cyan-butterfly

[cyan-butterfly]

I think that we all should start doing kinnie bingo of ourselves

Idk how about you people but I'd love to do a kinnie bingo of some random Jirai...

[cyan-butterfly]

No, you’re not fixing the mentally ill, dude. You’re not some fucking saint of redemption, so get over it.

Don’t act like you’re the savior of all broken souls just because you typed a few kind words on Tumblr. The truth is, people don't owe you their recovery. You can't fix someone who doesn't want to be fixed, and pushing that agenda onto others only makes it worse. Recovery isn't a neat little package wrapped in advice and support posts—it’s messy, painful, and personal. So stop pretending you're the key to someone's healing just because you slapped a 'You matter' sticker on their feed. We can see you're trying to help, but some wounds aren't healed by hashtags and self-help quotes.

They say, "Mental health professionals care about you." But do they? Or are you merely an investment—an asset for the future? Whether you become a smoker, a substance abuser, or just another weary soul suffocating under the weight of existence, you remain a cog in the machine. They care because your suffering fuels an industry—economically, professionally. Not because you, as a person, matter.

School does not prepare you for a career; it conditions you for obedience. It molds you into a well-trained servant of expectation, rewarding compliance and punishing defiance. And yet, people believe the system is built for their well-being. No, darling, it is built for its own survival. Mental health professionals care that you are alive—but not that you are living. There is a difference.

If true care were the foundation of this system, why are those who need only a little effort to heal instead confined to sterile white rooms, left to unravel further? It is not about healing. It is about preservation—preserving the cycle, preserving the economy, preserving the illusion of sanity. They do not care if you lose your mind, so long as you do not lose your pulse.

Would they call me a 'hopeless case' if I were wrapped in wealth? No. They would call it "progress," even if nothing changed. Money has a way of turning despair into "resilience." And if they did abandon a rich patient as hopeless, well—either they had exhausted every possible cent from them, or the abyss inside was simply too vast to be monetized.

It is not about humanity. It is about perception. Who cares if an 11-year-old boy carves his pain into his skin? Who cares if a 17-year-old girl trades her body for the illusion of love? Who cares if a 7-year-old is tormented by a body that does not feel like their own? Who cares if a 36-year-old woman surrenders to her hallucinations because reality is too unbearable? Who cares if a 21-year-old man is drowning in visions so vivid they become indistinguishable from truth? Who cares if a 61-year-old woman clings to the ghost of her son, longing to follow him?

The list is endless. The suffering is endless. And yet, none of it matters—not unless it becomes a headline, a viral sensation, a story fit to be consumed and discarded by the masses. Only then does the world pretend to care.

So spare me the naive platitudes. "Mental health professionals care about you!" they say. No. Most care only about keeping you just functional enough to keep the system running. After all, a dead investment yields no returns.

But who cares? I am just a dreamer, adrift in a delusion—swaying in the direction the world has already chosen for me.

And for those of you who try to 'save' those here with savior complex:

Stop trying to fix people. We’re not some fucking shattered vases waiting for your glue. We're not broken objects for you to repair with your shallow understanding of 'healing.' Our struggles are not puzzles for you to solve or wounds for you to mend with empty words. We don’t need you to put us back together in the image you deem acceptable. We're not here for your redemption complex, and we don’t owe you our healing on your timeline.

[cyan-butterfly]

Me :>

[cyan-butterfly]

[cyan-butterfly]

The things I have been called:

Selfish

Greedy

Fat

Lacks empathy

Child

Man

Gross

Overbearing

Will die alone

Self-centred

Psychopath

Needy

Attention seeking

Not worth it

Is it possible they were right?

[cyan-butterfly]

After seeing this Mental Health Pain Scale a while ago, I realized that it doesn't really work well for people whose mental wellness changes frequently (ex: people with BPD or C-PTSD, addicts), and very extremely. So, I made some tweaks for myself, and hopefully it can help others:

Here's a version with a table :) Emotional Distress Scale

0 - I feel great! This is the best I’ve felt in a long time!

1 - I’m feeling really good! There’s no distress to address.

2 - I’m feeling good. If I start feeling bothered, I can be easily distracted or cheered up.

3 - I’m okay, but there are some things bothering me. I can easily cope with them, though.

4  - I could be better. There are a few things distressing me right now. It’s not exactly easy to deal with, but I still have the skills to get through it.

5 - I’m not okay. It’s getting harder to do the things I want to do, but I can do them. My coping skills aren’t working as well anymore, but enough of them work to get me through the day. I need some support.

6 - I’m feeling bad, and it’s very hard to do the things I need or want to do. Most of my coping skills aren’t effective right now, and it’s taking a lot of energy to stay stable. I need help.

7 - I’m feeling awful. It’s hard to focus on anything but my emotions, and/or I’m avoiding things that distress me. I can’t do much but try to take care of myself, which is already hard in itself. I’m running low on, or have run out of, effective coping skills. I need a lot of help right now.

8 - I’m feeling awful, and I can’t escape it anymore. How I feel is affecting every part of my day, and I’m reaching the point where I can’t function. It’s hard to sleep, eat, socialize, etc. I need help before I can’t handle anything.

9 - This is approaching the worst I could feel. I can’t function anymore. My emotions have totally consumed me. I may be a danger to myself or others, or I may be neglecting myself. I need urgent help.

10 - This is the worst I’ve felt ever/since [last time]. I can’t care for myself at all. My emotions are so intense, I’m at imminent risk of dangerously acting on them. I need crisis support immediately.

11 - I have acted on my emotions and hurt myself or someone else. Everything else in my life is impossible to comprehend. I need medical care and/or crisis support immediately.

Note that this doesn't really work well if your positive states end up being unhealthy (ex: mania, idealization, etc.), so it's geared towards negative emotions. This is also meant to be about how you feel NOW. The other scale works best for viewing your overall state.

[cyan-butterfly]

SH culture is desperately wanting to have a relationship that includes sex but being incredibly afraid to even try and form one because that would require revealing the full extent of your sh to another person.

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[cyan-butterfly]

Why is it when everything is good I still feel like shit.

Nothing is going wrong but I still want to cut, drink and ruin myself

[cyan-butterfly]

Sh culture is h4rming urself just cause ur bored and have nothing better to do

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[cyan-butterfly]

Sh in recovery culture is tracing your blades along your arm but being too much of a coward to press down

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[cyan-butterfly]

[cyan-butterfly]

what doesn't kill you makes you really weird about pain and dopamine

[cyan-butterfly]

[cyan-butterfly]

I got fucking used, I was just a fun weekend to her and when I wasn't what she wanted anymore she just fucking ghosted and didn't even bother to tell me that she doesn't want me or if I did something wrong. How can you be that heartless, I thought you cared about communication and looking out for those around you. It just turns out you are heartless and only think with your dick.

Did you even care when I tried K!ll myself? Or did just care enough to get into my pants?

[cyan-butterfly]

I just wish people would tell me what's wrong instead of ghosting or pushing me away.

Like for fuck sake, I can't apologise if I did something wrong if I don't know that I hurt you.

Fucking tell me or don't expect me to want to be part of your life anymore.

Tell me if I fuck up or if you have something else going on, I need to know otherwise I'm beating myself up for no fucking reason. You're hurting me to by doing this

[cyan-butterfly]

Sooo much green!!! Down from 98kg to 72kg!!

[cyan-butterfly]

Thanks for hanging out with me! Was I cool? did you like me? What do you think of me in detail? Do you hate me?