bora-ink

[bora-ink]

I'm not sure what it is, or why...

But for some reason, in this moment, I miss your hands.

The way they look.

Remembering how they felt in mine.

[bora-ink]

I want to be held again, I'm just afraid to feel again

[bora-ink]

To crave you is the rain

collecting at my feet

they don't call me a fool for nothing

for I've been embracing the fleeting downpour

till it washed all of me away

[bora-ink]

Should you ever look into my blog(s), know this....

I'm sorry. I will never be able to apologize enough. All the pain and sadness I brought to you.

The invalidating.

The heartache.

The bullying.

The cruelty.

The taking for granted.

Every wrong I ever did you...

Every way I ever hurt you...

I understand now. Because now...

Now it's happened to me.

Call it fate or karma, whatever. The fact is, I've grown and learned from my mistakes.

I know that you will probably never speak to me again. Hell, it's almost 2023. At this point, it's been approximately 5 years since we've had any sort of contact. Yet, every year that goes by, you're in my head more and more.

I know that I will never be able to apologize enough for all the hurt I caused you, but know... I would do anything to take it back.

I'm not the same person I was back then. Fuck, I'm not even the same person I was 8 months ago. I've finally learned and realized what it was that I truly put you through. For that, I am terribly, genuinely sorry.

You'll probably never see this, and I guess that's okay. But in the off chance that you do, please know that I really do hope you're happy. I hope that you are truly happy. After all you've been through in life, and not even just from me, you always held yourself up with pride. You never let anyone tell you that you couldn't be yourself. You, of all the people I've met in this lifetime, deserve that happiness.

당신은 나에게 영감을 줬어요. 나 자신을 위해 더 나아지고 싶은 나의 동기.

감사합니다, 영원히.

[bora-ink]

If only you knew the amount of carefully thought out messages I've typed out that were meant for you, only to delete them ...

[bora-ink]

I'm tired of the scars on my heart and in my head.

Will it ever end?

Because my mind is splitting and my chest is burning.

I want the the hurt to stop, but I want to feel the pain.

It feels like I'm that one lost piece of a jigsaw puzzle, never to be found.

I just want to be happier.

[bora-ink]

Relief.

It's a funny thing, really.

To some, it comes almost naturally. Flows like the leaves in the breeze, or ocean waves on a summer day.

It provides calm and collectivism when needed. Like a breath of cool air in the first bites of Fall as the leaves start to turn.

That first deep breath after a rush of adrenaline, the trance of focus.

Though, for others, it isn't quite so Mundane.

Those of us like this, we wish to experience this relief. We desire this solace that others feel so easily.

We crave this feeling of serenity,

Only to have to exert so much energy and focus to simply experience the feeling of letting go.

It's ironic, don't you think?

To put effort into an emotion in which the purpose is to feel relaxed.

To let go.

To be at peace.

To feel at ease.

To love yourself.

[bora-ink]

[bora-ink]

Sound of rain, smell of old books and fragrance of coffee is always love.

[bora-ink]

rainy days, good books, coffee, tea, cold weather, autumn season, sweaters, the smell of pastries or baked goods, sunsets and sunrises, gorgeous buildings, and libraries with high ceilings.