deadlydiviine - Tumblr blog

[deadlydiviine]

i can feel another depressive episode creeping up on me. creating this cover & letting it just BE without trying to make it “perfect” was so fucking cathartic. i hope it makes u feel something <333

[deadlydiviine]

“We have calcium in our bones, iron in our veins, carbon in our souls, and nitrogen in our brains. 93 percent stardust, with souls made of flames, we are all just stars that have people names.”

— Nikita Gill

[deadlydiviine]

my life is genuinely unrecognizable now lmao cute

in love, soon to be unrecognizable

im so fucking excited to be in love with myself again. to be in love with my life. to be so fucking obsessed with my art and myself and my life that it endlessly consumes every atom of my being. i'm giving myself a 6 month challenge to become unrecognizable in the best way possible. here's to giving myself permission to express myself unapologetically, celebrate myself every damn day, & embrace my powerful, dreamy delusions. not my clinical ones.

[deadlydiviine]

blonde era begins

[deadlydiviine]

darkness, please stop haunting me

please stop haunting me.

my love. we cannot be together anymore.

our touch is cold.

I've been with you for so long, we've become one.

I've mistaken the fire from the trails I blaze on this lonely path as the sun. I believe to run is to walk, to walk is to stop.

I miss the sun, I miss the stars, I miss the sunset.

my heart is not void. it aches and longs for what never was.

.

I say I've left her behind but she's always there for me. arms outstretched, smiling, eyes full of understanding. I hate her, but she has always been here for me. my best friend. my lover.

I cried when we kissed, my knife in her back.

I spoke her eulogy, wearing her favorite lipstick.

I thought I killed her. she's come back to haunt me.

darkness,

[deadlydiviine]

coraline

coraline, coraline

If I was you

I’d have buttons for eyes

I’d be a fool to lie

other mother would have me

In the palm of her hand

her cookies and garden

sickly sweet, neon

my forbidden fruit

i’d stay in her castle 

escape my own truth

red, purple, yellow

bue, green, orange

my fate

sealed, sealed, sealed

[deadlydiviine]

dead

she's dead. her funeral was a blazing daydream of scarlet fire. her remains lay under cold damp earth. she will be forgotten, and that's the way it's meant to be.

eat cake at her wake. that's what she wanted.

as a warning to all who mourn her, she will awaken if you step into her skin and pretend. and we wouldn't want that.

she's who I once was. she belongs to the sea, now. leave her be.

[deadlydiviine]

in love, soon to be unrecognizable

im so fucking excited to be in love with myself again. to be in love with my life. to be so fucking obsessed with my art and myself and my life that it endlessly consumes every atom of my being. i'm giving myself a 6 month challenge to become unrecognizable in the best way possible. here's to giving myself permission to express myself unapologetically, celebrate myself every damn day, & embrace my powerful, dreamy delusions. not my clinical ones.

[deadlydiviine]

mmm

[deadlydiviine]

she was 5. she loved disney channel. she loved the moon. she loved cats and butterflies. in private, she sang, she danced, she designed, she wrote, she created universes. she knew the world was hers. but she was lonely. scared.

she was 12. the weight of the world a thick, wet blanket. she daydreamed, hallucinated. wanted to live another life. she was so scared of the dark. so scared of the mirror. so, so lonely.

she was 17. terrified of becoming an adult. where did her childhood go? come back, please. she begs. she's too scared to eat, too scared of her mind. too scared of failure, of success. mentally paralyzed.

i'm 20. i'm so much fucking stronger. i'm still scared...i still love the moon, the kitties, the butterflies. I haven't made art in too long, i miss it dearly. i know the world is my oyster. i inhale smoke to erase it all. it doesn't work, but that's okay. i will be okay.

to little me, I'm trying for us. I really am. you deserve the universe and so much more. I promise you that I will give you everything you ever wanted. I'm rewriting our story every day. I hope it blurs into a myriad of technicolor, chromatic rainbows and pixie dust. I'd rather remember the fantasy than relive the reality, because you deserve the fantasy. we deserve the fantasy.