cast-adrift-in-the-endless-sea - Tumblr blog

[cast-adrift-in-the-endless-sea]

Am I just an object for people to project onto? Why is everyone always trying to make me into someone else? I am screaming into a void and there is no one on the other side

[cast-adrift-in-the-endless-sea]

My mother told me that no one will believe me because I have mental health issues

[cast-adrift-in-the-endless-sea]

Why don't you listen to me? No is a complete sentence. It means I don't want to. It means leave me alone. It means, you're making me uncomfortable. It means stop. When you think my no means try harder, it shows that you don't care what I want. You don't care about me.

[cast-adrift-in-the-endless-sea]

You don't see me when I'm imploding. You only see me when I'm whole.

[cast-adrift-in-the-endless-sea]

Wouldn't it be easier to give in and give up? To give myself away? What am I fighting so hard for?

[cast-adrift-in-the-endless-sea]

Why am I not good enough for you? Why am I destroying myself trying?

[cast-adrift-in-the-endless-sea]

My anger swallows me whole

[cast-adrift-in-the-endless-sea]

My mother threatens me all the time. She holds money, home, food, and education all as a consequence of what she deems to be correct behaviour. And I see her face. She enjoys being in a position of power, having all the power, and I am always powerless. Nobody believes me. "Compartmentalize," they say, as if I can put all the hurt and pain into a perfect little box. "She's struggling and going through a hard time," they say, as if her pain justifies mine. "Stop being such a brat," they say, as I scream and scream and scream in a hundred different ways.

[cast-adrift-in-the-endless-sea]

I am alone

[cast-adrift-in-the-endless-sea]

There is chaos in my mind

[cast-adrift-in-the-endless-sea]

I doubt the way I feel. I wonder, is it real? Or am I just making up reasons to be upset/angry/me

[cast-adrift-in-the-endless-sea]

Everything is underwater

[cast-adrift-in-the-endless-sea]

Wouldn't life be easier if I were the way I'm supposed to be?

[cast-adrift-in-the-endless-sea]

Nobody taught me how to be a person the right way

[cast-adrift-in-the-endless-sea]

I don't know how to move on. I don't know how to leave people or places or things behind or leave them alone. I crave sameness the same way I crave change.

[cast-adrift-in-the-endless-sea]

Someone help me, I can't breathe

[cast-adrift-in-the-endless-sea]

I wish there wasn't a storm in my head.