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Thought and Pacing to Doing Dishes in a Week

While trying to debate with myself

Which chore I should do tonight

I ran out of time to do any of them

All there's left is to get ready for bed,

Another task my brain will obsess over

Monkey brains barely evolved

To both make dinner and cry about the future

While listening to videos of abandoned places

Ugh

Then there's sleep

Never enough sleep

Until I awake to the thought of thoughts

Here we go again as familiar as the sun's warmth

Families only if you remember to take a walk for the day

But everyday is as much of a mystery as your thoughts imagined it could be

But predictable in ways that only humans know

Everyday the hours flow onward

Watching the hands

Waiting for the signs

To go home with all the hours left

Thinking about what to do

Your time to do as you please

But how much time is there really

When you're constantly thinking

Thoughts

Ugliness of everything

And the beauty of nothing

With one requiring less thinking

The mystery on why you are the way you are

Is the most compelling

And less likely

To be solved

Until it's time to go to sleep

Maybe dreams have the answer

But I can barely remember them

Then again, I find myself awake.

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Pedestrian Talk

It's infuriating and lacking common sense when people complain that the United States is "too big" to think about proper infrastructure for people to walk in their own towns.

Newsflash: It's not too big. The country just doesn't care if you need to walk through 8 lanes of car traffic to get to the pharmacy.

Cars and car centric areas make money. People walking comfortably in the places where they live, play, work, and pay taxes apparently isn't enough of a reason, or profitable enough, to make infrastructure that benefits people enough to not need a car.

You're not traveling to California from New York every day. Public transportation is very important for local travel. Traveling freely should not need expensive insurance.

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Office Talk

It's really frustrating just trying to do your dead end job when your boomer co-worker starts mocking the way you speak. You definitely don't get paid enough to smile at him as he fiddles around with your things when he doesn't like it when people touch his things.

The same asshole who cares about a child's immigration status before giving them a meal and somehow calling it "taking care of Americans first".

I'm trying to explain myself after being asked a question after being interrupted while in the middle of doing many other things.

But yes, please continue to mock my way of speech and distract me from work, because at this point I'm just fodder for your amusement since you'll have the benefit of dying in a paid off home, while I die at overworked at my desk.

*continues doing dead end job* evolution was a mistake and we're paying greatly for it now.

#

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Thoughts from the Right Bus After Taking the Wrong One

I want to blame the subpar public transportation system

But, I can't

Not this time

This was my dumb ass fault

It was me who made me late to work today

Instead of work, I went to NYC 🗽

Literally the opposite direction

And when I knew what I did

It was too late

No more bus stops left

But here we are

Now crossing into Jersey

She's embarrassed to see me coming

But I'm still here

Taking my dumbass to work

Where I'll do nothing for the next few hours

But I'll still be late for nothing

Which isn't fun

Just the adventure of the day

Very early

And it's already been too much for today

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Midnight Conversations with Myself Standing in the Hallway

While trying to debate with myself on which chore I should do tonight,

I ran out of time to do anything at all,

Except go to bed.

And again

Sleep barely escapes me too

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Office Talk

Work: "December is the busiest time of the month",

" If you're on your phone then you're not working and useless",

"You need to write reports that I'm never going to use so that you have no work to do",

Me: *spinning in my chair done with all work with a few hours left until I can go home"

Yeah lots of super important work around here

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Office Talk

The busy work that management makes you do is apparently perfect, except that I need to add more information to, even though that information is not important and already included to some extent.

The work is to see how things can be improved and to "quantify the work we do", aka " we're not actually going to improve things and just give you more work for the same salary ☺"

Can't "quantify" shit if I'm the only one doing this bullshit reporting nonsense.

But what do I know, I'm just stupid low level totem poll bitch according to management and they can do what they want.

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Office Talk

Why did my job add an extra level of security to their emails that I need permission from my job to open them?

And now it's causing problems, people may not be able to access emails they need to do their jobs.

Yeah, no, I'm not doing this bullshit. Ridiculous.

If it doesn't show up to my regular mail and/or I can't access them, then it's not my business.

The printers aren't working and we can't find functional knives, but yeah, sure, emails I can't access are just what we need. 🙄

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Why is it when I'm not distracting myself with the world and its things, I'm anxious about being alive?

And the worst part about it is that I'm aware. Evolution was a mistake.

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A letter to the NPC manager at work.

Sorry but, I can't be "no thoughts head empty" with a dumb little smile on my face that screams oblivion at my desk for 8 hours a day. I am either too human or not human enough time to sit and only focus on work by giving myself a panic attack. My job is too low effort and unfulfilling for me to not use my phone as a way to direct my thoughts away from an existential nightmare.

The fastest way to realize life is one big pointless joke is to work in an office job doing simple tasks and letting the 99% that's left of your brain power to overthink about everything and nothing.

I'm going to continue to be on my phone because I'm already done with my work. So, unless you want me to twiddle my thumbs and pretend to be doing work then I don't know what else you want from a girl whose job barely affords her privilege to live.

Sincerely fuck you and your empty default head.

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Look, I don't want to like trains, but the parasites in me fuck with them frfr

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The only reason why I would want to get swole is so that I can carry heavier bags of rice since I'm too broke for a car and delicious things require work to consume.

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I think my visceral anger for public transit is the only thing keeping me grounded to human existence.

What's going to get my brain from having a panic attack?

Rage 🙂