cptncassianjandor

[cptncassianjandor]

I am tired of not knowing the feeling of your hand around mine.

[cptncassianjandor]

Only we could argue about the phase of the moon.

[cptncassianjandor]

I wish I could go back to that night at 2am and relive it, detached and just enjoy the moment.

[cptncassianjandor]

You are the reason I’ve had this stupid smile on my face.

And I hate you for it.

[cptncassianjandor]

It is so painful.

I sent three messages, I got zero replies.

Really that should tell me all there is to know.

But for some stupid reason,

I keep hoping you’ll reply.

[cptncassianjandor]

“When are you next in?”

Twice you’ve asked me, twice.

And each time, you give me that stupid hope.

The kind of hope that makes me wonder.

What if it’s mutual?

[cptncassianjandor]

Not me randomly remembering a joke me and my crush started and laughing about it every so often.

Definitely not me.

[cptncassianjandor]

I do not think the day will come where I will look at you and not feel this pure joy you bring me.

[cptncassianjandor]

Hooooo.

I am completely and utterly smitten.

Fuck.

[cptncassianjandor]

Imagine getting to sit in the car with your crush, he’s driving and you’re sat up front.

It’s 2am.

You both watch a excavator roll across a road covered with tyres and a bunch of men pump fists and go back to work.

You admit you were worried he’d just ignore you the entire way he drives you to his.

“Why would I do that?”

I don’t know, I’m still trying to decide the 30 maybe flirts you were doing early without over hyping myself up in the process.

[cptncassianjandor]

me to my crush: right that’s it, im gunna throw hands at you after work.

Crush: ok

-forgets I said that after an hour-

After work, crush mimes throwing hands at me

Me: what the fuck you bitch

Crush: you said we were gunna throw hands after work

BRB, writing my own obituary and carving my own grave.

[cptncassianjandor]

“You’re fucking stupid”

Hell yes I fucking am my good sir, it’s called delulu, I’m deep in my crush with you and I’m convincing myself that you calling me stupid is actually you trying to tell me I’m stupid because I don’t recognise you flirting with me.

Detective Delulu, reporting for duty.

[cptncassianjandor]

It should’ve been us.

Me and you.

My heart aches, my soul bleeds

For what could’ve been.

[cptncassianjandor]

Idk how I wasn’t diagnosed with autism as a kid when I did things like

- Spend 6 weeks one summer learning hieroglyphics and how to write them and then filling pages of them out… when I was 12.

- spent another 8 weeks learning all about astrology and astronomy so I could roleplay a Astronomy Professor in a habbo hotel Hogwarts. At 13.

- was so fixated on eating cereal I ate it for 6 weeks straight 3 meals a day and inadvertently made myself lactose intolerant… I was 16.

[cptncassianjandor]

I am so tired. So tired of disappointment. Of being disappointed and being the disappointment.

I am the woman who deals in disappointment like a sales man who sells car.

[cptncassianjandor]

No because the way your messages have me absolutely giddy? Get out of here.

[cptncassianjandor]

Sometimes, I wish more than anything that I was worth something to anyone.

And then I keep on going.