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I love you. Take care of yourself. I'm sure this isn't surprising to hear coming from someone on the mental illness website, but I empathize very strongly with depression brain making all the good stuff feel fake and all the bad stuff to feel real. We'll keep up with the memes for you while you take your break. Thanks for being one of my favorite persons who says thoughts on the internets, and for being my favorite unpaid intern for a coffee (and tea!) subscription company who gives its profits to charity.

Stupid fucking tumblr making me cry in the club.

Thanks for all the kind words as I battle depression. I am doing the stuff I need to do in consultation with a great mental health team. This is the worst, but as I said in my video today, despair is a lie. No simple story can ever be fully true, and there is no simpler story than, "Nothing means anything."

So let's keep deriving and making meaning together. I'll be gone from these parts for a probable month or so, but I hope to return in August.

And if not, well, tumblr has survived without me before. :)

Love you, nerds.

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john BEAN

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Turtles All The Way Down | Official Trailer | Max

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Here is a Draft I Wrote on August 24th, 2023

Hello. Today is my 46th birthday. I am really happy to be here. I am especially happy to be here because my previous selves did so much work--including when they did not want to be here--to make sure that I would have a chance to walk in the woods on a very hot August day and marvel in gratitude.

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Fantasy prompt:

The faerie's smile fades into concern and they ask if you're alright. For once, you don't have an answer to that.

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“how did you get into writing” girl nobody gets into writing. writing shows up one day at your door and gets into you

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Dialogue prompt:

“Just promise me something. Tell the stars about me.”

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Dialogue prompt:

“I didn’t get to have a choice then, so I’m making it now.”

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Writing prompt:

I reached out for her hand and to my astonishment, she gave it to me.

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Dialogue prompt:

“Just promise me something. Tell the stars about me.”

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Dialogue prompt:

“I just can’t keep this up anymore.”

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Dialogue prompt:

“I don’t need you to convince me I should love you.”

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Dialogue prompt:

“Okay, hold on, we remember this very differently.”

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Dialogue prompt:

“And then, oh man, you aren’t going to believe this, but then - hey, are you listening?”

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Dialogue prompt:

“Life throws lessons at you. Eventually, you learn to take them with a grain of salt. … And a shot of tequila.”