carol-danvers-owns-my-heart

[carol-danvers-owns-my-heart]

ned: you’re the spider-man?????

peter parker, wearing the actual spider-man suit, hanging from the ceiling, having just closed his door by shooting webs at it: ⁿᵒ, ᶦ’ᵐ ⁿᵒᵗ

[carol-danvers-owns-my-heart]

let me do some real quick math for y’all.

to my count, there have been 18 confirmed upcoming projects for phases 4-5 of the mcu. of these 18, only five of them (black widow, wandavision, ms. marvel, she-hulk, and captain marvel 2) have female characters in the title. and yet injured white boys on the internet seem to think marvel is pushing this whole feminism thing too far & making up female characters to get some brownie points among the people who actually care about equality.

here’s a fact: complaining about 5/18 being Too Many Female Characters isn’t taking a stand against radical feminism & misandry, like all the whining crybabies seem to think it is. it’s straight up misogyny.

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marvel just outlined the next 2-3 years of movies and disney+ series at sdcc, so it’s time to play a game:

can our excitement over new content outweigh our sadness that we’re never seeing tony or the original 6 united again?

[carol-danvers-owns-my-heart]

hey all

we’re YOUNG, we’re GAY, and we’re STILL IN DENIAL ABOUT TONY STARK’S DEATH

[carol-danvers-owns-my-heart]

i get that the whole “there is only one possible outcome where we win” thing in infinity war was just to be dramatic, but that also means that if literally aNYthing major had been different, they would have lost. if it had been clint who sacrificed himself on vormir instead and it was natasha who was there for the final battle, they would’ve lost. why? was clint essential? would natasha not have done a good enough job protecting the gauntlet? what the heck marvel?

[carol-danvers-owns-my-heart]

reasons why Scott Lang is the best and softest avenger

he cares so much about his daughter and it’s amazing

he’s literally incapable of not helping out when someone needs help and it’s gotten him in trouble again and again

like seriously he immediately breaks the rules of his house arrest to call hank and hope when he has like, an unusually vivid dream

he gives his ants names

the first thing he does after bruce brings everyone back from the snap is just stand there and watch the birds outside with the softest expression

the entirety of the scene at cassie’s school in amatw

and then at the end, when they’re joking and asking him if he wants string cheese and juice and he says “do you really have that?”

when rocket mockingly called him a lil puppy (and i mean, he was right)

every time he interacts with his Celebrity Crush, Captain America and is just the softest little fanboy ever

he steals natasha’s sadness sandwich

the final fights of both the ant-man movies are so ridiculous. the first once has a thomas the tank engine in it and the second involves an enlarged PEZ dispenser i love him

he gets on house arrest and he spends his time learning magic tricks

[carol-danvers-owns-my-heart]

civil war wouldn’t have happened if cap and tony had like, tried for one second to understand each others’ perspectives, and that’s the tea

[carol-danvers-owns-my-heart]

kind of ffh spoilers

me: jake gyllenhaal’s going to be a villain in far from home. there’s no question about it

jake gyllenhaal: *is a villain in far from home*

me:

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do you ever think about how these three clowns are all that remains of cap!fam

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do you ever think about how in hoco tony told peter that if peter died, he would blame himself

and then when peter did die in infinity war, he apologized to tony

because

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okay okay okay but this is my favorite ever because the changing of the seating was TOTALLY intentional. the whole rest of the scene is staged in the same way as in the mcu, so why would they rearrange them? natasha and clint are even in the same seats in both scenes! they still have the 6-seats-around-an-oval-table even though there’s 7 team members so they had to put sam floating around somewhere in the back! they made an intentional decision to sit stevetony and thorbruce side by side and it’s because of the Gay

their shawarma scene alone is already more than enough proof that avengers assemble is superior to the MCU in every way, I mean

first off we always knew the whole AA team ships stevetony and thorbruce but this is the first time they pulled a straight up “fuck you” to the mcu and decided to change the seating (in the once scene that’s a direct reference to it - they never allude to the mcu again thank god) so both stevetony and thorbruce are seated next to each other

and then the whole way they subtly show Tony paying for everything they do

and they just manage to fit SO much characterisation and team dynamics into a, what, 40 second scene???? and make it rly fckin funny at the same time?????

just wow. when will the MCU ever

[carol-danvers-owns-my-heart]

happy birthday to steve rogers, and a friendly reminder that it is 2019 and he hasn’t yeeted off to another timeline and abandoned all his loved ones just yet, so he’s probably celebrating at the compound with natasha!

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carol danvers could kill a man and i'd be like “awwww look at my sweet bby girl, don’t judge her she’s still adjusting to having her memories back!” it’s terrible. she has the same energy as loki and bucky.

[carol-danvers-owns-my-heart]

Two orders of dad-bod Avengers please

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bonus:

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i wasted a whole lot of time and energy to make something as stupid as this