confluenceoffate - Tumblr blog

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every day i get up and get hit by a car and get isekaied to work. then eight hours later i get hit by a car and get isekaied back home again. it sucks but my commute is really short

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Just had to watch an absolutely gross depiction of DID/plurality on Medium (my parents like to watch it). Basically, evil alter BS plus possession. Like....seriously? I know it's a supernatural TV show, but a mental illness is not demonic possession.

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"Wow you write this character really well!" Thanks I knew them personally

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Meanwhile, here in Florida, it's gotten cold like 2 months early and that is CONCERNING even as lovely as it is. 55 degrees in November/December is not normal. That's MAYBE late January weather, if it gets that low at all.

Christmas as a cultural icon is starting to get really dystopian in a climate sense, december has historically been a time of year in which there would be snow in a significant portion of europe and north america, and the fact that its not even icy this time of year and all the christmas songs and decorations reference a time of year that will likely never exist in the same way again in my life time is so strange.

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I'd actually like to add on to this as someone who is often in this role and does have to deal with that emotional toll as my personality is just predisposed to this role. I think it may help add some nuance to this.

First off, knowing why they are helping is important. Is this other person a close friend? Family member? Is being helpful and generous an important value for the carer? Do they feel useless unless they're helping someone? It can be all of the above and often is. Why does this person need help? What is their situation? What would lead the helper to want to help them to the extent they might feel an emotional toll?

Next, how are they helping? What are the helper's love languages? These go together as their love language impacts how they prefer to help. Acts of service? Gift giving? Are they housing someone? Giving them food or money? Advice? A shoulder to cry on? Keeping them on time for appointments? Always having stuff on hand?

Are these things the other person actually wants or needs? I would like to separate the idea of saviorism and potentially anxiety/paranoia or other mental illness here. You mention emotional toll, and one such toll is feeling that you MUST always be helpful even when you've been told it's not necessary. It can become compulsive, especially if you really know your loved one's habits that you feel harm them. This can cause friction between the helper and loved one who may feel coddled.

Now, this can vary, but helper's should try to have open and honest conversation with their loved one about the situation, though it isn't always possible for those caring for anyone unable to speak for themselves. This can mean a lot of introspection. They are often emotionally intelligent, but can't always recognize when they themselves need the same care they give or simply feel that others should come before them. Sometimes this leads to bad coping mechanisms, and potentially avoidance of their loved ones in fear of having to expend more of themselves when there is nothing left, only to feel guilty about it. This is caregiver burnout.

Lastly, what makes the caregiver happy about helping? Seeing their loved one succeed? Seeing them be happy and healthy? Knowing they were able to make a difference? Feeling useful? Why do they help in general? What is the feeling they feel? Why do they keep coming back to it even though it can be hard? People make careers out of this, so why is your person doing it?

i want to write a character that acts as a mom friend/caretaker and show the emotional toll/baggage that comes with constantly acting as that role. however, i struggle because i don’t want to depict them as some sort of savior. do you have any ideas on how to emphasize their role without making it feel like that?

thanks! :)

Avoiding Saviorism in Caregiver Character

1 - Examine Their Motives - Saviorism occurs when the help provided is self-serving in some way. So, one of the first things you should do (both as the writer and in the story) is examine the caregiver's motive for providing this help in the first place. Why do they think this person needs help? Are they doing it out of kindness or caring for the person, or is there some other benefit that is fully or partly behind their actions. Make sure they don't brag, romanticize, or show off their role in caring for this person or trying to help them. Make sure they examine their own privilege and bias and how that impacts their motivation to help, the help they want to give, and the way they want to give it.

2 - Avoid "I Will Save You" Mentality - Another element of saviorism is positioning themselves as the rescuer and the other person as the victim they are saving from danger, poverty, an unhappy life, etc. They're so focused on saving the person, they never consider whether their help is wanted or needed, or how their biases and perception envisions problems that don't exist for this person.

3 - Avoid Forced Advice/Help - Make sure this character is only offering help and advice that is asked for/welcome. Advice and help that is unsolicited and even forced can be problematic. You should also make sure the character doesn't just assume their help is wanted, needed, or the best solution. Give them opportunities for meaningful discussions about what the person actually wants and needs from them, and have the caregiver character truly listen and respect their wishes.

4 - Avoid "My Way or the Highway" Help - The "help" provided by saviors often comes with strings attached or a controlling mentality, so avoid that and make sure the caregiver character isn't attempting to control the person they're helping. Any help and advice they give should be no strings attached.

5 - Make Sure the Support/Care is Consistent - Because saviorism is usually self-serving, the care and support is usually only offered when it is convenient or relevant to the savior. So, make sure your character's care and support of this person is consistent, always evident and always available, and never wavers just because it's not a good time for the caregiver or beneficial in some way.

6 - Don't Make the Caregiver the Hero of Person's Story - As the writer, it's super important that you don't position the caregiver (or help giver) as the hero of the other person's story. Avoid centering their role as an agent of change in the character's life, or suggesting that they aren't capable of helping themselves. Show the person's ability to stand on their own two feet and "save" themselves, and illustrate the benefit of the caregiver's help and that it is indeed welcome and not unwanted or forced.

By taking the above into account with your portrayal, you should hopefully be able to avoid making the caregiver character feel like a savior.

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I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

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Just a bunch of Useful websites - Updated for 2023

Removed/checked all links to make sure everything is working (03/03/23). Hope they help!

Sejda - Free online PDF editor.

Supercook - Have ingredients but no idea what to make? Put them in here and it'll give you recipe ideas.

Still Tasty - Trying the above but unsure about whether that sauce in the fridge is still edible? Check here first.

Archive.ph - Paywall bypass. Like 12ft below but appears to work far better and across more sites in my testing. I'd recommend trying this one first as I had more success with it.

12ft – Hate paywalls? Try this site out.

Where Is This - Want to know where a picture was taken, this site can help.

TOS/DR - Terms of service, didn't read. Gives you a summary of terms of service plus gives each site a privacy rating.

OneLook - Reverse dictionary for when you know the description of the word but can't for the life of you remember the actual word.

My Abandonware - Brilliant site for free, legal games. Has games from 1978 up to present day across pc and console. You'll be surprised by some of the games on there, some absolute gems.

Project Gutenberg – Always ends up on these type of lists and for very good reason. All works that are copyright free in one place.

Ninite – New PC? Install all of your programs in one go with no bloat or unnecessary crap.

PatchMyPC - Alternative to ninite with over 300 app options to keep upto date. Free for home users.

Unchecky – Tired of software trying to install additional unwanted programs? This will stop it completely by unchecking the necessary boxes when you install.

Sci-Hub – Research papers galore! Check here before shelling out money. And if it’s not here, try the next link in our list.

LibGen – Lots of free PDFs relate primarily to the sciences.

Zotero – A free and easy to use program to collect, organize, cite and share research.

Car Complaints – Buying a used car? Check out what other owners of the same model have to say about it first.

CamelCamelCamel – Check the historical prices of items on Amazon and set alerts for when prices drop.

Have I Been Pawned – Still the king when it comes to checking if your online accounts have been released in a data breach. Also able to sign up for email alerts if you’ve ever a victim of a breach.

I Have No TV - A collection of documentaries for you to while away the time. Completely free.

Radio Garden – Think Google Earth but wherever you zoom, you get the radio station of that place.

Just The Recipe – Paste in the url and get just the recipe as a result. No life story or adverts.

Tineye – An Amazing reverse image search tool.

My 90s TV – Simulates 90’s TV using YouTube videos. Also has My80sTV, My70sTV, My60sTV and for the younger ones out there, My00sTV. Lose yourself in nostalgia.

Foto Forensics – Free image analysis tools.

Old Games Download – A repository of games from the 90’s and early 2000’s. Get your fix of nostalgia here.

Online OCR – Convert pictures of text into actual text and output it in the format you need.

Remove Background – An amazingly quick and accurate way to remove backgrounds from your pictures.

Twoseven – Allows you to sync videos from providers such as Netflix, Youtube, Disney+ etc and watch them with your friends. Ad free and also has the ability to do real time video and text chat.

Terms of Service, Didn’t Read – Get a quick summary of Terms of service plus a privacy rating.

Coolors – Struggling to get a good combination of colors? This site will generate color palettes for you.

This To That – Need to glue two things together? This’ll help.

Photopea – A free online alternative to Adobe Photoshop. Does everything in your browser.

BitWarden – Free open source password manager.

Just Beam It - Peer to peer file transfer. Drop the file in on one end, click create link and send to whoever. Leave your pc on that page while they download. Because of how it works there are no file limits. It's genuinely amazing. Best file transfer system I have ever used.

Atlas Obscura – Travelling to a new place? Find out the hidden treasures you should go to with Atlas Obscura.

ID Ransomware – Ever get ransomware on your computer? Use this to see if the virus infecting your pc has been cracked yet or not. Potentially saving you money. You can also sign up for email notifications if your particular problem hasn’t been cracked yet.

Way Back Machine – The Internet Archive is a non-profit library of millions of free books, movies, software, music, websites and loads more.

Rome2Rio – Directions from anywhere to anywhere by bus, train, plane, car and ferry.

Splitter – Seperate different audio tracks audio. Allowing you to split out music from the words for example.

myNoise – Gives you beautiful noises to match your mood. Increase your productivity, calm down and need help sleeping? All here for you.

DeepL – Best language translation tool on the web.

Forvo – Alternatively, if you need to hear a local speaking a word, this is the site for you.

For even more useful sites, there is an expanded list that can be found here.

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Shalom and chag sameach my fellow hellsite Jews.

I was searching for some pretty Hanukkah gifs to schedule a post tomorrow wishing my Jewish followers Happy Hanukkah and I found a fit/shape/body building site that posted this

And I thought to myself, I simply must show my Jewish followers fit Menorah Man

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Am I getting work done right now?........no.

Am I having a good time?.........yes. At least until the society-induced guilt complex tells me I'm not being productive enough and need to try harder. 😀

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Chronic pain really fucking sucks huh, it's almost like it hurts. Chronically. Djdnssgidndhsjks. Anyway. I ordered myself desserts because I deserve some tiny joys.

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evil game design must never be done for money reasons. evil game design must be done for the love of evil itself

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BEKKATHYST Autumn 2023 Giveaway!

~This giveaway is in no way affiliated with Tumblr.~

Please read thoroughly before entering!

Hello lovely Tumblr folk! It’s that time again- I have a giveaway for you all. 💜

We have an online store that could use your support!

You can also find us on Instagram.

About us: My business is a small, family-run establishment that I started here on Tumblr in 2013. I’ve been lucky enough to grow to the point where this supports me, my partner, and our daughter. In the US we also had a brick-and-mortar shop in which I employed my mom and a few of my siblings. However, we closed it to be able to move to Austria, my home country! 💜 I strive to put compassion and ethics above all else in my business, and I hope that shines through. We have a website but also run many fun sales directly here on Tumblr!

This giveaway will have two winners.

What the first winner receives:

All the pictured crystals, plus a $100 gift card that can be used for our online store or our Tumblr sales. Pictured crystals: rose quartz freeform, nellite sphere with stand, kambaba jasper sphere with stand, purple labradorite freeform, silver moonstone freeform, polished chevron amethyst, thullite sphere, lizardite sphere, Mongolian black quartz crystal, amethyst rainbow amethyst druzy cut base, blue labradorite pebble, and a polished amethyst point. I wanted to pick some more unique stones for this giveaway!

What the second winner receives:

A $50 gift card that can be used for our online store or Tumblr sales!

Rules:

You must be 16 or older. (If under 18 you MUST have parent’s permission)

You can be from anywhere in the world! I am shipping from Austria.

Shipping is entirely free, I will cover it. But if you live in a country that charges import tax on gifts, you are responsible for it. If it gets sent back to me, you will need to pay shipping to have it sent again.

You must be following me, so you can get updates if anything about the giveaway changes.

Please check out our online shop!

Reblog this post to enter. Likes count as additional entries. No giveaway or spam blogs. If you reblog on a side blog, let me know in the tags what the name of your blog is that you’re following me with.

At the end, each entry will be assigned a number and the winner will be chosen by a random number generator.

The giveaway ends on December 20th, 2023.

The winners will be messaged and must respond with their full name and address within 24 hours, or a new winner will be chosen.

Please respect me and my rules, and have fun!

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I was at grace hopper last week (a women's tech conference) and they used the term "systers" a couple times and I kind of want to steal it but I also lowkey feel they stole it from us a little on accident. I know they mean it in the computing systems way but I mean..... :P

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When the food smells so good but it's too hot to touch it's absolute torture

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The singular downside of fades and shaved sides is how itchy your neck is from the tiny hairs that cling after.

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Honesty is important between people, not between people and capitalism ♡☆

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