cartoonscientist

[cartoonscientist]

I love how the fact that discrepancies in the Gregorian calendar lead to people in a 2-3 day flex span being classified as Sagittarius in some horoscopes and Scorpio in others have lead to the invention of Scorpittarius, a completely made up zodiac sign represented by the Scorpitaur, which somehow hundreds of people independently came up with as children and then grew up to make illustrations of, which I think is awesome tbh. my zodiac sign is a memetic entity, a fucking legitimate egregore.

[cartoonscientist]

me, referring to the bee that came in on the giant bouquet I just cut for my mom: I have successfully put the bee outside. she’s safe. the little woman is safe. the little sterile lesbian. the communist woman.

my mom: she’s just a little lady!

me: aww, little communist ladies in stripey overalls working in their female separatist commune! so cute.

me later as I type this: if this breaches containment the normies are going to miss that I’m on ~five levels of recursive irony and will start sharing Hard Science Facts that contradict my anthropomorphized and politicized views of hive insects

[cartoonscientist]

okay I don’t have DID, I have OSDD, but like, is it just me or does roughly four personalities seem pretty much average??

[cartoonscientist]

update: the rumors were correct, you can put DMT in a vape pen

people think vaping is lame but vaping is great because it can be literally anything. super potent cannabis oil. psilocybin. caffeine. literally just air flavored like watermelon. DMT, apparently, but I feel like that would be difficult to keep discrete.

[cartoonscientist]

[cartoonscientist]

[cartoonscientist]

[cartoonscientist]

you know what I can picture a dude jerking off to all of those things but especially the leg hair and the laying injured on the ground one, maybe not the throat but only because it’s blurry, but if she has her mouth wide open in it then definitely he jerked off to that yeah

[cartoonscientist]

I mean I do technically know the diet that reduces my IBD and GERD symptoms the most but if I lived like that I would be eating fucking mcdonalds and beige food all the time and I actually enjoy eating produce?? so like, why do I have to live in a world where I mediate the amount of strawberries I consume, I ask you

[cartoonscientist]

this is very petty of me because I can’t expect people to store random information about me in their mind and or constantly self-edit their small talk to avoid possibly irritating a disabled person, but I really hate it when people notice that I’m having IBD or GERD symptoms and ask what’s wrong, and then if I tell them I’m not feeling well they’ll just keep asking increasingly personal questions until I’m forced to give them a full rundown of my chronic digestive illness when I really just want to focus on not vomiting and/or shitting my pants

dialogue examples:

oh no! do you have food poisoning? where did you last eat?

oh no! do you think you’re getting sick? did you get your flu shot?

did you eat too fast? were you in a hurry before you got here? did you eat too much? did you eat something spicy? are you not used to eating vegetables? this must be your first time drinking a smoothie, huh?

do you have a stomachache? I used to hold a pillow when I had a stomachache as kid, do you want me to find you a pillow? do you get stomachaches a lot, I don’t really get them anymore as an adult? I wonder what could have caused it? what did you eat recently? is it certain foods? have you tried a FODMAP diet? you know, my cousin had really bad gas all the time and it turned out he was intolerant to gluten, have you ever been tested for that?

I’ve had some success with “I was born with a stomach deformity, thank you for your concern but I’ll be fine, I just power through” as a stock response to shut them down at the beginning and it’s technically true, just not the entire story

[cartoonscientist]

designing humanoids with asymmetric radial body plans like succulents but you know what it’s gonna make so much sense when you see them

[cartoonscientist]

also @dirtyjustin100 I did receive your asks but I probably will take a while to respond bc they’re interesting questions that require sort of in depth answers that take a bit of time to type out!

[cartoonscientist]

hm. do you think energy drinks make me feel better because of the caffeine or because I’m deficient in B vitamins

I chose the Tetris flavored gfuel at the dollar store because Tetris just seems like it would taste better than Megaman or Sonic

[cartoonscientist]

I chose the Tetris flavored gfuel at the dollar store because Tetris just seems like it would taste better than Megaman or Sonic

[cartoonscientist]

surprisingly semi-frequently I see clothing product photos where a black minimalist linen dress is being modeled by an absolutely humorless anemic ginger woman with her hair in a center part just giving the camera serial killer mugshot and I’m like omg hi miss alex

[cartoonscientist]

I can tell God smiles upon my crusade to resurrect Creepy Crawlers using liquid silicone because a few weeks ago I bought a huge burlap sack of vintage thingmaker molds for five dollars at a flea market

[cartoonscientist]

it is such a lie that home depot is full of lesbians, i am constantly going to home depot to pick up landscaping supplies and literally the only people ive ever seen there are straight couples, it’s like gorpy ikea

honestly the only place I consistently encounter dykes (which I’ll use as an all-encompassing term for sapphics and fem-passing nonwomen) is in the waiting rooms of specialty medical offices