cryptid-crow-writing - Tumblr blog

[cryptid-crow-writing]

Okay but I just? Made myself snort?

Imagine~☆ Grandma Fenton. Young, hot, built like a tank.

She meets a SUAVE and well muscled man of mystery. With a CAPE! Fabulous facial hair. There are ninjas. She was hunting the Supernatural. Very, very badly.

But still! That Fenton STRENGTH. That smile! That "just back handed an assassin through a wall"! Mystery man is... intrigued ™.

They do unspeakable things to each other hot young nuible bodies against every surface they can find. There are explosions and sword fights. She has a BLAST! It was a great trip.

Prooooobably should have gotten more then his name though!

Maybe used protection!

WHOOPS ™!

Ah well, she always DID want kids! A jack is a wonderful kiddo! Strong as an ox! Bit obsessive, but what Fenton ISNT?

She goes about her merry way. Things to do! Monsters to HUNT! Crocodiles to WRESTLE! Feeling like... she's... forgetting? Something? But what could it BE?

It's only after YEARS, as she's retired, down a leg (damn Sasquatch) and two fingers, that she squints at some hoity toity shin-dig on the TV... and... huh.....

You know? That lil Wayne kid reminds her of someone. It's... it's on the tip of her to- OH FUCK! *slams down the morning paper* she forgot to tell her sprogs DAD!

Shit! He didn't know he got her preggers!!!

Which? Is how Ra's AL Ghul? Get a VERY sheepish call from that lion of a woman he had... relations *unholy smirk that makes SO MANY people around him uncomfortable* with, informing him? He not ONLY has a son.

But a grandson and granddaughter.

Neither fit to inherent, obviously. But his blood has run true. His son married the most powerful woman he could locate. Because studying the borders between life and death. And can snap lesser men in half like a twig. Grandchildren? Much of the same.

So obviously, he shall become... Supportive. A loving grandfather.

Why? Because he has no standards for them! They are but a pleasant suprise. The bloodline MIGHT be useful. Eventually. But for now? Charm champaign.

EVERYBODY loves Grandpapa Ra's, after all. :)

@hdgnj @babbling-babull @lolottes @dcxdpdabbles @the-witchhunter

[cryptid-crow-writing]

This au again lawl. Where Danny wears these special sunglasses to hide his eyes that also track down ghosts in his human form.

The Justice League tracks down a summoning for the ghost king, an eons old tyrant of the infinite realms and known to bring war and devastation whenever he is summoned.

The cultists do manage to summon the ghost king, except, not how they wanted. They did indeed summon the king, but Pariah Dark is still trapped in eternal sleep and somehow, just, somehow, they managed to draw the lottery and dragged the Sarcophagus of Forever Sleep to the summoning circle.

So there the Justice League were, wondering what to do with the (currently) locked away and sleeping ghost king.

Until Constantine's coat flipped itself open and a boy with glowing white hair and a mist of blue blowing from his mouth.

"Old man." The boy greeted.

"Brat." Constantine said.

"Do you mind explaining why and how this," The boy gestured to the Sarcophagus. "Is here and not in Pariah's Keep?"

"Funny story, that one." Constantine said, only half-jokingly. He then went on to explain that the Justice League came to track down cultists, said cultists somehow managed to drag that here, and now they didn't quite know what to do with it.

The boy stood still for a moment, before taking off his sunglasses to pinch the bridge of his nose and sighed, a large amount of blue flame spilling from his mouth. "Ancients above, why is it every time something notable happens, it's always you?"

Constantine snorted, reaching into his coat for a pack of cigarettes and lighting himself one. "Hypocritical coming from you."

"I know, but still." The boy walked over to the Sarcophagus and sat on it, as if it wasn't the thing currently holding one of the most powerful ghosts in the infinite realms. "You know smoking is bad for you, right?"

"What, you learned that in class?" Constantine snarked, making no move to do anything and causing the boy to sigh again, toxic green eyes looked around the room, falling over each hero present before homing in on Flash. The boy pointed to him. "You. Come here."

"Whatcha want with red?" Constantine asked and the boy simply shrugged his shoulders. "Passing on a message."

The boy blinked once, and if he was surprised that the Flash was already in front of him, then he didn't show it. He reached into his pocket, pulled out a green sticky not, motioned for Flash to bent down and stuck it on his forehead.

Superman was... concerned. There was a heartbeat there, he could hear it, but it was so slow and seemed rather weak, like the boy was near death.

"Alright, now I gotta get old mean and green back to his keep before the Observants get on my case." The boy put back on his sunglasses and got up, waving Flash away and lifting up the Sarcophagus above his head he walked over to Constantine, whose face wrinkled.

"That ain't going to fit." The warlock pointed out and the boy scoffed, probably rolling his eyes behind his glasses. "And you've fit bigger things, just shut up and lift the coat old man."

Constantine did so, and somehow the boy just shoved the entire Sarcophagus inside. The boy was very obviously smug as the blue mist that was blowing from his mouth the entire time petered out. "I'll clean up the mess on my end," The boy said before waving his hand in the Justice League's general direction. "You deal with all that."

"Just get going already, I'm not about to get those sentient eyeballs on my ass."

"Yea, yea. You got enough to deal with as is." The boy then stepped inside Constantine's cloak and as soon as the man let it drop, he disappeared.

Constantine looked around the room, silently assessing the situation as he brought another cigarette to his lips.

He lamented the fact he would have to deal with this sober.

[cryptid-crow-writing]

In the Danny is Damian’s brother trope what if instead of Damian not telling the family about Danny wasn’t because of grief or shame or any of the more commonly used reasons for his silence. What if it was because he heard about how his father talked about Jason after his death, focusing and exaggerating the negative. That he was violent, angry, never listened to orders but in some iterations and popular fanon is that Jason was a cheerful and studious Robin.

What if while compiling info and researching the former robins during his tumultuous introduction he saw what kind of robin Jason was, good with kids and victims. Talking about his favorite books while on patrol and similar. Reminding Damian of his most Beloved brother.

Then he finds out about how Bruce talked about Jason after he died. Using him as an example as what not to do, erasing his good traits and just using him as a cautionary tale of what happens when you don’t follow orders. Just like what Ra’s said about Danny.

So he didn’t tell the family, not out of guilt or grief. But because his father stripped away Jason’s positive traits after death, the son he chose, adopted and loved. Who when he failed because he was a child led astray by his mother. What would he do to his brother, who loved the stars and excelled in stealth, who was quite in his kills but had no lust for killing.

Whether or not Bruce would do this to Danny’s memory doesn’t matter. B’s actions are gonna affect how Damian views his father even years after the initial actions. Because Damian will protect his brothers memory from being twisted even by their father.

[cryptid-crow-writing]

The reblogs for this post are just straight up divine.

Au where Jason Todd is sacrificed to the King of the Infinite Realms and, upon realizing Danny isnt actually interested in human sacrifice nonsense, immediately shoots his shot

Like this man has been reading romance novels for as long as he can remember and he absolutely refuses to let this set up go to waste. He has a strange new world, a kind but powerful king, a castle, and big ass fucking library right there.

Too bad his family didn’t get the memo and reverse summoned him back too early.

———

Jason: *finally seduced Danny and is about to initiate the “frantic sex after weeks of pining” portion of the plot*

Jason: *is summoned back*

Jason: *has hickies all over his neck, claw marks down his back, unzipped pants, and no belt*

Jason: …

Jason: I hate all of you, you cockblocking motherfuckers. I had him right there! I could have been his husband. HUSBAND!!!!!

Bruce:

Tim:

Dick: …looks like you’ve been having a better few weeks than we have.

Damian: Father, I believe this is sufficient proof for removing Todd from the family.

Jason: IF YOU FUCKING WAITED I COULD HAVE HAD A DIFFERENT ONE

Tim: sorry that we worried about you being at the mercy of an all powerful ruler of the dead???

Jason: *sighs with heart eyes* god I fucking wish. His eyes are so pretty when he’s angry 💕

[cryptid-crow-writing]

Imagine if the GIW started gunning for Jason without the Batfam ever meeting Phantom. Like, Bruce has to figure out on his own that the guys in white suits with Lazarus guns are 1. a legitimate government agency, and 2. are perfectly within their rights to hunt Jason like an animal, because 3. there's secret government legislation that says that since Jason's body processes ectaplasm, he's classified as non-sapient and has no legal protections.

Bruce calling up Clark like

Bruce: I am currently in the process of breaking into a government facility in order to dismantle their operations.

Clark: Okay? Do you need... help?

Bruce: Yes.

Clark: Sure, I'll be right there.

Bruce: Not that kind of help. Oracle is sending you the files now. I'd like you and Ms. Lane to make these people wish they were never born.

Clark: [speed-reading the documents] Oh yeah, can do. This is truly disgusting. If the public is half as outraged as I am, we'll get this sorted as fast as the courts can manage.

So Clark Kent acts as a whistle-blower, the Justice League publicly condems the Anti-Ecto Acts as inhumane, the GIW is disbanded, and Batman gets pardoned for all of those crimes that he technically did by assaulting federal agents. And after all that gets sorted, some white haired kid pops up in the Watchtower like "haha thanks for that I really didn't want a war between Earth and the Infinite Realms" and the League are like "wait what"

[cryptid-crow-writing]

Just all the freaking notes. Just yes.

Ghost Kitchen (brought to you by criminal entrepreneur, Red Hood)

Danny’s got the easiest job in Gotham.

He works as a fry cook at a shoddily-run, independent burger joint. Hardly anyone comes in, despite prices being criminally low, and portions insanely large, and while the manager looks like the average tough-as-nails ex-con, he lets Danny mess around in the kitchen whenever the place is empty. (Which is often. This place has to be the city’s hidden gem or something!)

Mr. Manager’s the only one ever there with Danny, except for sometimes when his buddies come over to smoke and play cards. Danny would find it shady, except part of his job is not to ask questions. Literally, he was told during the interview.

(It was a weird interview. Why would they need to hire someone who’s been in a gunfight before? Like, he has, but Gotham’s idea of “hirable qualities” is so bizarre.)

So instead he whips up some killer burgers with the frozen ingredients, and basks in the praise as the guys tell him he shouldn’t have, he does too much for this joint, ain’t that friendly!

Now, Danny’s a chef on the newer side. As a teen he’d preferred the look of Nasty Burger over anything with Michelin stars, and he only really took up cooking after Jazz moved out for college. But just like ecto-exposure used to turn the groceries sentient, Danny’s low-level ecto signature imbues all his food with something historically haunted Gothamites just love! And Danny’s never been one to half-ass a job when it makes people happy.

With fresher produce, real meat, Danny’s sure he can take his dishes to the next level. It takes a couple months of badgering, but his manager finally agrees to contact the mysterious store owner, who keeps the place going, despite profits Danny knows have to be in the red.

Danny spends the morning prepping. He pours his heart into his food, eager to impress. The big boss will be here soon, and he wants to prove that despite the dangerous location, this place has real potential!

It isn’t until the Red Hood shows up that Danny realizes he’s been working for a money laundering scheme.

[cryptid-crow-writing]

The notes are worth it

“It’s safe to approach?” Bruce asked, gesturing to the pentagram and its teenage ghost resident.

“Yep” Constantine turned his back on the pentagram he’d drawn and cleared his throat, “Uh yes, sorry. It’s triple layered, so he couldn’t do anything even if he wanted-“

Bruce could only watch as Clark shot forward, only he was too late to stop the projectile that pegged the occult detective in the back of the head.

“Ow! The fuck was that!”

The object rolled to a stop, revealing itself to be a single black and white converse. Bruce’s gaze snapped to the spiritual prison, only to find its resident sprawled out lazily on the floor with a wide grin and a mysteriously missing a left shoe.

[cryptid-crow-writing]

jason: i'm too drunk to drive

dick: you were the one to get me drunk, so i can't drive

tim: man i am high as a kite right now, i don't think I'm fit to drive unless it's to the wendy's drive-thru, its the only route i know by heart

jason, dick, and tim looking over to 12 year old damian:

damian: i shall be your designated driver just this once

[cryptid-crow-writing]

Oh shit. 🤣 I can own this. Hold up. Watch this:

Danny froze, head whipping around to look at his mother, her eyes wide in shock and terror. The word from her mouth causing Danny’s eyes to tear up.

“Yeah? And whose fault is that, Mom!? None of us would be liminal as fuck if you and Dad never put Ectoplasm in the fridge or tried to cook with it!”

Danny stiffens. Damn, he never thought he would say that, and yet he did and holy crap, his mother looks just as shocked. Danny turns his head to look at the wall and sniffs, holding back tears. “I’m surprised you and Dad aren’t as affected. Hell, Jazz is affected. Most of the town is by now, ever since the portal opened. A lot of people wouldn’t have gotten sick if you had never messed with ghosts, Mom,” he breaths out, barely even a whisper.

A muffled sob comes from behind Maddie’s hands, having used them to cover her mouth in her shock. Danny looks over at his mother, eyes once again their vibrant blue, surprised by the sound.

Maddie leaps forwards and wraps Danny in a tight hug.

“My baby. My poor baby. Why didn’t I see it sooner?” She sobs into Danny’s shoulder.

He hesitantly wraps his arms around his sobbing mother, “I really don’t know, Mom. I really don’t. Jazz and I have been trying to tell you for years now. You and Dad have brushed us off so often that we genuinely thought you’d never understand. Jazz and I have been exposed to the stuff our entire lives. There is no reversing it at this point.”

Maddie sobs soften as she pulls away, cupping Danny’s face. “You truly believe that?”

“Yeah, Mom. Jazz and I have been exposed to the stuff ever since you got pregnant with us. There is no fixing it,” Danny murmurs in reply.

Maddie wipes at her eyes, pulling her goggles up, “I’m sorry, Baby. I’m so sorry.”

“I know, Mom. There is something I need you to know though,” Danny starts, once again hesitant, but knowing it’s now or never. “Mom, I was in the lab when the portal activated. I was directly in front of it. I’m not sure what happened. All I know is I blacked out and Sam and Tucker, who where farther back, where freaking out cause they thought it killed me when I came too.”

Maddie gasped shocked, “Danny? Sweetie, please tell me you’re joking?”

Danny shakes his head, “No, Mom, i’m really not. We thought it was safe. We weren’t expecting that kind of delayed reaction from it. I had even put on my hazmat to be extra careful. But I was looking at the panel, cause Sam thought it would be cool to get pictures.” Danny knows he has changed some of what actually happened, but he refuses to tell her the full truth. He refuses to actually specify his death. It would hurt to much for either of them. It’s still far too fresh. Far too traumatic. Maybe one day, but not yet. At least she knows something closer to the truth. Something that has opened her eyes further to just how badly her creations have affected her family.

Prompt #87

“Monster”

A monstrous ghost comes into the Fenton house at night with the intent to destroy and cause chaos.

Danny, as a human, squares off with the ghost, a light tussle, before the ghost realizes it’s outmatched and scurries off.

Maddie saw the whole thing.

She currently had her hand over her mouth in horror, looking into the now-green eyes of her son.

[cryptid-crow-writing]

So, I had a thought. Like we all know and, for the most part it seems, enjoy a good “Good Vlad Masters” fic. But on that: Chill Vlad. Like not just a good uncle/parental figure/person, but a generally chill dude.

Like Vlad bought Dairy King’s Castle? He did it to have it restored and for DK’s benefits while allowing Vlad to have a base.

Vlad obsessed with Maddie? It isn’t cause he loves her romantically, it’s cause he saw her as his sister and saw that she was spiraling into her fixation with ghosts.

Vlad hates Jack? It’s cause he saw Jack was a problem long before the safety hazards.

Give me a Vlad that is a generally mellow individual who is “Good Dad” level along with “Cool/Chill Uncle” vibes.

Give me a Vlad who is rich, but dresses closer to a college frat boy and less like a stuck up CEO. A t-shirt, a flannel over shirt, a set a jeans (ripped at the knees or not), and a set of freaking converse or something similar.

All I Can see is:

Vlad never expected this. When he reached out to Jack and Madeline to check on them, cause despite everything that was his ‘sister’ damnit, he wasn’t expecting to find out they had a little girl and an infant son. Oh. Oh fuck. The panic that coarse through his body. No. No, he couldn’t leave those poor kids to fend for themselves. He could feel the very visceral change in the direction his obsession suddenly took. From protecting Maddie to protecting her kids. Holy shit, he never thought something like that could change so sharply, the ache in his core due to how sudden the change was, leaving him bent over, grasping his chest, gasping. He had to step in. Maddie and Jack shouldn’t have ever had kids. Oh Ancients. He had to get Jack and Maddie to give him the kids. He had to be subtle, Jack may be a moron but Maddie definitely wasn’t. If he could just figure out how to get them to sign over custody. Fuck, it may take a while. In the meantime however he can step in with an offer of baby sitting. He… he paused. Was this actually something he wanted to do? Or something his core was pushing him to do? Both. At this point it was both. He wouldn’t let Jack and Maddie hurt those kids the way they hurt him.

[cryptid-crow-writing]

… I’m not even gonna deny this. Why? Cause I’ve done this exact thing. The very definitive: Not interested, Not interested, Not interested, Not interested, Oh? What’s this?, meh, maybe?, Not interested, Not interested, Not interested, WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!?, Not interested, Not interested, Interes- oh, it’s been incomplete for the last 8 years, Not interested, don’t care enough, Not interested, ooo! Completed! *reads only to end on author’s not stating discontinued* god damn it, Not interested, Oh Shit! This is good!, repeat and cycle in variety.

So yes, the very definition of a “we take everything” goodwill bin when it comes to fanfics. Please read responsibly. 🤣

looking for fics about your favorite character on ao3 be like:

dont care

dont care

dont care

what the actual fuck

dont care

ooh that sounds- what the fuck

unfinished

don't care

the best fic ive ever read in my life. this absolutely ruined me and ill never be the same ever again

dont care

[cryptid-crow-writing]

Danny is in Gotham for a STEM competition. It isn't long before he's kidnapped to help build a doomsday device.

[cryptid-crow-writing]

ROTFLMAO Thank you for expanding on my random “hoi, me temm, this moi fwend temm” based nonsense.

One of the good things you can learn about the Fenton family, is that they liked and respected each other's privacy, they don't pry or engage to other family members business, unless it's something dangerous and life threatening.

But sometimes that is also the main reason, why they are so out of touch within family matters, and why the six of them are currently standing infront of each other in one of the hallways of the watchtower, flabbergasted and confused while pointing at each other.

Maddie, The scientist: Jack dear, were you aware of our kids working here?

Jack, The engineer: Nope, But I'm know realizing why they needed our signatures!

Jazz, The therapist: I'm not paid enough for this.

Danny, The hero: Ancients, Wraith you became a Sidekick?

Dani, The sidekick: I got kidnapped by Wonder woman, while travelling who am I to reject her?

Dan, The villain: Well there's goes my plan on destroying the watchtower

[cryptid-crow-writing]

Oh! Oh, big thoughts! Keep in mind that Cujo is actually a guard dog pup who was put down after he was “no longer useful” due to the company who owned him upgraded to technology rather than living animals. Hell the whole intro to Cujo as a character was him ripping through the building he was in before they had him put down, just to get his toy. This would be a perfect opportunity to shove it down the individuals throat.

{Line Break}

So far so good. Granted Danny and Sam had gotten a hand full of judgmental looks for having Cujo with them to the protest, but no one had actually said anything. That was till this moron had to speak up.

“I can’t believe you would be here when you obviously can’t even treat your own dog right. The poor thing is obviously dyed completely green. What kind of cruel owner are you?”

Oh, it was on now. The thing was, it wasn’t Sam who whipped around to tear into the dude, well she did, but Danny beat her to it.

“Oh, I’m so sorry that my dog offended you. After all it’s not his fault a human security company decided tech was better. They could have sent him to be adopted out to a family, but no, instead they decided to Fuck Animal Rights, and take a far darker crueler path. So why don’t you shut up about what color he is and maybe reconsider why he is that color.”

{Line Break}

Keep in mind that Danny, as is respectfully for ghost community, doesn’t actively say how Cujo died, but does imply what the security company did. The deathly [hehehe] silence to follow would be glorious.

Dp x Dc prompt #2

Danny doesn’t often go to protests. But this time when Sam asked him to come along to an Animal Rights protest, he accepted.

It’s when they leave Amity when he gets knocked down by Cujo, who decided that that moment was the perfect time to play a game of fetch, that he decides to just take the little guy along to the protest.

He couldn’t say no to that little face that looked at him oh so sadly when he told Cujo they couldn’t play right now cause he had somewhere to go.

And besides, what could go wrong?

He didn’t think he would end up in an argument with another guy at the protest about the hypocrisy of going to an animal protest with an animal that seems to be cruelly dyed a different color.

Now, how does he explain to this guy that Cujo is naturally green?

[cryptid-crow-writing]

All I can think of now is:

*Super Man, Batman, and Wonder Woman finally arive*

*Jazz, Danny, Danni, and Dan all turn to look at them with smallest in front, tallest in back.*

*Maddie and Jack are off to the side a bit*

{Danni}: Hi I’m Danni, *Points at Danny* this is my brother Danny, *Points at Jazz over her shoulder* this is our big sister Jazz, *Points directly up* and our older brother Dan! *Looks at Jack and Maddie at this point* Oh, and those are our parents.

I genuinely believe she would pull this cause both she and Danny are chaos gremlins. There is no changing my mind. 🤣

One of the good things you can learn about the Fenton family, is that they liked and respected each other's privacy, they don't pry or engage to other family members business, unless it's something dangerous and life threatening.

But sometimes that is also the main reason, why they are so out of touch within family matters, and why the six of them are currently standing infront of each other in one of the hallways of the watchtower, flabbergasted and confused while pointing at each other.

Maddie, The scientist: Jack dear, were you aware of our kids working here?

Jack, The engineer: Nope, But I'm know realizing why they needed our signatures!

Jazz, The therapist: I'm not paid enough for this.

Danny, The hero: Ancients, Wraith you became a Sidekick?

Dani, The sidekick: I got kidnapped by Wonder woman, while travelling who am I to reject her?

Dan, The villain: Well there's goes my plan on destroying the watchtower

[cryptid-crow-writing]

I’m gonna utilize this

Characters being compared to dogs always use terriers or pitbulls or something for their metaphors. “They grab on and they don’t let go” “They keep worrying at it until it’s dead” etc.

Anyway, I want to see collies used as metaphors. Albert Payson Terhune style. “He was like an attack dog–making slash-and-run attacks, cutting them up worse every time, never staying in range long enough to get hurt but circling back over and over.”

[cryptid-crow-writing]

There’s a serial killer in your town. Unfortunately for them you are a necromancer and you have fun driving that maniac insane.