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[deannawriter-blog]

Yosemite, Calif.

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Bears. Waterfalls. Redwoods. Cliffs. This is Yosemite.

A two-lane road hugs the mountains, tracing the curves with precision. Sometime steep, sometimes dark and eerie, the road's most shocking feature is when suddenly the trees disappear and a clearing exposes the hidden world of Yosemite.

Mist hangs over the valley, caressing the treetops of Redwoods and Sequoias. Vast mountains jut from the earth around the valley, as if to protect the valley from outsiders. As if to keep it hidden. Waterfalls plummet from the tips of peaks into the crevices of the dark forests.

Bears lurk in the darkness. They roam the woods, sniffing out nearby campers. Then they quietly and boldly drift into the campsites and scavenge what they can. Tourists caught in the open freeze, cameras at the ready. Bears turn their noses to the wind and scamper away, chased by barking Yorkies. 

Water rages in the rivers, urged onward by the falls, roaring endlessly. Hikers stumble up the trails to the peak of the waterfalls, rising above the roar to the calm waters before the plunge. Soggy shoes slip over round, black rocks smoothed by years of water erosion. 

The air is brisk. Pine needles litter the forest floor. The sky glistens with stars at night. In winter, snow dusts the trees and outlines the edges of the peaks. In summer, flowers decorate the fields and permeate the air.

This is Yosemite. 

[deannawriter-blog]

My Life is Better Than Yours

Dear Reader,

Social media sucks.

Whether it's an Instagram photo of you eating at a high-end L.A. restaurant, or a one-sentence Facebook post exclaiming how wonderful your life is, or an 8-second Snapchat of you kissing your BF and drawing red hearts around your faces—social media posts like that MAKE PEOPLE WANT TO SMACK YOU or STOP FOLLOWING YOU or HOPE THAT YOU HAVE AT LEAST ONE BAD DAY THIS WEEK THAT ISN'T SO BLESSED. 

What? How can anyone think like that or be so cruel?

Hi. I'm Deanna. And I think like that. A lot. Too often, probably. And you know what the worst part is? I'm most likely one of those people you see posting cool adventures and photos with the Husband that make you want to smack me. That's right. I'm a walking contradiction. 

But I'll fess-up about my annoying posts later. Right now, I want to talk about YOU, the culprit. The offender. The most likely good-intentioned human who just wants to share life with the world and doesn't realize everyone wants to un-friend you.

Your Life Isn't That Great, Right?

Can we be honest with each other? There's no way that you're THAT happy all the time. That your family is THAT fun and good-looking. That your adventures are THAT epic. If you're like me, most of social media is your Highlight Reel, right? 

I mean, those amazing VACATIONS you're going on a few times a year have to be DEMOLISHING your bank account, right? Or maybe you're really just secretly racking up boatloads of credit card debt or neglecting your savings? It's one thing if I know you've been saving up for years to go to Italy (your dream destination), but it's another when you just go, live lavishly and then a few months later go somewhere else. What are you made of?! Money? Don't you have a job and responsibilities? If you're going to post about all your great travels, I think the kind-hearted thing to do is provide some explanation as to WHY you're so lucky. Help me want to be happy for you.

And those photos you post with your new BF—can you give it a year before you brag about how great he is and how happy you are? This isn't the only man you've had. I know because you always post how happy you are with all your BFs, and you tend to always make a big deal about it. Newsflash! Single ladies everywhere want to murder you for rubbing it in their faces, and married ladies everywhere think you're completely naive and annoying. Try being married for a few years—go through some ups and downs—and then post about his greatness and your happiness level. Post specific reasons why he's a great partner and why you're thankful for him. THAT adds value. THAT gains respect. I can't promise you still won't get the stink eye when I'm scrolling through my Facebook feed, but at least I'll think your bragging is somewhat validated.

Finally, don't get me started on those videos of you sportin' that new watch or batting your long, beautiful eyelashes because you dropped some $$$ on the fancier things in life. Yes, I know your gold watch is B.A. and, yes, it makes you look like a million dollars, but it also makes you look like a SNOB while making me jealous that you have the money to drop on something like that while I have to save to buy a new radiator for my car. And yes, those fake lashes are gorgeous, but YOU ARE ALREADY PRETTY and now I feel even worse about myself. 

Look, I'm not saying any of my jealousy, irritation or frustrations make sense. Or that they're even fair. Or that it's even right for me to feel these things. But I do, and I can't be the only one. So on behalf of everyone who feels like me, I'm here to say THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU POST BEFORE YOU POST IT.

Don't you remember what it felt like to be single and lonely? Or what it felt like when you didn't have the money to buy nice things? Or when you dreamed of far away places but didn't have the means to get there? That's right, it felt crappy. 

Why Do We Only Post The Highlights Of Our Life?

I'm sick of seeing everybody's Highlight Reels. If you call your Facebook friends friends, shouldn't you be able to share your Cutting Room Floor scenes? 

I want to see your pain, not because I'm this terrible person who only wants you to be miserable, but because I want to really KNOW you. I want to know you're a human just like me who has crappy days AND good days. Who is incredibly in love with her man but also has fights that last for days. Who gets to travel the world and see amazing sights but also feels desperate to put roots down somewhere.

I want to know how to pray for you. I want to know the crap you've been through so that I can learn something from your experiences. I want to see posts describing the grit and grime of your job so that I can be excited when you EARN that vacation. I want to see the life-changing moments in your relationships that make a difference. I want to see the first ratty car you ever drove get replaced with a new truck because you were patient and frugal with your money.

I want to see your happiness, I really do. So be careful how you shape your social media posts. 

Then There's Me, The Hypocrite

I'm guilty of bragging on social media. I'm sure there's a TON of things I've posted that have caused others to unfollow me. And maybe just like you, Reader, I was confident my posts came from places of innocence: just being proud of my husband, or wanting to share cool places I've been blessed to visit, or being excited that my hair finally looks good. 

I've posted those vomit-inducing pictures with my husband and how in love we are. My Facebook profile pic is still of me in my wedding dress on my wedding day because I am so amazed at how beautiful I felt and how wonderful that day was, flaws and all. And I'm not ashamed of that because it's not often I feel so pretty or have such an epic day. So I keep it there. And I've posted the occasional "date night" photo of us going to the movies or exploring Disney World or serving at church. I can imagine that some people find that frustrating, but I do my best to limit them or not make over-the-top comments on how great our life is. If you know me at all, you know I'll be the first to share our struggles. Um, it's kind of why I have this Blog in the first place. 

I've posted a lot of travel photos recently, and I'm sure there's a lot of people who are jealous of how often I get to travel. But did you know? I started posting so many travel photos because I am SO JEALOUS of people who get to travel? I realized that maybe I don't get to go to Europe twice a year or explore the temples of South America, but I have been to many U.S. states, and I do have the privilege of traveling for my new job. And when I started realizing that everywhere is a destination to somebody, I decided to start posting my travels to encourage others that you don't have to take EPIC trips to see beautiful destinations.

I could go on and on about all the social media offenses I've made over the years, but that's not the point. You get it. If you follow me on social media, you already know. 

The Takeaway

I just hope that if you've read this, you'll start to think about how you're social media posts impact others. I know it's not totally your deal to worry about my feels, but, at the same time, it kinda is. Just like it's kinda my deal to worry about your feels in whatever stage of life you're in.

I doubt we want to hurt each other, so let's try not to.

BUT... maybe you just don't care about how you make others feel. Maybe you just want to share your highlight reel with your mom or still try to impress all your high school friends. That's fine. Power to you.

Just realize that I find you annoying. 

But you probably find me annoying, too.

[deannawriter-blog]

Miami, Fla.

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A riveting skyline surrounded by dark blue ocean and dramatic cumulus clouds. A warm breeze that licks the back of your neck. A bustling metropolis of culture.

This is Miami.

Welcome to Miami.

My adventure in Miami was only for one day and one night. I felt like a little kid gripping the iron bars that surround the White House grounds, being so close but not being able to actually step foot inside. Miami taunted me: go here, see this, do you know about that? I felt like exploring, but where do you begin in a city so alive? Miami was like a snake slithering about, changing with each block.

In the night, the city was alive with effervescent lights, a deep vibrato resonating from nearby nightclubs. During the day, the sun soaked into my skin like it was dripping gold, furious and heavy and hot. 

Everywhere I went, Will Smith's tune Miami thumped in my head:

Party in the city where the heat is on / All night on the beach til the break of dawn / Welcome to Miami / Bienvenidos a Miami

It's a city where skyscrapers tower over palm trees, cabs transport tourists going on cruises and the water is the bluest, warmest, most enticing water in the continental U.S.

>>Follow my travels on Instagram<<

[deannawriter-blog]

The Way We Love Our Spouses

Hello, my name's Deanna. And I'm a wife.

I'm a wife who loves her husband with her whole heart. I'm passionate. Supportive. Encouraging. 

But I'm also a yeller. I'm a smasher. I'm a let's-fight-it-out-now-so-that-rage-doesn't-consume-me-later type of wife.

Recently I came across a line in a book called "You and Me Forever" by Francis Chan. The line  prompted me to write this blog post. It reads:

"The way we love our spouses should make the love of Christ believable and true."

Here's a bit more context: Francis Chan and his wife are talking about marriage and how God chooses to reveal Himself through His people. We are called to represent Him to the world around us. That includes revealing Himself through marriages.

Gulp.

If I can be honest, that line is a terribly scary thing in general. And my first thought: No wonder the world is far from God. Christians are seriously as messed up as the rest of humanity, plus we often judge others but don't judge ourselves. We condemn patterns of behavior in others but don't strive to change our own sinful patterns. We struggle in secret with the same sins that others display openly. If we're supposed to represent God to the world, WE SUCK.

Now let's add marriage on top of that. Wow. Marriage. The thing that brings two sinful people together, puts them in a cramped living space, makes them promise to put each other first forever and ever and then lets life wash over them like the tide rolls in and out. Marriage. That thing that so many people give up on. 

Thankfully, marriage also refines you. It humbles you. It changes you. And if it doesn't, it should.

My husband keeps me grounded. He sees things differently than I do. He teaches me how to love people better. He teaches me how to be sensitive. How to be patient. How to be detailed. Without him, I'd still be that blunt, judgmental know-it-all who doesn't think before she speaks. Let's be clear, I am STILL all of those things, but he's constantly helping me learn a better way to speak truth and love without making people feel like unfriending me on Facebook.

As I reflect on our marriage, I wonder HOW people see us. Do they see Jesus in us? Sure, we serve together at church, but sometimes we come with pouts on our faces. Yes, we walk arm-in-arm through Target like two 90-year-olds, but sometimes we barely say a word to each other because we're irritated by each other. It's true that we strive to be united in front of others, but sometimes I can't help but be derailed by his selfishness nor he by my impatience. And when we get angry at each other in public, it shows on our faces. We can't hide it.

Nevertheless, I hope that in our good moments and in our bad moments, people look at our marriage and think, something's different. I hope they see a love and a dedication that can only be explained by Jesus' grace and love. I hope they see two imperfect, REAL people who display that the journey to follow and be like Jesus isn't always easy, but it's worth fighting for.

It's worth fighting for.

[deannawriter-blog]

Lake Tahoe, Nev.

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There's nowhere quite as serene and ominous as Tahoe. It's powers are mysterious. The stories buried in the depths of its waters are even more mysterious. It enchants the soul without you knowing it. It leaves you begging for more. 

My husband fell in love with Tahoe, but only after we'd left. 

He doesn't quite know what happened. In 2015, we were there for a whirlwind weekend to be apart of my best friend's wedding. There was lots of socializing and late nights, and at those high altitudes, it was hard to catch your breath. While we were there, he didn't really get Tahoe. It was October, so no snow graced the peaks around the dark lake. And because it was October, it was chilly. The wind blew violently over the lake while the sun crisped exposed skin.

It was the off season.

It was quiet.

It wasn't the Tahoe you go to see.

And yet, after we returned home, my husband wanted to go back. He wanted to move there.

Maybe it was how the sunrise crept up over the eastern mountains and outlined figures walking on the beach at dawn. Maybe it was how perfectly still the water remained when the first strokes of light touched it. Maybe it was how the lake, so round and vast, stretched just barely out of eyesight, encircled by immense mountains. Maybe it was how dark, deep and yet inviting the lake appeared. Maybe it was how the Sugar Pines and White Firs outlined the roads and perfumed the forests. Or how the cabin homes molded into the steep mountainsides. Or how the locals surfed in the lake in the fall. 

Maybe it was all these things. 

I don't know. And maybe I'll never know. He still doesn't know how he found himself in love with that place. But what I do know is that once Tahoe gets a hold of you, it doesn't let you go. It calls you.

It becomes Tahome.

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[deannawriter-blog]

He Found Me Crying In The Linen Closet

For my dear friend.

She wasn't your average girl. She was spunky. She was SMART. She was sweet, like in the "I'm going to tell it to you how it is, but make you feel good about it" way. And she was LOUD. Somehow, despite being an introvert, her voice could be heard through walls. Multiple walls. Sometimes as far as the cafeteria a block away. It was usually an uncontrollable laugh. Actually, it was ALWAYS a laugh. Laughter followed by a shake of her head.

She lived in the dorm room across the hall from me in college. While I hailed from the West Coast, she hailed from the East Coast, in Amish country, too. But you'd never know it, because she blared Muse and Death Cab for Cutie and Anberlin. The Amish don't listen to that stuff, right? Plus, she dressed like a quirky trendsetter. We'll call it artsy-chic-vintage. And she never went anywhere without her MacBook and keyboard piano.

Bethany.

Like most college-aged girls, she was BOY CRAZY, but in the Bethany-way, which was more like internally boy crazy and totally cool-headed on the outside. You see, when she liked a boy, there was a LOT of internal Bethany dialogue. And where there's internal girl dialogue, there's most certainly SHARING of that dialogue with friends, if only to make sense of it. Or to vent. Mostly to vent. 

These are her stories.

Dun-Dun.

Or one story. This is just one story. One. Important. Story. Slightly dramatized for storytelling purposes.

The Setting: An island. A dorm. A linen closet.

The Characters: A girl. A boy. And friends who lived 1,000 miles away. 

She was sitting on the floor of the linen closet, bawling her eyes out. Snot dripped from her nose. Her throat stung. She had to take a few deep breaths to prevent herself from hyperventilating. Her hands clutched her cell phone and she sniffled. "I just don't understand boys."

On the other end of the phone, two friends tried to cajole her with "boys are stupid" statements, but she could only hear her own sobs.

She was deeply in like with the boy who lived down the hall. He bickered with her. Poked fun at celebrities. Loved her musical taste. And it seemed like he went out of his way to make her feel noticed and appreciated.

But that's where it ended, and she was driving herself crazy trying to understand why he didn't ask her out? Why didn't he see that she was like putty in his hands?

"I don't understand if he's completely CLUELESS or what," she sniffled. "Is it all in my head? Should I say something? Do I stuff these feelings inside forever? I can't do that. I'll burst. I mean, if he—"

Suddenly, the door to the linen closet burst open!

The phone slipped from her grasp and hit the linoleum floor with a thump! She stared up at him, mouth wide open.

There he was, the BOY, staring at her, one hand outstretched to grab a fresh towel and the other holding a basket of dirty socks. "Oh, hi, uh sorry." Then he backed away and closed the door. She listened as his feet pitter-pattered away.

And that was it.

The absurdity of it all made her want to crawl in a hole and die. Now not only was she more embarrassed than she'd ever been in her life, but she still wanted nothing more than for him to come back, sweep her off her feet and carry her away into the sunset.

So this was her life. The boy she liked found her crying in the linen closet about him and STILL had NO IDEA SHE WOULD GIVE ANYTHING TO BEAR HIS CHILDREN.

Nope. He'd just turned around and walked away, leaving her alone in a linen closet. Crying.

#HeWasALoser

Bethany and I have a lot in common when it comes to dating: Zero experience. We both liked boys that NEVER liked us back. And we both had ridiculously high standards. 

One of the things I admire most about Bethany was her resilience. With every rejection, she eventually bounced back. No matter how many times she had to replay her frustrations internally or externally, she didn't let loneliness win the war. And despite those embarrassing moments, she matured into a woman who was confident in God's plans and content with being single.

Please understand, this maturity wasn't easy. IT TOOK YEARS. And I'm sure it came with a lot of praying, venting, crying and failed attempts at surrendering her thoughts and emotions. Nevertheless, she persevered. She was resilient.

So when she met David, I knew all her resilience had paid off.

Enter David, circa 2015. 

Now, here was a man of God who pursued her, like TRULY pursued her. Who looked forward to talking with her and listening to her. Who encouraged her and challenged her to be a better person. Who knew more about the Bible than she did. Who made her laugh uncontrollably. Who comforted her when she cried. Who focused on making her happy by posting cute kittens, puppies, mini horses and hedgehogs to her Facebook wall. Who helped her think differently about the world with his calm, easy going personality. Here was a man who obeyed God at just the right moment, or he would have missed his chance with her.

Literally, if he hadn't had the audacity and boldness to ask her to coffee to get to know her more, HE WOULD HAVE MISSED HIS CHANCE. Guys, she was MOVING 500 MILES AWAY. Like the next week. Moving. So he manned up and asked her out. And she had the faith in God's timing and peace of self to simply say YES without expecting anything. 

The beauty of their story is seeing how God guided them to each other so that she could find the MAN who would always want to kneel down beside her in that linen closet and HOLD HER. Actually, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't just hold her. He'd bring up pictures of cute hedgehogs on his phone to help her stop crying. He'd pray with her. He'd listen to her. Then he'd tell her she's wonderful and cherished and beautiful and rescue her from that cramped, dark space. And he'd never let her go back.

Looking back, Linen Closet Boy is mostly just a silly story. But he's important, too, because he's symbolic of so many guys out there who "just aren't that into you" and the reason so many girls are heartbroken and lonely. Linen Closet Boy isn't the ONE. Linen Closet Boy isn't the man he needs to be yet. Linen Closet Boy should serve as a reminder that he's just that, some nameless boy who was just a boy who wasn't right for HER. And he's not right for YOU, either.

So stop pining over the Linen Closet Boys of the world. Seek God first and strive for contentment in your singleness SO THAT if God has a Man planned for you, you don't miss him because you're too infatuated with the wrong guy.

Bethany, I am so proud of you. I am so proud of your resilience and the transformation of your heart. Your story is incredible. Share it with as many girls as you can. It's a story of hardship, grief, rejection, silliness, emotional breakdowns, surrender and immeasurable joy.

And this is just the beginning.

Be confident in your relationship. Be confident in your marriage! You already know that it won't always be rainbows and sunshine, but don't forget: This was ordained and orchestrated by our God. Treasure it. Honor it. Never cease maturing in the Lord so that you can be the wife you've been called to be.

You got this.

Love,

Deanna

[deannawriter-blog]

How Waiting For A Man Ruined Me

I used to lie in bed at night and dream up the perfect man. 

I used to pretend that the next boy to walk into the cafeteria at school would be my future husband. I used to watch my friends fall in love and wonder if it could ever possibly happen to me, too.

I could have easily said YES to the first boy who asked me out in 8th grade. But I didn't. On the contrary. I trained myself to say no, because I believed from a very young age that dating WAS SERIOUS. You date to find a husband, and I wasn't planning to find a husband when I was 13. 

Instead, I didn't date. I didn't have boyfriends. My first boyfriend was my last boyfriend. Yep. I married that boy.

I know, in a world where dating and breaking up and dating and breaking up is the norm, this is hard to believe, right? 

Dating Leads to Marriage.

To understand my willpower, we have to unpack this claim: Dating leads to marriage. I've believed this ever since I was a little girl. My mom takes credit for this one. I can't recall when she first said this phrase (or one like it) to me, but she did. Maybe when I was in fourth grade? That sounds about right. She used to say it before I even liked boys! It wasn't forced. In fact, it was very nonchalant. But at the same time, it was absolutely intentional. She wanted to lay a solid foundation early, even when it didn't seem to matter.

It did matter. Those words held power. 

I cherished those words throughout my life, and my brain backed them up. If dating leads to marriage, then did I really want to start looking for a husband at 13?

Only Jesus Can Have My Heart. 

The next thing she and my dad taught me was this: You shouldn't give you heart to just anybody.

Growing up, I knew that boys couldn't have my heart. It belonged to God. And until God brought me a husband, it would belong to him alone.

So I turned down boys who asked me out. I stayed away from parties and teenage romance. I'm not sure it was ALL me. God seemed to supernaturally shield me from drama and boys (plus he gave me a GREAT dad, so I didn't feel the need to find love elsewhere).

Strangely enough, I was never jealous when my friends started dating. I didn't feel alone or left behind. It was just what was happening to them, and I was still living my life just fine. Eventually in my 20s I'd go through all the feels, like, was there something wrong with me? But it makes way more sense that your 20s are when you're supposed to panic. What I'm emphasizing is that as a teenager, purity was more important to me than anything. And jealousy wasn't even a blip on my radar.

Look, I get it. It's not THAT easy, especially when your friends start dating and it seems like you're left behind. BUT IT IS WORTH IT TO WAIT. Trust me on this. The older you get, the more knowledge you gain. And the more knowledge you gain, the more you learn about yourself. And the more you learn about yourself, the more you can improve WHO YOU ARE so that you can be ready to be someone date-able. Think about it: would you really go back in time and suggest someone date your high school self? What. A. Mess.

For me, dating was never a temptation. I still don't know why, but I'm THANKFUL. God protected me from the dating scene, because waiting to date the man who would become my husband was beautiful. He was worth waiting for, and I'm grateful I waited.

It's OK If You Already Gave Your Heart Away.

My husband gave his heart away before he met me, but I wouldn't have it any other way. He dated and he loved other girls. But it was through those relationships and heartbreaks that God molded him into the man he is today. Those relationships taught him how to approach me. They taught him what NOT to do. Most importantly, they taught him to keep God at the center of our relationship.

If he hadn't dated other girls and learned from those relationships, he wouldn't have been ready to woo me. Quite simply, I would have turned him down because he would have been just another guy asking me out. We would have missed each other. 

While it sounds romantic and wonderful to save your heart for one person (AND IT IS!), God can still bless you abundantly if you don't. Trust me. I know we shouldn't compare, but my husband's story is JUST as cool and as powerful as mine. In fact, I think it's WAY more powerful.

Why Waiting for A Man Ruined Me.

I'm sure by now you've read How Courting a Man Ruined Me and How Marrying a Man Ruined Me, but neither of those would have been possible if WAITING FOR A MAN hadn't happened.

Waiting to date one man (my husband) ruined me because I can NEVER recommend dating to anyone. I can't. I don't believe in it.

I think dating (especially as a teenager) teaches you that it's OK to walk away when people change or do things that are annoying or disagree with you. And it's not. Relationships take a lot of hard work and dedication, because when you stick two selfish, sinful people together, friction happens. And who's really ready for that at 13?

Waiting to date that one man who would become my husband totally ruined my silly girl self, an only child who thought she knew everything in the world. Instead, waiting taught me patience. It taught me how to remain pure. It forced me to work on myself and become the best me possible. It helped me grow into a more loving, kind woman. And above all, waiting taught me how to better rely on God.

For those of you who are offended because you dated a lot and are now happily married, that's awesome. For those of you who think all of this is cool but disagree with my stance on dating, that's great. My story isn't a blueprint for how life is supposed to be lived. Maybe it's not what God wants for you.

But I still believe the heart behind my story is this: Protect your heart. Make wise decisions. Don't date just anyone because you feel lonely. Don't date just anyone because you think they're cute. Don't date just anyone because everyone else is doing it. Take dating seriously. Listen to God and let Him guide you to the person He wants for you.

[deannawriter-blog]

How To Plan A Wedding On A Small Budget

When Mack asked me to marry him, I said absolutely. No hesitation. He was my One. His proposal was perfect, and I couldn't wait to start our life together. That night, we celebrated our engagement surrounded by friends and family. It was the perfect day. Supreme bliss.

And then the wedding planning started. [Enter shrill music here]

Psych, I had A LOT of fun planning my wedding. I mean, like an insane amount of fun! Unlike most girls, I'd never dreamed of my wedding day. I didn't have a scrapbook. No ideas. I really didn't know where to start until my mom had me register at TheKnot.com. And while that was helpful, MY WORD. TheKnot is overwhelming. 

As a simple girl with zero knowledge of anything wedding, I started researching and dreaming.

It didn't take long before I realized how expensive weddings are! From the food, to the location, to the music, to the dress... we're talking THOUSANDS of dollars. And that's thousands of dollars you may or may not have. Or maybe you do have the dinero, you don't want to spend it all on your wedding (smart girl!).

Good news. I was once a bride-to-be with a very TIGHT budget. Although I was blessed that my parents gifted me with a good chunk of change, I couldn't fathom spending all of it on a wedding. I'm a frugal person at heart, and I couldn't validate spending so much on an event that would last only a few hours. After all, the wedding isn't as important as the MARRIAGE, which will last a lifetime.

So I planned and executed a wedding all by myself. For less than $1,500.

That's right. Less than $1,500. And it could have been for even less had I been even MORE frugal.

Want insider tips to planning a wedding on a tight budget? Here are my tips on how to do it:

#1. Budget what's most important. 

For me, I wanted a beautiful wedding dress and an amazing photographer. Those were my top two must-haves, and my fiancé and I decided we would be willing to pay for them. Keep in mind, we still didn't pay that much for either, but that's where most of our money went. 

Dress Tips: Shop at hole-in-the-wall boutiques and keep an open mind on dress styles. You might be surprised. And don't try on dresses that are out of your budget, because you'll inevitably fall in love with them but NEVER be able to afford them. That happened.

Photographer Tip: Befriend amazing photographers early in life.

#2. Get married in the morning. 

I know this might seem weird, but think about it. A hefty chunk of money goes toward feeding your guests, and steak and salmon dinners can get very expensive! If you get married early in the day, you can feed everyone brunch or breakfast foods, like pancakes, fruit, bacon and muffins! It's totally hip, and it will save you THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS.

Plus, morning sunlight is epic, you have all day to party and you'll have all afternoon and evening and late night to be a husband and wife.

Yeah, that's right.

#3. Ask friends to help. 

I am blessed to know incredibly talented people who were willing to sacrifice their time and money for my wedding.

Friends are invaluable when planning a wedding on a budget! From the invitations, to the cake, to the brunch-like food, to the tables and chairs, to my flowers--my friends and family helped bring it all together. Most of them contributed food or their services as our wedding presents, which made it even more special. Friends even offered their homes as hotels for out-of-town guests to stay. Because of friends, it's safe to say I SAVED THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS.

Having your friends and family feel involved in your wedding = priceless.

#4. Find a unique location. 

Location can arguably be the most expensive part of a wedding, so you have to be creative (and flexible).

It starts with asking around. Ask people you know if you can use their property or if they know someone who lives somewhere super cool. For me, we asked a close friend if we could use his farm. Rugged, yes, but it was exactly what I wanted. And they let us use it for FREE. (Huge blessing!) We had to work our tails off to prepare the location (like cleaning the barn and mowing the fields), plus do all the decorating, but it was worth it. I SAVED THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS, and for me, it was rustic and beautiful and unique. 

#5. Keep the guest list small. 

My fiancé and I went over the guest list a lot. I've heard that a lot of couples argue about the guest list more than anything else. The problem is, the bigger your guest list, the bigger your expenses.

Here's the trick: only invite friends and family who you see on a regular basis and/or who you love indefinitely and/or who you couldn't imagine not seeing on your wedding day. Yes, it's really hard when your mom wants you to invite Aunt Ida when you don't even remember the last time you spoke to Aunt Ida. Just remember, you can't please everyone. This is YOUR wedding. You're allowed to be a Bridezilla about guest list cuts.

#6. Keep your bridal party small. 

Just as keeping the guest list small cuts costs, so does keeping your bridal party small.

I know, some girls have a zillion close friends, many of whom have been promised a spot in the bridal party. The problem is, you have to think about feeding them at rehearsal (or your fiance's family, if they're paying). Buying gifts for them. And if they're coming from out of town, you have to think about housing them. Then there's any expenses for the bachelorette/bachelor parties (Are you really going to make your maid-of-honor or best man pay for a group of 10+?). I'm coming at this from the belief that not everyone in your bridal party will have the money to buy a dress, travel and drop money on your bachelorette excursions. If you think you'll have to chip in for some people, cut your party size down.

Bridal Party Tip: Let your bridesmaids choose their dresses, which helps keep costs low (because they probably don't want to spend a that much on a dress they'll only wear once). And they don't have to match! It's totally cute to have a mis-matched ensemble.

Clothing Tip: Depending on the time of year that you're getting married, jackets aren't necessary for the guys; a nice vest works great sans a jacket.

#7. Make your own decorations. 

This isn't everyone's forte, but if you're semi-talented (as I like to think I am) or have artistic friends, this could work. Join Pinterest and browse for days. Select some reasonably-doable ideas, then PRACTICE. You'll quickly figure out what falls into the Pinterest Fails category.

For me, I made tulle flowers and bought fabric to create table runners (because table cloths are dumb-expensive!). Decorating was by far my favorite thing about bringing my wedding together, and I was able to find a lot of inexpensive, cohesive items at places like Hobby Lobby and World Market. I also hit-up yard sales and even borrowed items (like a Chinese gong!) from friends and family. Do whatever it takes to make your wedding YOU, and have fun!

#8. Make small sacrifices for things that don't really matter to you. 

You can't always have everything you want, whether you're on a tight budget or not. For me, I was willing to sacrifice music.

So many brides stress out over bands, musicians or DJs. Me? I used a computer, some portable speakers and a playlist of my favorite songs. All I needed was a volunteer to cue it up. I SAVED HUNDREDS, IF NOT THOUSANDS, OF DOLLARS. Your other option is to do what I mentioned above: Find talented friends who are willing to play for free (or at a gracious rate).

#9. Dump the wedding planner. 

I planned my wedding all by myself. All. By. Myself. I kept highly-detailed notes and planned what I would do months and months in advance, and everything on my checklist was done two months before our wedding date. Where did my motivation come from? Well, I knew what I wanted and what I was willing to spend. Plus, I'm a very independent person. It worked for me. If it doesn't work for you, find a friend or family member who's willing to listen to you and help you create YOUR dream. Just be careful that THEIR ideas don't get in the mix unless you are 100% OK with it. This is YOUR WEDDING, not theirs.

#10. Spend the big money on your honeymoon! 

I mean, here's the thing. Your wedding day is going to last A FEW HOURS at best. And you're going to be so blissfully happy and romantical that you aren't going to notice that the bubbles didn't make it to the tables. That the orange juice wasn't brought down from the house. That a giant spider spun his web of stickiness next to the guest tables. That the horses chewed some of the tulle flowers. That some guests ended up getting lost and showing up late. I found out about all of these things AFTER my wedding, and you know what? It didn’t matter. My husband and I still had a GREAT day, and that's what mattered the most. We spent more than half of our wedding budget on a cruise to the Bahamas. And I recommend that everybody drops the big bucks on an exciting honeymoon getaway.

The bottom line is this: Do what YOU want at your wedding, within reason. When you're walking down the aisle, you're not going to notice 75% of what you planned for, so don't sweat the small stuff. Enjoy your day. It's about friends and family being present to celebrate with you. And as long as that guy who asked you to marry him is standing at the end of the aisle, nothing else matters.

[deannawriter-blog]

Tips On How To Get The Perfect Wedding Flowers At Just The Right Cost

[Guest Post by Mark Wilcox, creator and editor of weddingintro.com]

Tying the knot is, without a doubt, one of the most exciting things in life. Anticipation, excitement, and plans for the future fill the air, and not forgetting this newly found love and commitment. 

As much as you are looking to get all caught up in the fun, thrill and joy that comes with planning for a wedding, you need to be wary of the rising costs when it comes to planning for a wedding. Considering how things are going, you could be left wondering if your dented wallet will ever recover. 

The good thing, though, is that there are several aspects of your wedding where you could cut a few corners and several ideas that you could eliminate to save yourself a considerable amount of money. 

What about wedding flowers? The truth is that flowers are an important feature at any wedding ceremony, but that does not mean that you should not think of budgeting for them. 

Like most other service providers, florists understand that weddings can bring them a fortune. After all, every girl's dream is for her wedding day to be perfect. However, if you knew some tips and tricks, you can still end up having a beautiful wedding, filled with all the flowers you want without necessarily breaking the bank. Here are some tips for you to consider when looking for wedding flowers on a budget:

Go For Flowers That Are In-Season 

Sometimes, eighty percent of the cost of a flower bouquet is reasonable. However, most people, unknowingly, double the cost of their wedding flowers by requesting flowers that are not in-season and which probably require special ordering. 

It is, therefore, advisable that you try and find out which flowers are in season or which ones will be in season around the time you are getting married. Once you have received this information, consider doing a quick image search of these flowers on the internet. Also, consider searching for flower bouquets that feature these flowers. You’ll be surprised at how an ordinary, everyday flower can look lavishly stunning when displayed the right way. 

Save all the images that you liked and show them to the florist you are working with. 

Choosing a Florist

The first and most important thing to remember when looking for a florist are never to settle for the first florist you speak with or visit. It is important to note that florists are different – the prices one will charge for their services and how they arrange their flowers will vary from florist to florist. Once you’ve printed your ideas, present them to a couple of florists and talk to them about your wedding theme, inspiration, and budget. Once you’ve let them know what you want, then ask them to offer their best possible product and price. 

It is advisable that you do not be scared of letting each florist know that you are visiting different floral shops before you choose the florist who will cater to your needs. Doing this could quickly, and quite easily, awaken the competitive streak in any professional florist. 

Getting married to the love of your life is a special and memorable time in your life. As a matter of fact, it’ll likely remain to be one of the most auspicious moments of your life. However, do not be fooled into believing that you have to pay top dollars for everything you need to make the day a great one. 

Remember, choosing in-season flowers, finding and coming up with your own wedding flower ideas for stunning arrangements and visiting different florists could make it easy for you to have a memorable and beautiful wedding day. A wedding that will not cost you an arm and a leg.

This is a guest  post. You can get more wedding tips by reading more articles like this from Mark Wilcox at weddingintro.com.

[deannawriter-blog]

5 Foolproof Ways to Destroy Friendships After Getting Married

So you're married now. A wife. A lover. Walkin' barefoot in the kitchen with a griddle in your hand... or just naked a lot. Doing sexy married stuff.

And it's pretty great, especially in the beginning. Like, wonderful. Nobody expects you to leave the house for a while. You've got a hall pass. But, the thing is, the hall pass will expire eventually. Eventually real life has to kick back in.

But the real life you used to know might look different. CHANGE IS REAL. And one of the most difficult (and sometimes sneaky) changes that comes with marriage is how your friendships will change.  So, here it is. From my experiences (and also from me being the single friend on the other side), here are five foolproof ways to fumble friendships after you get hitched:

1.       Fall off the face of the earth. 

Once you walk the isle, it's easy to vanish on your honeymoon and seemingly never come back. You're so gushy-romantic with your husband that you doesn't come up for air for months. You never leave the house (or the bedroom). You don't return calls or texts. You don't even post anything on social media! It's like you just move on, join a new church, maybe get a new job, and spend all your free time cooking for your man. In short, you simply suck at staying connected with the friends who were there for you before you got married.

Am I guilty of this? Yes. Not purposefully, but I did move away, start attending a different church campus, and leave the circles I used to be apart of. It's the natural progression that happens after you get married. It sucks. I could have done better. I could DO better.

2.       Forget how much you used to care. 

Now the hubby is your #1, which isn't wrong. In fact, it's great! It's the way it SHOULD be. Nevertheless, your friends will start to feel left behind. Forgotten. They may even feel like you don't care about them anymore. Forgetting how much you used to care is more than just disappearing from their lives, though. It's more personal. It's a breach of trust and loyalty. So you have to ask yourself the tough questions: Do you still care about them? Do you care about their struggles, their experiences and their victories? Do you care enough to make time for them? 

Yes, it might take some juggling to keep your old friendships alive, but if your friends are worth it, it's worth the effort. Besides, it's healthy for husbands and wives to do things separately, too.

3.       Stop sharing your life experiences. 

Honestly, your single friends probably won't understand you anymore, because unless you've been married, it's hard to explain the insane emotions, the ridiculous arguments and the ooey-gooey love stuff. When I was single, I used to think my married friends were living on another planet. So don't be surprised when you get blank stares or awkward chuckles and no nods of understanding. Naturally you may think, why bother sharing my marriage experiences with friends who are single? Maybe it'll make them jealous. Maybe they don't care to hear it. Maybe they secretly want to stab me every time I mention how my husband's socks can never find their way into the laundry basket and it drives me crazy! So you start to hold back; but the more you hold back, the more you'll start to pull away. And then the more they'll start to pull away from you. Before you know it, y'all haven't spoken in a year.

I totally started doing this. I didn't want to make my friends jealous or bore them with stupid stuff that we used to make fun of, so I just battened down the hatches. And you know what happened? My best friend and I drifted a part. MY BEST FRIEND. Like I was in Australia and she was in California. Thankfully, we both built rafts and met each other in Hawai'i (this make sense geographically, just look at a map), and we were able to hash out how our friendship was changing and how we would transform to not let it wither and die. But not every friendship will survive this attack. 

4.       Rub marriage in their faces.

Oh don't play dumb. You do it for attention. Always mentioning how wonderful your man is. Always dropping a Facebook status about how marriage is the BEST. Always posting the highlights of your SWEET ROMANCE. I've been on the other side of this, and did you know that this absolutely makes your friends feel like dirt, especially when they WANT TO BE MARRIED, TOO?! (Can you tell I've been the single, disgusted friend?) Let me tell you! First there's annoyance, which easily leads to anger, jealousy and resentment over YOU and your marriage. It might even result in being UNFOLLOWED (gasp!) on Facebook. Nobody wants that, so help avoid it. Be a little humble. Don't forget that you used to be single and lonely, too. Don't make every post about you and your great marriage, unless you're also willing to post how GREAT your friends are. Unless you're also willing to be vulnerable about the STRUGGLES that comes with marriage. Give them the whole beautiful, messy picture.

5.       Have babies. 

I know, I know. This one isn't fair. So sue me. It's true. If you didn't alienate yourself before, now you've struck gold. Now you're a soccer mom in the eyes of all your single friends, and that's just A) not cool or B) unfathomable. Plus, if you weren't making serious efforts to keep up with your friends before, now you're definitely going to fall off the face of the earth and forget how much you used to care. BECAUSE YOU'RE GROWING A HUMAN IN YOU AND HAVE OTHER PRIORITIES. Yes, it's a legit reason, but it will still suck for your old friends, especially your single girlfriends who are still upset you beat them to the alter. You can try sharing your pregger struggles with them in an attempt to stay connected, but but it's probably all going to be whiney "I feel so fat" complaints that NOBODY HAS TIME FOR. (I mean, hello, you're having a baby, so it's kind of a given.) So don’t be that way around your single friends because they don't want to hear it. 

Here's the thing. You could be the perfect newlywed and not be too obnoxious, annoying or distant. You could be the perfect pregnant lady and not be too whiney, annoying or distant. Friendships are still going to change. Some are going to fade and some are going to grow stronger. Just remember that we're all at different stages in our lives, and that's OK.

I think you should just surround yourself with friends who are genuinely excited for you and your walk (they won't be hard to find) and humbly say goodbye to the ones who ain't down with the get-down. Maybe you'll see them in a few years when your lives are in perfect alignment. Life's funny like that.

[deannawriter-blog]

[deannawriter-blog]

[deannawriter-blog]

[deannawriter-blog]

Dear self, please remember that you love him before you self-destruct.