’s holding the family braincell at the moment?

[incorrectclassicbookquotes]

Jean Passepartout, holding a map: It’s a barren, featureless desert out there, isn't it? Phileas Fogg: Other side, Passepartout...