boingotlo

[boingotlo]

What does it feel like to be depressed she asked ?

I answered, well “there are many different answers to such a question based on what caused the depression.

but depression is a chemical imbalance. “A chemical imbalance in the brain is said to occur when the brain has either excessive or insufficient chemicals, called neurotransmitters.”

it happens when you’ve lost something you can never regain. maybe someone close to you, maybe something valuable to you... you become sad and never heal from what you’re going through. you start to deteriorate from the inside as you fall apart faster than you can put the pieces back together , you start to doubt if they’ll ever fit... you become very vulnerable to yourself.

sometimes you even become suicidal because you just don’t ever want to feel so worthless again.

it’s a feeling of drowning in your own emotions daily and knowing that you can’t swim even if you wanted to. you’re helpless and all you can do is feel until you can no longer feel it anymore, that’s when you become numb to the pain... you start to feel like you’ve seen it all before and eventually you might start to heal but you can never be the person you were before the pain, you know how it all changed you... they say we carry the lessons.

and it’s worse when you have to cry yourself to sleep every night because this feeling of emptiness doesn’t seem to fade away and you’ve been feeling this way for so long that you don’t know how you’d sleep if you felt any different... it’s worse when you don’t know how to make it fade away and now you have anxiety because you’re constantly worried about things you have completely no control over . lol , it’s even worse when you know you will have a mental breakdown when you’re not on your medication because the pills you’re on are the only piece of thread that’s been keeping all the pieces in you together... knowing that you just need one trigger and you’ll be back. drowning in your own emotions.

and yeah , why don’t you speak? how many times will we speak? if you don’t understand my actions then my words should mean nothing. having good mental health is one of thee most underrated human ethics every child should’ve been taught before anything. i could go on and on and on but i hope you understand and if you don’t , allow me to...”