broodyjoey

[broodyjoey]

Sometimes I think I'm about to get to some progress in the late night pseudo-therapy sessions with my mom (The ones that she puts upon me unwillingly, like bro I do NOT want to listen to my parent's sex life!), but then she says things at the end which just reminds me that I'm the hostage here. That there's no saving this whole situation and that my parents are terrible, fucked up people with issues so toxic, it's seeping into both mine and my sister's lives. And that thinking of saving them was a big mistake on my part because that's parentifying myself and putting myself to blame for their shitty sham of a marriage.

I am reminded that I'll become and am becoming just like them. I'm becoming bitter and losing both my parents at the same time. Not that I hadn't been parentified as a child. It's just now it's even worse and going into emotional incest at this point. I'm hearing every single detail like I was paid to dissect their marriage, as a professional psychologist. TF, I am your child! Why do yall not see that?

And it's even, even worse that I'm the only child to receive this heavy of emotional incest. My little sister doesn't get this treatment, I want to say I don't understand but the truth is that I do; it's because I'm the oldest and didn't run away to save myself unlike my sister.

It's triple worse because I can see myself walking down this road except being even more bitter and alone, being unable to find a partner I can trust after seeing this train wreck of a pretense of a "family", being unable to reach out when I need help and being so scarred emotionally, I'll need meds for the rest of my life.

Not to say meds is bad, I'm just lazy to swallow them everyday. I'm bad at routines. But what's bad is that the inability to change the course of my life because I'm also as stubborn and uneducated like my parents. Despite starting out stronger in academic skills, I have ended up in a similar plight. I don't think I can pull of hard maneuvering my whole life if I don't have therapy and medications.

I just hope that I'll have enough common sense and energy to pull this off. I already know it's quite late in my country. Many people marry early to get a roof over their head. I don't know if I could even overcome this enough to get a roof over my own head. I'm literally still a hikki, starting to think I'm starting even lower than before. I wish I had the rush I had as a kid, that adrenaline that I had as a younger adult. I had the energy to change my life, and I was violently pushing against the invisible wall that threatened to put me back into this miserable reality.

I was able to withstand the price of change, the discomfort of being.

I know I'll say the same thing over 5 years from now, if there's no change in my life. So change will feel regretful either ways when delayed...

[broodyjoey]

trick me once shame on you. shame on you. shame on you shame on you i hate you. i ltierally trusted you.

[broodyjoey]

A Woman’s Lot

[broodyjoey]

I'm so tired of even giving a little, why is my heart empty now?

[broodyjoey]

DUA LIPA as MERMAID BARBIES Barbie (2023) dir. Greta Gerwig

[broodyjoey]

she yearns for the tub water. disgusting.

[broodyjoey]

Vivipary - when seeds sprout while still being attached to its mother fruit

[broodyjoey]

TW // SA mention, sexual assault mention, rape mention

Maybe the universe has been trying to tell me that I should keep going, but I just wasn't listening...Even the thing that I thought wasn't possible anymore somehow worked today. Even after being sexually assaulted years ago, body rejecting anything in my vagina and losing both ability to cum & my continence and still having incontinence after all these years, I managed to stretch myself to 2 fingers today! It's still not how it used to be, I can still feel the resistance from my body, but I feel like I can relax and not dissociate and auto-reject now.

I still can't cum but I think being able to relax my kegel muscles is a good step in the right direction, no more incontinence because I couldn't fully empty my bladder due to my muscles just not relaxing at all. Today's bladder is in pain but functioning better than most days. But I can't tell if it's the bladder or the uterus that's in pain right now...Still happy I'm not peeing my pants for today. And maybe never again, now that I'm on a steady path towards kegel and pelvis muscles recovery. ☺

[broodyjoey]

2025.04

[broodyjoey]

Round two done

[broodyjoey]

[broodyjoey]

[broodyjoey]

Preorders are open for new S-Class charms!!

Preorders close on February 18th. Shipping will commence at the end of March.

🇺🇸 US Shop 🌏 Global Shop

[broodyjoey]

Thank you for the recent shop orders! I'm discontinuing all my charms and taking a break from making new designs.

Last chance to grab them while they are still available!

🇺🇸 US Shop 🌏 Global Shop

Shares are really appreciated ❤️

[broodyjoey]

[broodyjoey]

BEST BIG BROTHER EVER 🥲

[broodyjoey]

“I’d be lonely without you, Fushiguro”

My Itafushi babies finally talked </3