charliewhaw

[charliewhaw]

Hello, I hope I'm not bothering you. I was introduced to your writing through "Who Am I?" And immediately went to find your other works. I read "Prion" not too long ago and I have to say, I've never read anything like it, but I would love to. I absolutely adored it, but then I noticed it's been awhile since you posted anything. My question is, are you working on anything that I can look forward to? And if you aren't, and are taking a well earned break, then that's completely fine.

I guess this is just an unnecessarily long way of asking, MORE WRITING PLEASE. I CRAVE IT.

Thank you! Xxxx

Haha, thank you! I'm glad you've been enjoying my stuff! :) I'm actually working on some stuff right now, I'm just in a bit of a limbo. (Dealing with ghost insurance since January and have been on the phone like 24/7 with these butt munchers).

I'm currently working on a oneshot to get me back into the flow of the characters. Then I'll be finishing up Icing, then Switch, then Who Am I?, and then finally Alastor's Hell series.

Really wanna buckle down and do all this shit before season 2 comes out, but idk if that's actually gonna happen lol.

[charliewhaw]

"Prion" Oneshot

Alastor develops Chronic Wasting Disease from eating a diseased deer. Charlie struggles to care for him until he recovers.

[charliewhaw]

Switch, 2P Ficlet

An ask by @angelvan105

It turned into a whole fanfiction. Click here!

Charlie finds Alastor after his battle with Adam and desperately tries to heal him herself. Things didn't go as planned and now there are two Alastors, one of which is from an opposite reality. Introducing: 2P Alastor!

Here's the story cover:

[charliewhaw]

what if Alastor lost deal from Vox and he own his souls how outcome to be like!?

( This is kind of dark. Didn’t mean for it to come out that way, but it did. Hope you like dark radiosilence. ) (( Edited by balloondrifloon ))

Alastor was either stupid enough (or Vox was just lucky enough) to be caught between a rock and a hard place– also known as Vox. Things weren’t looking good, and the consequences would be devastating:

Alastor was about to lose his soul to Vox.

Panic was something Alastor rarely felt. There were too many thoughts in his head to block out the panic effectively. So, it swirled in his brain like a cloud of wispy smoke, watching as Vox loomed over him.

He’d lost.

Fuck.

Vox laughed maniacally, summoning the neon blue chain around Alastor’s neck and yanking him to his knees. Alastor gripped the chain with his hands, willing for his new owner to give him some slack. The deed was done and the contract was signed. There was no going back.

Vox’s happiness was immeasurable, but it was tainted with hatred. The venom that lingered in his smile was undeniable, and he used that venom to inflict relentless humiliation on Alastor. Without the ability to resist, Alastor was forced to obey Vox’s every command. Every vile, disgusting, revolting, yet completely deserved command.

Deserved. Right. No matter how much Alastor wanted to believe that he was above this, he knew that Vox had won. Dirty tricks might have been played, sure. But that was just another rule of the game when in Hell and when betting on a soul.

So, yes. As much as Alastor wanted to fight every waking moment of his new life, he realized that he deserved every command. He was a terrible person, caught in a terrible trap.

Vox’s first command was humiliating. He forced Alastor to join the Vees, the very thing he’d made such a show of rejecting. He might have preferred to be Vox’s slave. At least then he would still hold the dignity of sticking to his decision to not be a part of Vox’s company. But no, that wasn’t Vox’s plan for him.

Vox relished in Alastor’s distaste for being a Vee. His name wasn’t changed, and no real adjustments to the company were made in his wake, implying he had no say in anything. But simply being a Vee, and Alastor hating the very air he breathed inside the tower, seemed to awaken a sadistic joy inside Vox.

On the other hand, there was an anger to Vox’s joy. Why had it taken this to make Alastor join? Why did Vox have to force someone who used to be his best friend to join his company? Alastor was sure those were the questions swimming in Vox’s head, and the suffering that danced in Vox’s red and blue eyes about such things were all that kept Alastor from trying to off himself.

Vox’s punishments didn’t make it any easier. There was never a stated reason for these punishments, but Alastor assumed they were all in backlash to him rejecting Vox’s company so long ago. Vox made Alastor publicly state that Vox was better than him. That Vox was superior. Alastor managed to make this as snarky and condescending as he could to save even a little bit of face, but he still felt his cheeks flush with rage as he spoke to the public. He could feel Vox practically orgasming at Alastor’s embarrassment through their soul connection.

Alastor was forced to handle menial tasks for Vox, like a secretary of sorts. He supposed he was just lucky that Vox didn’t give him a uniform to wear. From making coffee, to fetching files, to simply standing at Vox’s side while Vox typed away on his computer, Alastor felt like a servant. He had half the mind to slip poison into Vox’s drink some mornings, but getting that past Vox’s prying eyes would have been impossible. Vox stared at him. All the time. Like he couldn’t believe Alastor was real. His gaze was lecherous and primal. It made Alastor’s skin crawl.

Some punishments would… linger. Vox had no qualms with touching Alastor’s hands, arms, or legs. While none of the punishments demanded that he be touched, Vox’s hands would always find their way onto Alastor’s body. The particularly upsetting punishments were the ones where Vox rested his hands on Alastor as though they were lovers. Never anywhere scandalous. But the touches were too relaxed. Too… too much. Alastor hated those the most.

One of Vox’s demands was that Alastor turn off his camera distortion. This just opened up a whole world of new humiliation. Vox made Alastor join him for his television broadcasted public speeches. Not to speak, but to stand next to Vox and be silent. To be clearly supportive and obedient to Vox on live television. Vox just wanted Hell to know he owned the Radio Demon. Video truly did kill the radio star.

Vox beat Alastor and that was something to celebrate. He forced Alastor to go with him for a night out on the town the same day Vox gained his new, antlered soul. They went to several bars, Vox announcing proudly that he owned Alastor. He flaunted Alastor off like a new car, wanting people to see him at every angle to prove he was real, all while not allowing anyone to get too close.

He forced Alastor to drink quite a lot that night. Alastor became drunk, which was not something that happened frequently. The fear in Alastor’s mind rose as he was commanded to drink more and more. Vox could take full advantage of him in this state. Not that he couldn’t anyway. But at least Alastor would have the dexterity and his wit to protect him. Not now, though.

Instead of taking Alastor into a backroom and taking advantage of him, Vox managed to wrangle Alastor into some couples poses and took selfies with him. Alastor was both relieved and disgusted. He didn’t want to think about how close he had come to being brought to Vox’s room that night.

Vox never forced himself on Alastor in such a way, and the reason for this became clear to Alastor quite quickly: Vox wanted Alastor to fall in love with his new life. He wanted Alastor to begin to enjoy being a part of the Vees. To enjoy belonging to Vox. This was made evident by how much Vox would cater to him, despite being the owner of his soul.

Vox had a radio tower installed in the V-Tower just for Alastor. He was encouraged to continue his radio broadcasts, even given scripts to follow to which Alastor wasn’t pleased by, and he would alter the scripts to fit himself better– Vox never scolded him for it, even if his broadcasts got snarky and a little offensive to the Vees. Alastor supposed his displeasure for the Vees in his broadcasts only displayed that he had lost to Vox. The badmouthing of his owner and his partners stopped immediately upon realizing this.

Alastor enjoyed cooking, and Vox knew this. The deer would be permitted in the kitchen to prepare meals for the Vees, closely monitored by cameras and robotic assistants. Vox would get a list from Alastor each night, stating what ingredients he needed the next day. These ingredients would always be prepped and available on the kitchen counters when Alastor went down to the kitchen for meal time, no matter how exotic or expensive.

Alastor was not allowed to feed demon meat to the Vees, nor consume it himself. At first. It would take Vox some time to realize that Alastor truly needed to consume demon meat, or at least raw venison, to stay healthy. Vox would then allow this on a very strict ration, bare minimum-type basis. He didn’t want his deer getting unwell, after all. Alastor had his own, special freezer for these meats and Vox would enjoy watching him have a spring in his step the day after feeding.

Radios littered the V-Tower for the sole purpose of pleasing Alastor. It was a slight comfort. Vox desperately wanted Alastor to learn to love his new life with Vox. But Alastor would not. Ever.

Vox would end up learning the hard way what a twice-broken heart feels like. Alastor’s hatred and resentment for the man only grew stronger with each passing day. He doesn’t like being someone’s property: He was supposed to own souls, not be owned.

Vox was a charismatic man, but not charismatic enough to convince Alastor’s pride to settle down.

If this happened before the Happy Hotel came into existence, the Happy Hotel would remain the Happy Hotel, untouched by Alastor’s influence. Alastor might, possibly, hear about the hotel on TV during Charlie’s fateful interview with Katie Killjoy. He would be incredibly amused and intrigued. But he was forbidden from leaving the V-Tower without Vox, and Vox had no interest in this hotel, therefore Alastor wasn’t allowed to have interest in it either. Vox truly was a tyrant over him.

If this happened after the Hazbin Hotel had been established, then the crew would be confused at first.

Why was Alastor spending so much time at the V-Tower? Should they be concerned about what he has planned? Why wasn’t he coming back?

Their jaws dropped when they learned that Vox now owned Alastor’s soul. Fuck… This wasn’t good. But just like they couldn’t free Angel from his contract with Valentino, they couldn’t free Alastor from his contract with Vox.

Husk would think Alastor was stupid for putting himself in a situation where his soul was even on the line with Vox. He’d say he got what he deserved. (He would feel a pit in his stomach, knowing what Vox might do to Alastor.)

Charlie would be frantic, wondering how the hell she was going to run the hotel without Alastor. Was Alastor even okay? He and Vox never got along. Was Vox mistreating him?! What could they do?!

Vaggie would reassure Charlie that things were going to be okay. But her mind would be filled with worry. And anger. She’d be pissed that Alastor had created this problem.

Angel Dust had seen the way Vox looked at Alastor. He saw the leering and perverted stares that came from the man in Alastor’s direction, and he was worried as shit over Alastor’s wellbeing. He knew better than anyone that some of the most devastating traumas could be hidden underneath enough makeup and clothing.

Niffty would simply add this incident to the list of fanfictions she planned to write. The kind of fanfictions that don’t have a happy ending.

[charliewhaw]

What if Alastor career as chef!? Would be super skilled and fury ike Gordon Ramsay!? Would own HELL KITCHEN!? How famous would be in HELL!?

( Alastor on Hell’s Kitchen? Oh boy! Now THAT is a topic I’d like to discuss! ) (( Post edited and contributed to by balloondrifloon. ))

Alastor is an extremely skilled chef; however, his skills are all completely self-taught or taught by his mother– who was probably generationally taught. He is not a professional by a long shot, so any professionally trained chefs have a leg up on him. His natural skill would impress Gordan Ramsay and other world class chefs, though.

In Hell, if Alastor pursued his cooking as a career, it would spark a lot of fear. Being a cannibal, his recipes would leave a lot of people feeling uneasy and unsure if they didn’t know exactly where the meat came from. Alastor, with his unique sense of morbid humor, would revel in this sense of unease. Hell’s biggest issue with a possible Chef Alastor? His broadcast days: After a broadcast of soul screams, he would personally serve ‘meats’ of unknown origin to the masses.

Despite the warnings and probabilities that Alastor’s food probably contained demon flesh, there would be plenty of people willing to literally kill in order to taste his food. Especially souls who affiliated themselves with the sin of  gluttony. They would ignore the signs of where the meat came from just to experience how good the man’s food is.

Now, Alastor going on Hell’s Kitchen? That would be a delightful season. He would pass the try-out round without any problems: His food would be some of the most impressive there, having a Creole kick and passion to boot.

Alastor’s problem on the show wouldn’t be cooking at all. It would be the people he was forced to cook with. They would drive him nuts with all their complaining.

Alastor wouldn’t mind prep work as he found it soothing and a calming and purposeful way to prepare for upcoming cooking sessions. People who complain about the prep work would likely give him an aneurysm with all their annoying moaning and groaning.

As much as Alastor enjoys cooking, he would still find chaos amongst people to be the ultimate highlight of being on the show. He is a performer after all. He would sabotage people in the kitchen for his own entertainment.

He is crafty enough to not be caught or have any real proof he was the reason for this sabotage, as he wouldn’t physically do anything at all. But he would use his words to casually plant a seed of doubt in the other contestants’ minds, amplifying their fears and nervousness throughout the services. Alastor would relish in their anxiety and have to keep himself from bursting with glee when Gordan Ramsey or his sous chefs would yell at them.

Alastor works fantastically under pressure. His mind is focused and clear of distractions. He knows what he’s doing, and it shows: He would have no trouble at all making it to the final rounds of the competition.

Hell’s Kitchen has little game show moments and Alastor would hate every second of them. And I mean hate them. He’d find them childish, an affront to his passion for cooking, and completely unprofessional. It would be just another reason for him to dislike Gordan Ramsay. Though he may respect the man’s skills in the kitchen, Alastor would have no idolization for him at all. Alastor knows he is superior in every way, and these game shows would just prove it.

While a competitive man, Alastor picks his battles carefully. He is a master strategist, choosing to fight when it entertains him, and these game shows don’t. His competitive nature would appear nonexistent during them, and he wouldn’t give a flying fuck if his team won or lost– making his team rather pissy at him.

If they won, Alastor would be forced to spend time with them;

If they lost, Alastor would be forced to spend time with them.

Either way, Alastor felt it was a lose-lose situation and wouldn’t feel the need to expend his energy on the frivolous game show activities, unless he is gifted an opportunity to cause chaos, be it to the other team or even his own. He just liked watching people scramble to fix something in a useless effort to make a difference. What failures they all were.

Alastor would be the most disliked person among the contestants. They would hate his guts. But also love him? He’s such a charismatic man that he’s difficult to hate, but at the same time, he’s so easy to despise. Everyone knows he’s not a good person. He’s an enigma.

There would, of course, be the obligatory Chad on the show who tries to get into a physical altercation with Alastor, only for Alastor to repeatedly dodge the man’s punches gracefully until security showed up to stop the fight. And as Chad gets escorted off the property, Alastor would smugly finger wave at the man with a wide grin, knowing he’d just knocked another obstacle out of his way on the climb to the top.

Alastor is a beautiful man. An absolute treat to look at. There would be many attempted romances with him throughout the season. He would reject every one of these attempts, but not without causing some delicious chaos beforehand.

He would intentionally lead opposing contestants to one another, rile them up, then let them duke it out with each other over him. He’d enjoy the show (and be disappointed if security got involved), only to tell these romantic interests that their behavior was simply unacceptable, and he could never love someone so violent or aggressive. If they didn’t fight, Alastor would say he just couldn’t be with someone so passive and easy to step on.

Our favorite deer-demon would be split between being the fan favorite or the most hated contestant amongst viewers. His smug and prideful ways make him see himself as above the others, but he takes his work seriously and passionately. Also, people love chaos, and he was great at causing it.

There would be compilations on HellTube of him “unapologetically being himself”.

Alastor would likely win the season.

He would have had to face excellent chefs toward the end, some whose natural talent and professionally trained skills would give him a run for his money, but Alastor knows how to play with the mind, and he’d find a way to use his opponent’s mind against itself, leading him to his victory.

He would not be invited back for later seasons simply because of how controversial he was during his season, and the producers would fear backlash from fans if he were to ever reappear in Hell's Kitchen’s walls ever again.

[charliewhaw]

What would happen if Alastor shared and accept Vox viewpoint of adaptation of time and advanced technology? Do you think you’ll become much stronger or just become very different but the same level!?

( This is a fun question! Alastor accepting new technology? Now there’s something to be curious about! ) (( Post edited and contributed to by balloondrifloon. ))

There are two ways this would go, and both have the same result.

Way one: Alastor would have accepted Vox’s offer to join the Vees. It would have either been a blatant yes or no, no in between. However, if Alastor said yes, then it’d be purely business.

He’d keep his friendship with Vox, so there would be that. But the Vees would only serve as a source of technological advancement for him.

Vox and Alastor would work together in creating new tech, but the advertisement of this new tech would be solely left up to Vox as Alastor’s interest in tech wouldn’t be monetary.

No, Alastor craves knowledge and power. He would contribute to the technological advances without participating in their intended uses. Like smartphones, for instance: He wouldn’t play on a smartphone, but instead, make smartphones fascinating enough to play on so he could spy on people through the phone cameras and microphones. He would spend his time gathering information to use against others when the time came.

Alastor’s true involvement in the Vees would be sinister. Outwardly, though, he would be a bubbly personality that Vox would happily show off to Hell as his partner in tech.

Way two: Alastor still rejects Vox’s offer. There’s no thought behind it other than not wanting to be owned by a company. He was an individual, after all. One that won’t easily go down as just another member of some organization. If he went down in history, he would want to go down as Alastor: The Radio Demon, not Alastor, that one member of the Vees.

If Alastor doesn’t join the Vees, he would have to put a lot more effort into staying on top of technology. However, Alastor is an insanely intelligent man and learning a new trick or two is definitely in his wheelhouse. He’d easily figure out coding and hardware design, with or without Vox’s help. Alastor’s technology wouldn’t be fun and entertainment-based like Vox’s tech is. It would be more focused, refined, and skilled at gathering intelligence. This could take any form that Alastor masters, such as hacking networks, spy systems, or even branching out into something uniquely his, like voodoo-infused weapons defense.

This would be available to the public but only in small quantities, because Alastor’s technology would still not be monetary focused. It would be considered an honor and privilege to own something Alastor designed, and people would literally kill each other for it. Owning weapons defenses, or spy systems, or being a part of his hacking networks would be seen as having a rare power. A sentiment Vox could never rival because his technology is commonplace.

Vox would have to fight to keep up with Alastor’s advancements. They’d constantly be toe-to-toe. Alastor’s would be creating software to hack into Vox’s defenses and gather data on both Vox’s audience and the Vees, while Vox would be in a constant state of upping his defenses to prevent that from happening. “Angelic Security” would never have been considered nor trusted seeing as hackers had a consistent window into Vox tech privacy and firewalls.

Vox, for the safety of his company, would attempt to put his rivalry aside and ask Alastor to join him on numerous occasions. These occasions would always be followed by rejection and another temper tantrum on Vox’s part.

In either situation, Alastor joining the Vees or not, Alastor would be the first to know anything that happens in Hell. You thought he was good at gathering intel to use to his advantage before? You’ve seen nothing yet. This would make it much, much worse. You wouldn’t be able to sneeze in your bathroom without Alastor knowing. Not a piece of information can get through Hell without being already known by Alastor.

Don’t call him Alastor. He prefers Al. It looked like “ai” and that amuses him.

You may think this is a lot of work for one individual, and you’d be right. Al can’t do it all by himself.

So he’d make himself an assistant.

His shadow would do just fine. He would infuse it with electricity and it would be able to jump into his tech and help with software design. Not only that, but it could easily travel through the wires and internet further work as Al’s eyes and ears on Hell.

Al doesn’t use a microphone. He’s got a headset looped around his neck at all times. The headset has little antlers and deer ears on it.

His attire is quite modern. Still spiffy, but modern-spiffy. He wears a red jacket that’s sleek, almost plastic-looking, and lacks tatters. It gives off a contemporary, digital appearance. Instead of his monocle, he wears smart sunglasses that have a HUD display from his point of view. The hoof-shaped soles of his shoes light up and change colors like RGB lights.

He’s really fun to look at.

Al would still attend the overlord meetings, however, he would seem far less interested, wanting to get back to what he was developing. He wouldn’t go in person, instead sending a hologram, so he could work while he listened to Carmilla talk.

Al wouldn’t have a radio tower. He’d have a recording studio with soundproof pads on the walls. Instead of using only radio, he would record digital audio, which he would make available live on his radio show, then later available on his website and other platforms as podcasts.

Al is a wifi hotspot. The hotel never lacks good wifi. People get so excited to see him because it means they finally have full bars in Hell’s naturally spotty connection. Vox’s wifi doesn’t reach everywhere, and where it does reach, it’s not exactly safe to use because Al’s hackers might be lurking, waiting for someone to connect.

Angel Dust would call him over to stand as near to him as he allows while he attempts to upload photos to Sinstagram.

Niffty wants him around while she streams her… ‘anime’… Al requests she wears headphones and keeps the screen from being tilted in his direction.

Charlie and Vaggie use him to keep up to date with the social media platforms Al advertises the hotel on.

Al runs the social media accounts for the hotel, even if they sometimes wished he didn’t. He might be technologically advanced, but he still doesn’t give a shit about what people think or say. His interest in social media is purely business and he has no fascination in it outside of keeping the hotel in the spotlight.

His influence would actually draw more people to the hotel, either as fans, or people who actually wonder if the hotel would work because someone as powerful and influential as him says it does.

He would monetize absolutely everything in social media that he could for the hotel’s budget, then leave the money at Charlie’s disposal.

Cannibal Colony takes a lot of influence from Al. Rosie does her best to keep the colony as tech free as she can, but she lets some things slip by if it means supporting her deer friend. That being said, they have an agreement that Al isn’t to bring new technology into the colony without Rosie’s approval.

Al’s voodoo power is still stronger than his tech power, but together, they’re a deadly combination. He infuses his voodoo into a lot of his tech, which is another reason his tech isn’t super mainstream. But, boy, does it pack a punch.

Al installs a soul detector at the hotel’s entrance without anyone knowing. It quite literally kicks any rejected souls away. Al decided one day that this included Lucifer. You can imagine the king’s surprise when a pixelated, hoof-cloven boot appeared out of the wall and punted him across the hotel’s front lawn.

Al’s prank was not appreciated.

Speaking of pranks, he’s constantly doing shit to ‘prank’ Hell. He never gives any context or ever comes out and says it was a prank, but you know he was fucking with you. Sometimes there’s not even proof he was, and it was simply a mind game. Pure entertainment for Al.

Like, for one example, Al dressed in blue all day long, only to act like everything was normal. He went outside and let people take photos of him. The next day, he’s back in his normal attire, and all photos of him have been altered overnight by his hacking systems and turned red. There is absolutely no proof he ever wore blue.

What? You saw it? No, you didn’t. He would never wear blue. Preposterous.

In conclusion, Alastor would be insanely powerful if he took advantage of technology. I guess we’re lucky he doesn’t.

[charliewhaw]

what if alastor was in helluva boss instead Hazbin Hotel!? IMP with Stolas and rest of character hellborn or deadly sin would think of him!?

( I don’t know too much about Helluva Boss, but balloondrifloon does, so this post is heavily contributed to by her! She also edited it! :) She’s a blessing. )

IMP is located in the Pride ring, therefore Alastor and IMP could interact. Alastor would stumble upon them by accident during one of his morning strolls. He would witness their wall being destroyed by a crazy client and watch - with great amusement - as the company dealt with their problematic customer.

Blitzø would notice him and be annoyed saying something along the lines of, “Take a picture! It lasts longer, you fucking creepy-ass, smiling bitch.” This would only serve to amuse Alastor more.

Alastor would start including the IMP building as a normal part of his stroll, just to see their antics each morning. They never ceased to entertain him.

Eventually, the IMP crew would learn that he was just going to be a presence in their lives.

Alastor would probably find out about the grimoire pretty quickly. It wouldn’t take long before he’d weasel his way into the building and begin to talk to the company about it, trying to make them let their guard down so he could either take it or use it whenever he wanted. It would be difficult to gain actual access to the grimoire, as Loona - who Alastor can’t stand - is its caretaker, but IMP has terrible security and well, they aren’t going to miss it for one evening, are they?

His interest in going to the surface would rest solely on contacting living, human souls. With his charm and manipulation, he would aim to claim souls before they even made it to Hell. Making a deal with a demon from Hell guaranteed the soul would end up there, so it would be an easy win for Alastor. He could gain massive amounts of power, and a guaranteed flow of souls for the next few decades. The other overlords wouldn’t stand a chance against him.

Alastor’s interest in the crew would be purely business, no pleasure. He wouldn’t like any of them, really, but he would particularly despise Loona. She was a Hellhound. She was a dog. A Mutt. Alastor hates dogs with a passion. She would actually make him nervous when she would move out of his line of sight, but he’d never show that. He just wouldn’t let his back be turned to her.

Alastor would regularly make snide comments about Loona being a filthy mutt. His comments were almost always directed at her species.

Blitzø wouldn’t appreciate Alastor’s blatant disrespect for his daughter. He’d probably call him a racist, threaten him with his pistol, and be highly overprotective of his daughter when Alastor was around from then on out.

Alastor would take no interest in Millie or Moxxie. They were imps. Such lowly creatures. They were beneath him. Nothing interesting about them. No powers, no immortality. Just dull, Hellborn beings.

Moxxie, on the other hand, would be very fascinated with Alastor. Alastor could play music on his mind-radio and that would throw Moxxie for a loop. Being the thespian he was, Moxxie would find Alastor’s musical talents almost worth tolerating him for…. Almost.

Alastor and Millie would have a polite relationship, more like acquaintances. Due to Millie being a southern belle, Alastor would display an innate sense of civility toward her, drummed into him by his beloved mother. But that’s where Millie and Alastor’s relationship would end: It would be very superficial and Millie probably wouldn’t even notice if Alastor was there or not.

Despite Blitzø’s obvious distaste for how Alastor treated his daughter, he would still take an interest in the overlord. He’d want to know how Alastor died. He’d figure out he was shot and mauled, and then focus his curiosity on what gun was used to do the deed.

Blitzø, never being exactly great at marketing, would attempt to convince Alastor to become a customer. Most murdered sinners wanted their killers dead, after all. But this wasn’t thought through very well, because Alastor was an old being, dying nearly a century ago. He had no one left in the living world he wished to be killed.

The Ars Goetia wouldn’t care about Alastor in the slightest. Being royalty, they had no time for lowly sinners. Even the overlords gained none of their attention. They have better shit to do and their own issues to deal with.

Stolas might show a sliver of interest if Blitzø complained too much about him, though. But his interest would only really be peaked if he thought Alastor might harm Blitzø in some way. And if that were the case, he would wipe Alastor off the face of Hell, only a very few, extremely biased, questions asked.

The sins?

Satan would enjoy Alastor’s natural wrath. However, the man’s pride was a problem. Despite having such great brute strength, Alastor would let his ego control him at times, crushing his own strength in the process.

A good example being when Alastor attempted to take on Adam without any angelic weapons, only to be knocked for a loop so quickly. The man’s pride and grandiose expectations for himself, in thinking he could take on the head exorcist without the proper equipment to do, was pathetic.

Despite this, Satan would appreciate Alastor’s showmanship during combat, relishing in Alastor’s fluid, performance-style battle ability as the Radio Demon destroyed and devoured his victims.

Alastor would greatly respect Satan’s power, but he would never show this. Outwardly, he would treat the sin like anyone else: Beneath him. He is a narcissist, after all.

Alastor is an asexual, aromantic man: He’s sex repulsed and hates being touched. He is a rare breed in Hell. Asmodeus would be astounded, as there weren’t many sinners with absolutely no lust in their soul at all. Souls like Alastors were an enigma for someone like Asmodeus, as he couldn’t fathom the thought of never desiring sex or romantic connection. Though, he would accept that it just was the way some people were and respect Al for staying true to himself.

Alastor would avoid Asmodeus like the plague. Why in the seven rings of Hell would he ever need to be associated with the sin of Lust? There was no reason for it. An absolutely ridiculous notion.

Conflicted. That’s what Beelzebub would be.

Alastor is a true glutton. It’s one of his greatest sins. He had that going for him. But, he’s also a cannibal… Ew.

Beelzebub is dog-like. Alastor doesn’t like dogs. Therefore, he doesn’t like her.

Mammon doesn’t know who Alastor is. Does he make Mammon hellbucks? No. Moving on.

Alastor has no interest in clowns or tacky circus nonsense. He’d see Mammon, look him up and down, then turn around and walk away, leaving Mammon to scoff at his rudeness. Alastor doesn’t waste his time on imbeciles.

We all obviously know Alastor and Lucifer’s relationship is… strained. The only thing holding them back from clawing out each other’s throats is Charlie.

There is a mixture of respect and hatred on Alastor’s part, and simply hatred and jealousy on Lucifer’s.

Lucifer is so easy to rile up, Alastor takes full advantage of this, enjoying every second of this newfound competition. Lucifer enjoyed the bickering a lot less, finding it irritating to deal with.

Alastor’s life wouldn’t change much by knowing the IMP crew, except for having access to human souls on Earth. But he’d probably hide the power he gained from this until the right moment…

[charliewhaw]

What if DC universe? crossover of Hazbin Hotel!? What do you think of outcome!? Just curious how Charlie handle supervillain in HELL…?!

( I don’t know too much about the DC universe. Never been a big fan of superheroes. But hopefully this response is still satisfactory! )

(( Post edited and contributed to by balloondrifloon. ))

If the DC universe were crossed with the Hazbin universe, we would see a lot of supervillains in Hell. If this were the case, I believe they’d probably end up as overlords. Really powerful, but still not really a threat to Charlie and Lucifer’s power.

If Charlie can take on Heaven, she could probably take on a supervillain if they got too greedy and power-hungry and started causing too much harm to Hell. She might use her shield, or she might transform if the villain managed to hurt one of her friends.

Though, overall, I don’t believe there would be much difference in Hell, as overlords tend to have powers anyway.

[charliewhaw]

Hi! I saw your talent show post and was wondering if you think everyone would do something other than instruments. What kind of things would they do?

(  Funny things, that’s for sure. >:) ) (( Post edited and contributed to by balloondrifloon ))

Charlie’s act would be a stage play. Just like the one that she made Angel and Sir Pentious put on. It wouldn’t be a one-man play either: She wouldn’t have thought that far ahead to realize it would be only her acting in the play. So she ends up running back and forth, throwing on costumes and tearing them off as the ‘characters’ speak to each other. By the end of it, Vaggie has to drag her off stage and fan her down while she sips on cool water.

Vaggie couldn’t help with Charlie’s play because she was up next. She had to be fully prepared for her act. She would drag out a target dummy and set it in the center of the stage. Fighting. Her act was showing off her kicks and punches. “BOO!” Lute would probably yell from the audience. Vaggie would try to ignore her, but the booing would continue, egged on by Adam “Tell her, danger tits!” Vaggie would finally stop and glare at the two. Adam would mock her, saying, “Stop fighting a fucking doll and fight a real woman, Vaggiesaurus!” Lute would then join Vaggie on stage and the two would begin fighting. Really fighting. Lute would hone in on brute force while Vaggie would show off her agility. The fight would spill off stage and Husk would be ushered up.

Husk would be about as unamused as one could get. He’d pull out a deck of cards from his card holster and start unenthusiastically showing off the laziest magic tricks he could muster. He’d barely bother to hide the trick to them. It would be obvious he knew how to do much cooler and more exciting tricks, but he wouldn’t bother showing any of those. Vaggie would fly back on stage, immediately followed by Lute, who would knock Husk off in her haste. That would be the end of Husk’s performance. If you could even call it that.

Niffty would put on a puppet show. With roach corpses. It would earn several disgusted faces, but before anyone could boo her, God would lower his hand to silence them all. Sera would later inform them that God really enjoyed soap operas. No matter what play Niffty chose to put on, it was always named after a real play. Romeo and Juliet, Hamlet, Phantom of the Opera, it didn’t matter. None of her plays followed the script. They were all fanfictions of the original plays, featuring ‘bad boys and stabbing’.

Sir Pentious didn’t make it. He got lost.

God was the judge, and no one catered to their audience better than a radio host– okay, except maybe a television host. Either way, Alastor would stand on stage telling pun after pun about God and Heaven. “Did you hear about the priest who opened a bakery? No? He specialized in angel food cakes! Hahaha!” “What kind of car does Jesus drive? A Christ-ler! Ahaha!” “Did you hear about the rebellious angel? He got in trouble for trying to wing it!” That last one would make Lucifer uncomfortable. God would find these dad jokes quite funny. He’s a dad after all.

“Come on, Frank!” An eggboi would call out. “I dunno Frank, I think I might have stage fright!” The eggboi who was just called Frank would reply to another eggboi, who was also called Frank. The two eggbois looked at another eggboi, “Are you nervous too, Frank?” Cherri Bomb would be watching them since Sir Pentious wasn’t there, and she would be making strange faces at them all calling each other Frank. “Well, fuck. Do you guys not have your own names?” Frank, Frank, and Frank would shrug. “Eggbois, you’re up next!” Angel would usher them on stage and they’d rush out chanting “oop oop oop oop oop!” Their act would consist of Frank wearing a tiara and attempting ballet while Frank and Frank danced around him, throwing dandelions.

Carmilla and her daughters’s act would follow. They would enter the stage with a confused and slightly judgemental expression as the eggbois stumbled off stage, rolling around on the floor below. One Frank would look up and say hello to 'Camaro Carfight’. The women would proceed to perform real ballet. Their performance was lovely.

Cherri would set up a big easel, jump off stage, tell everyone to stand back, then throw a bomb at the easel. Paint would splatter everywhere. It even got in Vox’s underwear somehow. But at least the easel would be covered in a unique pattern of colors!

Sera would recite old, old poetry. “Mon in the mone stond and strit; On his botforke his burthen he bereth.” Absolutely no one would understand what she was saying, except for Zestial who could be found in the front row and clapping ecstatically at her performance, “Exquisite performance! Encore!”

Zestial’s own performance would be similar to Sera’s. Only he would be reciting what he considered ‘modern-day works’. Which was Shakespeare. “Alas poor Yorick! I knew him well!” Zestial would say, holding a demon’s skull.

Emily would put on a sock puppet show, with handmade puppets and backdrops. Her stories were very much like Charlie’s, only Charlie’s at least had some conflict. Emily’s were 100% genuine happiness and nothing else. Niffty would take Emily’s performance as an act of rivalry and go after the angel with her sewing needle. “There’s only room for one puppet show on this stage!” She’d exclaim, as she chased a frantic Emily around the theatre.

Vox would play Megalovania on a calculator.

Velvette would put on a mini fashion show, forcing Vox and Valentino to model for her. It would be interrupted by Emily and Niffty as they raced across the stage. “Sorry!” Emily would yell as she knocked over Vox. Valentino would screech like a child when Niffty ran past him, her manic eye briefly looking up at him with a depraved smile that made even his skin crawl.

Once Niffty was placed on Alastor’s head, distracted by his soft ears, Valentino would attempt to do a strip tease to “I’m a Barbie Girl”. It would start fine, but quickly dissolve into debauchery. Everyone would shut him down, booing, and he’d get banned from the talent show, any future talent shows, and any associated works.

Adam would be more than delighted to take this opportunity to show off his crazy sick guitar skills. He’d fly around and do an aerial show while he was at it.

Turns out Lute’s act was fighting, just like Vaggie’s. But they were still busy fighting in the corner, so God skipped over Lute.

“And that dickweed forgot to turn his screen brightness down while in the theater!” Katie Killjoy would point at Vox-- who would flush from embarrassment before turning down his screen-- then she'd proceed to roast everyone in the room, including God.

Turns out Tom Trench is armed to the teeth: He’d show off all his pocket knives that he keeps hidden on his person throughout the day. He named his favorite one Lawrence.

Mimzy would take on an extravagant dance, only for Niffty to chase Emily back on stage, knocking Mimzy over. Mimzy would end up falling through the stage floor, leaving a big hole.

Rosie would be next. She’d dance around the hole in the stage, ignoring Mimzy’s calls for help, as she happily cooked a thigh, treating the talent show like her own personal cooking show.

Susan… Susan just complained. “Why is it so dark in here?! Where are all the stagehands?! What time is it? I’m missing my shows!”

Razzle and Dazzle would perform a duo juggling act.

Lucifer would go through all 2,387 of his rubber ducks, stating their names, their specialties (like breathing fire or walking over maple syrup puddles specifically), and what type of duck they were based on.

Once everyone finished their acts, God would then judge and decide a winner. The winner was the eggbois! Carmilla is befuddled and leaves without attending the after-party. Alastor is angry because he’s convinced he should have won. His jokes were hilarious. Vox is pissed and kicks a trash can.

Once everyone leaves, Lucifer pulls God aside to show him the new duck he’s been working on. It’s a platypus. God loves it.

……

Sir Pentious looks around the mountaintop he’d found himself on, “What? Where am I?!”

[charliewhaw]

what do you think Alastor would do if Lucifer flirted with him?

(Gasp! RadioApple! AppleRadio! Whichever it is! This will be fun!) (( Post edited and contributed to by balloondrifloon ))

“No, your Majesty, I think I’ve got bigger priorities,” Alastor said with a smirk, his eyes squinting at his short-people joke.

Lucifer frowned. That was enough! He wasn’t taking any more short comments from this man. He’d give him a taste of his own medicine!

“Are you a fire alarm?!” Lucifer asked loudly, watching in delight as the red-haired man’s smile faltered slightly and he tilted his head in confusion.

“A fire alarm?”

“Because you’re making my heart race and my blood boil!” Lucifer grinned triumphantly, placing his hands on his hips and narrowing his eyes at Alastor.

“I-.. Wha-..” Alastor stuttered, raising a brow at the king.

Lucifer paused. Holy shit… He didn’t just–… He fucking used a pick up line on Alastor! Lucifer’s pale cheeks flushed golden as his angelic blood bloomed across his face. He tried to salvage his comment, “I-I mean–!” He pointed up at the other man, “Y-You–!” There was no rescuing this.

Alastor shook his head to rid himself of his stupor, then cleared his throat and summoned his cane with his usual flair. “Anyway, ahem. I must go and attend to these ‘bigger’ priorities, my Liege.” He shot Lucifer a smug grin and disapparated into his shadows.

Wait a minute. Had Alastor not even noticed? Did Lucifer just get away with flirting with Alastor? Well goddamn, it seemed the deer was denser than a brick when it came to flirting. To be honest, so was Lucifer, but at least he had practice with Lilith. Shit… Why was he still blushing?

---

“Charlie, my dear, why is there a red circle around the words ‘French toast’ in the hotel’s financial report?” Alastor smiled sweetly at Lucifer’s daughter. He showed her the papers the girl had handed him and pointed at the circle in question.

“Oh! That’s– wait, why did I write and circle that?” Charlie took the papers and examined them, bewildered by her own actions.

Alastor waited patiently for Charlie to come to some kind of conclusion. He was standing far too close to his daughter for Lucifer’s liking. “Hey, Alastor!” Lucifer called, causing both the demon and the half angel to look up at him.

“If good looks could kill,” Lucifer smirked, feeling the blood already pooling in his cheeks, “You’d be a weapon of mass destruction!”

Charlie’s jaw dropped.

Alastor squinted his eyes, “Pardon?”

“You heard me,” Lucifer felt the adrenaline of the flirt kicking in. Seeing Alastor’s face as he searched for an answer in Lucifer’s eyes was thrilling. He had no idea what Lucifer was doing, and his ignorance was… really cute? Endearing even. Was he serious? Did he find this obnoxious demon cute?

“My,” Alastor placed his hands behind his back proudly, “Thank you!”

“What?” Lucifer blinked. “What– what do you mean ‘Thank you’?” Had he understood that pickup line? Was he… accepting it? Lucifer’s face flushed even harder.

“While I appreciate these compliments, Lucifer, I was in the middle of something,” Alastor’s smile twitched with conceit. Oh. He thought Lucifer was just complimenting him. Was he fucking for real? This fucking guy.

Charlie stumbled over her words, “I-Uh-Wha-I-”

“French toast?” Alastor said cutely as he tilted his head, trying to get Charlie back on track, his ego now inflated.

Fucking narcissit.

--

Alastor was an idiot, Lucifer decided.

Both men were sitting on the couch as Shifty (Was that the little maid’s name?) played with-- wait... Roach corpses? Okay, then. She was apparently putting on some sort of puppet show for the two of them. Lucifer wasn’t sure how he or Alastor got roped into being her audience. It just kind of happened.

Alastor’s smile was closed-mouth and his lips were stretched thin in what Lucifer assumed as an attempt to keep from making a disgusted face that would hurt Drifty’s feelings. His eyes were crinkled at the corners, fondness for the maid’s antics showing in them. For a moment, Lucifer wished Alastor would look at him that way.

He leaned closer to the radio demon, making Alastor’s eyes flick to him without moving his head. Lucifer whispered, “Is your name Chaos?” He cautiously reached out and touched Alastor’s leg, “Because you’re turning my world upside down.”

Alastor froze. After a second, his eyes widened. They darted between Lucifer’s soft smile and his hand on Alastor’s thigh. He abruptly pulled away, scooting himself across the couch and putting his back against the armrest.

Lucifer’s smile widened at this reaction. Alastor’s did too, but for different reasons. He looked defensive and nervous, “What did you just say?” He asked in a much louder voice than Lucifer had flirted in.

Zifty leaned her head out from behind her makeshift stage, “Quiet! Juliet is just about to confess her feelings for Romeo!” The roach story had not been following the story of Romeo and Juliet at all, but it didn’t matter.

What mattered was Alastor looking so dumbfounded and pretty across from Lucifer. He wasn’t blushing, and maybe he even looked a little green around the gills, but the adrenaline Lucifer felt was exhilarating. He scooted closer and whispered again, “Are you a hurricane? Because you’re blowing me away.”

Alastor quickly stood up, “Well, Niffty! This was another excellent show, but I do believe I’ll be taking my leave now!”

Niffty (Her name was Niffty!) tossed down her roaches and stood up too, “But Mister Alastor! You said you’d watch the whole thing!”

“Plans have changed my, dear!” He patted her head in a panic and slipped into his shadows, promising to watch her next show to its entirety.

Niffty turned to glare at Lucifer like she knew this was somehow his fault.

--

Alastor avoided Lucifer for a while. It was frustrating. Lucifer wanted to see Alastor’s mind try to wrap itself around another pickup line. The facial expressions were gorgeous and Lucifer craved them. He–... fuckity fuck fuck. Fuck! Was he falling for Alastor?!

There was no way! He just liked seeing Alastor flustered was all! That was it. It was funny! Nothing else! That sentiment changed the moment Alastor entered the hotel. He had been out with Niffty and Charlie, picking flowers for an upcoming recruiting event. It wasn’t something Lucifer expected the man to do, but he supposed, somehow, the girls had worked their charms on him.

What he had expected even less was for Alastor to enter the hotel… covered in flowers. They decorated his antlers, wrapped around his ears, and dotted his hair. He was… he was gorgeous.

Well fuck. Lucifer had definitely fallen for Alastor.

He couldn’t stop himself from approaching the deer. The panic in Alastor’s eyes when he spotted the king was obvious. He hurriedly tried to hand Charlie his basket of flowers, “Here you are, Charlie! Excellent activity! One for the ages!” He tried to rearrange Charlie’s hold because her hands were too full to take his basket, “But I simply must be going now! Rosie is waiting for me! We have much to discuss about the–”

“Alastor,” Lucifer interrupted him.

Alastor froze, looking toward the shorter man and narrowing his eyes. His plans to disappear before Lucifer got there were squashed. Still holding his flower basket, he now placed it in front of himself like a barrier.

Lucifer ignored Charlie as she began whispering to Vaggie and Angel. Husk was there too, but he was just staring at them.

Perfect. An audience. If he did this in front of others, Alastor would fluster so hard it would be irresistible.

“Do you have a bandaid?” Lucifer asked, feeling his smirk growing wider.

Alastor’s lower eyelid twitched. He knew where this was going. No one else did. Charlie looked at her dad with concern, worried he might be hurt. Angel and Husk raised a brow at him. Niffty tilted her head.

“Because I scraped my knee when I fell for you.”

Niffty gasped loudly, putting her hands to her cheeks.

Charlie squeaked in shock.

Vaggie’s hands dropped to her sides as he mouth dangled open, befuddled.

Angel’s eyes widened and a grin slowly formed on his face, “Oh-ho! Holy fuck!”

Husk did a double take between Alastor and Lucifer.

But their reactions didn’t matter. Only Alastor’s did. Lucifer’s eyes greedily took in Alastor’s response to that pickup line– one of his better ones, he had to say.

Alastor, however, wasn’t flustered. He was staring at Lucifer like he was considering something. Wait, was he considering Lucifer’s feelings? Now, hold on a minute! Lucifer was only just now coming to terms with his feelings himself, Alastor wasn’t allowed to stop the chase just yet!

The deer-demon hummed to himself briefly before smiling wickedly at Lucifer and snapping his fingers. A bandaid appeared in his hands, and he handed it to Lucifer, “There you are, my good man. Wouldn’t want your boo-boo to get infected.” He set his basket down on the ground since no one was willing to take it, and saunted away from the group and toward the staircase, “Do take care of yourself, my king.” He stopped walking and looked over his shoulder, “Do that for me, will you?”

Lucifer’s blood ran hot at the smug look on Alastor’s face. Alastor then walked up the stairs and disappeared from view. This. Fucking. Guy!

“Okay, what the fuck, Dad?” Charlie asked, throwing her hands out. Everything she was holding onto fell to the floor, “Whoops!”

“I’m adding this to my ultimate bad boys fanfiction!” Niffty said, snickering to herself.

“Soooo, who’s the top?” Angel asked suggestively, crossing his upper arms and putting his lower hands on his hips.

“Fuck my life,” Husk mumbled, dragging a hand down his face.

Vaggie shook her head, “I’m out.” She walked off.

Lucifer ignored them all. He swallowed hard, trying to control the furious blush running across his cheeks. Alastor was planning something.

--

Alastor stopped avoiding Lucifer; This time he sought him out.

“Lucifer! My king!” Alastor exclaimed cheerfully, entering the room.

Lucifer, who had been reading a WickedWiki article on his phone called “How To Ask Someone Out instructions with pictures”, nearly dropped said phone when Alastor loudly greeted him.

Lucifer looked up, his heart fluttering at the sight of Alastor looking devastatingly handsome, as always, and so pleased to see him. He felt himself already beginning to blush and he hadn’t even started flirting with the redhead yet.

Alastor leaned against the armchair Lucifer was sitting in, “How are you today? Good? Good!” He was so close to Lucifer that Lucifer could have just reached out and pulled him into his lap.

Maybe noticing Lucifer’s eyes lingering on his waist, Alastor pulled away from the chair and backed up a bit. He smiled at Lucifer with a charismatic grin, “I have a proposal to make.” His words were calm but mischievous. Lucifer could smell a trick a mile away. He had once been Heaven’s ultimate prankster– well, just second to Uriel, but like… Fuck Uriel. He played dirty.

“A proposal, huh?” Lucifer asked, unable to keep his eyes off Alastor’s tiny waist now that he’d looked at it.

Alastor placed his cane, and his hands, in front of himself to block Lucifer’s view, “Yes, indeed! One I think you’d be most interested in!”

“I’m listening,” Lucifer said, though he wasn’t listening too hard. His eyes had gone up to Alastor’s face, craving the flustered look he had previously brought upon the man. What Alastor said next, instead, made Lucifer become flustered.

“I’ll go on a date with you, if you promise me a favor.”

Lucifer choked on his spit, “Y-You’ll do what?!”

“A date.” Alastor’s teeth clenched, “Provided you hold up your end of the bargain and grant me a favor.” He repeated his terms like he was worried Lucifer hadn’t heard them.

Lucifer stood up quickly, “Holy shit! Y-yeah! Fuck! A date? Are you serious?” He tossed his phone down into his chair, no longer needing the WickedWiki article. Alastor had asked him out. This was like a dream come true! 

Alastor extended his hand, “Excellent! A date for one favor!” He repeated again, Lucifer was starting to think he was trying to remind himself that and not Lucifer.

Lucifer took his hand and rubbed his thumb over the back of it, earning a shudder from Alastor, before he shook on the deal.

--

Today was the day.

Lucifer stood in the lobby, nervously adjusting his lapels. He had put on his best suit for this. He’d even had Razzle and Dazzle polish his nicest pair of boots! If he was going to take Alastor out, he was going to do it while he looked his best. The man cared a lot about appearances: Lucifer aimed to please his sense of aesthetic.

He stood in the lobby for a good 15 minutes, nervously adjusting his bowtie and fiddling with his hat. Alastor wasn’t late. Lucifer had been early. But the waiting was taking a toll on him. His mind started to wander.

What if Alastor didn’t show up? What if he decided Lucifer wasn’t good enough? What if–

Alastor’s shadow darted down the staircase. Lucifer held his breath as Alastor began to form in front of him. Once he was fully visible, Lucifer’s face grew hot. Alastor was wearing a fitted, crushed velvet, red suit that was open in the front to reveal a black vest that cinched at Alastor’s waist and made his chest look more prominent. Somehow, this made Alastor’s waist look even tinier. More grabbable. His coat was free from its usual tatters and was slightly shorter than his usual getup, making the deer’s legs seem longer than before. Gosh. Alastor sure was tall…

All of Lucifer’s previous worries melted away as his eyes beheld Alastor’s beauty. He was stunning.

Alastor held out his arm for Lucifer to take, “Shall we?”

Lucifer caressed Alastor’s arm before he took it in his own, ignoring how Alastor’s eyes twitched at this. He took a step forward and nearly tripped, “Gah!”

Alastor kept him from falling face first onto the ground. Lucifer looked down to see what he’d tripped over. It was Frank.

Frank rolled around on the ground before looking up at the two and going, “Ooohh!” then scurrying off. Lucifer would have to worry about what that meant later. He had a date to enjoy.

--

The hotel doors slammed open to Lucifer’s kick. He laughed jovially as he guided Alastor inside. That date was anything but romantic, but it sure was fun. Alastor had refused any form of romantic gestures, which bummed Lucifer out a bit, but he made up for it with his personality. Turns out Alastor was really good at unknowingly flirting with people. It got worse the drunker Alastor got.

And they were both very, very, exceptionally drunk.

“Are you a traffic jam? Because you’re driving me crazy!” Lucifer belted out, clinging to Alastor’s arms.

“Ha hahaha!” Alastor laughed, attempting to pull his arms away, but failing. He was too drunk to make much of an effort.

Tonight was amazing. It didn’t even bother Lucifer to see the rest of the hotel crew standing in the lobby, looking at them like they were nutcases.

“See? I told you the clown and the red man were going on a date!” Frank pointed at them, his goofy voice bellowing through the room.

“Holy shit,” was all that could be said.

Lucifer pulled Alastor closer to him. The ‘red man’ struggled to pull away, but Lucifer was stronger. He just held him for a minute before giving in to Alastor’s desire to be separated and letting him go.

Everything was perfect. He just needed another date. And maybe it was the alcohol talking, but he didn’t care if that meant giving Alastor a second favor.

[charliewhaw]

Ooohhh what if alastor joined the V’s? That’s an interesting scenario to think about and how different alastor and Vox’s relationship would be

(I’ve thought about this a lot, but have never come to a definite conclusion on it before. Guess today is the day to do that! Also, sorry for taking so long. Been a hectic time! Things should come out smoother and faster going forward!)

Vox would pop the question easily. “Will you join me?” He knew Alastor would say ‘yes’ because how could he not? Them? Taking over Hell together? There was no other way this would go. Alastor was Vox’s perfect match. In both body and mind.

Vox was used to getting his way, in life and in the afterlife. He was used to getting everything he wanted from anyone he wanted it from. So, he would, of course, expect Alastor to fall in line and give himself to Vox. He couldn’t even imagine a scenario where ‘no’ would be an option. But Vox isn’t stupid. He knew Alastor would be a challenge to convince and conquer. It would take a lot of careful persuasion on Vox’s part, but eventually, Alastor would agree to join the Vees on the condition that he didn’t have to change his name. Vox’s solution to this was to throw an “A” into his logo’s shadow, indicating the Vees and also boldly representing the man who was both a master of shadows, and who would become a master at manipulating Vox.

Vox would reach out his hand for Alastor to take and hold, but Alastor would misunderstand and shake his hand instead. Alastor would consistently misunderstand Vox’s intentions. It would be both frustrating and endearing to Vox. Every moment with Alstor was so entertaining.

Vox would run his company as the CEO, naturally, but Alastor would be his right-hand man, whispering into Vox’s ear what he should do next. Alastor wasn’t a businessman, however. So, Vox would adjust his ideas and make them profitable. But if Alastor suggested something, you can guarantee it was going to happen. Alastor is an extremely intelligent man and Vox would have no doubt Alastor’s plans would benefit his company in the end, even if they seemed strange at the time of implementation. It would become extremely easy for Alastor to take advantage of this influence he had over Vox. The only thing Vox would refuse to do was let go of Valentino. His studios were too profitable, and it would be a shame to not be in control of one of Hell’s greatest money-makers. So, Alastor’s suggestions for killing Valentino or converting the studios into something else would be denied each and every time. Vox would then attempt to distract Alastor with some other scheme.

Vox is a man of many talents and skills: One of those skills is simping over Alastor. The man could do no wrong, and that perspective Vox held would be made obvious whenever Alastor was called out for his bullshit. You see, Alastor is a jokester. He enjoys entertaining himself. A master of shenanigans, if you will. He would find no difficulty in doing such things around the V-Tower. Specifically, to Valentino. While Alastor’s pranks would be mild to most– often involving a play on words, his pranks on Valentino would be much more… severe. He might pour oil on the staircase in Valentino’s bedroom. Or replace his eye drops with acid. Alastor would find every second of Valentino’s suffering to be highly amusing. Valentino would regularly complain to Vox, who would jump to Alastor’s defense in a heartbeat. Alastor would never be scolded. There might be a time or two that Vox would ask him, in private, to cool down the intensity of his pranks on Valentino, but Vox would make no real effort to stop Alastor’s antics.

Alastor and Vox were best friends, first and foremost. They'd spend time together, whether it was inside the V-Tower or elsewhere. Alastor enjoyed walking around town, simply to people-watch. So, that’s what Vox would enjoy too. Only, he just people-watched Alastor. If they passed by a store and Alastor’s eyes lingered on something in the window for even a second too long, Vox would be at the cash register buying said item without a second thought. Alastor particularly did this with food. Vox had come to realize, however, that anything sweet Alastor looked at was more for how pretty it appeared rather than the taste. He wouldn’t buy Alastor anything sweet.

Alastor would end up needing a separate room in the V-Tower from his bedroom just to hold the trinkets and objects Vox would buy him. He also would have his own radio studio at the top of the tower. Vox would offer him assistants and secretaries, but Alastor would refuse, preferring to be a one-man show. Anyone else simply wasn’t good enough. Alastor’s bedroom and studio would be the most old-fashioned parts of the tower. He would keep to his old ways, preferring to do things the way he liked and was comfortable with. However, he wouldn’t be unreasonably averse to modern technology.

Alastor would own a cell phone. Vox would insist he did so he could call him or text him in an emergency. Alastor would barely touch it, often forget to take it with him, wouldn't remember to charge it, and when he texts, he'd type and reply so slowly it would give Velvette a headache. Vox would introduce him to mobile games at one point, searching through the app store to find something Alastor might like. He'd come across Plague Inc. and started playing it so Al could learn how to play. Alastor would end up falling asleep, bored by the entire experience. Vox would make a note that Alastor just didn’t like cell phones like a normal person would.

Alastor would hang out with Velvette a lot. She'd hate every second of it, which would only make Alastor enjoy her company even more. On several occasions, Velvette would end up calling Vox to come get his deer, “He’s distractin’ me!” And that he would be. He'd tell her jokes and bad puns until she yelled at him to shut up.

Alastor's only interactions with Valentino would be to make snide remarks or to prank him. However, some of Valentino’s employees would come into talking range with Alastor sometimes, and Alastor, forever the talkative, charismatic gentleman he was, would attempt to engage in conversation. So long as that conversation didn’t veer into inappropriate territory, which it usually didn’t. All of Valentino’s employees understood that Alastor and Valentino hated each other and were on opposite ends of the sexual spectrum. Actually, one employee managed to name Alastor’s lack of sexual interest. This person would have been Angel Dust.

“Asexual” Angel called him the third time they ran into each other. “Excuse me?” “You’re asexual. Ya don’t like sex. Like, at all.” Alastor would be offended that Angel even brought the topic up at first, and when Angel attempted to say it was okay to be asexual and it was just a word to describe people like him, Alastor would have scared him off with a tightened grin and a thinly veiled threat. But Alastor would think about this a lot, and eventually come to terms with it. He would ask Vox about it, and Vox wouldn’t be surprised in the least bit. Alastor would hold a bit of a soft spot for Angel Dust after this, but he’d never show it or admit to it.

Alastor would still own his soul. Niffty and Husk were his favorites, and he would summon them into the tower on occasion to handle some business. He didn’t like anyone touching his stuff, but he could trust Niffty and thus, she'd be his personal maid. Husk would become a secretary of sorts. Anything Alastor didn’t want to deal with, Husk was tasked with doing. From meeting with people on Al’s behalf to running errands. Even doing paperwork. Husk would be paid in booze.

Vox got to use Husk and Niffty too. Niffty would be the only one delicate enough to dust the wires in his control room and not mess anything up. Husk would be tasked with feeding Vox’s sharks from time to time. Husk would quickly become afraid of sharks.

Vox would attend Carmilla’s meetings with Alastor; Velvette and Valentino would not. Vox would always sit next to Al, pulling his chair a bit closer to Alastor than the other overlords sat from each other. No one would mention it. It would be a common belief in Hell that Alastor and Vox were secretly a couple, but no one would dare to voice it out loud. Rosie would sit on Alastor’s other side.

After the meetings, Rosie, Vox, and Alastor would all go out to eat somewhere. Seeing as Alastor and Vox were good friends, it would be only natural for Rosie to develop a friendship with Vox as well. Whenever Alastor left the table, Rosie would prod Vox to confess his feelings to Alastor. Vox would deny he had any. Whenever Vox left the table, Rosie would prompt Alastor to tell her his thoughts on Vox. Alastor’s thoughts would always be vague but positive. Rosie could get nowhere with them.

Speaking of Alastor’s friends, Vox and Mimzy would have a bickering relationship. They’d argue a lot, but they both cared for Alastor, in their own ways. Sometimes, Alastor would get too rowdy or feral and Vox would pay Mimzy to deal with him and return him home safely. Alastor would always come home drunk, and Vox would put him to bed. He loved tucking Alastor into bed and making sure he was safe and snuggled up in his silky, hoof-print sheets. Alastor would wake up the next morning with a hangover and no memory of what happened the night before. Mimzy would also have no memory of what happened. Luckily for Vox, his placement of cameras all over the city and inside most buildings would prove useful. Once he put Alastor to bed, Vox would roam through the camera footage and watch what took place. It would always be Alastor and Mimzy drinking too much, dancing on tables, and then stumbling around, disappearing into his shadows, reappearing, looking around confused, then eventually finding his way back to the V-Tower. On days when Vox was particularly worried about Alastor, he’d watch the camera feeds in real-time, spying on Alastor’s time with Mimzy.

Alastor would enjoy being part of the Vees and Vox would be so happy to have Alastor close by. Ahh, what could’ve been!

[charliewhaw]

HIHIHIHIHI I LOVE TUMBLR AND UR FIC IM SO HAPPY TO BE HERE *foaming at the mouth*

(no prizes for who I am lmao my user is the exact same as on ao3)

Hello!! :D I'm happy to be here too! Thank you so much for the love!

[charliewhaw]

So beautiful!! EEP! I love this so much! It's so cute and traumatizing! <3

I finally finished it, yay!

Inspired by fanfiction from @charliewhaw but it can be considered a drawing independent of the work.

[charliewhaw]

Hazbin Hotel Talent Show

The characters come out, ready to perform in a mandatory talent show hosted by God.

Alastor plays the piano while his shadows play multiple other instruments, including but not limited to, the cello, the violin, the bass, and a drum set.

Vox can't play any instruments. But he can connect a piano into blue tooth and pump some digital ai generated music through it and pretend like he's playing.

Valentino plays the flute. Just some random ass instrument.

Husk? He's more of a cello guy.

Vaggie knows how to play the lyre, but she's not good at it. Surprisingly, she's great at the electric guitar. Adam taught her. But those are bad memories now and she avoids the instrument entirely.

Rosie plays the clarinet. Sure. That's fine. All elegant and shit. What you didn't know is she's also great at death metal drumming!

Charlie can sing screamo. Screeches the likes you've never heard!

Mimzy is a singer, of course. No instruments. Just dancing.

Niffty's got some mad skills on the triangle.

Sir Pentious plays the harpsichord (precursor to the piano).

The eggbois play a mix of bells and maracas. <- One day Pen tried to distract them with bells and maracas, and they went around the hotel making 'beautiful' music. Everyone was shouting at Pen to stop them, but he just stood in the corner, hands clasped and eyes watering at his precious eggbois.

Velvette beat boxes.

Tom Trench plays a vitar (mix between a guitar and a violin).

Katie Killjoy thinks music is a waste of time. She stands there and summarizes everyone's performances instead. They're all shit. Especially Tom's.

Lucifer and his clones come out at the end, each holding a set of bagpipes.

All in all, God regrets this mandatory talent show.

....

God asks about Alastor's furby piano once everyone is gone. After one song, God understands why Alastor got sent to Hell.

[charliewhaw]

I’m so glad you are trying tumblr!! I hate checking X for updates and this allows so much more. I love your content keep up the good work <3

Alastor is a whump king bc he loves to inflict pain on others so when he gets it it’s extra torture!

I've done an ask blog on tumblr before for Undertale, and I'm kind of hoping to turn this into something similar. :) I hadn't considered adding the updates for my stories on here too, but maybe I should. Hmm...

Anyway, thank you for your support! <3 I'm having fun with this fandom so I'm glad people are enjoying my fun lol.

[charliewhaw]

You’ll never guess who I am

(Hint I comment 16 times per chapter):333

There is always the possibility you might be Morgan Freeman! I know it's low, but it's always there.

(Your affinity for forsaking names is present even here, lol)

[charliewhaw]

What would vox reaction be if he knew about Lilith and all.

(Good question! I'm going to assume we're talking about if Lilith abused the fuck outta Al.)

Vox would drop his 'Fuck Alastor' mug. He wouldn't even glance down at it as it shattered at his feet. He would be in absolute shock.

"Alastor sold his soul?" He would say, dubious at first. But as the dots started to connect, he would begin to grin. "He's being tortured? By the queen of Hell?" His grin would turn to a laugh. "Oh-ho-ha-ha! This is rich!"

He would put on a fucking show about how hilarious he found it. But as the reality would begin to sink in, his amusement would slowly change and distort into something more disturbed.

Lilith wasn't just a demon. She was the first demon. She was powerful. She was strong. She was... torturing Alastor.

"Oh fuck," Vox would say, as it finally dawned on him just how bad this was. How brutal was the abuse? "Shit," he would say, as he realized how fucked Alastor’s situation probably was. How fucked Alastor was… She owned his soul. "Dammit!" He would yell, knowing there was absolutely nothing he could do about it. For once, Vox would feel powerless. Lilith was a whole different ballgame than the overlord he was used to facing.

Alastor was his enemy. His arch-rival. The villain of Vox's story. But he used to be so much more than that. He still was.

Vox would then spend more time rigorously analyzing the videos he managed to capture of Alastor. Instead of obsessing over them, hate and anger in the forefront of his mind, his focus would become checking on Alastor's condition. He'd give himself headaches with how much he would squint, trying to see through Alastor's video distortions. Was Alastor limping? Did he just hold his side for a second? Was his smile strained? Was he okay today?!

He’d probably rope Velvette into it, using her social media platforms to keep track of any mention that someone spotted Alastor not looking at full health.

Vox has always been obsessed with Alastor, and we'd definitely see that here. He would set up alerts on his video feeds to detect Alastor's video anomalies. It would be to keep an eye on where Alastor went, how long he was there, and if he came back hurt. Vox would prepare himself for if he ever saw Alastor return from a meeting with Lilith and he was too injured to make it back to the hotel. This plan would include causing a distraction on the other side of town-- probably blowing some shit up or something-- so no one would see Alastor in a vulnerable state, then booking it to the Radio Demon's location. He'd be aware that Alastor would be stubbornly unreceptive to any assistance Vox offered, of course. He would expect nothing less from the Radio Demon. But, he still wouldn’t hesitate to try and help him, as pathetic and unhelpful as his attempts would end up being. Vox would cross that bridge when he came to it.

Outwardly, Vox would use Alastor’s situation against him, flawlessly pretending he wasn’t alarmed, but inwardly falling apart about it. He would debate blackmailing Alastor, probably even threatening the Radio Demon with it from time to time. He couldn’t let Alastor think he cared, because he totally didn’t! This knowledge was just too good to pass on using it to his advantage. He even had some ideas on what to make Alastor do if he did blackmail him.

His first idea would be to make Alastor join the Vees, naturally. Forcing Alastor’s surrender after years of fighting and resisting would be so invigorating! He could make Alastor do whatever he wanted. He would make him start a podcast. It would fit with his style but force him to catch up with the times. He could even make him get a new wardrobe. Something that fit with the Vee’s theme– he could make Alastor even change his name! Valastor— Vastor— Vala— okay, maybe not. But he would have the option to make him do it regardless! The endless possibilities!

His second idea would be much more childish, but satisfying nonetheless. He could make Alastor say “Vox is superior to me in every way. Much more powerful! Much more influential! Much more handsome!” Even better, he could make Alastor say it on his radio show! Though… it would occur to Vox that Alastor might be more willing to let Hell know he was owned by its queen than to ever say any of that.

His third idea would be more… private. Less extravagant, though much more impactful. He could make Alastor– oh, hey look! Is that your obligatory RadioStatic merch?!

In the end, Vox would have a field day with this information. He’d use it for his own selfish gain, probably leaving Alastor in several humiliating and precarious predicaments. At the same time, his stomach would churn whenever he got an alert on his video feeds that Alastor had left the hotel. Was he going to meet Lilith? If he was, Vox would end up biting his nails as he waited, and waited, and waited for Alastor to return from the meetings. And then would endure headaches as he did his best to compulsively examine Alastor’s status through the glitching mess that covered him.