deanablack

[deanablack]

Why do you treat me like tomorrow is promised? What if it isn't?

It isn't. It isn't.

[deanablack]

I cannot wait to kiss his brow right after waking up and say i love you in lieu of good morning

[deanablack]

When their mind is made up, what do you do? You can challenge the course of the river but you cannot make it flow. You cannot even help them pack their bags because they are already at their feet. You just sit and watch as they walk out the door which was so open and welcome for them to step through. You never thought of an exit, did you? They leave quietly, a sad goodbye of a smile. But the door shuts too loud in their wake. The mundane sounds of life seem too foreign. You cannot fathom the enormity of it yet. But it has happened already. They left. You must start over. But not yet. Right now, I'd like to sit in the same position, my legs pulled up, chin resting on my knees, just holding myself tight. What if I let go of myself and find pieces breaking again? I cannot risk that. Not again. Not so soon. Not like this. They cannot see me like this. I won't let them. The door isn't locked. Just shut. But I know they won't come back. So I can cry and my tears would have no witness. Really thought they would stay. Really sorry to see them go. But what can you do? Nothing. Nothing at all.

[deanablack]

Babies

Classic J2 at #SPNNJ 2025 [video]

[deanablack]

I see you everywhere, my breath hitches in hope and then I drown.

[deanablack]

If all the doors leading you to me were closed, will you bang on them screaming my name? Or would you not even bother to turn the knob to see if it would open, just in case?

[deanablack]

I'll keep falling on the knife if you're the one holding it.

[deanablack]

A vase. White. Painted with blue flowers. Cracked. A slim black line running zigzag across the length of it. The cracked side is turned to the wall now. No one would know that anything was wrong. It has some water. Pink flowers. No wait yellow. No wait red. All in rotation. Knocked down. A triangular piece breaks off. Pasted with care. You can almost not see it. But if you were looking close, that is all you'll see. Still filled with water. Flowers rotating. More leaves. Lavender. Knocked down again. Not a mistake this time. Just carelessness. The vase breaks clean in half. This time when it is put together, some smaller, miniscule pieces are missing. You wouldn't know the difference if you hadn't been seeing the vase everyday. It still holds water. The repaired parts are now hidden with droopy leaves, plants now selected for camouflage rather than beauty. Something gets caught up in the leaves. The vase falls. In an attempt to stop it from hitting the floor, the vase slips through hasty hands and now hits the wall. Hard. It shatters. Pieces fly everywhere. Anyone venturing close is warned off. They can get hurt after all. The water makes it worse. Creating a shipwreck. Everything else is swept away. The bigger pieces, the less sharp ones, are kept aside. Safe in a box in an almirah in the dark. Taken out to be looked at when fancy strikes. When memory screams too loud. White. Blue flowers. Broken. To the point of no repair.

[deanablack]

one day, you'll realize that no one was really watching, and you could have done whatever you wanted.

i just hope you don't figure it out too late.

[deanablack]

“When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.”

— Harriet Beecher Stowe

[deanablack]

Suffering only has meaning if there are green pastures at the end of it.

[deanablack]

I hope to arrive to my death late, in love, and a little drunk.

Atticus; Love Her Wild

[deanablack]

Baby boo✨

Young Sirius.

[deanablack]

Xenophilius: When Luna was little, she was scared of fireworks. Luna: Still hate them. Why celebrate with symbols of war? Wars are always a failure. Xenophilius: Yes, honey.

[deanablack]

You are worthy of a life that doesn’t revolve around what hurt you.

[deanablack]

There's a stillness in the air without you. Maybe it just means that I'll know when the wind picks up.

[deanablack]

May Mantra:

I've returned to myself before. I can do it again.