carrot-palette

[carrot-palette]

Hi. This is my first time on this blog as me. It’s pretty easy to tell if I’m out because I can only really perceive my little sub group. I also am scared of certain things that other parts aren’t, so that’s also a pretty good indicator.

It’s pretty stressful being out. I’m prone to dissociation and panicking, and so being out means I’m dealing with some danger, real or not, and that gets hard.

I’m glad I have this blog. It’s a place I can share my experiences and also understand the nuances of being a part of a big whole.

I’ve gotta remember that I’m not a kid. I’m an adult in college studying stuff to learn how to have a career. It’s kind of hard to recontextualize my life around what’s happening here and now, but I’m trying.

Thanks for reading!

-Puzzle 🧩

[carrot-palette]

Oh also my asks are open! If I’m fronting I’ll answer them!!

-Carrot 🥕

[carrot-palette]

As a part in a subsystem, I don’t really feel like those parts of me are all that separate. I feel like one unit whole, and each of us is a different color, and that entire whole is one part in a bigger system.

Because I’m still separating what I believed upon formation as a part from the actual facts of my real world and real world mental health info, it’s been really difficult using language that I feel doesn’t sensationalize what I experience.

People turn DID inadvertently into “Alter Disorder” a lot, and I’m prone to doing the same because it feels more comfortable.

I find the differences in myself and the others in the subsystem really interesting, even stuff I’d like to publicly share, but at some point I do need to keep the big collective whole I’m a part of in mind and the recovery that I (collectively) have decided I’m going to pursue.

Sensationalizing DID is really common, and a part of me (maybe based on what I sourced from, maybe just being a kid who needed more care/attention) really wants to show it off and flaunt it like a DID YouTuber. Fuck all the bad bits and just show myself having fun.

I would be lying and stretching the truth though, and I’d be separating myself from the entire big system I’m in. I don’t want to do that.

It feels like I’m constantly fighting against “my nature” to do what’s right, because my perception of did as a part is the sensationalized and fun version online.

I’m not sure if I make sense.

-Carrot 🥕

[carrot-palette]

Introduction!

Hello everyone. My name is Carrot, and I wanted to make a side blog talking about what it’s like to be a factual introject and also a part of a subsystem.

This blog is going to be separate from my main syscourse blog, because I don’t feel any personal connection to it. You should know though that I am anti-endo. If that bothers you please feel free to scroll or block.

I won’t be saying who I’m a factual introject of. I feel like that defeats the purpose of doing this in a sensitive or informed way. The further I stay away from who I’m formed based off of, the better.

The majority of my subsystem either doesn’t have access or doesn’t care about the main group of parts that identify with day to day life. That’s why I wanted to make a separate space.

The internet, specifically the did side of the internet, is full of a lot of misinformation and sensationalization. I wanted to make a blog talking about two topics that get sensationalized the most in a nuanced and engaging way, specially introjection and subsystems.

I have did and I’ve been diagnosed for two years. Even if I don’t feel super connected to my entire collective whole, I always keep the goals that have already been started (career, relationship, financial) in mind before doing anything.

Here’s a list of parts that could say something on this blog. I’m (probably) not gonna have separate intro posts for these parts, so this is pretty much all that’s gonna be shared about them unless they want to say more.

Carrot 🥕 (ne/nim) 19 “sub-host”

Coin 🪙 (he/him) manager

Puzzle 🧩 (dae/daem)

Flamingo 🦩 (she/her)

I perceive myself personally as 19, but that’s not my actual physical age, and I put more stock into the age I am as an entire whole, which is 20 (I’ll edit this when I turn 21).

I won’t be doing a DNI because I can just block you if I don’t like you, but you should know I’m:

Anti endo

Pro recovery

Anti misinformation

Anti sensationalization

Have a good day!!