devotedlittlellama - Tumblr blog

devotedlittlellama · 6 years ago

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when lovers turn to friends.

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devotedlittlellama · 7 years ago

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Wherever You Are

for a while we pretended

that we never had to end it

but we knew we had to

say goodbye.

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devotedlittlellama · 7 years ago

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blues in reds.

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devotedlittlellama · 7 years ago

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Hard to Reach

Everything about you was perfect. Only that, the girl you loved wasn't.

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devotedlittlellama · 7 years ago

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To the boy I love,

You were amazing. And I know I've said this a lot of times, you were everything I could possibly ask for. You were perfect — all too perfect that you were out of my league.

Things started growing between us even when we were in our pre-teens. We were young and naïve. Back then, we talked a lot — on the phone and in person and that's when we both knew, feelings started to emerge. From conversations about nonsense to conversations revolving around this thing called "Love". And from then on out, we were a continuous cycle.

We were an "on again, off again" kind. From when we were 13, to 15, and now 16 turning 17. But much like the first months, we somehow always end up lost in our paths along the way. But much like the first months either, we simultaneously meet again at the end.

However, during our most recent rekindling, I was sure I'd never make the same mistake of losing you along the way. I was so sure about the idea of not letting you go that it led me to forget to consider your feelings because as I was so keen on the idea about keeping you forever, you were already thinking of ways to end it — end us.

And as like before, we were in that same stage again in our rekindling where things were slowly drifting away. There was something that hurdled us again, something that stopped us, something that separated us again and it was "Silence".

For a couple of days, things weren't normal again. We used to have endless conversations but as of this moment, you cannot even bear to ask me the questions you used to ask me about. But then again, even if it pained me, I still held on to the string that made us one. And I guess, because I was in too much pain, I winced and closed my eyes for a minute and that's when you decided to cut the string. It was your cue. You told me you could no longer carry the weight of my being and that you were no longer happy.

You lost your love for me.

And of course, being bedazzled as I was, I bombarded you with questions: what, why, how.

That's when I realized, I was all too keen about the idea of us that I forgot to keep track on you. And I knew, a love that's lost is a love long gone.

A love no more is enough reason to let go.

And so I did. I let you go. Even it pained me in ways I never could have imagined, I did. I let the love of my life go. Because cliché as it may sound, but the happiness of them is the happiness of you. Not in the same amount, no, but in ways where genuine love is found.

And though I might have let you go, it does not mean that I stopped loving you because truth be told, I don't think I ever will. You might have lost your feelings for me but mine only ignited as time grew. You might have changed the way you look at me, but I still look at you with the same amount of amusement in my eyes.

I love you so much that I let you go.

You know, I used to dislike the thought of "timing" but I guess, this just wasn't it. Maybe it was the right love, yes. But just in the wrong timing.

So to the love I had and lost, this is my message for you.

I loved you.

With all my heart, body and soul. The moments we shared together were moments I could never forget. The days I spent with you were days I, for sure, will be reminiscing a lot. The nights I spent staying awake just to talk to you will be treasured in my heart. The conversations I exchanged with you will always have a place in my heart. And the love I spent for you, was love I could never get back.

Everything about you was perfect. Only that, the girl you loved wasn't.

Thank you for everything. You were definitely a one-in-a-million.

I hope you find the girl you truly deserve, one that can fill all my lapses and love you as unconditionally as I do.

And for the last time,

"I love you. Goodbye."