charliesjournal

[charliesjournal]

(2) Tumblr on We Heart It.

[charliesjournal]

Feb 14. 10:22PM

Fucking Valentine's Day. I got a pack of cigarettes and an eight ball of coke, as well as a chocolate bar. Stoked for the coke. Threw out the chocolate bar. 

I'm in a suburb of New York for a ski trip. Hopefully I don't fall and die.

-Charlie

[charliesjournal]

Feb 13. 3:30PM

Alphabet of my life

A is for anorexia nervosa

B is for blink-182, a terrific band,

C is for Charlie, me

D is for drugs, no need for explanation

E is for energy drinks, red bull preferably

F is for freak show, i'm not the most normal of them all

G is for green eyes, yep

H is for hazelnut spread, my old favourite food

I is for ice cold (I live in Canada)

J is for James St. James (Party Monster 2003)

K is for my kettle, I love me a cup of tea.

L is for LSD, because I need to be anywhere but here

M is for Marianas Trench, the first band who showed me true love for music

N is for no ignorance, people need to educate themselves and not be racist, discriminatory, reverse discriminatory, or homophobic

O is for open relationships, just hooking up, not ready to date right now

P is for Party Monster, a beautiful movie

Q is for quick, I used to run!!

R is for reading, I love books

S is for sodium, one of my biggest fears

T is for tripping, I love acid

U is for underwear, I love cute lingerie

V is for Veronica Sawyer (Heathers, 1988)

W is for wonder, I have so many questions

X is for xylophone, the only word that starts with X.

Y is for young, I'm a teen

Z is for Zoe, someone I knew very very well.

[charliesjournal]

Feb 12. 10:13 PM

Favorite Music Videos Of All Time:

Jesus Of Suburbia - Green Day

Criminal - Fiona Apple

Rebel Love Song -  Black Veil Brides

Damnit - blink-182

What's My Age Again - blink-182

Say Anything - Marianas Trench

Damned If I Do Ya (Damned If I Don't) - All Time Low

My Medicine - The Pretty Reckless

Make Me Wanna Die - The Pretty Reckless

Gunnin' - Hedley

-Charlie

[charliesjournal]

Feb 10. 9:55PM

I'm at my lowest weight ever. 118! Yay. I am so excited. I'm also wearing sweats so no one sees my fat legs. 

When I look in the mirror, I think my thighs are too huge and my arms are massive. My calves are too big and my stomach is disgusting. I don't think I'm overweight. I know I'm thin. I just don't think I'm thin enough which makes me feel uncomfortable.

I did eat a bit much today. I know I am going to weigh a lot more tomorrow and that makes me sad. I ate: 1 tbsp of peanut butter, 1/4 an egg salad sandwich, and 1/2 a bowl of black bean soup. I also got 1 hershey's kiss. I know that's huge but I will do better tomorrow.

I'm going to take a diet pill. I hope I'm a bit lower tomorrow.

-Charlie

[charliesjournal]

[charliesjournal]

Feb 8. 11:14PM

What a day! You cannot even explain how excited I am to relay it.

I slept in (which is good since I have insomnia) and then I went to meet my friend at Starbucks. How cute and wholesome did that sound! I got a coconut water (tastes like shit but 60 calories). My friend got a caramel macchiato. I was like all 'lets be cute and good' in my head but my iPod case was screaming "Charlie! There's acid in here!". So we took it. I don't know if it was 1 tab each or only half but it was cool. When we walked home, nothing really happened. We talked, nervously excited. We got to her basement and started...tripping...? The word feels weird in my mouth, like it's something I didn't do. But I did.

I don't know when I started seeing things. We were on tumblr....then we played Raft Wars for ages. We started laughing weirdly about it and that's when I unprofessionally diagnosed with being totally drugged up. We were obsessed with the time. I remember that clearly. "What time is it?" "4:07!" Our biggest phobia was loosing track of the time. I remember loosing my ipod and searching through the pockets of my jacket and feeling so trapped. I remember calling people and just laughing and hanging up. I remember the taste of hot water. I remember my skin feeling like heavy. I sucked in my cheek and it stayed in there till I pushed it out. I sucked in my stomach and it stayed sucked in for a bit. I remember paranoia. My dad was coming to get me. I was in the car with my dad.

That was when it got bad. I could not focus on my dad's pointless empty conversation. It stacked up and felt like a huge weight piling on me. I remember trying so hard to pretend to be sober. I remember waving my hand in front of my faces and traces staying there. I remember talking to my family friends about random shit. It doesn't matter. I was seeing green. They were all green. I saw all my family and family's friends pupils explode. It was clearly the LSD but I saw it. I fell down the stairs and didn't feel it. It started wearing off after the fall. I listened to Rap God by Eminem a few times. And I remember thinking "I am so going to fucking trip with the guy I have a crush on before next february"

-Charlie

[charliesjournal]

Feb 7. 12:05AM

Here's some stuff about me:

-My name is Charlotte. Charlie is a nickname.

-My birthday is May 19. I am a Taurus

-I am very tall, 5'10

-My favourite person is Mary-Kate Olsen

-I have so many favourite movies but up there at the top of my list are: Heathers, Nightmare Before Christmas, Alice In Wonderland (the old one), 8 Mile, Cabin In The Woods, and Election.

-I do use drugs occasionally. I don't see myself as addicted

-I have clinically diagnosed schizophrenia and anorexia nervosa

-My BMI is 17.2

-I have unusually small feet

-I don't like relationships

-I question my sexuality quite a bit. All my celebrity crushes are girls. All my real life crushes are guys. Weird, huh?

-I really like listening to music

-I don't like school and I'm not very smart

-I was originally born in South Africa, but I live in Canada

-I am caucasian

-My eyes are green

-My hair is very curly

-I love talking to people online

-I have beaten people up in real life and have gotten beaten up

-I have had a nose job but for medical reasons, and I decided while they were operating on my nose to have it done

-My friends think I am in recovery

-My parents don't notice me

-The diet pills I take are called Stacker 3 XPLC and they work

-Even though I hate school, I believe that everyone should finish high school because of 1, the experiences and 2, just so everyone at least had a shot at getting an education

-I draw

-I am writing a novel called Anorexic Alice and I am posting it on quotev. I will give you a link later.

-I do NOT smoke pot because I cannot control the munchies

-Anorexia nervosa controls my entire life

-I have a crush on someone who will never love me

-I do not have body dysmorphia disorder and NOT ALL ANOREXIC PEOPLE HAVE IT. I see what my body looks like in the mirror. I know that I'm the thinnest of everyone I know. But to me it's about being perfect and not a pound more. 

-I am not depressed and I do not wish to kill myself. That is not my intention.

-I am vegetarian.

-If you read this whole thing, like it.

-If you like this post, I will send you a message saying what I think of your posts and give you a percent.

-Charlie

[charliesjournal]

Feb 5. 9:01PM

Didn't binge. But I ate too much salad. But a quarter of the amount of pasta my parents ate. Yay. 

Watching New York Minute. Roxy Ryan (Mary Kate Olsen, obviously) is my soul animal.

-Charlie

[charliesjournal]

One of my favourite people. All pictures from google. Deal with it.

[charliesjournal]

Feb 5. 7:34PM

Tired. Tired. Tired. So snowy here in Canada. Shovelled for like an hour and it's STILL not done. But at least I'm burning some calories. All I really want.

-Charlie

[charliesjournal]

[charliesjournal]

come on skinny love I tumblr on We Heart It.

[charliesjournal]

Feb 4. 8:28AM

Just bought this book called Ana's Girls about online anorexia and such. It's not like Wintergirls or Thinspo or Allison Wonderland (such a good book about ana) but it's like a set of notes giving the full run down on it. So far looking pretty good.

I like that it talks about the positives and negatives instead of being biased over on one side.

-Charlie

(PS been texting the guy I like. Super sweet)

[charliesjournal]

[charliesjournal]

[charliesjournal]