Your smile grew wide as you felt a familiar pair of brawny arms wrap around your waist, enveloping you in a warm embrace. The hug was tight but not too tight, as your husband was highly aware of his strength and would never want to cause you harm.
Setting down the large wooden spoon you were using to stir the pot of vegetables, you turned away from the stove and settled into the embrace of your loving partner.
You tilted your head up for a kiss which he eagerly granted you, and when you pulled away you were met with radiant crystal blue eyes that held so much love for you. You reached up to run your fingers through his short dirty blonde locks as he rubbed a sizable hand down your back.
โSmells good in here, honey.โ He complimented with a sweet smile. โHow long do we have?โ
You hummed, โIโd say about ten more minutes but realistically it could be more like five if you let me finish cooking this time without any distractions.โ
His eyes darkened and a smirk appeared on his smooth pink lips. โNow how can I do that when you look just as delicious as the meal youโre making?โ His hands slowly trailed down the back of your dress and toyed with the strings of your apron.
โSteve,โ You sent him a playful yet cautionary look. โGive me just five more minutes. Weโll eat dinner and then I promise Iโm yours for the rest of the night.โ
He sighed dramatically before reluctantly letting you go and slowly backing away. โIf you must.โ
You gave him a teasing smile and waved him off with the wooden spoon before returning to your culinary task.
Your husband was always this way, loving you and wanting to be with you at any moment of the day. There have been way too many times in the past when you fell for his sweet charm and suggestive touches, letting him sweep you off your feet and take you away from your cooking. This resulted in many burnt dishes and ordering takeout for the night.
Itโs not like you didnโt like it, in fact, you loved how much he wanted you. You just wished he had a bit more self-control so you could function more properly.
Steve was your world. He made you complete. He cared for you, doted on you, and protected you. He always made sure you were comfortable, well-fed, and hydrated. You never had a need for anything. Whenever youโd start having those rare moments of fear and anxiety, he would brew a cup of your favorite tea, give you a massage, and run a warm bath for you. It always did the trick in calming you down and allowing you to gain your more rational thoughts back.
Your relationship wasnโt out of the ordinary but it wasnโt very common nowadays. It was special. You were the one taking care of things in the house while Steve was the protector and breadwinner, and both of you were perfectly fine with that.ย
You didnโt go out very much, preferring to stay at home with your various plants, books, and attentive husband, but when you did venture out into the world it was sort of strange. Most people seemed to look down on your traditional relationship, asking you very personal questions that confused you, and in turn, caused Steve to be upset.ย
He never seemed to like when people spoke to you like they were familiar with you. He would quickly remove you from the situation and take you back home. You and Steve rarely ever argued, but when you did it was always about those situations. Youโd tell him that he didnโt have to whisk you away from people at the first sign of discomfort. You could take care of yourself and you thought it was a bit much. He on the other hand thought it was perfectly reasonable.
Steve Rogers wasn't just your husband, but he was also Captain America. Americaโs golden boy and the first-ever Avenger. Heโs experienced the world more than you ever have which was both a blessing and a curse. Steve was a hero but he also had been traumatized, and he didnโt want you to get caught up in anything that could potentially harm you. Even if it was just your feelings being hurt.
He treated you like you were the most precious thing on Earth. You were the most precious thing to him and so was he to you. Though, he was a bit more extreme when it came to protecting you. Anytime you left the house he would be right at your side. At the grocery store, the doctorโs office, picking up packages, wherever. He was basically your second shadow. Your guardian angel.ย
Luckily for him, you were a homebody, so most of the time you stayed in your comfortable cute little house while he left for work every day. Though you liked to think of it like that, your house was anything but little. It was quite expansive and was at least three stories high including a basement and a four-car garage.
You had no idea why it was so large as it was only the two of you living there, but Steve loved the place and so you did too. You had more space for your various projects and paintings to lounge about, but you knew that would not be for very long. It was no secret that Steve wanted to have children, and the five extra rooms in the house told you that he wanted more than just one or two.
You both were trying to get pregnant for a while but it still hadnโt happened. This was something that haunted you. Steve gave you everything and you werenโt able to even produce one child for him. He pretended to be okay with it but you could see through his earnest facade, he was disappointed. Not in you of course, but that didnโt make it any less heartbreaking.
It wasnโt from lack of trying, thatโs for sure. Almost every single night your husband made it his lifeโs mission to be deep inside of you, making sure you came around him several times before spilling his hot seed inside of you with intense determination.ย
How you were not pregnant yet was a mystery to both of you. Your first thought was that your own body was rejecting him. Something was wrong with you and it was unfixable. Then you thought it was the super serum running through his veins that was the problem. It wasnโt heard of for a super soldier and a normal human to be able to produce offspring. However, Dr. Helen Cho had ruled out both possibilities, saying that there was no apparent reason for you and Steve not to be able to conceive.
Regardless, both of you continued to try, and no matter how sore you were or how many bruises and marks he left on your sensitive body, you were just as eager to lay underneath his strong, muscled frame and wrap your legs tightly around him.
And thatโs exactly what you did after dinner.
You allowed your husband to push his length inside of you slowly, hearing him groan as your head fell back onto the pillow in complete bliss.
It was game night and Steve invited some of the team over.
You thought it was quite funny to see the world's most powerful heroes lounging around on your couch and eating nachos while animatedly yelling at the flat-screen TV. It was something youโd never get used to and something you also admired about them. How cool it must be to be an Avenger.
While Steve, Bucky, Sam, and Thor watched the Brooklyn Dodgers in the living room, you were preparing snacks in the kitchen with Natasha. She was leaning against the island watching as you fluttered around the kitchen in your pretty flowy dress and apron, heels clicking along the tiles as you went. You had pinned your hair up out of your face since you knew how hot you could get while trying to make several dishes at once.
โI would offer to help you, but we both know how that would end up. Everyone would go home with either an empty stomach or food poisoning.โ She snickered.
You smiled at her, waving off her comment. โYou know I donโt mind at all, Nat. It may not look very fun, but I actually enjoy cooking. Plus, I love the way it makes Steveโs eyes light up whenever I make something new for him.โ
She crossed her arms with a slight frown. โI remember the days when you absolutely hated cooking.โ She muttered under her breath, but you heard it, turning to her with a confused look.
โWhat?โย
You never remember a time when you didnโt enjoy cooking. Steve said it was always something you loved to do for him, even when you were just friends.ย ย
She looked at you with wide eyes as if she herself was surprised at what she was saying. She quickly shook her head and cleared her throat. โUh, nothing really.โ
Her eyes flitted over to the countertop where jars of herbs sat. โHey, are you still drinking that weird tea that Thor gave you?โ
You nodded, continuing to move about the kitchen. โYep, all the time. In fact, Iโm drinking a cup now.โ You pointed over to the lavender mug that held the hot beverage. โIt was such a great gift and Iโm obsessed with it. Steve makes sure to remind me to have a cup every day if I happen to forget. He knows it relaxes me and makes me happy. Heโs sweet like that.โ You shrugged with a smile.
โI bet he is,โ was her reply. Something about her tone felt off but you didnโt mention it. โYou do know where that tea was created, right?โ
You shook your head lightly, focusing on the hot dish you were pulling out of the oven.ย ย
She continued. โItโs some foreign concoction Thor brought back from Asgard. Iโve never heard of it before but one day, after Steve took you home from yourโฆ accident, Thor came back from his realm with a ton of it.โ
Your mouth dropped as you glanced at her. โWait, so youโre telling me Iโm drinking tea from another realm? Asgardian tea? Space tea? Thatโs so exciting!โ
You always wondered how you never seemed to run out of the floral and robust tea, the jar of herbs and leaves somehow magically replenishing itself anytime it was getting low.ย
Natasha looked like she wanted to say more, but simply sighed, looking like she was contemplating something before digging into her pants pocket. She fished out a small bottle that looked to be filled with pills before walking towards you.
You raised an oven-mitted hand, stopping her in her tracks before swallowing hard. โNatashaโฆโ
โJust hear me out, okay?โ She whispered, quickly glancing near the kitchen doorway before bringing her attention back to you. โI know you donโt like when I give these to you butโ.โ
โNo, I donโt.โ You interrupted with a frown, sliding off your mitts. โTheyโฆ they make me feel weird. Strange and not like myself. Plus, youโve told me to hide them from Steve which is not okay. Heโs my husband and I donโt like keeping secrets from him.โ
โBut theyโre good for you, and you know that. Thatโs why youโre still taking them, right?โย
You said nothing, only avoiding her eyes. She was right. Anytime you took one of the mystery pills you felt... different. It was neither bad nor good, you just felt more aware of things and it frightened you. The first time she gave you the pills you started having nightmares and unusual dreams.ย
She told you they werenโt dreams, that they were memories.ย
Natasha was a cryptic woman, and she never flat-out told you why she was giving you these pills. She only said that they were to protect you, but protect you from what?
In a split second, you snatched the small bottle out of Natโs hand and stuffed it into the pocket of your apron.
โYou ladies doing alright?โ
You nearly jumped when Steveโs familiar timbre cut through the kitchen. You turned your head to see his hefty body leaning against the doorframe as he eyed you both with a raised brow.ย
His intense cerulean orbs were planted on Nat for a few seconds longer before sliding over to you.
Nat spoke first. โYeah, I was just telling your wife here that she needs to get out more. Sheโs always with you or stuck in this house. She needs a break.โ
Steve continued to stare at her, brows furrowed with something akin to annoyance before he straightened to his full height, making his way over to you.
โMy baby loves being at home, donโt you?โย
He grabbed your waist and pulled you into a searing kiss, one a bit too inappropriate to do while Nat was observing.
Releasing you from the kiss, he slyly looked over at Nat who stared back at him unimpressed.ย
โBut you have nothing to worry about. I take care of her very well. Sheโs happy and safe, just like I said sheโd be.โย
There was a slight edge to his voice which made you a bit uncomfortable. You had no clue what was going on between Steve and Natasha but they never really seemed to get along outside of work.
Nat hummed while backing away. โLike I said, she needs a break.โ She looked over at you before heading out of the door. โIโm gonna go. Call me soon and we can figure out our next hang.โ
You nodded, and once she was gone Steve released his tight hold on you.ย
โEverything okay?โ you question, rubbing his arm in a soothing manner.ย
โYeah, everythingโs good. I justโฆ donโt want to lose you.โ He admitted. โYou mean everything to me, you know that?โ
โYou wonโt lose me, Steve. Thereโs no reason why that would ever happen.โ
He nodded, embracing you in a hug as he rested his chin on top of your head. โIโll do anything to protect you, anything to have you here with me.โ
When the game was over, you found yourself back in the kitchen cleaning up your mess. You were making your way towards the living room to collect the leftover dirty dishes but slowed as you heard voices mentioning your name.
โJeez, Cap, what did you do?โ This voice sounded like Samโs. โSheโs like a complete one-eighty of the girl I used to know. She went from badass to housewife in a matter of days after that mission.โ
You narrowed your eyes in confusion and slight offense.
โYeah, whatโs up with that? You brainwash her or something?โ Bucky joked halfheartedly. โYou took no time in marrying her after she was released.โ
โTea is the way to a womanโs heart.โ Thor chimed in with a chuckle. โand Rogers here has lots of it.โ
You didnโt hear Steveโs reply, only backing away and returning to the kitchen in complete mystification.
When you and Steve went to bed that night, you waited for hours to make sure he was in a deep sleep. Hearing his slow, heavy breathing, you carefully peeled his solid arms from around your body, leaving the bed and taking quiet steps to the bathroom down the hall.
Opening the small hidden compartment inside of the bathroom mirror, you shakily removed the bottle of pills before opening it and popping one into your mouth.
You chased it down with a tall glass of water and left the bathroom, returning to bed and falling into a deep sleep.
You woke up with a start, Steveโs worried blue gaze the first thing that greeted you.
โHoney, whatโs wrong?โ He asked and you frowned in confusion.
You looked down at your sweat-covered body, noticing how fast your heart was beating and how heavy your breaths were.
โI-I donโt know. Um, just another nightmare I guess.โ You answered shakily.
Steve frowned in concern. โAlrightโฆ letโs get you cleaned up.โ
He carried you to the bathroom, filling the tub with warm soapy water before settling you inside.
As Steve gently washed your hair while you sat in the water, he questioned you more about your dream. He wanted to know what had you waking up in a panic.
โIt was strange.โ You began softly, closing your eyes at the soothing feeling of his fingers on your scalp. โI was at some sort of base, trying to sneak around the place before I was caught. T-they attacked me viciously. There was blood everywhere, and I was blindfolded before I suddenly couldnโt breathe. They had submerged me in some sort of water tank and I was drowningโฆโ you trailed off when you felt Steveโs hands pause in your hair.
You turned around to look at him and he was staring at you with a faraway look in his gaze.ย
โSteve?โ you called out to him.
His gaze focused back in on you as he looked at you with a serious expression, firmly grabbing your chin.
โThose are just dreams,โ He said to you, voice heavy with conviction. โNothing more, nothing less. Donโt think too hard about them, okay?โ
You gave a slow, unsure nod, causing the softness to return to his eyes.
โNow, how about we get your mind off those silly dreams and onto something much more interestingโฆโ
He stood up to strip off his clothes, and before you knew it, he was also in the water with you, lying on his back while his massive hands tightly gripped your hips as you rode him straight to heaven.
Steveโs behavior was getting odd.
He had been acting weird for the past week or so, stalking around the house in silence as if he were looking for something. Whenever you asked him about it, heโd say nothing and simply changed the subject.ย
You had been having sex much more frequently, several times a day now and you were getting tired but Steve had unending stamina. You slept later than you used to, only waking up to the sound of him calling your name. You also started feeling more nauseous, and not liking the sound of any of these symptoms, you called Natasha, asking her to pick up a few items from the store and drop them off to you.
You were unable to go yourself because Steve was currently out on a long mission, meaning he couldnโt drive you to the store. You thought about leaving your house and walking but you knew that would just make him upset. Plus, you didnโt want to get his hopes up if you were wrong about what you were dealing with.
Once Nat arrived with the small bag you let her into the house.ย
โYou donโt think yourโฆโ She looked down at your stomach before meeting your eyes with an apprehensive look.ย
You shrugged. โI have no idea, thatโs why I asked you to buy these tests. If I am that would be great. Steve wants us to have a baby.โ You said with a small smile.
She raised a dark red brow at you. โDo you even want kids? Because you sure donโt sound like you do.โ
You pursed your lips. โI think so. I donโt know why I wouldnโt want them. Itโll make Steve happy, which in turn will make me happy.โ
Nat said nothing at that, eyeing you as you left for the bathroom.ย
Closing the door, you took a deep breath before opening the box. You did your business and sat the small stick down on the bathroom counter before washing your hands.
Taking a seat on the side of the tub, you stared at the floor for what seemed like forever. You waited five more minutes for the completed results.
Picking up the test, you took a closer look at it, breathing out a surprising amount of relief when you realized there was only one line that appeared on the pink and white stick.
You hurriedly wrapped the small stick in toilet paper before throwing it in the trash. You exited the bathroom, meeting Natโs curious gaze.ย
โIโm not pregnant.โ You breathed. Pushing aside the small pang of guilt you felt, you allowed yourself to smile at the comforting news.
โNat, I donโt think this is a good idea.โ
You glanced around the club full of people as the bass of the music vibrated through your body.ย
โRelax,โ She said before winking at a passing guy who was eyeing her up and down. The club lights were shining off of her jet-black wig, and you were glad that she was in disguise. You werenโt in the mood to take a whole crowd of people gathering around you to get the Black Widowโs autograph.
โNot being pregnant means you have a ton of liberties you can take that you wouldnโt have been able to otherwise. Youโre young and you need to have some fun around other people, not alone in your big empty house. Besides,โ She shrugged lightly with a smirk. โyour wardenโs on a mission for another day or two so you donโt have to be so uptight.โ
โSteveโs not my warden, heโs my husband who would probably lose his shit if he knew I was at a club right now.โ You defended, giving her an unimpressed look.
โLook, Iโm not trying to cause anything between you and Steve, I just want you to have fun. I donโt care if I have to threaten every guy that walks up to you for you to stay.โ
As soon as she said that, a random guy walked passed while whistling. โHey, that chick looks familiar, doesnโt she?โ He said to his friend while pointing at you.
Natasha gave them a harsh glare. โBeat it dirt bag, before I rearrange your organs.โย
The guy and his friend swiftly did as they were told and you stared back at her for a moment before your shoulders dropped in defeat. She was right. You needed to learn how to be around other people and unwind.ย
โFine, but we have to get home before Steve finds out.โ
โHeโs never gonna know.โ She granted you a devious smile before waving to the bartender.
โYou know what else is great about not being pregnant, besides the having to grow a whole human part?โ
You raised your brows at her and she smirked. โBeing able to have a nice drink.โ
You shook your head at her. โI think Iโm gonna start with a couple of mocktails first.โ
She rolled her eyes. โYour funeral.โ
You both sat at the bar for what seemed like hours. The night was getting late and there were more drunk people dancing all over the club. Lights flashed and the music blared even louder.ย
You were surprised that you were still able to hear Natโs voice over all the commotion.ย
โ...so thatโs when I jumped from the plane and landed on the tarmac. I took those hydra agents all by surprise and shot them down one by one.โ She took a sip of what was her fourth drink since youโve both been here. โBut donโt worry, I didnโt kill them. Just injured them enough for them not to be in our way. We captured them right after.โ
โWow,โ you said, truly mesmerized by her story. It was so vivid as if you could picture being there with her. โThatโs insane! It must be so damn cool to be an Avenger. I mean, you get to travel the world while kicking bad guys' asses, and you get to work with people like Tony Stark and Bruce Banner. Name a cooler job than that.โ You shook your head in awe. โSometimes I find myself being jealous that Steve has such a cool job and Iโm just stuck at home all the time. I love him, but I just find myself wanting more sometimes, you know?โ
Natโs expression turned sad as she stared at you before setting her drink down on the bar top. โYou used toโฆ you used to have that too.โ
You blinked, not understanding her. โHave what?โ
She looked into the crowd of bodies, expression sobering up before her eyes met yours again.ย
โYou used to be one of us. An Avenger.โ
You stared back at her for a moment before laughter bubbled up in your chest. However, it died down once you realized she was being completely serious.
โYou were one of the best. We all admired you. Steve admired you.โ
โNatโฆโ
โHe used to love going on missions with you. Back then, you two were the best of friends. But then one day, things changed. Every single time you came back from a mission injured, Steve was right there helping you. He was the one carrying you, the one that got more and more angry as time passed.โ Her jaw clenched. โItโs part of the job, right? You go out to save the world knowing that youโll probably get hurt. Knowing that thereโs a small chance that you may not return the way you left. Knowing that you may not return at all. And Steve couldnโt handle that. Not when it came to you. You both had a big fight the day you left for Siberia. Thatโs when youโre accident happened.โ
She searched your eyes with a frown. โHeโs attempted to rewrite your whole life after that. I donโt know what heโs told you but you got really hurt that day. You tried to prove a point to him by leaving before the rest of us. By the time we caught up to you at the base, you almost drowned which resulted in a substantial amount of memory loss.โ She let out a humorless laugh, picking up her drink again. โAnd thatโs all it took for Steve to take advantage of the situation, whisking you away to brainwash you. Molding you into the perfect little wife you are now.โ
Your hands shook as your hard gaze focused on the drink in her hand. โNatโฆ youโre drunk.โ
โYeah, maybe so, but Iโm not a liar.โ She retorted.ย
You shook your head, facing contorting into a look of disgust. โIf Steve is taking advantage of me like you say he is, why did you just allow that? Why did anyone allow that? The team is over our house all the time and no oneโs said a word.โ
Guilt appeared in her green eyes as she looked down at her lap. โSteveโฆ convinced us. Most of us, at least. He said he would take care of you and we believed him. We almost lost you. We were scared for you and let him take you away, trusting that he wouldnโt cause you any harm. We all knew he cared for you, we all knew he loved you. Though, we didnโt think heโd go to this extreme.โ
You swallowed hard. โAnd the pills?โ
โThey counteract the effects from that Asgardian tea Thorโs been sending you to keep you in a pliant state of amnesia. The pills have a formula that helps your brain form more memories, and they are also a form of birth control that doesnโt show up in your system. Medical professionals canโt see it.โ She looked at you sadly. โYou didnโt want children and from what I can tell, you still donโt.โ
You felt like you were going to throw up as you tried to comprehend what she was saying. โSteveโs been giving me the tea to keep my memories away?โ
She nodded. โYes, Steve convinced Thor that it would be good for you. No one wanted to see the traumatic state youโd be in when you eventually remembered everything. We all cared for you and we still do.โ
Your jaw clenched. โIf you cared for me as you say you do, you wouldnโt have let him justโฆ just take me!โ You exclaimed. โIf everything youโre saying is true, then youโre just as bad as Steve. Donโt try and pretend like youโre saving me just because you slipped me a bunch of pills.โ
She slowly nodded her head. โI know, Iโm not a good person, but Iโm trying to fix that. I really am. I wanted you to gain your memories back yourself. If I had told you without showing you any proof, you wouldnโt have believed me. Steve has his claws stuck so deep within you that I had to do something drastic.โ
You shut your eyes, turning your head away from her. โI donโt want to talk about this anymore.โ
She gazed at you long and hard before looking away. โYouโre right. I shouldnโt be telling you this anyway.โ
She pushed her drink towards you, gesturing down to it. โHere, youโve had enough mocktails for the night. Have a real drink,โ She patted your arm before hopping out of her seat. โI think you need it more than I do.โ
She strolled off in the direction of the ladies' restrooms, leaving you alone at the bar with just your thoughts and a glass of alcohol. You warily glanced down at the drink before slowly picking it up.ย
It was barely a centimeter away from your mouth before a strong hand harshly snatched it away from your grasp. You gasped as it was thrown onto the hard floor, shattering into a million pieces. The few people around who noticed were staring at you, but they quickly left to mind their own business.
You slowly looked up from the floor, meeting a familiar pair of furious blue eyes.ย
โS-steve?โ
He glared at you intensely, dark brows deeply furrowed and lips pressed in a tight thin line.
โI-I can explain-โ
โHow do you think I felt when I arrived home early to surprise my wife and to be met with an empty house,โ His voice was deep, anger carrying in his words. โonly to find her dressed like a slut at a fucking bar out of all places.โ
You swallowed, never having witnessed Steve be this upset with you. He never cursed at you no matter how mad he was.
You shook your head. โItโs not what you think,โ
โOh, I know exactly what this is,โ he said, slowly nodding his head. โYouโre coming home with me. Now.โย
He reached out to grab you but you backed away. โNo, I-I donโt want to.โ Everything Nat had drunkenly confessed to you was finally setting in.
He said nothing at that, simply taking hold of your arm and dragging you out of the club so fast that you stumbled in your high heels.ย
Annoyed by your slowness, he tossed you over his shoulder and carried you to his car. He quickly buckled you in before getting into the driver's seat and driving off.
The car ride was filled with a deafening silence but once you got home, you stomped into the house with Steve right on your heels. He grabbed you, spinning you around to face him.
โWhat the hell was that back there?โ He asked gruffly. โWhy are you throwing a tantrum? Is this your way of saying you want to get out more? All you had to do was say so.โ
โYeah, what would you say, Steve? Tell me that itโs too dangerous for me to be out in the world and that Iโm safer at home? Iโve already heard that excuse a million times.โ
He took a slow, deep breath, eyeing your tired face. โThis is Natashaโs doing, isnโt it?โ
You scoffed, throwing a hand in the air. โNo, itโs your doing! You basically kidnapped me Steve!โ you yelled at him and his eyes widened. He looked to be taken aback.ย
โYou lied to me about how we met and what I was doing before my accident, brainwashed me into thinking that weโre this perfect loving couple.โ Hot angry tears built up in your eyes. โY-you tried to get me pregnant even though you knew that I never wanted kids.โ
He shook his head, inching closer to you. โI didnโt try to get you pregnant,โ He stated before pulling out a small object from his pants pocket. You blinked away your tears, getting a better look at what was in his hand.ย
The small object was a pregnancy test. Your pregnancy test that now showed two prominent lines instead of one. โI did.โ
You were at a loss for words, gaping at Steve as he looked at you with so much hurt in his eyes. โAnd there you were at the bar, trying to poison yourself, trying to harm your body, trying to kill our child.โ
More tears spilled down your face as you started backing away from him. This was it. He got what he wanted.
โYou didnโt think Iโd notice your little happy pills in the bathroom cabinet? I took the liberty of switching them to placebos weeks ago. You were consuming sugar pills, baby, โ He sneered.
โYouโre mistaken if you think you can ever hide anything from me. I knew that Nat was snooping around, telling you things that she had no business telling you. I knew those nightmares you were having were memories of your last mission. Do you remember now? The one where you stupidly ran off without me and almost got yourself killed?โ
โNo..โ
โAnd guess who saved you? Who got to you first? It was me! Iโm the one who had to hold your cold, lifeless body as I tried to breathe air back into your lungs. Iโm the one who wrapped your wounds and carried you back to the compound.โย He sniffled, tears building up in his beautiful crystal blue eyes as he pointed to his chest. โIโm the one who was there when you first opened your eyes and didnโt recognize who I was. You didnโt remember me, and that was the second worst day of my life.โ
You shook your head at him. โIโm sorry, Steve. I really am, but Iโm not the woman youโre trying your hardest to turn me into. If I didnโt want to be with you then, then I shouldnโt be with you now.โ
His face sobered up at that and a strange glint appeared in his gaze. โI did all of this to protect you, to keep you safe. You almost died. Do you know how badly that affected me?โ He shook his head, nostrils flaring. โYouโre insane if you think youโre just going to walk away from me. Youโre my wife. I have you and now our child to care for, and Iโd happily die before Iโd ever let you go.โ
You let out a shaky breath, nearing the stairs. โYou're crazy, Steve.โ
He let out a humorless laugh and shrugged. โMaybe, but itโs all for you.โ
You bolted up the stairs, Steve hot on your tail. You barely reached the bedroom before he caught you.ย
You thrashed around in his firm hold. โLet me go!โย
He ignored your constant pleas, only pushing you further into the room before closing the door and locking it. With one arm around you and the other on the doorknob, he crushed it with just a squeeze of his hand, deforming the lock.
He was doing everything in his power to make sure you didnโt escape.
He placed you onto the bed and you were flat on your back as he sat atop you. Letting your arms go, he held your face in his hands, searching your eyes as if he were looking for something that wasnโt there.ย
โBaby, you have to calm down. Let me show you how much I love you. Let me take care of you, everything will be okay.โ
โNo!โ Your palm sharply met his cheek, the sound of flesh hitting flesh reverberating in the room.
Steveโs head was slightly tilted to the side as he blinked, his mouth forming into a thin line. He no longer looked like the happy, caring husband he was pretending to be before. He looked unfamiliar. Darker.ย
You warily watched him as he turned his dark gaze towards you, pupils larger than youโve ever seen them before. โThat didnโt hurt me, and you know it, but itโs about the principle of it.โ
You let out a shaky breath as he grabbed your wrists, pinning them above your head. โI tried to go the easy route, tried to make things better for you, but you didnโt want that, did you?โ
โSteve, noโฆโ
โItโs too late, baby. Youโre in our bed and pregnant with our child, and I couldnโt be happier.โ His voice was husky, sounding anything but happy. He leaned down towards you, lips lightly brushing against your trembling ones. โLet me show you.โ He whispered.
Before you knew it, your dress was being torn off of your body, Steve clawing at you like a wild animal. You whimpered as he stripped off his dark henley and jeans.
โSteve, stop! I donโt want this!โ His hands were all over your body, groping and caressing you. You closed your eyes as calloused fingers grazed over your clit.
โIt doesnโt matter what you want anymore, not if you were planning to leave me.โ
Those were the last words you heard before he slid his cock into your embarrassingly wet core. You gasped as he slowly thrust into you, keeping a steady but mind-bending pace. You didnโt know if he was being gentle because of the baby inside of you, or if it was because he knew you liked it that way. The answer was probably both.
You wanted to claw at his back, but he held your wrists down above your head. You renewed your struggle and he gained his pace, hips slapping into yours while he buried his face in your neck, moaning your name.
โThereโs no one better than me. No one can do what I do for you. No one else can take care of you like I do,โ He whispered harshly. โOr fuck you like I do, and you know it.โ
It was hard to deny his claim as he pounded into your g spot over and over again, causing you to mewl out his name.
He lifted his head, gazing down at you. โIโm going to continue to show you how much you need me. Every single night, until it's branded in your mind. You wonโt ever try to leave me again, right?โ
He pinched your nipple, causing you to let out a satisfying gasp, back arching as your body rocked with every slam of his hips against yours.
โRight?โ He repeated more firmly, bass in his strong voice.
As you looked into his dark and determined gaze, you had no choice but to nod your head, walls squeezing around his cock like a vice.
โY-yes, Steve.โ
โGood girl.โ He purred. โAfter I fuck some sense back into you, Iโm gonna give you a nice hot mug of your favorite tea so you can calm down.โ
He nodded as if he was trying to convince himself, โbut for now youโre gonna take my cock like the good little obedient wife you are.โ
You woke up in a cold sweat, your heart beating wildly in your chest. With closed eyes you sat up in your bed, taking slow deep breaths and not moving until your heart rate slowed to a somewhat normal pace again.
Glancing over at your alarm clock, you read the bright white numbers on the transparent screen. 3 am.ย
Throwing your head back, you let out a lengthy sigh and slowly got out of bed, shivering before tightly pulling on a fluffy robe and shuffling out of your bedroom towards the bathroom. You were still getting used to the new space that the team had set up for you but it was still taking some time to adjust to it all. Youโve only been out of the clinic for about four days now, but it felt as if it was just yesterday.ย ย
Youโve been cooped up in your brand new spacious and way too luxurious room since you returned. Dr. Cho gave you clear instructions on continuing to rest and only getting up for a few minutes of exercise, so the team made sure you did just that.ย
They left you alone for the most part, Nat and Wanda checking on you periodically while Sam and Bucky provided you with the most dramatic version of room service youโve ever experienced. You missed everyone dearly and couldnโt wait until you had enough strength to get back to your normal, everyday life.
You found it odd how tired you still were but after your last conversation with Dr. Cho, you could guess why. As shocking as her news was to you it was also not something you wanted to focus on at the moment. Was it pretty serious? Yes, but there was no way you were going to let it control your life. Her news only made you want to work harder. Live harder.
Of course, you were still going to follow her instructions and do as she said, but you werenโt going to let it plague your mind every hour of the day, and you werenโt going to let it stop you from living a normal life. No one but yourself and Dr. Cho knew about your condition and it was going to stay that way if you could help it. She was bound by doctor-patient confidentiality and you certainly were not going to open your mouth about it to anyone else.ย
You liked your life how it was and you wanted to keep it that way. You werenโt going to let anyone start treating you differently because of something so small. They were already waiting on you hand and foot like you were some kind of damsel in distress because of the incident.
You received emails from Dr. Jan letting you know she was available to schedule more therapy sessions whenever you were ready to get back into it. You hadnโt even told her about the nightmares youโve been having since you got back home.
They were more than just dreams, they were a mix of real memories and new fears. Bloody faces and rough hands that squeezed you so tightly your bones cracked. They were vivid and quite terrifying but what made it easier for you to deal with them was that you understood why you were having them. It was just your mind trying to cope with the recent trauma you experienced.
After your bathroom trip, you walked out into the small living space of your mini apartment, only to pause in the middle of the room when you thought you heard a sound. Your body immediately tensed as your eyes slid over to the door that led into the hall.
Jacob is gone. Jacob is gone, you told yourself as you stared at the dark shadow that appeared from underneath the door. The fact that no one had knocked made you feel more on edge because someone was clearly there.
You nervously stared at the shadow on the other side of your door for another minute before slowly creeping closer toward it. Once you got close enough, you stood on your tip toes to peer out of the peephole, preparing to see who the stranger at your door was, only to be met with the sight of an empty hall.
Frowning, you crouched down to the floor trying to catch the shadow again, peeking underneath the small opening but seeing nothing but the hall lights reflecting off the pristine flooring.
You stood on your feet and ran a hand tiredly over your face, shaking your head.
โWhat am I doing?โ you muttered to yourself, convinced that your drowsiness was the reason you were seeing things that werenโt there.
You trailed back to your room and immediately got back into bed, staring at the vase of red poppies sitting on your vanity before you eventually passed out.
******
When Tony had called to invite you to a meeting, you hadnโt expected it to be so soon but you guessed they were in some sort of hurry. Or maybe they just wanted to get it over with. Bad news was hard to keep from a person.
Everyone was gathered in the meeting room before you entered. They looked like they had been in the middle of a very tense discussion as you glanced around nervously.
They all greeted you as you took a seat, and your eyes eventually settled on Tony.
He sent you a smile. โThanks for joining us, black bean! As glad as I am to see you up and running again, I need to apologize for interrupting your much-needed rest for this.โ
You shook your head. โItโs okay, Tony, really. Iโm perfectly fine to come back to work. Iโve had plenty of rest and donโt need to stay locked up in my room forever.โ
โI know, I know, but obviously your health and well-being come first. Everyone can agree on that for sure, but itโs just this one thing we canโt agree on thatโs caused me to summon you.โ
Steve crossed his arms and sent Tony an intense glare. You raised your brows skeptically.
Tony ignored Steveโs visible irritance towards him, only focusing on you. โSo, basically-.โ
โTony, Thor, Sam, Wanda, and I think we should keep Loki here on Earth while Steve and the others think he needs to be sent back to Asgard.โ Nat interrupted, causing Tony to now be the one sending a glare in her direction.
โExcuse me, madame death spider, I was trying to break it to her in an easier way where she could understand the full extent of things.โ He groused.
She scoffed. โWhatโs not to understand? Thatโs what this is all about. Itโs the reason that you dragged her all the way here.โย
Sam looked over to you. โTo be fair, Iโm not for it but Iโm not exactly against it either. Clint and I are Switzerland, okay?โ He said raising his hands in defense. โSteve, Bucky, and Bruce think that Thor should pack Loki up and Bifrost on out of here.โ
โHey, I never said that!โ Bruce interjected with an offended look before turning to you. โAll I said was that it wasnโt a great idea for him to be walking around in the same space as me. That guy knows how to ruffle my feathers like no other.โ
โThank you for your opinions, but she doesnโt need to hear any more announcements from the peanut gallery.โ Tony contended. โWhat we need is for her to make her own decision based on what she knows.โ
He turned to you, looking slightly uncomfortable. โYouโฆ trusted him. You also just went through a completely terrifying situation that may have changed your perspective, and I need to hear your thoughts on this matter before we make a decision.โย
You bit the inside of your cheek as you glanced down at the table, avoiding everyone's gazes.
โYouโre putting a lot of pressure on her, Stark.โ Bucky voiced out, and you looked up at him in surprise. โLoki saved her life, we all know that. Itโs clear that heโd do anything to keep her safe,โ He shook his head, expression hardening. โBut it doesnโt change the fact that he murdered three men in cold blood. I havenโt seen anything like that in a long time and I donโt think we should continue to keep him here just to possibly see it again.โ
โBarnes, do you truly believe my brother is going to run around murdering people on your planet?โ Thor asked and Bucky gave him a hard stare.
โYeah, heโs done it before, hasnโt he? No matter how much you think heโs changed, this latest catastrophe just proved that he would do it again. Especially if he was motivated for the right reason,โ Bucky glanced back at you.
Your eyes widened as it dawned on you what he was saying. His words caused a million thoughts to run through your mind all at once. Did he truly think that Loki would go on a murder spree just for you? And was he wrong to think that? You didnโt know how to feel about that.
Your gaze flitted over to the quietest person in the room who still had the loudest presence. Steve still had his arms crossed as he silently glared down at the table. Everyone had spoken for him but he had yet to speak for himself. Itโs not like you didnโt know his stance, but you still wanted to hear what he had to say about all of this. He was still your friend and you trusted him.
โSteve?โ You called out to him quietly. He looked at you from beneath his lashes before giving you his full attention.
There was no question on what you were asking him so you didnโt have to say much more. He glanced down, face contorting into a multitude of emotions before he looked at you again.
โWe covered up a murder,โ Steve said lowly.
You could both hear and see the apparent discomfort of every single person in the room. Some were better at hiding it than others, but they all heard Steveโs words loud and clear.
You swallowed, feeling uneasy, solemnly looking at him as he continued.
โIn fact, we covered up several murders, and everyone wants to pretend like what weโre considering here is something normal. There is no question about whether him defending you in that situation was right or not. Of course it was, but I donโt condone what he did to those men. He murdered them and put the responsibility in our hands. We had to clean it up by lying to the public.
โWe are the Avengers,โ he spat, looking around the room. โWe donโt lie to civilians and fight for terrorists, but somehow we find ourselves doing just that, and for the person who made it clear that heโll do whatever he wants regardless of how it affects those around him.โ
โYeah, youโre right, but we all know why weโre doing it, including you,โ Tony said, looking pointedly at Steve. โWeโre not hiding this just to cover for Loki and you know it. You hate the guy, I get it. We all did at some point but when it comes to her,โ Tony pointed towards you while still meeting Steveโs gaze. โWeโll do anything to keep her safe, and if that means saving Lokiโs ass too, thatโs what weโre going to do without hesitation. Now suck it up and move on Cap, because thatโs what the rest of us will be doing.โ
The room was so quiet that you could hear a pin drop. The air was tense, and no one said a word as Steve and Tony faced off, glowering intensely at one another before, surprisingly, Steve was the one to back down.
He looked at you again, really looked at you, searching your entire face and the tiredness in your eyes.
He bit the inside of his cheek and he closed his eyes. Shaking his head, he opened them again before taking a deep breath.
โIโll respect whatever decision you make. Itโs your choice, angel.โ
It was the next day when you found yourself roaming the halls of the tower in the middle of the night. It was 4 am this time, and you had been startled awake from another nightmare. You were still a bit shaken and a tiny bit grouchy for not sleeping throughout the night, but at least you were making progress.
Instead of staying cooped up in your room, you decided to take a walk around the tower. You headed to the kitchen in the common area, remembering that one of the drawers was stocked with Wandaโs nocturnal herbs and spices. A cup of warm tea and some peace and quiet seemed like the best way to relax until you were able to sleep again.ย
You opened a cabinet and pulled out a mug, mindlessly going through the motions of warming the tea kettle and waiting for the water to heat up. You leaned back against the counter, crossing your arms while staring blankly into space, flinching slightly when you heard the sharp whistle of the kettle.
Turning the heat off, you poured the steaming liquid into the cup, keeping the tea bag inside and carefully lifting it into your hands. Turning to make your way over to the window, you looked up from your cup, only to immediately halt your movements. Startled at the sight of someone before you, you gasped sharply and the mug slipped from your grasp.
Before the ceramic could hit the hard marble floor, it quickly disappeared in a green glow before appearing back on the countertop undisturbed. You stood wide-eyed, staring at the person in front of you in perturbment.
Concentrated green irises stared back at you edgily as he stood only 6 feet away. It was odd seeing Loki anywhere but inside of his cell, but considering that it had been obliterated into pieces, you assumed that he was being held somewhere else.
Him roaming freely about the tower had certainly not been what you expected.ย
He looked somewhat different. His body still held a tenseness but his features were absent of their usual sulleness. His midnight curls were a bit shorter, neater. Instead of wearing his usual Asgardian garb, he was clothed in what looked to be normal human clothing with touches of his princely heritage. They werenโt anywhere near as glamorous as the Asgardian ones but on him, they looked just as rich and well-crafted for his figure.ย
The dull fluorescent lights you were used to seeing him bathed in were no longer, the now warm lighting causing his pale skin to emit an ethereal glow.
He lookedโฆ beautiful. Nothing about him screamed normal and it never would, however, he no longer looked as if he was ready to go into battle at any moment. Yet, his new clothing did not take away from his astonishing height and vigorous presence.
You both stood there observing each other in the dead of night before you finally found your voice.
โYouโฆ your seidrโs back.โ You whispered, barely remembering how the dangerously hot mug almost crashed to your feet because of your clumsiness.ย
He visibly breathed in at the sound of your voice and pursed his lips, gaze flitting briefly over towards the mug that sat on the counter.
โYesโฆ it is. At least a majority of it,โ He glanced back at you, eyes running down your robe and pajama-clothed form before meeting your gaze again. โand you lookโฆ well. Safe.โ
You smiled sheepishly. โYeah, I am.โ
โGood. Thatโs excellent to hear.โ His tone was genuine. โI did not intend to intrude in your space. I should leave,โ He glanced away.
โUm, you donโt have to. This space is open to everyone. You were probably here before me but I just didnโt notice.โ You picked up your mug once more, slowly facing him. โI-I should probably just go back to bed.โ
You caught the immediate disappointment in his features before he could hide it. โI suppose that is probably for the best. It is quite late.โ His mouth opened as if he was hesitating to say. โOr you could stay here for a bit longer if youโd prefer. Would you like to take a seat?โ He gestured over to the sofa by the window.ย
Your eyes trailed to it and snapped back to him apprehensive. You didnโt know why the thought of sitting with Loki simultaneously elated and frightened you. You didnโt like or understand the feeling.
You swallowed with a nod, agreeing to his offer. Taking a seat by the large window that overlooked the city, you bit your lip anxiously as you inspected the mug in your hand, breath hitching when you felt his presence as he sat only a few feet away from you on the other side of the sofa.
Both of you sat still, taking in the quietness of the early morning hour. It was still dark outside, but you knew it wouldnโt be long before the sun started to make an appearance.
โPerhaps this is not the most appropriate time to say this, but I do want you to know that I am sorry.โ He said softly.
You turned your head to look at him from the corner of your eye.
He was quiet for a moment, staring ahead of him. โI am sorry for what you had to witness.โ he breathed. โYou should not have been subjected toโฆ what I had done. I never wanted you to see that part of me.โ
You stayed quiet, running over his words in your head.ย
โI wish thatโฆ that I got to you first. I should have taken care of you first, but I was so bloodthirsty.โ
Even through the warmth of the robe, you felt the hairs on your arms rise.
โWhat he did, what they were doing to you was not something I could just let go of. I knew that once I got my hands on those disgusting fiends they wouldnโt ever see the light of day again.โ
You lifted the cup to your lips, swallowing down the now semi-warm liquid as you closed your eyes. When you opened them, Loki was no longer on the other side of the couch. He was right next to you, looking at you with a hint of longing within the depths of his jade pools.
He moved his hand slowly towards you, causing you to flinch and lean away from him before you knew what you were doing. Your eyes widened as you stared at him, surprised by your own actions.
He retracted his hand eyes filling with sadness as he looked down and swallowed. โYouโre afraid of me.โ
โNo,โ you promised, quickly trying to come up with a reasonable excuse. โNo, I-I justโฆ I think I just need a little time to gather my thoughts.โ It was partly true.
โMy mindโs still a bit hazy. Iโm still trying to come to terms with everything around me. I still trying to settle into my new room as well.โ And your new nightly self-medication routine per Dr. Cho.
Loki faced you with a nod of his head. โI understand. This must have been quite jarring for you. But I do want to profess that I am here if you ever need me.โ He searched your eyes. โWhenever. It does not matter for what. If you require my presence I will be there.โ
He looked down at his lap. โBut I also understand if you need someโฆ space. Away from me. I will grant that as well.โ
You mulled over his words, giving him a small nod in acknowledgment. You didnโt know what your friendship would be like now that things had drastically changed, but you knew that youโd both figure out how to navigate things soon enough.
You pulled your feet under you, making yourself more comfortable as you turned towards the window. Your body shivered as you gently placed your hand on top of his, taking in how warm he was.
You heard his breath hitch, but he didnโt make a move. You both sat there for another hour in complete silence, just watching the sunrise.ย
And as peaceful as it felt, something in your gut was telling you that it wouldnโt last for very long.
The next time you saw Loki, you noticed the black device wrapped around his ankle. It was thin and not very bulky like many of the ones youโve seen before, but you knew exactly what it was. It was a safety measure and the thing that allowed him to roam about inside the tower.
You observed how everyone eyed him in some form of suspicion or another. Thor seemed to be the only one in the room practically bouncing with excitement. He could barely hold his joy, and it seemed to radiate off him. His elatedness was contagious and you found feeling a bit more positive about this meeting than you were beforehand.
Loki, on the other hand, you couldnโt exactly grasp. He sat next to Thor, face devoid of any emotion. You assumed he also didnโt know how to feel about any of this, so he was trying his best to protect his outward appearance. Unfortunately for him, you didnโt think that mattered.
If glowering at someone could be used as a weapon, Steve and Bucky would have burned a hole straight through Lokiโs head by how intense they were staring at him.
Wanda smiled sheepishly at you, and you watched as she discreetly nudged Steveโs side under the table, causing him to break his stare. He looked questioningly at her then at you, sobering his face into something less severe.
Tony eyed Loki before loudly whispering to Thor while jabbing a thumb out towards his younger brother. โDid we have to include him?โ
โYes, of course we do. Loki would greatly benefit from being a part of these conversations. They are about him, after all.โ Thor whispered back just as loudly.
โI guess but what if he gets angry and decides to annihilate the whole room?โ
โStark, that will not happen. He promised me that he would be on his best behavior.โ
โAnd you believed him?โ
Thor nodded vigorously. โYes, yes, partly.โ
A loud clearing of the throat was heard from the dark-haired Asgardian in question, causing Thor to slowly lean back in his chair with a guilty look on his face and Tony to roll his eyes.
โWell, this is awkward,โ Tony began in a normal tone, and Sam let out a snicker that was cut short once Bucky elbowed him.
โNow that weโve established that Professor Snape here will be staying on Earth, for now, we need to plan out where weโll be storing him and what heโll be doing because, buddy,โ Tony gave Loki a pointed look. โYou canโt stay in this tower for free. You need to work for your newfound freedom.โ
โReally?โ Loki raised a dark brow at the billionaire. โand here I thought you were preparing to throw me in the dungeon again for another ten years.โ
Tony tilted his head, โYou werenโt down there that long, but we can certainly have that arranged if you prefer that.โ
โTry it and Iโll arrange something myself just for you.โ
It had only been two minutes into the meeting and it was already going downhill because of Tonyโs snarky comments and Lokiโs inability to let them slide.
Much to your relief, Thor leaned forward, interjecting himself into the conversation with an awkward laugh. โStark, what Loki is trying to say is that he has the utmost gratitude towards you and everyone else for allowing his stay on Midgard.โ The blonde-haired Asgardian sent his brother a pointed look. โBecause of this, he is looking forward to doing whatever he is tasked with in order to prove his worthiness.โ
โMhmm,โ Tony narrowed his gaze, turning from Thor to Loki. โIs that right?โ
โWhy did you not just ship me back to Asgard you oaf?โ Loki sneered at Thor. โIt is clear that no one desires me here. Take me somewhere I can do some real work. Our people need me.โ
Thor frowned. โBrother, I do not mind bringing you back to our realm, however, it is not just my decision to make. The Asgardians are not, eh, very excited for your return.โ He scratched the back of his head. โI made a deal with the Valkyrie that you would continue your stay here for as long as it takes until you prove you are ready to return to Asgard and help lead our people.โ
Loki did not look very happy about that, tearing his gaze away from Thor with a sour look on his face.
โSince we all know that will likely never happen, at least not in my lifetime, we need to figure out something else for you while youโre stuck here.โ Tony leaned forward, crossing his hands together. โThe issue is that we have no idea what to do with you. Youโre not exactly a team player and you have little to no intuition to work for the good of humankind, so you certainly wonโt be going on missions with us. Anyone else has any thoughts?โ
Everyone looked around the room at each other.ย
โCome on, I know thereโs gotta be something we can do with him. Bruce! How about we send him to the lab? He knows about all that alien tech stuff. Remember that magic staff he tried to hypnotize me with?โ
Clint's jaw dropped immediately. โWhat? No! Unlike you, he did in fact, hypnotize me and made me do some awful things. Why would we want him anywhere near technology? The guy could turn a fridge into a spaceship if we let him.โ
Loki smirked but didnโt say anything.ย
Bruce agreed. โYeah, and no offense, but thereโs no way Iโm letting him into my lab. Heโs kind ofโฆโ Bruce glanced at Loki who was eyeing him intensely. Instead of finishing his sentence he looked back at Tony and swirled a finger around his temple.
You were one hundred percent sure Loki understood what that meant.
โWe could get him to cook for us!โ Sam voiced out, causing everyone, including Loki to look at him as if he were insane. โWhat? We donโt have a chef and it could be a good hobby for him, you know, to find his inner humanity.โ
โI have no inner humanity.โ Loki deadpanned.
Nat scowled at Sam, ignoring Loki. โAnd what happens when he tries to poison us, Sam? Thatโs such a terrible idea. Are you even trying?โ
You completely understood where Nat was coming from. Samโs suggestion was quite ridiculous, but he did say something that piqued your interest.
Everyone was arguing back and forth about what to do with Loki as he sat there in the midst of them, looking annoyed and bored out of his mind.
In order to save him from having to sit there any longer listening to everyone talking about him as if he wasnโt there, you decided to finally speak up.
โI think I have something that could work.โ
Tony shushed everyone as he turned to you. You felt Lokiโs curious gaze set upon your form as if he just remembered you were also in the room.
โConsidering it was my responsibility to monitor Lokiโs progress and keep him on the right track while he was still in the cell, I think it makes sense for me to continue doing just that. I can get him acclimated to how humans live their lives here. Iโm sure it's not exactly the same as Asgard, but that could help him learn how to better serve his people when he eventually returns to the palace. You guys are busy literally saving the world and all, the least I can do is jump in and handle this.โ
โAbsolutely not,โ Steve said sharply. โThis is different from when he was in the cell, and we all saw how that ended. We are not putting your life in the hands of a murderer. I wonโt allow that to happen, angel.โ
You caught Lokiโs face as he eyed Steve carefully. He wasnโt necessarily upset, he lookedโฆ pensive. Calculating even.
โThatโs not all that happened. What I saw was Loki saving her life.โ Wanda voiced out, surprising you and everyone else. โWhat he did was not great, but weโve already been over that. He needs a chance to move on and show us what he can become, show us who he truly is, not what he used to be. What better person would be able to help him do that than her?โ
If Steve didnโt believe Wandaโs words, you sure did. It was as if she plucked them straight out of your head. She wasnโt touching you at the moment so you doubted she was actually reading your thoughts, but you donโt think you would ever understand the extent of her magic. Regardless, she said exactly what you were too tongue-tied to say yourself at the moment.
โLady Maximoff is correct. If Loki is to listen to anyone, it is lady bean. She is giving us an opportunity that would benefit us all. If this recent tragedy taught me anything, it is that my brother will protect her with his life. He is not likely to betray her trust, so we should instill our own trust in her as well.โ
For a moment, Steve said nothing but eventually, he did give a small but reluctant nod. Thor was right, Loki wouldnโt hurt you and he did trust you more than anyone else here, maybe even more than his own brother.ย
No one, including Steve, could deny that.
You glanced over at Loki, nervous to see how your proposition affected him. He appeared to be a lot less tense, no longer looking to be quite so annoyed, but you could still tell that he was on edge. This meeting was a lot for him.
โWell,โ Tony uttered, throwing a hand in the air. โI got nothing else. Canโt really beat that. I say let's do it. We have nothing else to lose.โ He threw Loki one more suspicious gaze. โHopefully. Iโll make sure to upgrade the systems and have JARVIS keep a severe- I mean secure eye on him.โ
Turning back to you, Tony nodded, giving a proud grin. โLetโs do it, black bean. Heโs all yours.โ
Glad you had a great time at play fest!!! I was wondering if the F&C chap 2 is supposed to be up, cuz it seems like it from your post on Friday, but I still only see Chap 1. My Ao3โs not bugging, is it??
Nope, not up yet. Itโs in the works.
If I could grind out chapter after chapter quickly I would, but writing takes a lot of effort and my brain be tired and I have this thing called work (๐ฅด)
If itโs not pinned and itโs neither here or on AO3 than you can assume itโs not been posted. Itโll be up when itโs ready.
PaleyFest was great! I didnโt have floor seats but thatโs okay because I could still see Tom perfectly fine. We all watched Loki S2 Finale together before Tom, Sophia, Owen, and the producers came out for a panel.
It was so nice to hear Tomโs voice and see him in person. Heโs just as great as he is on screen, so kind, intelligent, and compassionate. Sophia was adorable just like always and Owen had everyone laughing anytime he spoke.
Freedom and Chaos ch. 1 was clearly a success on AO3. I canโt wait until you guys start giving me this many comments on here (doubt it but a girl can dream ๐)
Loved chap 1 of pt 2!!! When the tags say Dark Loki, does that mean he does morally questionable/gray things TO the reader or just in general? Ig what Iโm asking is is he going to do anything that would be considered abusive?
also, can you give any hints about the cultish behavior tag?!?!
The answer to your first question is mostly no. Itโs hard to explain but Loki will not be abusing the reader. Will he do some questionable things in the future, yes, itโs a possibility but nothing insane. I hate to even say that because what I have planned is questionable even to me.
The cultish behavior tag is exactly what it means. Canโt really explain that further. Youโll understand what I mean as you read more of the fic.
The steady beep of a machine was the first thing you heard. Peeling your heavy eyelids open with a struggle, you dazedly stared out of focus. You were in a room. It looked like a hospital room, but the usual eye-frying fluorescent lights were dimmed enough for you to only have to squint slightly.
The next thing you spotted were various flower bouquets placed around the room. Before you could get a better look around, you heard the sound of your name being called softly. Slowly turning your head, you were met with the sight of a woman with brown hair and green eyes.ย
โI knew you would awake soon,โ she said softly, gazing at you with a sad smile.
You closed your again briefly before opening them with a dazed frown. โW-where am I?โ your hoarse tone sounded unfamiliar to your sensitive ears.
โYouโre still in the tower, on Dr. Choโs medical floor,โ Wanda explained, rising out of her chair to move closer to you. โYouโve been here for a few days, about three. After we found you and Lokiโฆโ She trailed off with an unsure expression.
Your eyes opened up a bit wider at that. โLoki!โ you choked out. โWhat happened to him? Oh my god- I- he saved me from Jacob andโ!โ
Wanda placed a hand on your arm, calming you down from your sudden panic attack. โI know, we know.โ She responded before handing you a glass of water from the bedside table. โDrink this first and Iโll explain.โ
You nodded, shakily bringing the glass up to your lips. She waited until you slowly downed half of its contents before continuing.
โWe got the security alert as soon as they broke into the tower. We were halfway to Europe by then but we had immediately turned the plane around. It was utter chaos.โ She breathed, shaking her head. โTonyโs backup feed caught everything that was happening in real-time. Everyone was completely out of their minds. Steveโฆโย
She closed her eyes briefly as if she was experiencing what happened right at this moment. โHe wasโฆ not good.โ Her eyes opened and you could practically feel the pain they held. โHe was out of his mind, everyone was. We couldnโt believe that we failed you again.โ
You shook your head slowly, trying not to give yourself a bigger headache than you already had. โNo, it wasnโt your fault. It was no oneโs fault except for Jacob and those two guards.โ
You didnโt want her or anyone else carrying the weight of your attack, it wasnโt fair.ย
โWhatโsโฆ whatโs happened since I was out?โ
She sighed heavily before returning to her seat. โUnfortunately, S.H.I.E.L.D has gotten involved but we are handling them. Fury is, for lack of a better word, quite furious about the situation and is trying to keep things as quiet as possible. The last thing we need is the US government knowing about this.โ
Her troubled eyes met yours. โWe mayโฆ understand why Loki did what he did, but itโs doubtful that anyone else outside of our circle would. The whole world finding out would be the end ofโฆ well, all of us.โ
Faded memories of pained screams and splatters of dark red plagued your mind. You didnโt notice that your hands were rapidly shaking until Wanda called your name again.
Your eyes snapped to hers and she was transfixed on your trembling hands. You tried to get them to stop shaking, awkwardly placing them underneath the sheet that covered you.
โIโm okay,โ you murmured, looking away from her worried gaze. โHow does the team feel about all of this?โ
She was quiet for a moment, most likely contemplating on what she was allowed to tell you.
โWe have beenโฆ a bit divided. This kind of incident has never happened before and I think everyone is still processing. We see death all the time, yes, but this was something completely different. What Loki did to those three men was completely barbaric. I have never seen anything like that in my entire life. Yet if I am to be honest, from what I witnessed on camera, I am not one hundred percent sure that I would have done much different than what he did in his position. Jacob could have killed you,โ Her voice slightly broke, but you could still hear the anger and fear in it. โand no matter how anyone else feels about the methods Loki used, they knew that Jacob deserved some of what was coming for him.โ
You rubbed your forehead, feeling a headache coming on. โDoes everyone know what happened to him? Kayla? The rest of the Bale family?โ
She shook her head. โNo. Weโฆ wrote a letter to his family. From Jacobโs email account. All they know is that he was fired from Stark Industries and moved overseas to start a new venture. It was something he talked about with his family often, so it wasnโt very hard for us to make it believable.โ
You were stunned into complete silence, mouth slightly agape. If what Wanda was saying was true, that meant thatโฆ
โYouโre covering it up? His death?โ You whispered with a horrified face.
โYes, we are. Less or more,โ Wanda replied quietly.
Slowly, you leaned back into the bed, eyes stuck on the ceiling and head resting on the pillow. Everything was suddenly feeling incredibly disorienting, and it wasnโt just because of your head injury.ย
You felt as if you had woken up to a dystopian world.ย
The Avengers were covering up a murder, no, several murders, and for who? You or Loki?
Your lip started to wobble as you thought about the man in question. He must have been so afraid of everything that happened. Your memory was a bit spotty but you remembered the quivering sound of his usual steady and confident voice, and how his body shook as he held you in his arms.ย ย ย
Your head swiveled towards Wanda, eyes focusing on her. โWhat happened to Loki?โ
Her brows rose as she glanced away. โInitially, he was sent into S.H.I.E.L.Dโs custody. They claimed that we werenโt able to control him anymore. But yesterday, Tony, Natasha, and Thor had a meeting with Fury to petition for Loki to be released back into our supervision. The meeting took hours, and I have not spoken to them since then so I donโt know how it went.โ
You blinked. Thor was of no question, but Tony and Nat trying to get Loki back was certainly a shock to you.ย
โIf it makes you feel any better, he has been compliant the whole time and hasnโt tried to cause any trouble. Maybe itโs because he knew what he did was well beyond anything else heโs gotten punished for.โ Wanda muttered.
โWhat about when you found me? H-how was he?โ
Wanda stared at you with a grave expression on her face before sighing. โItโsโฆ Itโs not exactly something I can describe with words.โ
Looking at you hesitantly, she rose from her seat and gently placed her hand on your forehead. Your head tilted back and your eyes closed.
The team had burst into the room, doors completely ripped from their hinges as they readied for a fight, but what greeted them was well beyond what they could have ever expected. They were met with the petrifying sight of a murder scene.ย
Tony was completely frozen, strapped in his iron suit while staring at the chaos in front of him. Natasha covered her mouth and stepped back, and you could feel tears running down Wandaโs face as she let out a horrified gasp.
Torn limbs, broken body parts, and glass shards were lying in a pool of blood that covered most of the floor. But past all of that, there sat Loki on a bed with you lying unconscious in his arms. His hair was wild and matted with dark red, clothes torn and eyes wild as he shielded over your now blanket-covered form. He did not flinch or look up at anyone else, only continuing to stare down at your bruised face. The same bloody hands that had caused the massacre that laid before them were now glowing a deep green as they held onto you. His whole body was trembling but he was determined to keep a tight hold on you.
While the rest of the team were wide-eyed and in too much shock to do or say anything, Steve was the first to take a step forward before Thor placed a hand on his arm, giving him a look. Reluctantly, Steve stayed where he was while everyone watched as Thor carefully stepped through the nauseating and grotesque mess.
When he got close enough to Loki, he scrounched down to his level and looked at him carefully.
โBrother,โ He said softly. โWe can take it from here. Pass her to the Captain and I will help get you cleaned up.โ
When Loki didnโt move, Thor reached out to grab you causing his younger brother to emit a deep growl and snap his head towards him. This was the first time he was looking at someone else that wasnโt you.ย
Thor raised his hands. โHey, it is alright. We are not here to harm her any further, you understand that. Your powers are low, and you can only do so much. Let us take her to a proper Midgardian healer, please.โ
Thor could see so much emotion in his brother's eyes, but the one that shone mostly was fear. He was scared of letting you go. Thor could tell that he had gotten through to him when tears sprung into his wide green eyes and his sharp expression transformed into a pained one.ย
Loki shakily turned his head slowly to look back at your unmoving form before rising to his feet with you still in his arms. He caught eyes with Rogers, making his way over to him before carefully placing you into his arms.ย
Steve immediately took you out of the room, and Loki stared after you with regretful eyes while Sam and Bucky took hold of him before cuffing his hands together behind his back.ย
Your eyes shot open as soon as Wanda released you from the vision. You were utterly speechless. Seeing Loki in that state brought tears to your eyes and you let out a shaky breath.
Wanda backed away, staring back at you somberly.
โThatโs enough information for today. I now realize I shouldnโt have shown you that. You just woke up and are probably still in a state of shock. Iโm so very sorry.โ She shook her head, cursing to herself. โIโm going to leave so you can rest more. I will be back soon.โ
You nodded your head while avoiding her gaze, and in a matter of seconds, you were alone again. You laid unmovingly in the bed for a while. You werenโt upset with Wanda for sharing her memory, you were just shaken from seeing everything from a much clearer point of view.
You stared up at the ceiling for what seemed like forever, but eventually, your lids slowly closed as you were pulled into the dark abyss of sleep.
When you woke again, a dark-haired woman in a white lab coat was now in your room. She seemed to be checking on the machines while scribbling on a clipboard. The overhead lights in the room were brighter, and you lightly groaned as you tried to sit up.
โHold on,โ She said, while gently leaning you back down on the bed. โThereโs an easier way. See?โ
She pulled out a small remote and pressed a button that slowly raised the back of your small bed.
โUm, thank you,โ you muttered, glancing at the beautiful woman. โAre you Dr. Cho?โ
โYes, I am,โ She replied with a smile, still scribbling on her clipboard. โand you are a very lucky young lady. You had a lot of people scared there for a minute, but youโre pulling quite a speedy recovery.โ
You blinked. โI am?โ Not that you didnโt believe her, but you still felt like absolute shit.
She nodded, finally tearing her eyes from the papers and meeting your confused ones. โIf Loki hadnโt used his powers to begin the healing process, you would have most likely been in a coma for as long as a month. The drugs you were attacked with were poisonous, and he helped extract most of it out of your system.โ She scoffed lightly, raising her eyebrows. โItโs a miracle how much he could accomplish without having access to his full strength.โ
You swallowed dryly and she passed you your now full glass of water. You squinted down at the glass, โWait, arenโt you a famous geneticist? Why are you here wasting your time taking care of me? You must have so many more important projects to work on.โ
She dropped down her clipboard and sent you a look. โYou may not be a project, but there is no question that you are very important. I learned how to be a doctor before I dived into the field of genetics. I am honored to be able to provide care for someone like you. You are a very special girl, for many reasons other than you studying to become a physicist.โ She winked at you.
You glanced down at your sore form. You were lying in a bed wearing an unsightly hospital gown and a pair of thick non-slip socks with a sheet thrown over your body. Nothing about you seemed significant at this moment. To be completely candid, you felt pretty ugly and disgusting.
โWhen will I be able to leave?โ You asked her. You were certainly grateful for all she had done for your recovery, but you didnโt know how much longer you would be able to stay in this room without going insane.
Her brows furrowed, lips thinning as she peered back down at her clipboard. โIโm only expecting to keep you for a few more days. Your vitals are looking stronger by the day, but now that youโre awake I need to run a few more tests before I release you.โ
โIs something wrong?โ
โNo, nothing I can see now. I just want to be one hundred percent sure, thatโs it. Nothing you need to worry about.โ She gave you a reassuring smile which did not make you feel any better.ย
Patting your arm, she backed away towards the door. โRight now you should focus on resting and getting yourself well-hydrated. Iโll release you as soon as all the tests are complete.โ
A few more days passed by but you didnโt hear much more from Dr. Cho about your upcoming release. The uncomfortable clinic bed wasnโt helping your stiff limbs, and the best you could do was lift them up and down to get some movement going. You still had tubes stuck in your arms so you werenโt allowed to get up and walk around just yet.
On the first day of your awakening, you did as Dr. Cho ordered, resting a lot, and the few times you did wake up, there was a new card, balloon, or flower bouquet in your room. It was obvious that people were visiting you while you were still asleep, but it saddened you greatly that you werenโt able to be awake whenever they came by.ย
On the second day, you were able to stay up long enough to enjoy a visit from your father. Your eyes lit up when he entered the room and you had never been more happier to see him. Yes, your last conversation with him wasnโt great, but he was still the only family you had left.
To his credit, he seemed even more grateful to see you. You could tell that he had been regretting his past choices that directly drove a wedge between you two. It did not have to be said that he felt awful about his part in Jacobโs deception, but to your surprise, he did admit his wrongdoings.ย
He looked haunted. His eyes were sunken into his face, his skin a bit ashy, and his body looked at least fifteen pounds lighter. He apologized to you countlessly, and you accepted his apology with a hug. You knew you had a lot more to discuss with him, but this was not the right time to do so, as you were still feeling a bit out of sorts.
When you started looking drowsy, he left you be so you could rest, and the next time you opened your eyes, the whole team had gathered into your room to surprise you. Even through the tragedy of the situation, they made sure to put on big smiles for you and you did the same, genuinely being excited to see them all.ย
Thor held a huge cake that had a photo of you on it which you thought was funny for many reasons, one of them being that you couldnโt eat any sugar until all of your blood work was done. It was all theirs to enjoy.ย
Tony and Clint talked your ear off, catching you up on the latest happenings and the rest of the team hung out in the room, chatting with you when they could.
Steve made sure to grab a few minutes with you, filling you in on how they moved your entire room into a much larger one that was closer to his and Buckyโs. You wanted to tell him that they didnโt have to do that, but you refrained when you remembered all of the strange things you experienced in your old room. Jacob completely ruined it for you. Furthermore, by the way that Steve was looking at you and constantly asking if you were okay, you figured this room change would reassure everyone that youโd be a lot safer.
You wanted to ask about Loki, but since no one brought him up, you assumed it was too soon. It was no secret that you cared about him so if there was any bad news, they probably wouldnโt want to tell you while you were still stuck in the clinic.
Thor must have noticed the hesitance on your face, as he lingered in the room a bit longer after everyone else left. You gave him an apprehensive stare as he placed his hand in the pocket of his jeans while facing you.
โHe is okay, my lady.โ He said with a gentle smile. He sent you a farewell nod and exited the room before you could gather the courage to ask him any more questions.
On the third day of your stay in the clinic, you were able to get through most of it without taking more naps than an elderly cat.ย
However, you did wake to see a singular flower laid on your bedside table. It immediately caught your eye as it was the most vibrant red youโve ever seen. It looked to be a poppy flower. You were never a fan of that kind before but this one was entrancing you by how gorgeous it was. You felt as if its mere presence gave you the strength to get through the rest of the day.ย
You had a few more visitors but still no news of Loki.ย
Then the morning of the fourth day, you woke up to a fresh new glowing red poppy flower that was placed beside the old one. This intrigued you enough to ask Dr. Cho if she knew who was leaving them in your room.
She paused before looking at you with an indecipherable expression on her face. โI donโt know, but security did mention that someone has been coming by after all the staff leaves for the night. They stay for hours before leaving without a word. I would assume that they are on the list of people allowed to visit you, so it could just be one of your friends.โ
โBut they never wake me to let me know theyโre visiting.โ You say with a frown.
She gave a thoughtful look. โMaybe they donโt want to disturb you. I mean, they are visiting in the middle of the night so itโs a good thing they have consideration for your rest. Itโs needed for full recovery.โ
You hummed at that, accepting her answer as it made sense. Could it be Kayla? It was a possibility but you also couldnโt see her leaving flowers for you. At least not that kind.
โOn the other hand, I have something else Iโve been needing to talk to you about.โ Her face sobered up, making you focus your attention on her.
โDo you know much about your parent's medical history?โ She asked.
You shrugged. โI know my dadโs. Not so much about my momโs.โ
She nodded, briefly looking down at the linoleum floor. โYes, thatโs what I thought.โ She looked back up at you with a solemn expression. โAs you are already aware, thereโs a reason I have been keeping you here for this long. My lab has finished running all your blood tests and after double-checking them, thereโs something that you need to know.โ
You didnโt take your eyes off of hers as you asked the dreadful but unavoidable question.ย