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d6smond · 12 days ago

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My fragile god, fading fast. - ( english translation free on Patreon🫩)

Rather than sheltered, Mizi's life was surrounded by death and gore; she never got a break from it. When Shine adopted her, it was like a reprieve from all of the horror she's been through because she was loved, she may not have understood them, but she knew how much they cherished her, and it made her happy that she at least didn't feel like she was in immediate danger around them because she was such a beloved pet, as long as this alien loved her, she would be safe and survive.

Still, I think she was haunted by the implication that she was still always in danger, even in Shine's care, she was getting hurt, she was weak (While she was relieved to be with Shine because it didn't feel like she felt safe and cared for in the first place) . The differences and the inherent misunderstanding between Aliens and their "pets" are so key in this one. While Shine did care and genuinely believed they were doing the best for Mizi, they didn't understand her. It doesn't look cruel on the outside, but it's intentionally hidden in the subtlety. Shine is careless, making mistakes because they don't understand humans; they are treated as much like puppies. It's the quiet calmness and detachment and carefreeness, even as Mizi is in pain or crying in front of them, they lack the care of a human, despite trying to take the place of one. She was a pet for them to ogle and coo at until she would be too much to handle- "Raising a child isn't easy, huh. How about you buy her a TV?"

I think, then, Mizi wanted an escape from that place somehow. I think this is how she realized how weak and destructible other humans are on that stage, just like she felt about herself. Aliens are too different and too powerful to empathize and understand her, so she wanted to go to Alien stage to seek out what she was missing, to find some sort of solidarity, or she would die there and be freed

I'm glad this question was somewhat answered, because I've always wondered why it was Mizi's choice to go to Anakt Garden, but I think Mizi wanted to go to Alien stage so badly because she wanted to feel in control of something; she couldn't control losing her "provider", she couldn't control how the aliens perceived her. But she could control this. Because she hated feeling like the fragile one, like she could be "crushed", she wanted to feel like more than a pet; she wanted to be liked, to be understood when she couldn't find it in the aliens, it made her so lonely. So she wanted to be around humans who were also like her, weak, fragile. That explains why she was so drawn to Sua in the first place

Mizi's fascination and adoration of the way Sua is so perfect, so human, like herself, and weak, is fascinating... I especially love this sequence where Mizi is adoring her from bottom to top, not just because it's so tender, but because Mizi truly adores Sua like a god, because Sua is her god, it encapsulates how Mizi is obsessed, how in love with all that Sua is to her, and all the freedom and peace she feels in Sua's love and presence, the escape and guidance Sua was made her godlike to Mizi

In many ways, right now, when she speaks, she's projecting her own feelings of weakness and insecurity onto Sua, who is comparatively weaker and smaller than Mizi.

It comes from a place of wanting control; Sua is so perfect to her because she could be crushed, Mizi could hurt her, and Sua allows her that kind of control. She feeds into Mizi's insecurities and need for control. Mizi doesn't mean to hurt Sua, but she is a traumatized person who takes it out on Sua because she knows no better than this; still, they try to understand and console each other despite all of it. (It's so.. ironic. In a way, they end up inevitably perpetuating their own pain and abuse by repeating the behavior and habits that hurt themselves and each other because this environment fosters these interactions; they can't do anything else about it, can't worry about 'healthy love' like this.) --Their love is more profound and unconditional than anything Mizi has ever had before, even with her owner, Shine, who would love her until she was difficult to manage, but not Sua. And Sua loved and trusted her completely, let Mizi have her completely. In many ways, Mizi found someone who wouldn't abandon her, accepted her completely and unconditionally, as flawed as she was, and no matter how many times she did things she wasn't proud of, even hurt Sua, Sua would always accept her, and in turn, Mizi would be a comfort and an escape for Sua too, such unconditional acceptance and love made them soothingly equal and reliant on each other to feed into each others delusions for a safe place just for them in the world (To Mizi, who hated feeling inadequate or weak, this must've been freeing even if Sua couldn't be completely understanding, they had each other in a world where it was one for oneself or you were under a constant threat otherwise)

-- Sua offers herself and never faults Mizi for what she does, or her feelings, no matter how ashamed Mizi is of it, or how her insecurities can manifest in the ugliest of ways because Mizi didn't know how to express herself in the first place. This is how Sua thinks she's fulfilling her desire to protect Mizi's innocence and to keep her safe by reassuring each other that their lives aren't up to the segyein, that they have each other. Mizi felt a sense of control and stability in Sua that she had never had in her life. Mizi's escapism and coping mechanism is finding security in repression, ignorance, or a facade. She couldn't feel at peace even in the safety of her Guardian no matter how "safe" she was, she wasn't understood, but she could feel at peace in the illusion of control and safety, of having someone that she perceived as weak and unable to "crush" and hurt her like so many others in her life could and did.

The psychology behind it is also super fascinating, from somebody so human, Mizi thinks of Sua like how the segyein think of all of them, as aforementioned, she's projecting what she's heard before, Shine calls her adorable even when she's in pain because her clumsiness and the defenselessness she exhibits as a human is funny and endearing to them, the aliens look down on them because humans are fragile. To Mizi, Sua is all (adorable, small, weak, unthreatening). In a situation where they are both two abused children under a similar threat by aliens who control them, Mizi finds security and comfort in the fact that they are both vulnerable, lacking power, and the idea that she has upper hand over Sua in this circumstance is like Mizi is trying to substitute a feeling of powerlessness with taking back a sense of control that she's never had before.

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d6smond · 13 days ago

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