diariesofafrontman

[diariesofafrontman]

HOW TO GET OVER COMMON CREATIVE FEARS (MAYBE)

an updated version of this post appears in my book THINGS ARE WHAT YOU MAKE OF THEM! 13 full-color chapters of illustrated essays like this for creative people of all kinds. you can get it here for $10.

[diariesofafrontman]

Fun Fact: A group of sopranos is called a bloodbath.

[diariesofafrontman]

Wish I was actually an alto.

Me, an alto: *looks at sopranos* these god damn sopranos thinking they’re better than everyone else with their angelic ass voices..

[diariesofafrontman]

You know you’re a basic witch when you get your nails done to match your deck 💕✨💅🏻

[diariesofafrontman]

walking into a practice room

instrument: cold

motivation: gone

sheet music: on the floor

stand: broken

dick: out

[diariesofafrontman]

Hair.

Did you ever had a moment in your life you felt you had lost your identity? Your really true self? Well, it happened to me last Thursday. Last Thursday I want to the salon to be a “Test Subject”. They asked me what I wanted but didn’t really agree with any of my choices. I really wanted to keep my natural dark brown hair, my white spot and my sidecut, because it’s how I like it. I just wanted some raccoons and a few color spots. But then the hairdresser said “Oh, you have such a trendy haircut to have such a conservative color”… So what? So they decided to BLEACH IT ALL. Like, literally. It was an awful, ugly blonde. (It also took like FOREVER to bleach, tho.) And then, the nightmare begun. They said they would keep the roots in a dark color, and I was… kinda okay with it, because I wanted to keep it dark. So they started to dye it “dark” gray, “blue”, “dark purple” and “lilac”… And you know what happened? That first dark gray turned out as a “granny blonde”, blue turned greenish, deep purple was a goddamn fuchsia and lilac was a… blonde ammm… kind of a pink?. My hair has ruined in front of my eyes. Even the white spot was gone. Everything I keep like a true part of myself was gone. “It isn’t that bad” I thought, because everyone at the salon seemed to liked… but I didn’t. “You don’t like it, do you?” My aunt asked. No, I didn’t, I was frightened to death about all that stuff going on in my hair. I tried to like it just to fake a smile and say “Yes, it is okay”. But it wasn’t. So, after that I came back to school and every one was amazed. “Oh! It looks awesome”, “I love it!”, “It’s beautiful!” All were compliments and shit, but you know what? I still didn’t like it. Everyone seemed to love it but me. Even my mom when I came back from school and shown it. Then, I got in my room and looked myself in the mirror. I started crying. That wasn’t me. I felt like I was no one. Despite the colors where pretty unique, I didn’t feel like a unique one. I didn’t want to go out or the people to see me. I didn’t feel comfortable in my own skin. Because it was not my skin. I am not blonde. I am brunette. I do not dye all my hair, I do spots. And I got depressed.

So, A few days later, they called me and asked if I wanted to get it fixed. “YES! PLEASE, YES!” I was almost in tears, and they noticed it. Then, I made another appointment and they dyed my hair back to brown. I got some blue, pink, purple and green highlights in the back of my hair and my white spot was back. I felt relieved and real again. Because a week without part of myself seemed like a, eternity. Now I feel safe and sure about me. And everyone loves it more, and I love it more. And that’s the important thing.

What I’ve learn of this hellish experience was that the only opinion that should matter to yourself is your own opinion. But you should go through some kind of depersonalization to realize what you value the most: your own or others opinion. Find things that suit you, BY YOURSELF. Don’t let anyone else tell you to “dress this��� or “wear that” because if you do, you’ll be what others want you be, not what you are. Let others (your idols, friends, etc.) influence you, but by your own will. And Stay strong and true to yourself, because you’re the only thing you really have, and if you let others take your self away, then, what do you have left? If you want to change something about yourself, JUST DO IT! Do it to be a better version of yourself.

And how does this affect my as a Frontman? well, frontmen are (or, at least, it’s what I think) the most hmmm… “remarkable” part of a band (usually), and, believe, for us, it’s kinda hard to look sure of ourselves. Maybe we look tough and selfless and seamless on stage, but it is due to the work that we’ve been doing with our own person, our looks, our way to sing, our way to play and express ourselves to the crowd… it is all a work, and to let someone tear down our hard work is something really tough for us. Because, if we are not sure of ourselves, then how the hell are we going to put up the show? Cause you know, it’s not the same thing a guy just standing there with a mic, and a dude goin’ crazy up there, jumping, and dancing and screaming and not being afraid to make a fool of himself. That’s why we need to be sure of ourselves. So do you. You need to show the world who you truly are, no bounds, no seams. Just you. Really you.