cocoabythefire

[cocoabythefire]

Emotions, Support and Work

The past few years have taught me a tremendous amount about my personal strength, limitations, and boundaries. At this moment, I am grateful, humbled, overwhelmed, and lucky as hell to be the mom of a beautiful, healthy 7 month old baby boy! He fills every day with giggles and so so much love. My life feels balanced, my heart is full. But like many couples, my husband and I faced an emotionally challenging set of trials and tribulations on our path to get here.I wanted to document the toll it took on me before I forget entirely.

I'm not going to talk about our fertility journey, but what I do want to talk about is the emotional impact all of this can have on a person. Or at least, what it had on me – and I know others who are going through or have gone through similar silent struggles while trying to put on a brave face in their day-to-day. Here's some of what I personally experienced...

Loss of Focus

You know in the movies when a character is having an emotional breakdown and they do the slow fade-out of their surroundings and you hear a ringing or static steadily take over? Well, now I know that's a real thing because I experienced it. I distincly remember this moment at work during one of the particularly emotionally challenging weeks in our journey to a baby. I was late for a meeting, just standing (hiding really) in the office stairwell trying to make everything come back into focus so that I could go back in. It felt like the world around me was peeling back away from me and I was just falling into a void. I've never experienced anything like it before or since. It was surreal.

Struggle for Motivation

When I was at work, I didn't want to be there. Normally an over-achiever and passionate worker, I had to literally drag myself out of bed, chug coffee, and absolutely everything felt forced. My performance might not have suffered, but I did.

Hiding

I felt like I had to hide what was really going on in my life, who I really was, and "keep on keeping on". Nobody made me do this, I'm saying this is what society told me I should do. The right thing to do was to pretend like nothing was wrong and just do the presentation, run the meeting. No one wants to or needs to know about my personal life, that's personal. I remember telling my husband that I've never felt more disingenuine in my life.

Realizing what Matters

One of the most positive outcomes from those emotionally trying years was that I became very clear on what matters most in life. For me, that's love and family. Period. A career should never infringe on that. It was the point when I realized this for the first time, and ever since I have approached things much much differently. Namely, a job is a job. I do my job the best I can, and then I go the heck home and LIVE. I will always remember the majority of my 20's as a blur of my career and not a whole lot else. I'm proud of the accomplishments sprinkled in there. But I truly hope that it's the only time in my life I will say that for.

If you're like I am now, and don't think of your career as "everything", then here is my advice:

Find a personal support network that shares your values (i.e. don't surround yourself with workaholics, they will suck you back in!)

Find a team of colleagues who also share your values regarding family. And no - you cannot learn this from their corporate website, absolutely every company touts a work-life balance but it's a facade. Try to get inside information if you can.

Be honest with yourself about what you're going through emotionally and what you can reasonably handle at work in terms of stress/responsibility. If you're in a stressful situation at work or have a mound of responsibilities on your plate, it might be a good time to take a step back or take a break. How you do that depends on the situation, and on your company's culture, but if you don't act, you'll probably end up hiding in the stairway while the world peels away in slow motion.

I think what I hated the most was feeling so fake. There were days I smiled and laughed through my workday, then got in the car and cried the whole way home. Flooded by the emotions I had stuffed away all day. I wish I hadn't been so afraid of appearing weak. Going through this journey has made me more self-aware. I now know my limitations, where to draw boundaries, and what matters the most to me. If anything, I think that makes me strong.

[cocoabythefire]

How to job hunt when you don’t fit into a category

If you've been a designer for 6 years, a developer for 4, or a product manager for 8, then you fit squarely into a category. Your resume is more or less self explanatory and reads as pretty directly applicable within your respective box. You can highlight your years of experience, across various roles and titles, within said neat little box. The problem is, many of us in tech these days don't fit into just one (or even two) neat little boxes. Maybe you started in development, then tried your hand at design, before moving into product management, then back to design, then started your own company, then left your company to try yet another completely new and different role or market.

Sometimes we are restless, sometimes it's about evolving a multi-dimensional layer of talents, or staying relevant in an ever changing field. Sometimes it's about discovering a natural affinity for newly desirable skills which we didn't even know we posessed. Regardless of the cause, the result of this type of career path is what old school managers might call "flakiness" and "unpredictability". Not to mention, the job posting clearly states "7+ years of experience in super-specific-and-narrow work required" so a candidate who can't check that box is clearly out of their depth (rolls eyes).

I personally think it is a huge asset - not fitting into a box. Why? Well, hello this is tech - arguably the fastest paced and quickest evolving category of jobs that exist right now. How are versatility, flexibility, and the ability to pick up and master new skills quickly not THE most important traits of today's tech employee? Startups literally cannot survive in their first five years without an arsenal of what I would call 'wear many hats' team members. Plenty of tech companies definitely get all this, but I would say that at least 2/3 of the job postings I have read over the last year, include something like this: "X years of experience in Y required". This statement, regardess of how serious they might be about it during the screening process, is tragically limiting.

Ok, but let's assume that a lot of roles you might like to be considered for aren't yet part of your track record, and may even be a major shift from what you have been doing for the last five years. The question is: how do you convince a company to give you a chance?

How do you get past the screen so that you can jump into a totally new adventure? I happen to have some experience with this. I was a technology consultant, then the 'co-founder/acting CEO/head of marketing and sales/occasional iOS developer/random other things that need to get done person' for my 6 person startup, then a more traditional Product Manager in a new (to me) market. For my next trick, I will be a full time developer. Phew!

Here are some tips based on what I have learned while navigating the job market with a not-at-all-straight-forward background:

Have a clear, consise story to explain why you want to make this next transition in your career. If you were a designer and now you want to do back-end node.js development, why? You clearly have motivations for switching gears, but those motivations can be somewhat complicated. Practice simplifying how you explain where you've been and where you want to go next.

Spell out exactly why and how your past experiences and achievements are directly applicable to the new role/field/market/company. Essentially, find the overlap: a set of skills that were required in order to accomplish what you have done so far, and that will be invaluable in this next postiion. I guarantee you there are plenty of overlapping skills and experiences, you just have to spend some time thinking about it. I gave this same advice to code-school graduates that were coming from non-tech backgrounds. There is always an overlap! Your cover letter is a great place to highlight these.

Be pro-active. Predict and address the company's objections to you before they have the chance! This allows you to argue your level of fitness from a position of strength rather than putting you on the defensive. In my case, I tried out some cover letters where the opening statement blatantly called out why my resume 'doesn't scream full time developer' but that this was actually a 'great asset'. I then went on to explain how my diverse background and overlapping skills would make me unique. That cover letter was very successful for me and got the most responses by far. I think this is especially important for those postings which state 'X years required' or 'must have experience in Y market' and you clearly don't have what they are asking for. You MUST address that up front yourself if you don't want to be overlooked.

Be picky and delberate as to which companies or roles you look at, then put in the time. If you're a UX designer going out for another UX designer gig, you might be able to get away with a quantity over quality approach to sending out your resume. But, that's not going to work here. Spend the time to find the right company fit - what companies are going to be able to see value in the skillset that you are able to highlight. Where will you stand out? This is also about you reflecting on which companies/roles you will contribute the most effectively to. At the end of the day, a company's stage, size, market, values, personality, all contribute to their ability (or inability) to see what you uniquely bring to the table.

If you quit your last job, took a lot of time off, or otherwise left a gap in your career path, don't over stress about how this will look. Just be open about it, and ready with strong references. I spent far too much time stressing out about how I 'looked' on paper because I had left a job, taken several months off (to be a ski bum - more or less), and then worked part time on startup stuff for many additional months. In the end, I just decided not to address it until it came up, and to be very open about why I left, what I've been doing, that I chose to take time off, etc. Obviously this advice doesn't really work if you left some collateral damage in your path and/or left your last job on bad terms. I don't have personal experience with that, but my advice would be to spin it positive and don't demonstrate hostility even if you are super pissed off about what happened.

Show, don't just tell. If you are truly asking a company to take a leap of faith that you can do a job you haven't yet done, it's much better to have an example to show. A throw-away example code project/code sample, or made-up product design schematic, for instance. It doesn't have to be official to be useful. Also look back on those overlap achievements we talked about, and see if there's anything you can show from those.

Confidence originates within. You absolutely must have no qualms about your ability to do the job and do it highly successfully. If you have doubts, those will come through during the interview process - without a doubt ;)

That's all I've got... feel free to hit me up if you want any more personalized advice. I have been an interviewer and interviewee in many capacities and would be happy to share what I can to help.

Good Luck!

[cocoabythefire]

The 'E' Word

This holiday season, I found myself surrounded by a particular sentiment. I was blessed to be surrounded by love, kindness, and generosity, but I want to talk about something else. Something that appeared to be hanging in the air everywhere I went. It was unsettling, yet constant and familiar. It could be detected when observing family and friends, strangers at the airport, and unfortunately, I even detected it eminating from myself at times. Once you start to notice it, it's impossible not to see this all around you. The person grumbling behind you in line at the airport, the person cutting you off on the highway, the person who jumps line at Target, the person arguing with the hostess at a busy restaurant, the person discussing their misfortunate at receiving unwanted gifts while in line at Starbucks. I became so disappointed at how much this sentiment shapes and forms the world around me. And especially, I became disappointed in how I too embody it when I'm not looking closely enough.

Did you figure out the 'e' word, yet? I'm talking about entitlement. It's readily available and abundant in the world around me, and I imagine if some of you reading this look around, you see it too.

Ok, so I'm not writing about entitlement because I want to make us all feel bad, though. On the contrary, my heightened awareness of entitlement has inspired me to try and take a better perspective on my own life. Given that it's the start of a new year and all, I thought I would share how I personally intend to counteract the entitlement that I both hold and experience in this world.

The many shades of entitlement

First, let me define how I view entitlement. I think entitlement is a failure to recognize and reflect back genuine gratitude upon all the wonderful luxuries, luck, security, and gifts I enjoy in life. In fact, entitlement can represent a complete absence, at times, of any sense of gratitude whatsoever.

Entitlement also manifests itself as judgement. Judgement over how others conduct themseleves, how others do (or fail to do) their jobs, or even choose to live their lives.

Yet another manifestation of entitlement is what I would call "oblivious selfishness" - a complete lack of effort to acknowledge, empathize, or just plain notice others around us, because we are too obsessed with ourselves.

Sometimes you just want things to go your way

Bad things happen to everyone in life, some much more than others. That's a fact. In my extended family, for example, there have been a number of serious health issues and a few tragic and premature deaths over the course of my lifetime thus far. I know those who have lost their jobs, struggled with finances, and worse. I don't believe for one second that we aren't allowed to feel a little bitter sometimes, or to grieve, or to just have a bad day (or bad week, or hell, even a bad year). What I do believe, (and I'm talking to myself too here, friends) is that many of us forget, or simply choose not to acknowledge the good in our lives, and the little gifts we receive each day. This failure to appreciate the good only hurts us and makes life less enjoyable for everyone.

I had a bad day recently. I was experiencing a cocktail of negative emotions over a personal situation. I was upset, anxious, nervous, stressed, pessimistic, you name it. I called two of my dearest (very sage) friends who both gave me the same advice in different words: they told me to focus on the positive, and to change my mindset. There was no sense in obsessing over all the things that had already gone wrong and could go wrong in the future. Instead, they told me to focus on the little things that were going well, and to bring a positive energy into the situation rather than a negative one. That advice may sound obvious, but it wasn't at all obvious to me in the moment.

Changing my mindset into one of gratitude and positivity even in the face of a frustrating and potentially scary situation made such a difference for both how I experienced it, as well as the outcome. I think this advice applies even when things aren't going terribly horribly wrong - but just in the face of little irritations, or minor setbacks in day to day life.

Replacing entitement with gratitude

I plan to counteract my own personal sense of entitlement in a few ways.

A gratitude journal. At the end of each day I will write 3 things that I am grateful for in order to remind myself daily of just how great life really is. I'll also write down one thing that inspires me, to achieve a positive mindset toward the things yet to come.

In order to remind myself to be more aware of others in my community, I will be stepping up my volunteering efforts. Just recently, my husband and I went to the local food bank where we volunteered to sort and bag donated food that was headed to those in need of a little extra help. It was a very rewarding way to spend a couple of hours.

Be kind, be patient, and try not to complain. These are the easiest – easiest for me to fail at, that is. I have a bad habit of being impatient and complaining about little unimportant snags - just as something to do. However, this puts out negativity that is simply not needed!

Find small ways to acknowledge and thank the people I love the most, and let them know I'm thinking about them. My husband and I live far away from many of our family members and dearest friends. But, this year I did something I haven't bothered to do in a long time. I sent out some Christmas cards! Not those photo print, generic ones that you blast out to everyone you've ever known (not that there's anything wrong with those - please still send me those!! :). I wrote personal, hand written notes to some of the many wonderful people whom I cherish, yet don't get to see very often.

With more self awareness, and by actively working to counteract some of the entitlement floating around, I hope to be a more balanced person this year.

Happy New Year :)

[cocoabythefire]

Wedding shaming: and why not having one was one of my best decisions

My husband and I have been together for over a decade. I think we knew a pretty long time ago that we were perfect together and hoped to spend as much of our future lives together as possible. We got married in a Chicago courthouse (it took under 2 minutes start to finish), 2 1/2 years ago. We did not elope. There was nothing sudden or secretive about it. We hosted a few family/close friend dinner parties several months in advance as an opportunity for the people who mattered most to celebrate with us in the manner and medium that we wanted to celebrate our love. Which, as it turned out, was about as far from a traditional wedding as one can get.

Before I get into the 'why no wedding' discussion, I want to explain why we did decide to put our relationship on paper. Our reasoning is extremely unromantic:

being able to check the 'married' status on legal or financial paperwork affords many benefits

health/emergency reasons (we want to be able to make decisions on each other's behalf in a crisis)

social acceptance when we are 50 and have to explain our relationship/ introduce ourselves at a party, and

I wanted to be able to call him "hubby" (just kidding that was not a reason - I totally could have called him that anyway there's no law against it :)

People like to give the objection at this point: but weddings are SO romantic. I have to disagree on this point. In my personal opinion, there is absolutely nothing romantic about reciting rehearsed canned words about each other, regurgitating boring prose in front of an audience, or spending a fortune to make everone else happy and entertained. Nor is it romantic to play out old fashioned ceremonies that come from a place of sexism and posession where being married off was often a financial power play. It might help here if we were religious, but we are both so not religious. For me, romance is intimate, private, and just between us. It's defined by private moments and tiny gestures, and sharing secrets, and dreaming. It's not something I want to (or even can) put on display.

The next objection I often get is: but it's such a great opportunity to celebrate two people and their love. Yes, I can't argue with that. I have been to many weddings myself and that is precisely how I choose to view them: I am paying my respects to the two indiviuals as people, whom I care for, and also celebrating the fact that they found each other. What I will say, though, is there is not just one way to do the celebrating or just one moment in life in which great love should even be acknowledge or celebrated. So, I want to celebrate my relationship in my own way, different from the norm, that shouldn't be controversial.

Another one that I hate is: but it's not really for you it's for your family and friends. Ummm... that's exactly my objection! Generally speaking, in my life, I try my best not to do things that will make me feel fake/frustrated/stressed/unhappy if I can avoid it. Why on earth, would my family and closer friends demand that of me, just so they can feel happier for a night, that's a horrible, horrible mindset!

Some of the other reasons we decided not to have a wedding are less philosophical and more just personal taste. Growing up, I always dreamed of the career and the dream guy, and the house, and the family. But, I never obsessed over the wedding dress or the wedding itself. And as I grew up, I realized that never in a million years did I want to parade around in a white wedding dress with my hair done up like prom in front of everyone I know. That so isn't me. I probably would have been all for that when I was 16, though. Instead, I wore a black sweater dress with faux leather sleeves to our celebratory dinner parties - more on that later- and we invited very few people.

One thing I did say yes to though, was the cake! And photos. I wanted really good glamorous photos of us together that we can look back at when we are old, so we did some of those and sent them out to family years ago. News flash: you can hire a photographer and do this anytime you want wearing whatever outfits you want! And cake - you can absolutely have a fancy cake at a dinner party too. We did. It was amazing. In fact, we've been to one wedding where the bride's mom didn't even get to try the cake. She was running around all frantic (becaue that's what big weddings are like for the families) and then all of a sudden the big fancy extravagant cake that had been agonized over was gone – every last bite.

I've known people who have been stressed to the point of being sick over wedding preparation, who have cried before, during and after their own weddings, and who have simply said 'lucky' when we described our alternative plan. Based on this, I'm pretty sure that there are other people out there going through the motions who aren't too happy about it either. Perhaps my husband and I are just more comfortable being non-comformists than others we know (in fact, I'm pretty sure that is the case). I've also known people who loved every minute of their weddings and I'm super happy for them too. I think that's great!

Now to our alternative celebration. We hosted a few dinner parties at fancy favorite restaurants and there was special dessert. We dressed up, we toasted our family and close friends, and each other. And we had a lovely time. With the thousands of dollars we saved, we spent two romantic weeks in the Mayan Riviera and then the following fall we lived in Buenos Aires, Argentina for 3 months (we both had always dreamed of living abroad). Talk about a romantic city!

So, please stop assuming that all relationships need to be celebrated the same way. Stop with the wedding shaming. Be your own person in this world! But never stop celebrating love in your life.

Oh and one more thing: If we don't keep in touch, I don't even know your cell number, and I choose not to come to your wedding (especially if said wedding would require travel and expenses): get the f*** over yourself. Try inviting me to dinner. I love dinner parties!

[cocoabythefire]

I would never take career breaks if not for my support network

It's been six months and counting since my last paycheck. From the age of 16, I have always received a bi-weekly paycheck of some sort. The ice cream shop, multiple summer internships in college, the on-campus mailroom, my first job in tech, the startup, the job after the startup. I applied to dozens of scolarships and financial aid to get through school. I excelled at the overlap: quit the current gig once you have the next income planned out. Exit the startup while there's still money coming in so there's time to figure the next thing out. With consulting always an option during gap times. So this is new. It has felt really uncomfortable and strange.

Also, not going to lie, it stings a little when people point out how lucky I am to be able to just take time off. I know that I'm very fortunate in my life. However, it's not like I won the "get a break from work" lottery. Both my husband and I have personally earned every dime we own, worked our buns off and always saved like crazy. One of the reasons we have saved so heavily since our early 20's was so we could afford to travel and take some breaks during our careers. We also hope not to "need to work" until we're 65, though we both may very well choose to.

That's not to say that I'm sitting on my hands these days. I'm a recovering workaholic so, naturally, I've been having a blast with two different early-stage product concepts, volunteered for a non-profit, and am currently writing a bunch of code. I've even taken some exploratory interviews. But I'm not personally making a cent right now and it scares the crap out of me. It's also incredibly necessary for where I find myself in my career right now.

Finances aside, I could never in a million years quit my job without a plan if it weren't for the strong support network of friends and family that constantly hold me up. They remind me never to settle and that if I need to take some time to figure out what I want, then that's exactly what I should do. They offer leads and ideas when I'm ready to take on something new. They counsel me, sharing their own stories and advice. They remind me that regardless of my full time status, I'll always be the total opposite of lazy.

Career breaks mean a lot to me. I see them as a chance to get a fresh persepective, experiment, learn, and question everything. It's the ultimate reset, which I find I require every so often. I've had severe burnout twice and it doesn't feel good. I'm trying to retrain myself to find the right balance between personal investment and healthy distance from my work. Being so self-motivated can actually be a burden at times. But most importantly, I just don't think I'm meant to do "just one thing" my whole career. I have too many interests for that.

I honestly thought this break would be just a couple months and then I'd be back in the steady income game. But here we are 6 months later. I'm forever grateful to have such a strong force of support and a husband who will let me "explore" which occassionally means surfing the internet all day in my pajamas for the best AirBnb to stay in during the ski season because I'm "just not feeling it today".

Thank You (you know who you are).

[cocoabythefire]

Losing Perspective, Finding Motivation

Why did you choose your current job? Was it a natural calling, a lifelong dream, or maybe just an accident? A way to pay the bills and still have quality time with family? Let me ask you a better question: when was the last time you honestly re-evaluated your career trajectory?

I’ve found that it can be easy to lose a grasp on the underlying motivations that drive major career decisions. Failing to stay in tune with what motivates you can be dangerous. It can lead to the wrong job, the wrong company, the wrong role. It is especially dangerous for someone like me, who is strongly motivated by recognition from others. Also known as the achiever drive or the perfectionist. We are extremely susceptible to pursuing what others tell us we are great at without questioning whether it’s the kind of work we actually want to do.

But motivation is complicated. There’s not just one thing that motivates me to do work. I have long term, over-arching motivations like financial stability and success, but also daily motivations like the excitement I feel when creating and problem solving. Taking a step back every now and then to better understand these motivations has helped me immeasurably in course correcting my career. As it turns out, some motivations can change dramatically, while others are near constant.

Over the years, I’ve leveraged therapy, mindfulness, personality tests like Strengths Finder, and deep discussion with close family and friends, to help me rediscover my motivations.

Here is a framework I’ve used to learn a few things about my career motivations:

I’m negatively motivated by: solitary responsibility such as the weight of an entire company’s future riding on my shoulders.

I’m positively motivated by: significant responsibility and ownership as part of a strong team sharing the burden of success.

I feel energized by: work that comprises both creative collaboration and solitary thought work much more than just one or the other.

I lose energy when: I am not receiving regular feedback and recognition for my work from others.

I crave: making cool things.

I avoid: roles where I have to pose as an extrovert 24/7, as well as roles where I have to work independently or be alone 24/7.

Your turn!

[cocoabythefire]

true story

The Evolution of a Woman Entering Tech

Year 1

OMG this is so cool! It sucks that there are like zero women at my company, but that will make my perspective super valuable and unique and I get to help pave the way! My job is so awesome!

Year 2

Wow, there really aren’t that many women. I mean, I knew that before but I just didn’t realize the extent to which I would feel out of place literally everywhere I go. Bummer. And people can say some really offensive things to me. And what's up with the lack of eye contact in meetings? Oh well...

Year 3

OK, this isn’t getting better. I need to become an advocate, I have a responsibility to help make this field better for others. Plus, I love what I do and I want to share it!

Year 4

If I just put my head down and keep working hard - I’m sure it gets better. Or at least I can block out the nonproductive hostility.

Year 5

Ok, starting to feel kind of disillusioned with the backlash and criticism around diversity advocacy. But, going to keep going. Don't give up...

Year 6

I need to take a break from all the outreach and just worry about my own career right now. That will help me reset. I just need a little break that's all...

Year 7

I need to take a break from this industry right now or my heart will explode.

The longer you're in the game, the more worn down you feel. At a certain point, you might just have to bench yourself to rebuild the strength you lost. Change isn't free.

[cocoabythefire]

Facing the Code

Vulnerability is a word to which I never gave much attention. Not until I started to become honest with myself about the situations and environments in which I experience feelings of vulnerability. I credit this newfound self-awareness to some mindfulness meditation (somewhat distractedly performed), but mostly to Dr. Brene Brown whose Ted talk on the subject is pretty freaking great. If you haven't yet watched it, I highly recommend you get on that. You will have a better understanding of what it means to be a human being.

After reading her insightful book, "Daring Greatly", I was really struck by the explored relationship between vulnerability, true courage and self confidence.

In the book, Dr. Brown states that "You can't get to courage without walking through vulnerability".

For me, I especially find this to be true; that in order to find my self confidence in a particular subject or space, I have to put myself out there first. I have to work up to it. Self assurance doesn't just materialize like a super power that I can summon when I need it. I have to work through some vulnerable feelings like fear, embarassment, inferiority, doubt, or anxiety to get there. It's like walking into a room full of people you don't know at a networking event and jumping into a conversation, then doing it again the next week. After awhile it stops being intimidating and even kind of fun. But most people don't just get to skip the intimidation and nervousness entirely, though we all do experience vulnerability in different ways and to different degrees.

Recently, I began learning to ski as an adult. Having never tried snow sports before and being a bit injury paranoid in general (I always think I will be the one to fall off the chair lift or twist my knee funny), this was not an easy feat. Especially when you add in the fearless 6 year olds whizzing by you in a confident pizza wedge with a goofy smile on their face, ready and willing to wipe out and pop right back up. So, as you might guess, the process has been mildly terrifying for me. When I first started, I was literally trembling at the top of the bunny slope. I had to make myself get out there on that bunny slope over and over again. Eventually I wasn't trembling, but more just kind of holding my breath while skiing down. Then I started skiing while also simultaneously breathing (kind of an important milestone). From there, I began expanding beyond the bunny slope. On my first true green run (the easy run) at Whistler in British Columbia, I had a near panic attack I was so scared. Yet again, I had to go through that period of vulnerability and extreme fear, but as I repeated the run I slowly felt this subside and it was replaced with the tiniest sliver of confidence. I can do this (kinda sorta)!

Coding has been a source of vulnerability for me for a long time. I don't experience the ski slope panic-inducing type of vulnerability, but it's vulnearbility nonetheless. When I was in high school, I was convinced that most of the other students in my programming class were better than I was. That wasn't true. In college, I think I subconsciously assumed that I didn't have what it took to conquer a full on major in computer science. Instead I pursued my other interests but managed to tack on so many extra CS classes that I ended up earning a minor and practically could have double majored. I resigned coding to a hobby even when co-founding and managing a software company for over four years.

The coding role, whenever I have filled it for a time, has always been a side hustle that I never fully commited to, while instead pursuing the managerial/business role that came easier. There has always been less uncomfortableness for me in the business side of software. The skills and problems and decisions feel more within my grasp, and I have a well of confidence that I can tap into if I need a boost.

Writing code isn't like that for me. Attending technical meetups and talking about code isn't like that. Speaking on stage at a technical conference isn't like that. Hell, even discussing code over drinks with friends isn't like that. Those experiences are more like skiing for me. Only, I haven't left the bunny slope yet despite years of sporadic exposure. I'm ever awash with a sea of vulnerability that I can't quite shake.

I started to explore this recently. Why is it that I have often doubted my ability to be a great coder? Why can't I stand up and say not "I can sorta kinda do this", but instead, "I'm really good at this". To confidently ask the questions churning in my head without assuming they will sound stupid? I've been able to conquer these feelings in so many areas of my life, so why not coding?

Well, then I remembered the quote about needing to walk through the vulnerability first. Perhaps I just never gave myself a chance to wade through to the other side and I am stuck somewhere in the middle of this shallow river of fear and anxiety that some like to call "imposter syndrome". The vulnerability has been strong enough to stop me from fully committing to becoming a great coder. And without fully committing, I've reached a point where I'm between familiar and fairly experienced with a vast array of languages, frameworks, tools and platforms, but yet I don't call myself a coder and I have never coded full time. I've coded part time while doing the business thing, but I've never fully committed. One foot was in the vulnerability coding wade pool, and the other was firmly on business/decision-making land.

The thing is, I really like coding. Like kind of a lot. That's why my lack of true courage has been bothering me so much. I feel like it's something I've always wanted to really master, but just never completely made the plunge. Never stepped off the bunny slope. Never stopped holding my breath a little.

From speaking with many new coders who are learning for the first time from scratch - no classes or exposure whatsoever under their belt - I've discovered that vulnerability is just something everyone has to go through and that software is a particularly intimidating field that tends to trigger these vulnerabilities in many of us. From talking to very senior, very experienced coders, I've learned that the vulnerability doesn't necessarily go away. They say that there will always be conversations that go over your head, or someone in the audience who's just itching to stump you, embarass you even. It's part of the territory. As I suppose is the case with many if not all professions. We can't know everything and we can't have all the answers. To believe that is to be naiive. Ok fine, but then why do some coders seem to be so self-assured while I stand there replaying the way I want to phrase my question about node.js five times before deciding if it sounds smart enough to say outloud?

I get frustrated sometimes when I have my code reviewed and it turns out to be wrong, or maybe not completely wrong, but just not completely optimal either. It feels like square one every time.

I don't have the answer to conquering vulnerability and becoming a super-mega-confident-coder, unfortunately. But what I have learned so far, is that the only way to get to the other side, is to keep on coding and to fully commit. Both feet in. And in the meantime, to remember that it's an art not an exact science. There's not just one right answer. And I now know that for me, coding is like skiing, the courage only comes through experience.

I've stepped out of management for a bit, and I'm working on a web project. Fully committed. All in for the first time. I'm pretty sure the experiment is working so far, because the vulnerability is occassionally parting for moments of utter triumph. Often then followed by total failure with lots of red tests. But hey, it's progress!

Vulnerability is not weakness, and the uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure we face every day are not optional. Our only choice is a question of engagement. Our willingness to own and engage with our vulnerability determines the depth of our courage and the clarity of our purpose; the level to which we protect ourselves from being vulnerable is a measure of our fear and disconnection. ― Brené Brown

[cocoabythefire]

Trying on Imperfectionism

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be?" - Marianne Williamson

So I haven't blogged in a tragically long time. When I started to reflect recently on why that might be - given that I've always enjoyed writing and find it to be one of the best forms of self expression - I came up with a pretty surprising explanation. Writing can be a great method for coping with, psycho-analyzing, and otherwise parsing through life experiences. But I am in a very unhealthy relationship with perfectionism and it has been stopping me just short of clicking that little blue 'post' button.

I know that perfectionism is fundamentally bad for me but I just can't seem to stop the cycle: trying too hard, self doubting, and then giving up entirely. My parents love to tell this story about when I was 3 years old. I was sitting at the table feverishly coloring in a coloring book. The second my crayon mark strayed the tiniest bit outside of the lines, I would hault my coloring, crumple up the piece of paper angrily and slam it down on the floor only to begin again. I would do this over and over until I successfully colored inside the lines for the entire page. Now, as amusing as this probably was to watch a three year old do over and over, it's an unfortunate habit that seems to have stuck.

When I started to learn how to code, I struggled so much with this perfectionist side of myself. Problems I couldn't solve without help from someone else would catapult me into feeling like I just wasn't good enough. It wasn't just problematic when I spent all day trying to get a simple button to work on a screen the way I wanted it to. It was also problematic at networking events. If a conversation was ignited around a topic I was unfamiliar with or a framework I had never heard of... I would start to feel terrible on the inside. Like I was the only one there who didn't know this stuff and didn't have anything witty or interesting to contribute.

A few years ago I discovered that there was potentially another explanation for these feelings: Imposter Syndrome. It's a problem that a lot of people face, particularly in technology where the nerd culture can be incredibly intimidating for newbies. I would describe it as this sensation of feeling inadequate or undeserving of status or praise, while your peers are (obviously) better, faster, stronger, and can code upside down with their eyes closed better than you can. Let me just tell you: imposter syndrome is tough to work through.

I think I'm particularly prone to this due to my tendency for perfectionism. I don't like to be wrong, and I don't like to be seen as flawed by others. Well it's pretty impossible to go through life without being wrong or demonstrating your flaws. But in technology, it seems like these instances are more frequent and the criticism is often more brusque. You write code and it fails, you make a change and it fails worse, you google an answer on StackOverflow and that just messes you up even more and you eventually realize that you have wasted 3 hours and gone backwards. Then inevitably, someone points out a simple 2 minute solution that you never saw coming. Ugh. 'I must be just about the worst coder ever' you think to yourself before contemplating a) throwing your computer out the window or b) swearing off programming forever or c) all of the above.

Recently, while talking with code school students, I realized that this issue affects so many people who are new to tech. I still struggle with it and I have been a part of the industry for many years now. Perhaps we can all just take some comfort in knowing that we aren't alone in this. Some days you build eloquent solutions and hit on breakthroughs to tough problems. On those days, it all feels worth it. Then there are those days where you just feel like everyone gets it but you. Even senior engineers have those days. It's just part of being here, I suppose.

Well, self doubting and second guessing holds you back it turns out (who would have thought). So I'm going to try on imperfection for a change. I'm going to try this thing where I write without worrying if it's relevant or interesting enough to justify posting. Maybe I'll build an app that isn't very good just to prove that I can do it. I want to attend a meet-up for a framework I know nothing about yet, without feeling intimidated by the conversation. I want to be ok with being completely wrong.

Feel free to join me! It will be fun (eh - I can't promise that).

[cocoabythefire]

Why, hello 2014! Let's have some adventures.

Last year was quite the whirlwind and as some of you may or may not have noticed, I kinda-sorta disappeared. Not just from the inter-webs, but from the USA entirely. I was extremely lucky to have been able to spend three months this past fall living in South America on a personal sabbatical. The time was eye-opening on a personal level, challenging (with my beginner Spanish), and incredibly fun. I highly recommend – to anyone who is lucky enough to have the flexibility in their schedule – that you strongly consider taking a personal sabbatical abroad at some point in your life. At least two months is best. It takes over three weeks before you stop feeling like you're just on vacation and that's when things start to get deep. At least, that was my experience.

But, this was about more than just a chance to take a break and experience something new. Although not initially planned this way, my three months in Buenos Aires became a professional and personal period of soul-seeking and reflection. Just weeks before packing our things, my co-founder-turned-husband and I had made the incredibly difficult decision to exit our small software shop in Chicago and each head out in new directions. So you see, it couldn't have been a better time to take several steps back in order to start moving forward again. And that's exactly what I did.

When the Chicago skyline initially disappeared in the background, I was overwhelmed with nerves and tears at the end of a wonderful and exhilarating five year adventure. As soon as I touched down in Argentina, however, I instantly started to feel like I was on a mission to chart a new course for myself. And luckily, I had plenty of time to think/examine/research/ponder/explore. This was the time in my life – I determined – to be picky, to not settle, and to seek out the right challenges. All while enjoying a bit too much dulce de leche, steak, and empanadas. Bonus!

I've always appreciated writing for its power to permit self-reflection, help process emotions, and just clear my head. So I started writing journal entries, poems, random thoughts or quotes, and lists. Lots and lots of lists. I have always been a bit of an obsessive organizing freak, so I applied my usual strategies towards figuring out where to go next in my life (over a glass of Malbec or two ;). I also read a lot. What I learned by taking this extended time for myself, was how important it is to do so on a daily basis, not just once in awhile. This is something I intend to actively work on.

There were a lot of other exciting takeaways from this journey too. Which brings me to the brink of some very exciting adventures in 2014. After almost a decade of making truly great memories in Chicago, I'm going to try on Portland(-ia) for size. I will miss my Chicago friends dearly, but am really looking forward to new scenery and new friendships too (so - let me know if you're a Portlander who can show me the ropes). In addition to a new city, I will be taking on an exciting new gig as well which I'm certain you will be hearing more about from me very soon!

Cheers to new adventures and Happy New Year!!

[cocoabythefire]

The Fine Line Between Support and Reverse Discrimination

I have to make a confession. I don't much like women-only professional communities. I like the idea of it, sure. Women are amazing. But, I just cannot get past the whole reverse discrimination idea. When someone says "hey, we should build a community that's more female friendly" and then simultaneously turns around and builds a professional organization that literally refuses men from participating, I call bullshit on that. To me, that's just an uncomfortably incomplete solution, however well intentioned. Do I believe that women should support other women? Absolutely 100%. Do I believe that a majority female environment is more likely to grow and encourage women to enter and perservere in the realm of technology? Probably, yep at this point in time (wasn't necessarily true for me but I get it). However, I completely dislike anything "professional" that excludes someone from participating based on gender, sex, race, nationality, religion, really anything. Exceptions of course would be someone being excluded because they violated a code of conduct or just general human decency at a previous event or something of that nature. Anything else just doesn't sit right with me.

Here's another reason, and this is really just more about me than anything. I love working with mixed gender groups. I think a diverse mindset and really strong perspective is created from having women and men brainstorming on a product or service. I also am rational and like to deal in the realm of reality. The reality is, tech is 80%+ male right now. Training women to only be comfortable in isolated female-exclusive groups just isn't practical, it isn't in touch with the reality of the field, and it's not going to lead to success. Let me be clear, I think there are huge benefits to women helping women, and to creating reverse-ratio support groups (90% women, 10% men for instance), organizations that support or encourage minority participation, and even companies that take a serious approach to diversity recruitment. But, closing the door on someone because they are a dude who wants to participate? Just not ok in almost any scenario for me.

I've been leading Girl Develop It in Chicago for nearly 6 months now. I had only one make-or-break question before I committed to being involved with the organization: "is GDI women exclusive?". Nope, they said. We empower women, but we are an INclusive organization and people from all walks of life are welcome. Sold. Let me tell you, it does not deter the success of our classes, our social networks, our power to grow each other. Not one bit. The only thing that matters is creating an INclusive environment, where beginners feel comfortable asking "what the heck is a compiler any way?". That's something we can all create. It does not require a gender sort at the door. However, just by calling it a women empowerment organization, means women feel comfortable showing up. And when women feel comfortable showing up, and they keep showing up, that's what creates that reverse ratio. More importantly, when newbies start showing up in droves, ready and willing to learn, that creates change. Change is happening my friends.

So, please don't shut the door on anyone who just wants to be a part of your community, your class, your cause. Let's set a better example than that, shall we?

[cocoabythefire]

Why I don't condone boycotting tech events to promote diversity

A lot of buzz has been generated recently around the idea of taking a pledge to boycott all male speaker panels at conferences as posited in this article in [The Atlantic](http://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2013/01/a-simple-suggestion-to-help-phase-out-all-male-panels-at-tech-conferences/266837/). The basic idea is that by refusing to participate in all-male speaker panels, we are supporting diversity and forcing conference organizers to actually make an effort to include minorities in their lineup. Now, I definitely think that the motivation behind this, and the people who have adamantly supported it come from the right place. But there are some serious and glaring flaws to this approach which make me, as a woman who has been both behind the scenes, a speaker, and an attendee at many tech events, very uneasy. **It's not fair to push the diversity burden onto event organizers.** If your sole contribution to helping promote diversity is to say "hey organizer of tech conference X, get more women in that line up or I'm not coming"… does that seem fair? I think what a lot of people aren't realizing, is that many of the tech event organizers actually are already making a pretty big effort to get diversity. They realize people want this now. They are trying. What are you doing to help? **Minorities who regularly speak, are stretched thin as it is.** There are so few of us in certain developer circles, that many of us receive more requests than we can handle. As a result, an event organizer may be genuinely trying to get speakers that are diverse, and having a lot of "no" responses because these people are so heavily requested. **Enough with the negativity!** Boycotting is somewhat negative, and causes pressure, stress and hostility on our community. This is the last thing we need right now! (More on that in a moment…) **I don't want to be a speaker to fill some quota!** I want to be invited to speak on merit, and because I deserve to be there. I feel that this approach encourages the former and hinders the later. Event organizers will be so nervous that if they don't get one more woman on the panel, no one will come, that they might resort to desperation. That is not constructive! So while I do feel that it's always great to see people trying to do something rather than nothing, I don't feel this is the right way to encourage diversity. I have a better idea... **Here is my counter proposal. I challenge every technologist to do the following:** 1) Think about at least one minority you know in your personal network, and encourage or mentor them to become a speaker. For instance, you could offer to brainstorm topics with them and help them submit their first proposal, or offer to put in a good word for them with a conference organizer you're connected to (again, only if you feel they deserve it). 2) Write to each of your favorite conferences, and send them at least one recommendation for a minority speaker that you would like them to consider. Remember a lot of the problem stems from the fact that in order to grow diversity, organizers have to be willing to take a chance on new "up and comer" speakers. If they receive requests for someone, they can feel a lot more confident to approach that person, knowing their audience approves. 3) If you are an event organizer, email minority mailing lists like devchix@googlegroups.com that are teaming with minority developers. Let them know that your event would love to have them attend. Studies have suggested that explicitly reaching out to and inviting minorities has the best results. I think diversity in tech is going to get better continuously over time, as long as we stick to a supportive, encouraging, and positive approach!

[cocoabythefire]

Five Qualities That Should NOT Impress Your Boss

There are plenty of managers out there who value the wrong things when it comes to their team members' performance. I have seen it before in past jobs, and I hear about these ridiculous precedents all the time from friends and former colleagues. The next generation of great managers are able to look beyond these superficial expectations to appreciate real value in their people. 1 - **First in, last out**. Your employees are not a queue. Under no circumstance should it be desirable to "put in the most hours" in order to impress your boss. Research has proven that thought workers are productive for no more than 6 hours in a day, and that the more time off and sleep they receive, the better they will use those six hours. If you value this, you are stuck in the factory era. 2 - **Always available by phone or email**. Unless we're talking about some kind of "on call" job situation like the medical profession where lives are at stake, being constantly available on vacation should not be impressive! If your team is afraid to turn off their email on their paid time off, you're doing it wrong. Relaxed and refreshed employees make infinitely better team members. 3 - **Never complains or argues**. I'm not suggesting you want your team to be whiny babies or instigators. But, come on. If your employees cannot even admit when something is not up to their standards, cannot even bring themselves to disagree, then you have group think at best, and a dis-functional environment in the worst case. Open, honest, and supportive offices breed innovation and creativity. 4 - **Intimidated by the boss**. I think a lot of people confuse intimidation with respect. While the former may demonstrate power, it's the latter that demonstrates leadership. Intimidation is negative, while respect is positive and productive. 5 - **Always says yes**. This one might be the most controversial, but I don't see the point in rewarding people for taking on everything and anything you ask of them without question. I see that as a lack of understanding of time management, best use of team resources, and a sign of personal ego. Not qualities that should be rewarded. If any of these ring a bell from your office culture, you might want to think about seeking out better leadership or possibly a new team.

[cocoabythefire]

The Importance of Supporting Computer Science In K-12 Education

You may not know this, but next week is Computer Science Education Week (CSEdWeek), a community effort to raise public awareness of the importance in paying more attention to the teaching of computer science in schools. We desperately need to start paying closer attention to our education system's lack of emphasis and proper instruction in technology and specifically computer science. This is not only a blossoming field with enormous career potential, but it is also training that is becoming more and more critical for our future leaders and innovators. The computer science field is among the worst diversity performers in the realm of engineering, math and science. But this movement is not just about increasing diversity, it's about seriously taking a step back and analyzing our priorities in K-12 education. It's just crazy in the current state of the world, not to be placing computer science as a higher priority in our children's education. Instead, computer science in K-12 education is under prioritized, under funded, and is not even a requirement for graduation in most schools. It's up to us as a community to demand more from our education system, if computer science has any hope of playing a more fundamental role in schools. Often, people will confuse computer science education with computer literacy education. Computer literacy, is when we teach our kids how to use the various technology devices that exist, namely computers and tablets. On the other hand, computer science is about teaching our kids the fundamental concepts towards understanding how technology works, and how to use it to create and innovate. Simply throwing money at our schools and building computer labs, is not enough. That does not create future app developers or computer engineers! The focus needs to be on reforming education to not only make computer science a high priority requirement for all kids, but also giving it the respect and attention it deserves. If you agree that computer science deserves a bigger seat at the education table, you can visit [csedweek.org](http://www.csedweek.org) and take the pledge. Or go a step further, and find out how your organization can get involved in raising awareness!

[cocoabythefire]

Let's Refocus the Conversation, Tech!

I have been putting together some of my thoughts from observing sexist/offensive events in tech and the community reaction as a whole. I think there are some issues with how we are responding to and dealing with these issues and would like to make a few observations/suggestions/ramblings.

  Ok, here goes...

First Thing's First

If within hours of reading an article or blog on a minority's thoughts and experiences with something they found sexist or offensive, you're writing a rebuttal… you don't get it. Listen! Try to take what you have just read and gain a different perspective. Ask questions. Ask for clarification (politely!) but don't sit there and say her thoughts are wrong or invalid. Accept the fact that you can't fully understand the offense of something you're not the target of, and instead, give her the benefit of the doubt. Be the person who helps and makes a difference. 

Enough is enough!

I've had enough with the clever rebuttal tweets and counter blog posts. The targeted attacks, the "stop being so sensitive" reactions, the "I know minority Joe doesn't agree with you therefore you are wrong" arguments. Ugh. 

First of all, there's no need to get so defensive. When we get defensive, we shut down and cease to be objective, unbiased, and sometimes even respectful. I am definitely guilty of this too. But it's just not helping. If you're saying these kinds of things to people who are open and honest enough to say, "I don't think this is ok can we do better?" you're a big part of the problem not the solution!

Open your eyes! 

People speak out about their uncomfortable or disappointing experiences because they love what they do. They love their community. They love their industry. They care and want things to be the best case scenario! If folks didn't care about sharing the awesomeness of being in tech with younger generations, they wouldn't say anything. You know what they would do? Leave!

Just because you personally don't see the offense in something, or don't notice sexism in your personal circles... doesn't mean it's not there! These are just a fraction of the offensive things that have happened at professional events in tech. They were not imagined. They really happened.

Don't Diminish by Relating!

I think a big, and totally understandable mistake that I hear nice people make all the time is diminishing by relating. "Oh yeah, I've felt out of place before too." "Things like this happen to everyone." Yeah, sure. To a certain extent you're right, nobody goes through life without feeling offended at some point or another.

But while good intentioned, this reaction is actually diminishing the very realities of things like sexism in the workplace. When you combine repeated offensive (if maybe minor) events with being a minority and already feeling out of place, it's like that one time when you felt offended too but 10 times amplified and playing on repeat. It's good to relate. Just be sure you're not de-emphasizing the real issues just because you "don't see it as a big deal". I think a better response might be "Yeah, I can understand. How can I help?" Instead, you might find out about a cool new initiative in your area that could use your time! There are many.

New Plan: Respect and Support

Actually, let's all just start doing that. Imagine what would happen if instead of immediately going to attack the validity of or disagree with every "I find this disappointing and offensive" comment, we were to say… how can I help? The conversation would turn infinitely more productive. I have been thinking about this a lot lately, and I seem to find that whenever people speak up, the majority of the resulting conversation can be counter-productive. The person has to spend a lot of time defending why what they've said is real and matters. Instead, what if they could spend time discussing with their respectful community, on how to make sure we are providing a welcoming environment to all? Just accept the fact that it's real and it matters. Otherwise that person wouldn't have said anything!

I realize there are people who like the status quo. See absolutely nothing wrong with the status quo. And are down right determined to maintain it. I have news for those people: whether you like it or not… women and minorities are slowly taking over tech. The time to make nice is now! Seriously.

  Whenever I write something like this I know that I have to explicitly defend the typical reactions so here goes my attempt...

  No, I am not saying that everything anyone says about sensitive issues is automatically right and you shouldnt disagree with them. But automatically poking at someone's character and making assumptions about them is ridiculous. Even more subtly just saying I don't really agree can be unfair. Are you even in a place where you can truly understand and get a feel for that person's experience enough to make that kind of statement?

Open your mind, listen and ask questions before you start telling someone how wrong they are. Have respect! Even if you don't get it (and probably never can fully being the comfortable majority that you are). Just try to be a positive influence.

  And some personal comments for people who don't know me...

- I have had great experiences despite being one of the only women, at so many tech related events and conferences. I still have a blast.

- I don't hold any one person, gender, or group of people responsible for any of the issues in our industry. I think we're all in this together.

- I've never really considered myself a feminist. I just expect respect for all people.

-  I would consider myself pretty mature. But I laugh all the time and I enjoy a good joke. My friends (who I love) can be immature and in the right setting among friends it's easy to say "hey, that was offensive" and deal with it. I think that a professional conference is a terrible place for raunchy or sexist/line-crossing jokes. Unnecessary. Especially in an industry where there are groups of people feeling uncomfortable, sometimes even unwanted. Why make it worse?

- I have programmed since I was in high school and have developed Mac/iOS apps in some capacity for the last 6 years (3 of those full time).

- If you read this whole thing, I think you're awesome. Thanks!

[cocoabythefire]

"Jump up and down sausages!"

It's been a month since I attended my second ever WWDC, Apple's worldwide developer conference in San Francisco, so I thought it would be a good time to share my reflections. The conference was a whirlwind of thinking, networking, and soaking up inspiration, motivation, and knowledge from Apple engineers and developers from around the world. In short, it was awesome. My biggest take away was probably the value in keeping connected with the other amazing iOS and Mac developers in this community. The learning and sharing doesn't have to end with the conference. This is something that I have been working on over the last few years and hope to continue doing, as it's so invaluable. Of the announcements made, my favorite new things by Apple are the Macbook Pro with retina (or the new new Macbook Pro as they say), and the cool new developer API's and enhancements that will help us build better apps for the future. In addition, I really enjoyed hearing JJ Abrams come and speak to us about his career as a screenwriter/director, and how his passion for technology has seeped into his rather impressive array of projects. If you were a LOST fan like I am, you would have so loved hearing how that project came to fruition. As JJ explained, he was contacted to write a TV series about plane crash survivors and given one week to come up with an idea. So he came up with a bunch of craziness, and they just said ok sure, do it. Now that takes a lot of faith. And I'm glad they said yes. Of course, I cannot write a recap of the conference without discussing the minority presence dilemma. Neon Trees was performing at the final bash and the lead singer exclaimed "This is a straight up sausage fest! Jump up and down sausages!". It was a bit of a funny moment, and everyone laughed. But, it does make me sad to be reminded how few women are in this crowd. Not that I really needed a reminder, it was pretty darn obvious. I also don't usually like reverse discrimination or derogatory comments, so while they meant nothing by it, I don't condone that phrasing in general. The frustration continued when my doorman stopped me on the way out and asked, perplexed, "Why are there a gazillion guys at that Apple thing and no women? Do women just not like computers?!" That one stung. Because it just reminded me of how many women are missing out on such an awesome career path due to social pressures, history, discrimination, or whatever the hell else is causing this divide to perpetuate. I tried my best to explain some of the causes, and that no, women do in fact like technology it's just going to take time to see the change. He was a really nice guy, just genuinely confused by it. And I don't blame him, I'm confused myself over what is really going on. It's 2012 and more women graduate from college than men. And yet here we are at an amazing technology conference full of amazing people from everywhere, and it's like a game to try and find the few women in a sea of thousands. And let's not forget other minorities as well. As someone pointed out, there were hardly any Latinos, Hispanics, or African Americans in attendance. Regardless of the sad showing of females, I had a great experience. And that in itself is really saying something. Even at the state we are in today, where one in hundreds (or more) iOS/Mac app developers is a woman, it's a blast to be one. The fact that I was in a minority group didn't inhibit me one bit from experiencing all that WWDC had to offer! And my friends could always find me in the crowd. What excites me tremendously, is the amount of attention that our community is now paying to this minority issue. I am regularly discussing this issue with respectful and great people. With this many smart people genuinely concerned about bringing more diversity into the field, there's no way we can fail! In fact, the very first event I attended during this crazy week was a dinner that benefited women in tech. You know who organized this women-supporting evening? Men! Wow. That's really something that gets me pumped up. So thanks to everyone who I met, and who I already knew, for making WWDC a great experience! And thanks Apple, keep doing what you do.

[cocoabythefire]

The Glamourous Life of… Software Developers!

That's right. I just used the word "glamorous" to describe software development. Not the word you were anticipating? Let me tell you – software development is where it's at! Here are some of the perks: 

- Create your own hours, work from the beach, work in your pajamas, work from a swanky coffee shop, work wherever you want!

- Amazing benefits. As far as health and overall benefits go these days, tech companies cannot be beat!

- Networking parties and gatherings galour. There's something for everyone.

- The pay is pretty great.

- We work on some of the most interesting problems for some of the world's most innovative companies. Or we create our own awesome little companies and work on whatever we damn well please. So fun!

- You can get as creative as you like. You can get involved with the business side of things. You can work on a new and interesting problem every day. It keeps you on your toes!

- You can wear high heels or jeans and sneakers. You can be yourself!

- There are SO. MANY. OPPORTUNITIES.

- You feel amazing when someone says "oh you worked on that app? I love it!"

  Shhhh. Don't tell anyone. The fewer people we let in on this little secret, the better. Let those TV/media tycoons keep turning people away from computer science. More for us!

  I'm KIDDING. Spread the word!