brainiswriting

[brainiswriting]

Spilled Thoughts #7

i think, after grappling with this for the past three months, i've finally come to a conclusion that i'm ready to embrace.

for three whole years, filmmaking and screenwriting were my go-to medium. it's tough to look at the present day version of myself without seeing their impact on me. from the way i write (my syntaxes, my word choice, the rhythm of my writing) to the way i process my creative work (mostly in terms of 'how can i work so that this piece can be produced in a timely manner without taking too much out of me — oh, producing, you've done me good).

so, for me to have been so distant from it feels kind of like having the ground beneath me crumble to pieces as i'm still standing on it. or so it felt that way for the longest time possible.

but i think i'm ready to embrace it all now.

i've been recently inspired by creative nonfiction. specifically lyric essays. i've hardly admitted this to myself, but i do love poetry. even if i'm absolutely shit at it. and this prose format that allows me to write rhythmically while still being able to comfortably lean upon paragraph structures and narrative structures that i've come to understand intimately (thanks to my time screenwriting — FULL CIRCLE!), is just enough variety in my life that i feel inspired to write and create again.

there'll always be a part of me that will long to be out of this rotting state i'm in and join the film industry once more. but, for now, i'm content exploring this new medium.

i'm content. fulfilled, at times.

and what more could i ask for?

[brainiswriting]

Spilled Thoughts #6

life has been immeasurably strange as of late. i feel myself oscillating between a state of acceptance and a state of utter despair. some parts of my life bring me the greatest relief i've felt in years while other dig me into a rut so debilitating i waste the week away in my little head. surrounded by unkind thoughts i reserve only for myself.

i don't know how to feel about it.

when i got my piece accepted into a zine, my elation and my relief were quickly overridden by that voice in the back of my head. the one that refuses to celebrate my little milestones because 'it's not like I'm getting paid for it.' the one that refuses to give me a moment of reprieve because 'it's not like I'm getting a job out of it.' the one that refuses to acknowledge my effort because 'it's not like I'm even getting a hint of exposure out of it.'

i've been reading ocean vuong's on earth we're briefly gorgeous and it feels almost painful to see the most unkind and unloved part of myself reflected in both him and his mother. i haven't yet finished it and so i haven't had the chance to process it as needed, but i can already feel it instilling something within me.

have yet to know what it is, but i know I'll learn something from it eventually. something that will help me get to the bottom of this next piece. something that will help quiet my loudest critic for an hour or two.

even as i'm writing this 'diary entry' (i have so many diaries, both physical and digital), I'm starkly aware of her.

skimming these unthinking and unruly sentences as though i were publishing it to win prize money, to gain recognition, or anything else except to gain some piece of mind.

[brainiswriting]

[brainiswriting]

sometimes writing feels less like creating and more like trying to unravel a very stubborn knot of vibes.

[brainiswriting]

About that love-hate relationship with your writing

It's okay to feel like a writing god and love your stories today but hate them tomorrow and wonder why you bother writing at all.

You don't love your life, job, appearance, wardrobe, partner or friends every day either, so why should you force yourself to love your writing all the time?

It's normal to feel "off" about everything sometimes. Allow yourself to feel what you feel about your writing on that day. It's okay even if the hate occurs more than the love. As long as the love does occur in brief bursts, you'll be just fine.

If you can't fall in love with a piece you're writing or can't get through editing a draft, put it away and try again on a different day when you're feeling better about it.

Unless you have a deadline or a gun to your head, you can writer at whatever pace and whenever the fuck you want.

Constantly telling yourself what and when you should or shouldn't be feeling about your writing is just another form of stress.

Remember, we write to escape the stress of life. Don't bring that bitch back into your writing. Please

[brainiswriting]

Sometimes as a writer one of the best things you can do for a project is to stop writing. Stop writing it for the day, or the week, maybe a month. Perhaps it'll take you a year to pick it back up again, maybe you never will. Don't force the story, it's perfectly alright to fall out of love with a project. That doesn't make it a bad idea, and it doesn't make you a bad writer.

[brainiswriting]

yeah, hell is bad, but have you ever started writing after a period of slacking off and nothing is coming out the way you want it to?

[brainiswriting]

writers, what are you proudest of this year?

[brainiswriting]

Spilled Thoughts #5

Currently trying to explore publishing avenues for my cultural critique essays. Still not sure how to navigate this world of non-fiction publication, but I'm pumped (and incredibly nervous). But I'm glad I was introduced to Chill Subs; my favourite thing about the site is the rejection bingo found on the Tracking Submission page. Feels less daunting when you're reminded that rejection is just part of the process of putting your work out there.

Beyond that, I've also been working on drafting the outlines for my upcoming piece that explores my past and present relationship with the grindset mindset (this was so embarrassing to type out, but I really have no idea how else to convey my unhealthy obsession with equating my worth as a person to how much work I produce).

Usually, when I write these essays, I would incorporate historical events and previously published articles and tie them to my central thesis. But, because of the extra personal nature of this piece (it literally being an exploration of my personhood over the years), I'm looking into interviewing family members in my life who have influenced me to become the person that I am today.

This whole writing vulnerably about real-world events and my feelings about it (as opposed to using my fictional characters as a vehicle to detach myself from my own feelings on the topic at hand) is all very new and very scary. But each time I sit down to prose my heart out, I get a little closer to understanding myself.

For that, I am grateful.

[brainiswriting]

Writing is 10% inspiration,

90% 'I swear I’ll fix this in edits.'

[brainiswriting]

brain's writeblr introduction

since i started this writeblr, my life and my outlook on writing has changed significantly so i wanted to re-introduce myself.

my nickname is brain (twenty-three, she/her) and i'm currently going through a discovery period in my writing journey. i used to solely identify as an action-comedy screenwriter, but i can't quite say that's 100% me anymore. so, i guess this blog is more of me documenting my rediscovery of my love for writing — a diary, if you will.

what you can find on my blog:

my writing rants (sometimes coherent, most times incoherent)

reblogs of other writerblrs' (writing, rants, otherwise)

my non-fiction writing processing (mostly me thinking aloud)

(once i'm ready to hop back into it) my own fiction writing

also, i’ve moved my writing unrelated reblogs to @brainisgoofin!

that's mostly it, enjoy :)! and my asks are always open, so feel free to interact! always looking for new friends <3

[brainiswriting]

[brainiswriting]

okay, yes, I know that comma isn't supposed to be there but I want the reader to take a breath! I want a pause! Stop trying to correct me, I'm trying to control the flow of reading

[brainiswriting]

Why is all of my best shit written in the middle of the fucking night

[brainiswriting]

Spilled Thoughts #4

it's strange to finally admit that the medium that had once brought me immense happiness now fills me with dread. just expectations of 'having to be better than the artist i once' was despite knowing that the creative journey is not a linear one.

i recently started writing more non-fiction, something i greatly deterred from when i still strictly saw myself as a fiction screenwriter dabbling in action comedy, and it's blowing my mind just how fun it has all been. the freshness of it all, the excitement of learning the ropes of a whole new medium, and the part where my growth is still tangible and easily recognised. i love it.

frankly, i don't know who i am and what i want to do permanently.

and, sometimes, i'm afraid i may never fully know.

but, as long as i'm feeling inspired to write more and write better, i think i can safely say that I'm headed in some tangibly 'correct' direction.

might have to go back and change my writeblr introduction... oops!

[brainiswriting]

Spilled Thoughts #3

Have spent the last few weeks really re-evaluating my relationship with writing. It's scary to think that I might be falling (temporarily?) out of love with screenwriting and filmmaking — a craft that has been integral to my identity for the past five years.

But I've been writing more cultural critiques, think pieces, and essays recently. And it's been giving me that same feeling of fulfilment that screenwriting once gave me.

I think, for my own sake, it's worth it to keep exploring this.

[brainiswriting]

Related