depressed-skeletor

[depressed-skeletor]

I’ve got the degree now!!!

As a full adult with a (almost) degree in health, I finally took the textbooks advice and found that increasing protein does in fact reduce binges and binge urges. It’s been years of reading health guidelines and nutrition facts for class and I just now am realizing they were right all along lmao

[depressed-skeletor]

Been gone a while because of vacation/graduation/moving around but I’m back!! Now that I’m home for the next week I’ll take the opportunity to get back into high res until my next move, where I’ll be on my own again and able to control my food intake

[depressed-skeletor]

Not 4n4 related but I can tell I’m about to get my period because my libido just shot WAYYY up lmao and as an ace person that’s always so weird to me like “why am I like this??” And then three days later I’m like “oh..” 😭😭

[depressed-skeletor]

Genuinely my mindset has changed so much. I still very much have this disorder, yes, but I’ve been realizing how much I don’t want to die from it and have been taking a more harm reduction approach recently. Working out, being active, NOT ROTTING ON THIS APP (but still checking in lol)… it makes a huge difference in the way I see life

[depressed-skeletor]

As a full adult with a (almost) degree in health, I finally took the textbooks advice and found that increasing protein does in fact reduce binges and binge urges. It’s been years of reading health guidelines and nutrition facts for class and I just now am realizing they were right all along lmao

[depressed-skeletor]

Tw long rant, but it’s not super triggering

So my disorder started when I was too young to remember. A year ago I found a diary entry from when I was just old enough to write sentences, and it said something along the lines of “mom would love me more if I wasn’t so fat.” The crazy thing is, I’ve never actually been “fat.” I was always in high intensity sports (competitive swim, gymnastics, track) so my metabolism was always pretty high. When I quit sports in high school I obviously gained some weight but I never got overweight.

My disorder was at its worst after I gained that weight, and I dropped weight dramatically during covid. Moving to college I healed a little, developed a healthier approach to my body, and ate more, and gained most of the weight back but not all. Now approaching graduation, I’m relapsing from the stress of a life change, but I don’t want to lose weight as dramatically as I did. Doing that gave me some muscle weakness and likely some joint damage, as I now have a permanent knee injury and a permanent heart condition.

I’ve been reading more on muscle building, and the thing that’s standing out to me is that if I work on strength, my metabolism will increase. This way I can keep a low body weight and fat percentage, while still being able to eat more food AND not developing the saggy ana body where I’m just bones. Personally, I’d like to keep my ass. And as an adult in this disorder, I need to worry more about my future since I can’t be in the bliss and ignorance of adolescence anymore. If you read this far thank you lol

[depressed-skeletor]

BINGE PATTERN BROKEN FINALLY

WE ARE SO BACK

[depressed-skeletor]

This shit was easier as a teenager. Now I'm 24, still sick and need to work clean cook maintain relationships and do like a million other things while worrying about not being thin enough.

Just prove that this shit stays with you forever.

[depressed-skeletor]

Hitting extra hard, especially after the first three weeks of relapse went so well… where did I go wrong??

“I’ll start again tmr” yeah girl it’s been 2 weeks.

[depressed-skeletor]

fuck this ed *binges*

ugh im so fat *starves*

fuck this ed *binges*

ugh im so fat *starves*

fuck this ed *binges*

ugh im so fat *starves*

fuck this ed *binges*

ugh im so fat *starves*

fuck this ed *binges*

ugh im so fat *starves*

fuck this ed *binges*

ugh im so fat *starves*

[depressed-skeletor]

5 weeks into relapse and my honeymoon phase is over, now I’m just eating and feeling like shit about it. At least I’m still working out like crazy.

Need to get that high from being empty back.

I’ll do anything.

[depressed-skeletor]

I know I’m just making excuses but period binges and cravings are something else 😮‍💨

[depressed-skeletor]

30 days

30 days until I go on vacation as a graduation gift. I know I can’t get to my ugw by then. I don’t really want to, since I’m going to be hiking a lot and I don’t want to be out of breath from nothing. I need to switch gears to being as fit and lean as I can get so that I can hike and enjoy the trip without feeling fat or ugly. I can do it! Time to go into workout and clean diet overdrive 💪

[depressed-skeletor]

That moment when you realise that not eating means ur saving money 🎀🎀🎀

[depressed-skeletor]

Once I have my once a week ana shit, it’s OVER for you bitches 😤

[depressed-skeletor]

Had some bad binge days the last 3 days, but they were very planned and yesterday wasn’t as bad. I fasted for 5 days beforehand to make sure I could afford to eat with my friend who came to visit and doesn’t know about my relapse. It was my longest fast and I felt so proud of myself :)

Now I’m back to mid res, trying to keep under 800 to get back on track. I need to use up the rest of my food I have and once my perishable food is gone, it’ll be back to fasting so that my fridge doesn’t rot lmao.

Anyway that’s the update, tldr is im so bloated from binging, it’s back to restricting 😎

[depressed-skeletor]

Not gonna share them but I just took some bødy chěcks and I gotta say… only taking them once a week has really made my wl more visible. I hadn’t noticed any changes at all but now I can clearly see my legs are thinner, my ass is less pudgy, my waist is smaller, my hip bønes are saying hi…

Life is good