#possible autism

[zephyr-zephyr]

Being obsessed hyperfixated on something is so weird because i’ll watch the entire credits, take pictures of all of the inside jokes that are hidden in them, show them all to my dad, and not register that what i just did is somewhat excessive to most people

Anyways i finished BG3 the other day! Completely unrelated.

[a-secret-inner-life]

I came across a lot of stuff that I could relate to about autism while researching for a paper, which led me to do more research on autism in general. I saw some other people doing this type of post on here, so: autistic people, can you please read my super long and detailed list of possible symptoms I experience and tell me if it seems like I'm one of you? I'm trying to be objective and reasonable and figure out what's going on with myself here.

Sensory Stuff

I like to stim–bouncing my legs, tapping my feet when I sit, occasionally swinging my legs or rocking. I also clench my fists or sit on my hands a lot and tap my fingers on things, or just fiddle with whatever is in front of me. Recently, I count while touching my thumb to each of my fingertips to calm down because someone in a book I read did that and it actually does help me. I also sing the alphabet song repeatedly when I'm working on my website.

Sometimes when I'm very tired or overwhelmed my face feels itchy and I feel like every strand of hair touching me prickles and itches and leaves a red spot (but it doesn't actually).

I have a strong hatred for perfume because it smells too strong and fakey, and citrus scents also drive me nuts, but I really like scented candles.

I'm a super picky eater, although I'm not as bad as when I was a kid. I don't mind the taste of tomatoes, peppers, or onions in things, but I'm still a little grossed out when I know I'm eating them, and the texture of onions freaks me right out, as an example.

I get startled easily. Loud noises don't actually scare me, they just jolt me out of whatever thought space I was in before I heard them.

I also get overwhelmed whenever someone tries to talk to me in a loud car (whether it's loud with other people or just the engine), and I find it overwhelming and incredibly difficult to concentrate when more than one person is talking at once. Whenever I'm in a crowd, it just sounds like this vague roar that gets louder the more I think about it, which can sometimes be overwhelming. Still, I'm good at tuning some things out in select circumstances, like the TV when it's on.

Finally, if I pay attention at pretty much any time when there isn't a ton of other noise, I can hear ringing in my ears. This isn't usually upsetting, and I know it's fairly common for anyone to get tinnitus from time to time, but I'm not sure if most people experience it this much.

Social Stuff

I can not handle eye contact.

I'm also really, really, comically bad at social interactions. I almost never speak to someone I don't know well before they speak to me, and my go-to conversation method is to laugh/giggle and nod, I literally can not make actual conversation to save my life. Sometimes I think of things to say but it doesn't occur to me to say them, or I try to but I'm scared and can't find an opening, or I do say the thing and people don't react the way I want them to (usually it's either confusion or disinterest).

Old ladies are my favorite people because they're the least scary somehow. I also love kids, but I'm still awkward so I rarely interact and probably still freak them out.

I'm horrible at keeping contact and I wait until I know people are offline to reply to their messages because conversation is stressful and I need time to think when I text. Group chats are a nightmare, so I pretty much ghost everyone when I'm in one.

I'm super attached to my family, though. I make an effort to create a deep bond with each of my siblings, and I'm the clingiest person in the world when it comes to my older sister.

I value people very deeply, which might be why I find them so intimidating. I love them and I want them to be happy, and I put too much pressure on the situation.

I used to hate being alone, and I still feel guilty or sad whenever I spend too much time by myself, although I actually love to be by myself, a lot of my hobbies and favorite places are solitary, and I usually prefer figuring things out on my own rather than having somebody right there trying to figure it out with me.

I'm incredibly empathetic. It's not like I can automatically sense people's emotions, but I do make an effort to pay attention and understand what they're feeling and why they feel that way. My siblings come and rant to me a lot, and I can be a good diplomat and see both points of view when they argue. I also care, and I always want to make people feel better, though it obviously doesn't always work. Sometimes I'm too empathetic, or maybe too creative, and I stress out about what someone might be feeling when I don't know if it's an actual issue or not.

Patterns and Stuff

I've always been good at remembering my parents’ phone numbers and our zip code, as well as my friends’ birthdays. I work at a grocery store where I find myself reciting the regular customers’ lottery numbers in my head as they're saying them to me.

My dad used to have a verbal checklist of what to bring to work each morning, and I still recite it every time I hear the words “wallet” and “keys” next to each other. Same goes for my old morning checklist that I don't even follow anymore.

I don't adhere to a strict routine in terms of the general structure of my day, but I definitely have a system or pattern for a lot of my specific activities.

Emotional Stuff

I've been obsessed with drawing and painting for as long as I can remember. I write all the time. I think I dedicated myself and a huge chunk of my life to my hobbies. If I like something, I like to think that I make it my own, and that thing permeates who I am.

When I first started listening to BTS, I scoured literally the entire Internet to find every possible hidden track any of the members ever touched, and there were A LOT. Lately I've been obsessed with Keeper of the Lost Cities, and I can't stop talking about the books. I'm also hyper fixated on Tomorrow X Together.

When I start something, I need to finish it, and I'll often think I'm so close to being done only to continue on it for several more hours, trying to hurry up and finish because I need to get it done now. I'm also pretty bad at switching tasks. I try to multitask, but it doesn't really work out.

I can easily forget about my own physical needs; particularly I don't usually realize when I'm hungry. Overall my needs are very flexible to the people around me; if you want to eat together, suddenly I'm hungry, if you don't feel like stopping, neither do I.

I'm a perfectionist, but I hate asking for help. This is especially true when it comes to my grades and my hobbies. I'm more comfortable when I can control the variables and nobody has to know if I fail.

I'm pretty sure I have executive dysfunction because I put so much pressure on doing things perfectly that I lose the motivation to do them at all, and as much as I need to get something done, I can't make myself do it.

Since I was little I've always been awkward and out of place. I feel like I take up too much space. Honestly, I feel like my existence is lame and embarrassing. I hate myself.

I absolutely suck at decision making, sometimes because I don't want to choose something that other people won't like and partially because I'm just really indecisive. Often I feel stuck or paralyzed because I can't choose one way or another.

Along those same lines, the responsibility of being told to do something for someone else is terrible, and I hate doing these things without incredibly specific instructions because I'm scared of messing up.

I also need to know exact details of whatever activity I'm doing before I do it, and I hate when something big isn't planned out in detail.

I used to have a lot of meltdowns as a child. I’d yell and cry and throw things when I was upset. This still happens sometimes, but not as frequently or as badly.

I feel guilty about everything, including mistakes from years ago that shouldn't matter anymore. This makes me feel sort of unworthy (?), like anything good I do is the bare minimum and if I cause a problem (through anxiety or executive dysfunction) that messes up a project, I feel like I have to do everything else perfectly to make up for it, although I usually end up feeling like I'm coddling myself instead.

I constantly compare myself to others. If someone else has a problem that's worse than what I deal with, I feel like I'm not allowed to have my own negative feelings.

I feel like none of my feelings are valid. I feel and think all sorts of dramatic things that seem like the end of the world, but compared to others, my problems are small, and I feel stupid for having them. I almost wish I had a bigger issue or more dangerous mental problems that would make my responses more reasonable, but my logical side knows that this thinking is wrong.

I've been dealing with off and on burnout since I was around twelve years old (so about five years). I've been told over and over that my mindset is wrong and I need to do a million things better mentally to be less of a perfectionist, but I don't have the energy to put in any effort whatsoever to fix myself. I still get random bursts of motivation that last for short periods of time, though.

Sometimes when I go to bed after a stressful day, I wake up in the morning and I have this uncontrollable dread about starting my day. The thought of getting up sounds impossible, and it's almost like there's something sitting in my chest keeping me down.

[theworldfeelsdull]

House is definitely autistic, right?

Gregory House from the show Houss M.D i'm pretty sure is autistic. Although, he's a huge ass blah blah blah.

He consistently breaks rules and is rude, knowing what they are. Given his background with his dad, he most likely suffered some sort of abuse and rules were shoved down his throat. Don't listen or survive.

This resulted in house somewhat understanding what the rules/norms are but not why.

He's an asshole because relationships are overrated to him, harder. Not having to talk to people is bliss.

He has problems with change, as if it is an itch. This was shown (spolier) when House was shot and wanted "his" carpet back.

Vicodin addiction is almost a defensive mechanism against people, also being a self destructive habit. Plus, addiction is addiction. House probably has clinical depression tbh.

The way House obsesses over cases is like solving a puzzle for him, he needs to do it. His job is his life. When he's brazenly honest, it's due to his philosophy of 'everybody lies'. They do, but making it your core belief is extreme. House honors honesty, yet doubts it. The truth is important to him, the complex relationship of lying is his truth.

In conclusion, Greg probably has ptsd, ODD(operational defiance disorder), and depression, autism, or all of the above.

[inflatingnblue]

I know this can happen to anyone. You explain something and you have to repeat yourself because the responses you are receiving do not signify the person understands. In my mind, I'm being very clear and concise. I'm curious if this may happen to neurodivergent people moreso? I'm still learning about how this affects the way I see and experience the world. I suspect autism, however I have comorbities that overlap. I find autism related information really helpful regardless of being diagnosed. Anyhoo, just wondering if I'm experiencing something "normal" or if there may be some nuance here.

[caracolcondiarrea]

HOW THE FUCK DO I MAKE A ROUTINE

[moonsandloons]

Do you ever get so overwhelmed that your mind shuts down entirely and you become the meanest and most violent version of yourself and the only way to calm yourself down is by hiding under a blanket and blasting white noise into your ears or is that like. Not. Not a thing that we do here

[brycesbott0m]

Does anyone else deliberately leave people on read?

Ever since I have been able to message friends, I've always felt indifferent about it. Of course, I responded always within one second- but soon I just slowed down. It felt unnatural. There was no pause. Just a: "If I wanted you to reply that long after I would've made a pigeon deliver the message to you" type of quip. Even people who needed me- I stopped answering because I didn't know what to say. Me, not knowing what to say. My best friend nearly ended ties with me twice because of this. She jokes how I never answer emails-- but how can I when I'm always expected a response? I can't just see it and laugh privately. I have to give my input. I don't like that. I'm supposed to say something funny, and if I don't I'm suddenly "not myself" or "dry" that day. It stresses me out when it shouldn't, and I feel like an outsider for that.

[th3lightyougaveme]

chat. chat is anyone here going to pelt me with hammers if i self diagnose with autism after around a year of being fairly certain im autistic.

[imheretoreadafic]

No, Paul, I don't want to be treated special because I have sensory issues, I just want you guys to appreciate the fact that leaving safe spaces makes me feel like I'm walking through a rock concert without ear protection and in the itchies turtle neck ever.

[prismaticstarshch]

people who have multiple chronic conditions (physical, mental, or both): what's life like?

For me, I live a normal life with:

Cryptogenic (unknown seizure trigger) epilepsy

Grave's disease (a thyroid condition that causes hyperthyroidism)

Pollen allergies

Possible high-functioning autism (I currently have yet to see whether or not I actually have it, but I do experience things that could go along with it, such as poor eye contact, missing social cues, difficulty interpreting tone, stimming, insistence on routine, sensory stuff (I have sensitivities in all 5 of the senses, and have aversions to some things related to them), general awkwardness, anxiety, etc.; on top of that, epilepsy and autism can co-occur)

[brokenborders]

Why is it when I'm not distracting myself with the world and its things, I'm anxious about being alive?

And the worst part about it is that I'm aware. Evolution was a mistake.

[mirazartsstuff]

"Why the fuck do I feel so frustrated!? I can't sleep, and nothing feels comfy."

*realizes I went to bed with socks on*

"Oh"

[caracolcondiarrea]

Are a “yeiii I just met my fav character at Disneyland and I got their autograph!” Type of person or are you the type of person that the first thing they think after getting the autograph of their fav character thinks (but doesn’t do) “I’m gonna learn how to do their autograph By heart so I can Do it in class and make a thousand more of these”/“im gonna fotocopy this autograph a thousand times and stick it in my walls”

[zionanelequaso]

the dark knight/the dark knight rises spoilers or something

conversation between a curious unknowing person and me that I made up right now because making skits is fun

“so, zio, what are some things you really like right now?”

ummmm….gravity falls…

“expected. it’s like a kid thing anyways.”

baldi mods…

“same reaction.”

batman…

“..oh like the lego batman movie because I don’t really think—“

my favorite batman is christian bale’s batman!!

“…YOU WATCHED THE DARK KNIGHT TRILOGY???”

not the third one I would cry so hard because i like batman a lot so seeing him lose would make me very upset

“…let me get this straight. YOU HAVE WATCHED BATMAN BEGINS AND THE DARK KNIGHT BUT DONT WANT TO WATCH THE DARK KNIGHT RISES BECAUSE BATMAN LOSES.”

yeah I’d be super sad for the rest of the day :(

“what about when Harvey dent became two face??? isn’t that really sad??? didn’t you cry over that a lot as well????”

yeah my day was a bit sad

“so wouldn’t it be EXACTLY THE SAME THING to watch batman just. LOSE but not DIE—“

NO IT WOULD NOT!!! IT WOULDNT BE THE SAME BECAUSE IM SO ATTACHED TO BATMAN THAT ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY!! NOT TWO-FACE!!! NOT JONKLER!!! BATMAN AND BRUCE WAYNE!!! IVE CRIED FOR AN HOUR STRAIGHT OVER A CHARACTER IVE BEEN SUPER ATTACHED TO BEFORE BECAUSE HE DIED IN A FANFICTION!!! FANFICTION!!! NOT CANON, FANFICTION!!! SO IMAGINE HOW DEVASTATING IT IS TO ME THAT BATMAN LOSING IS CANON!!!!

“…well yeah but it shows that even the best heroes fall—“

I DONT CARE IF ITS GIVING ME A LIFE LESSON HEATH LEDGER SHOULDN’T HAVE DIED BECAUSE EVEN BANE BEING MENTIONED IS SUPER SURE TO RUIN MY LIFE FOR A COUPLE OF MINUTES BECAUSE HE WAS SO MEAN TO BATMAN!!! JOKER BEING IN THE 3RD MOVIE WOUD HAVE BEEN SUPER COOL BECAUSE HE DID A REALLY GOOD JOB IN THE DARK KNIGHT!!! ALSO IM PROBABLY NOT NEUROTYPICAL SO OF COURSE I WOULD CRY OVER BATMAN AND ALSO NOT WANT TO WATCH A MOVIE WHERE HE LOSES AT SOME POINT, EVEN IF SOMEHOW AT THE END EVERYTHING IS SKIBIDI!!!!

“….”

in conclusion I’m gonna avoid watching the dark knight rises so I don’t get tears in my eyes for no reason at random points in the day after because I think about what happened in the movie

[brycesbott0m]

"What's your favorite meal of the day"

Me, without hesitation:

DINNER

The person:

b-b-b-BUT DINNER IS THE LAST MEAL OF THE DAY! T-THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE IS BREAKFAST... A-AND DINNER IS A-AT E-EIGHT AT N-N-(nickoledon?) NIGHT

*Inhales heavily*

LISTEN MOTHERFUCKER DINNER IS GOOD EVERY NIGHT MY MOM MAKES ME THE SAME EITHER CHICKEN PATTIES, HOTDOGS, MEATBALLS, STEAK OR MAC AND CHEESE AND THAT IS THE ONLY FOOD SHE MAKES ME SHE HAS BEEN FEEDING ME AND MY SIBLING THAT SINCE WE WERE FOUR AND I FUCKING LOVE IT I HAVE A DRUG ADDICTION AT THIS POINT. IF SHE GETS A DIFFERNENT SAUCE FOR MY MEATBALLS OR GIVES ME A GRILLED CHEESE WITHOUT IT CUT AROUND THE EDGES JUST RIGHT WITHOUT THE DAMN CRUMBS ON THE PLATE- OR EVEN IF MY HOTDOGS SMELL SLIGHTLY WEIRD AND TASTE LIKE SHIT I AM GOING TO NOTICE BUT I WILL STILL EAT IT AND PRAY THAT TOMORROWS DINNER WILL BE BETTER. BREAKFAST FOOD IS SHIT. I ONLY LIKE BACON. EGGS? MAYBE ONE DAY ILL WARM UP TO THEM BUT FOR NOW THEY SUCK ASS. ORANGE JUICE? FUCK THAT! MILK? MAKES ME FAT I HAD A MILK ADDICTION LAST YEAR AND MY DOCTOR WAS SO CONCERNED I HAD TO STOP DRINKING MILK FOR A WHILE I HATE BREAKFAST AND LUNCH IS NOT ANY BETTER LIKE IM NOT EATING A MINI MEAL THAT IS BASICALLY SCHOOL FOOD NINE MONTHS AND TWELVE YEARS OF MY LIFE

*inhale*

so, yeah, can't wait for my mom to come home and microwave my food exactly how I like it after I repeatedly listen to Hamilton songs on my tv.

You probably: You're autistic.

Eh.....I have artism. So...maybe?

[th3lightyougaveme]

EVERYONE GIVE ME A BIG OL HELL YEAH

IM BACK AT MY MOMS AND I TALKED TO MY GRANDMA ABT HOW I THINK IM AUTISTIC AND SHE ACTUALLY LISTENED TO ME UNLIKE WHAT MY DAD WOULD'VE DONE 🔥🔥🔥