deceitful-jester

[deceitful-jester]

There's pretty much just nothing to look forward to at all anymore. Every single day is a relentless slog, and NOTHING is restful at all. I can't even daydream anymore, there's nothing to daydream about. I can barely even eat or sleep anymore, and I have no desire to do anything or talk to anyone, no matter how hard I try. There is no peace or rest or contentedness. Only a constant battle not to vomit what little food I can force myself to swallow and endless, joyless labor, or being alone with my thoughts, which usually ends in sobbing and struggling not to claw my own flesh to ribbons or break something I can't afford to replace.

And this is as easy as it is EVER going to get again.

[deceitful-jester]

Character depicted is a man. HE/HIM

Took all day. This is technically Eddie before he's married to anybody, back before he got his ball joints. His hair has turned partially pink already, but the transformation is incomplete, as he hasn't deeply connected with his ""soulmate"", Doll Maker. I don't know if this iteration of Eddie ever got to have a happy ending. I think he abstained from ending himself for the sake of his spiderlings, but he likely died in a war or ended up rotting in a tower in a vegetative state after a while.

[deceitful-jester]

Not even his patron is listening right now.

I'm not sure what to do with the background before I finish this one. I'm tempted to put a staircase behind him, but suggesting he has anywhere to go would defeat the purpose of things somewhat.

[deceitful-jester]

Abdirak is far better at aftercare and comes off as a great deal more emotionally invested and affectionate than all of the actual love interests so far, and I am EXTREMELY disappointed that the people begged for Halsin and not for him. Halsin comes off as sort of obliviously harmful in his disinterest in commitment {to me, as a real life polyamorous person} and the fact most of the other party members are not okay with non-monogamy makes it feel like a really shitty deal, but Abdirak is just, like. . . Good. I think the ritual with Abdirak is the only time in my playthrough so far that my Durge has felt a DROP of catharsis or relief, and I suspect that's going to be the last time he feels cared for by another person for a long time if the actual party keeps treating him so callously.

[deceitful-jester]

Swallowing things is unreasonably difficult. I shouldn't have to choke on things nearly half the time I try to swallow them AND be required to drink and eat so much to remain alive and functioning moderately well.

[deceitful-jester]

Theodore's tattoos also turned out pretty well. I want to make either Samuel or Cupcake some next, but I haven't ever drawn them in detail, so I shall be coming up with designs from scratch.

[deceitful-jester]

[deceitful-jester]

I have not eaten a full meal in days. I hate ARFID

[deceitful-jester]

I have been surprisingly productive the last few days, more so than usual by a somewhat large margin, but I also kind of feel like time is moving at a snail's pace and I don't think I have felt a drop of accomplishment or satisfaction at finishing any of the stuff I have done. Not even creative stuff, which usually at least makes me feel excited to possess the object I was making. Like I feel sort of like I am meandering apathetically through molasses towards my inevitable demise. I don't really want. . . Anything, or enjoy anything, I'm just sort of alive, doing stuff you're supposed to do when you're alive, and that I thought I wanted to do, but I simply don't. Okay, that's a lie, I DO want something, but it's more expensive stuffed animals that take five years to ship, so I can't have them. But I have essentially no other desires, and I don't even actually feel like I have 'motivation', just empty momentum. I don't even have an appetite, and I haven't really felt 'tired', either. I just exist.

[deceitful-jester]

I made Joseph a new tattoo, and I think it turned out really cute. I didn't like the original cross design I came up with for him when I drew his reference picture, and I needed to make him one for the sims, so I decided it would be best if I just re-designed it for a sims tattoo first and foremost, since now I can just copy paste the design onto drawings in future and warp it appropriately so he stays on-model. Theodore is next, I think.

[deceitful-jester]

Three fullbody outfits by Arltos, now with flat chests, shiny specular maps, and some new swatches! 🩷Here is the Sims File Share link🩷 🩷Here is the Patreon link🩷 🩷I think this folder has all of the originals🩷 <-- Might be necessary for the textures to look right. More pictures under the cut!

Enjoy! {Made for feminine frame sims, and enabled for all genders and occults besides mermaids and werewolves}

[deceitful-jester]

I want more really glossy, sparkly, shiny cc. I am a magpie, and having a bunch of blindingly shiny trinkets and glitter irl gets very cluttered and bad for the environment very quickly, so I want my videogame dolls to be covered in stuff that's shiny to sate my yearning instead.

[deceitful-jester]

How does one make friends, when it is generally considered inappropriate to discuss the small handful of genuine interests and passions one has with anyone until they've gotten to know them extremely well and been talking regularly for like, a year? I don't think people like finding out when you're very different than they thought after that long, and that's a lot of work to likely get rejected after. It also feels sort of disingenuous? I feel like an offputtingly erotic version of The Stranger from The Magnus Archives. My brain is the uncanny valley, but full of clown porn, specifically, and everybody seems kind of horrified by that. :'C

If only my special interest was something like trains or dinosaurs instead

[deceitful-jester]

I feel like my posts have been kind of gloomy lately, and I'm sorry for it. Things are incredibly difficult right now, and my support system is extremely limited. I hope that things eventually get better.

[deceitful-jester]

I think I might just settle for posting something a little bit busted later because oh my lord, I am so tired of wrestling with Blender to make it do simple things it has done a billion times before

I want. . . I want. . . I want Blender. . . To die. . . IF IT DOESN'T SAVE WHAT I'M DOING, WHY DOES IT INSIST THAT IT H A S ! ?

[deceitful-jester]

I want. . . I want. . . I want Blender. . . To die. . . IF IT DOESN'T SAVE WHAT I'M DOING, WHY DOES IT INSIST THAT IT H A S ! ?

[deceitful-jester]

I like long faces personally, I am usually aiming for long faces when I make masculine-frame sims, it's just that I want my long faces to be very triangular and slim. Very severe and pointy, like they're made of needles and spider's legs and haven't eaten anything in a thousand years. But EA insists that they be super broad and awkward and clumsy looking, and if I try to force it, they just end up looking crunchy, like the detail of the models is worse than on feminine frame sims' faces or something. And it IS dictated by frame, not "gender" marker, since feminine-frame sims with a male gender marker have the softer, more easily manipulated facial features of female feminine-frame sims, and I'm quite certain female sims with masculine-frames have the messed up faces. This is why I don't bother with trying to make 'cute' or 'pretty' masculine-frame sims anymore, it's soooo much easier to make beautiful boys by just pulling down the gender settings and switching them to feminine-frame. You can even give them a pretty masculine body-type that looks like the ones plenty of cisgender men IRL have, their faces are just much less awkward and their arms and necks can be proportionate to the rest of their bodies.

Why are masculine frame sims faces. . . Like that? Why is it such a pain to sculpt them? Why must EA insist they be so. . . Lumpy-? I would really just like to be able to make a sim with broad shoulders who doesn't have the most awkward looking face and neck ever, please. I think I've only ever actually made a masculine frame sim with a face I love once, and I simply do not know how to repeat the charming delicacy of his features anymore. It is easier to make an attractive, angular, masculine face that doesn't just look weird and upsetting on feminine frame sims.