i like anything and everything. word/brain/life dump :-)
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i feel it coming inside of me…. a hyperfixation…. its been so long……
#it has literally been a year im being so fr rn#convenient timing! my exams are next month#will to live? ATTAINED!#i have been Desiring to watch supernatural daily#i dont even wanna study tho so maybe this isnt nice#im only on season one rn :)#supernatural#is so good hehehehe#im Into dean winchester he’s my guy yaknow#headcanoning that dean would want me to study and brush my teeth twice a day…….#ok bye!!!!!!#i missed being excited and joyful its been so long im so excited!!!!!!!!!#locking in i will try!!!!!
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i haven't experienced joy in 2 years
#im so tired#i mean i like laugh and have fun with friends#but it never lasts#at the end of the day im just empty#chat is this#depression#thought#ok bye#:3
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the world discriminates against me by making ice cream yummy and making it upset my stomach
#lactose intolerance#im lactose intolerant#my stomach hurts so bad#i had a haagen dazs bar#their vanilla is SO GOOD#ow ow ow#ok bye#to the bathroom!
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i thifink i have misophonia bevause hearing people chew food and making People Sounds (some) make me literally genuinely want to tear my flesh off of my face and make their heads explode but i like mukbangs so idk
#i like tzuyang and sangyoon :3#misophonia#ya idk#i think i just watch people that know how to eat politely#i always thought that eating with your mouth open was a rude thing to do#but so many people around me do it????#i mean no offense but if you are capable of eating with your mouth closed and activelt choose to eat loudly with your mouth open#please allow me to get away from you#i remember one time a friend was chewing loudly next to me while talking and i was Stressed#so i tried to back away but she just came closer i think without thinking and i almost DIED#eating dinner with my family every night is an Experience i'll say that much#thank the lords for headphones idk what i'd do without them#ok byebye#:3
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i genuinely do not feel like a proper human being i felt better like a week ago but for the last like 5 months before that and now i do Not. i don’t experience like joy and curiosity and like desire to do things
but idk :-)
#i hate expressions of humanity and i dont know why#like if my parents or friends yawn loudly or cough a lot or something it pisses me off#ermmm idk if this is a#vent#or not but just in case ya :3#idk i hate the sound of my mom singing cuz ever since i was like a preteen her singing meant she was mad or something#and it makes me really nervous and a little scared#i dont like my mom#or my dad#but for different reasons i think#ok bye
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hello i am alive again here are some things that have occurred or are currently occurring in my life
- i haven’t sleep properly in months i do not feel like a human being
- i am 73% sure i have adhd
- i thought i was failing my classes really badly but im Not! not that badly at least
- doctor said my chronic pain was nothing :peeposad:
#waahhh#i havent washed my face with soap for like 5 months i’ll be so fr right now#doc said he could prescribe me paracetamol if i wanted#ermmm i think i have misophonia#I CANT SLEEP#thats i lie i sleep 8-10 hrs every night it just doesnt do anything#sleep apnea#maybe#apparently sleep apnea and adhd have some parallel/similar symptoms???#i want my dad to leave amen#uhhhhhhhhh#i did my homework that was a month late and was weighing me down every waking hour until i finished it#so um#yay!#please be proud of me#teachers called me lazy :(#lowk agree tho#not really im lying#i dont really care about the lazy thing though#they say i have potential to do better but i just do the bare minimum all thr time#but that is because i am trying to survive#:3#but ya#ok byebye#thoughts
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hello. life update: i am failing all of my homework. started playing balatro. i think i am dyslexic but for numbers? i love balatro.
#balatro#balatro is so fun its crazy#i like it because winning matters but it also doesnt because you can just start over again i like the lack of pressure its cool#the little “again!” you get on some of the joker cards gives me more seratonin than im willing to admit#i am missing homework from 3 weeks ago <3#also idk what im gonna do for job stuff anymore?#i might just go into science and do fun stuff on the side#how does one achieve Happiness?#ok bye#mamma mia#i like fine dining it looks cool#(watched one episode of culinary class wars)
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i love sauces. i love condiments. they’re so awesome. ❤️
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movie list i made a movie list (of stuff i want to watch)
#movies#:3#watch me forget about this in like two days#i made a system where for each homework i do i can watch one movie#because i cant stop thinking about movies#PROJECT HAIL MARY#RAAAAAAA#im excited#for a lotof these#like uhhhh#BLADERUNNER 2049#bullet train#oppenheimer#!!!!#for cinematics#AND#THE MARTIAN#(yeah)#INTERSTELLAR#AND ALSO#THE BATMAN#i never even read the comics idk any dc stuff it just looks cool#DRIVE#!!!#ryan gosling#is awesome#ok bye
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oh my god i want to play the cello so bad it sounds so beautiful and sad and emotional and just so grief-stricken it’s great wow
#thought#cello#it’s unfair how great they sound#i’m so into classical music and music in general right now its insane#DUDE#IM LOSING MY MIND#my top spotify person thing was chopin#I WANT TO PLAY MUSIC#FUCK#im saving up for a second hand piano#:3#i wanna do EVERYTHING#like piano cello violin saxophone#FUCK MAN#AAAAAAAA#THE URGE TO PLAY MUSIC IS LITERALLY CONSUMING ME#IVE NEVER FELT LIKE THIS BEFORE#its like i need to do it NOW and I NEED TO I NEED TO I NEED TO#ok bye now
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oh my god it its stabbing me its like i have knives in my mouth
i have an entire candy cane in my mouth
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